Last Night In Forks
by rushed
Summary: On the last night of her annual trip to Forks to see her Dad Bella finds a gorgeous distraction from ex boyfriend James. Thinking she'll never see Edward again she goes further than she ever thought she would with a total stranger. Will she see him again?
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:** On the last night of her annual trip to Forks to see her Dad Bella finds herself a gorgeous distraction from ex boyfriend James. Thinking she'll never see Edward again she goes further than she ever thought she would with a complete stranger. But was that the last she'll see of Edward? AH BxE

**AN: So this prologue is pretty long, most of the other chapters for this story won't end up this long, but I had to set a few things up for the rest of the story as well as make the scenario plausible. I hope you like it!**

**Prologue**

**August**

"Come on Bella, you've spent your entire visit to Forks this Summer moping around about James. You go home tomorrow, you may as well enjoy your last 24 hours."

"Angela, I appreciate you trying to get me out of the house, I really do. But I'm not going to know anyone at the party. You're the only person I know in Forks other than Charlie and your parents. It's going to be all of your friends there and I'm just going to feel uncomfortable."

"Bella, it will help take your mind off James. Don't you want to go back to Phoenix and at least be able to tell him that you had a great summer and make it look like you're over him." She was pleading with me now.

"You've got a point."

"Good, now go upstairs, get changed and we're going to a party!"

Twenty minutes later I came downstairs in a short dark navy denim skirt, ballet flats and a cute hot pink band t-shirt. I didn't really have many options in my bag, I wasn't used to going out partying when I came to visit my father.

Angela and I arrived at the party at her friend's house. It was an incredible house on a property a bit out of town. I had no idea who it belonged to, someone that Angela went to High School with I guess. I hadn't been very interested before when Angela told me. I hadn't been interested in much over the last two weeks. James had screwed me, royally. He was my boyfriend.......ex boyfriend actually. I spent the last six months with him, but just found out that he had been with someone else at his graduation in the Fall. Asshole. So now, here I was visiting my Dad in Forks as I did every Summer holidays, and James was doing who the fuck knows with who the fuck cares back in Phoenix.

The house was amazing, I'd never seen anything like it. All windows and light and incredible furniture. Not that you could see a lot of it through the sixty or so bodies that were standing around talking, dancing, drinking, kissing.....whatever.

Angela dragged me into the house and straight to the kitchen.

"You need a drink." She stated matter of factly. She went to the fridge and took out two bottles of red stuff. I looked at her sceptically. "It's got vodka in it, I'm sure it will do the trick." _Good._ I wanted to take my mind off James and the hurt he had caused me, and what better way to do it.

6 months I'd wasted on that guy. It had all started out so sweetly. My first boyfriend, the older senior who was smart and popular and sweet, but most of all super charming. That should have set the alarm bells ringing. His charm always attracted other girls, but he always assured me I was the only one for him. And I'd believed him, mostly. That is until my best friend in Phoenix found out otherwise and told me about his 'indiscretion'. Everyone thought I'd over reacted by dumping him, even my Mom. But there had always been this niggling feeling of distrust even before I'd found out about slutty grad girl. Thank god for my Dad and Angela, they supported me, but then they didn't know him.

Angela and I went and sat on the plush lounges with a few other girls. Angela introduced me and I immediately forgot everyone's names. _God, was I that angry and unsociable?_ They were all excited about starting their Senior year in school next week, and then the conversation turned to gossip. I tried to pay more attention to them but was finding it difficult because they were talking about people I didn't know. Mostly boys. Which was clearly a subject I needed to steer clear of at the moment.

Pretending to listen had never been my strong point so I didn't even hide the fact that I wasn't interested in their conversation. I found myself looking around the room at the scene in front of me. I could have been at any high school party anywhere in the country. The clique's were all the same, the behaviour differed little. The only difference between Phoenix and Forks was I was at a house party where everyone knew everyone. Forks was not a very big town, and I stuck out like the proverbial.

A group of three guys on the other side of the room caught my attention. They were all tall and breath takingly good looking. But they really caught my attention because one of them was looking at me. I could see he was trying to pay attention to his mate, but his eyes kept wandering in my direction. He was beautiful, like, model beautiful. He lazily ran his hand through is very sexy hair as he looked away from me a little embarrassed that I'd caught him. He looked back and smirked, but not at me, he was smirking at something his friend was saying to him because I saw him nod. He was still looking at me as he responded to his friend saying something they all found very funny.

They were all still laughing when the big guy in the group dug into his pocket and handed the other two something each. They both laughed. The beautiful guy looked a bit embarrassed when the big guy slapped him on the back and immediately put whatever it was into his pocket shaking his head nervously.

_Intriguing._

As the night went on the music that was playing got worse. I swear to god, whoever lived here needed some serious education when it came to their music taste. Every so often when I glanced up I would catch the guy I had noticed earlier looking at me. His eyes would usually dart away so as I wouldn't notice he was looking, but as we both had more to drink they would linger just a little longer. It was a silent flirtation that neither of us acknowledged verbally, but we both knew what was going on. It was kind of fun.....surprisingly.

His bronze hair was only being tamed by the hand that continually ran through it, as if to keep it under some control. His smile was the best bit though, I believe the term 'panty dropper' would have done it justice. It was gorgeous and I could see the affect it had on several of the girls in the room, all vying for his attention at one time or another. But he seemed somewhat oblivious to the attention, as if he wasn't deserving of it, or just wasn't interested. I couldn't quite tell. But it gave him a vulnerability that you usually didn't see in guys who were that good looking. I couldn't help but compare him to James. James had a confidence that his looks didn't deserve, he knew his charm was enough to get him by though. But this guy seemed oblivious to his looks which made him charming in an altogether different way to James.

He was an interesting distraction from James. The only thing to have taken my mind off him since finding out three weeks ago that he'd done the dirty on me. So I was grateful for the distraction, even if I was unlikely to ever speak to him, and even if it was only for one night. It felt that the damage that had been done to my heart was finally starting to mend itself, if only just a little bit, all because of the looks this boy was sending in my direction.

Angela and the other girls got up to dance, and she tried to drag me with her.

"Come on Bella, come dance with us, I don't want to leave you here by yourself. Besides, you really are a good dancer!" The last part was said sarcastically.

"It's not the dancing that I'm worried about Ange. Hell, it's not like I can make a fool of myself in front of people I don't know. It's this shitty music, you know I can't stand it. I'm just going to take a look around. You go dance." I looked at her, pleading to let me go. I really had to get out of the living room and away from this music.

I walked outside to get away from whatever Boys R Us band happened to be playing. I was proud to say I couldn't identify which crappy band it was.

I walked out the front door and onto the veranda that seemed to wrap around the entire bottom floor of this amazing house. It was much more peaceful out here and it was a beautiful night, which was saying something for this part of Washington. I sat down on the end of the veranda and swung my legs over the end looking up into the night sky which was awash with stars. It was nice getting out of the city sometimes, I enjoyed getting out of Phoenix for two weeks every year, but I always loved going back. Back to my friends, back to the heat, back to the smells, but most of all back to my Mom who I always missed the most.

Only this time, I would also be going back to a place that was full of pain and regret. Coming away to Forks this year had been a god send. It was a chance to get away from James and all of the places that reminded me of him.

"Not a big fan of Beyonce?" A smooth voice asked from behind me. I turned just in time to see _him_ lower himself and sit down next to me.

My breath caught in my throat, my chest constricting as I was even more struck by the beauty of his face up close. _Oh god_.

"How did you guess?" I tried to sound calm, hopefully I was pulling it off. He looked down at my Death Cab For Cutie t-shirt, and then looked back up into my eyes with his eyebrows raised as if that explained everything. He had a point. "Uh, yeah. I guess you're right."

He handed me a bottle of the red vodka crap I'd been drinking all night. I eyed him suspiciously. There were so many drinks in that kitchen to choose from, but he just happened to choose the one I'd been drinking.

He shrugged his shoulders, "I pay attention." He smirked and then looked away from me out into the expansive garden and to the forest beyond.

"Is that right?" I asked a little flirtatiously. _Bella Swan. You are supposed to be angry. Angry with your cheating son of a bitch ex boyfriend who broke your heart. Not flirting shamelessly with the gorgeous stranger who hasn't even introduced himself yet!_

"I'm Edward Cullen by the way." He looked back at me still smirking and held out his hand.

"It's nice to meet you Edward Cullen. I'm Bella." I took his hand and shook it, hoping like hell my hand wasn't still sweaty. It felt like he didn't want to let go.

"Just Bella?"

Hmmmm, probably best not to alert people at a party with underage drinkers that the police chief's daughter is here. "Yes, just Bella."

"So Bella, is that a bit like Beyonce, or Madonna or something. Are you planning on becoming some sort of super famous singer so you're just going with the one name thing?"

I giggled, "no, nothing quite so aspirational. You don't have any need for my last name."

"Hmmm, a girl of mystery." He paused for a moment smirking, "so mystery girl, what are you doing here?"

"I thought we already established that Edward." I was being evasive on purpose.

"You know what I mean. I've never seen you before, are you new to Forks? Will we have the pleasure of your company at Forks High School this year?"

"No, no. I'm just visiting. I'm from Phoenix. I fly home tomorrow." His face dropped a little as I said it. He looked......disappointed? I wasn't quite sure.

"I see, so you're spending your last night getting drunk in a strangers house while your friend, cousin, sister....?"

His eyes were looking at me expectantly, waiting for the information he needed to piece my identity together, but I wasn't going to give it. The less he knew the better.

"Yes, my 'friend'........is inside probably dancing to this hideous music." I nodded at him going along with the story he was trying to create but not giving him the information that he wanted. Which of course, was Angela's name, he wanted to know who I came with. I was starting to enjoy this little game we were playing.

"I see. And your 'friend' would be one of the girls I think?" Was he fishing for information on whether I came here with a guy?

"I thought you said you paid attention?"

Edward leaned over and whispered into my ear, "I only noticed you, I didn't notice who you were with." The closeness of his face to mine sent a chill down my spine. But he looked away quickly as if a little embarrassed by the forwardness of his line. Oh god, I didn't think it would ever be possible to feel like this again. James left me broken hearted. Or so I'd thought. _Yes of course he had._ I'd cried for three days straight and then spent the next two and half weeks being an angry cow to everyone around me. How was it that this complete stranger was making me feel things I imagined would never be possible again. If in fact I'd ever felt them in the first place.

We heard a group of people noisily spill through the front door not far from where we were perched, laughing and falling over as they came out. Edward quickly jumped down off the veranda onto the grass, grabbed my free hand and made me jump down with him.

I landed not so daintily falling towards his body, needing to put my hands on his chest to rite myself. He placed his hands on my hips to help steady me. But it took a moment for him to remove them as he looked down into my eyes. My breath hitched as I noticed for the first time the deep beautiful green of his eyes as they looked intently into mine. He smiled at my clumsiness as I slowly melted into him.

"Where are we going?" I enquired as I looked up into his face, the closeness of his body making me blush. Edward was certifiably hot, and he had me all worked up just by touching me.

He smirked mischievously down at me. "We're getting away from Emmett and Jasper." I raised my eyebrows in question for him to explain what the problem was. "Trust me, you don't want to know. Come on."

Edward gently took my hand in his and smiled as he lead me into the garden, through the flower beds and down on to a gently sloping lawn that sounded as if it may lead to a stream. It was a little too dark for me to see for sure. But I could see the manicured gardens that lined the lawn.

"Do you know where you're going? It's kind of dark out here."

"It's not that dark. There's a full moon. And yes I should know where I'm going. I live here."

I stopped in my tracks. "What do you mean you live here? I thought A........." should probably rephrase that, "I'm sure my friend said this was one of her girlfriend's houses. That, and Beyonce.....really?"

He turned and looked at me. "So your _female_ friend is friends with my sister Alice? Well that narrows it down a bit doesn't it." He went to move forward again but stopped, "oh and just for the record Alice is the one with the shitty taste in music." I eyed him suspiciously. "Seriously! Do I look like a Beyonce fan?"

I looked him up and down, doing more than just checking him out from the point of view of deciding whether he liked Beyonce or not. And I'd been busted. I blushed profusely as I tried not to let on the affect he had on me. But I think it was a bit late for that, he had already busted me several times checking him out inside, I think it was already well established that there was an undeniable attraction between the two of us, that we would probably give into at some point. Sooner rather than later given the fact that we were now completely alone.

Edward took his jacket off and laid it on the soft grass for me to sit on. I sat with my knees tucked up around me leaning my arms across them, with my head resting looking over at Edward. I had never felt so relaxed with someone before. Our conversation was easy, and I hadn't felt awkward walking into the dark with a complete stranger. Quite honestly anything could have happened. And there's no way I would have done it in Phoenix, but I felt safe in this town. I knew all I had to do was tell him who my father was and he'd probably back off. But there was something about Edward that made me feel protected.

Protected enough to tell him about James.

"So James cheated on you?" He looked incredulous.

"Yes, he's an ass....."

"You got that right!"

"....hole. He hooked up with one of the other Senior's who was graduating last year at their grad party. I was told it was just some kissing, but still. I feel like such an idiot you know. And now I have to go back to start my senior year with everyone at school knowing all about it. I really just want to forget he ever existed, but my Mom just loves him you know, so it's kind of hard because she thinks I should give him a second chance. He keeps calling her and buttering her up."

"Slime ball!"

"That's right. I just want to forget about him. Which is hard to say when he was my first....my first.....everything really."

Edward looked over at me wistfully, "so no one else but James has ever had the privilege of kissing those lips." I bit down on my bottom lip as he looked deeply into my eyes. He was sitting very close to me.

"No." I shook my head slowly as I answered him. As I looked into his sparkling eyes I contemplated what he just said to me. Coming from anyone else it would have sounded like a cheesy line of some description, but the vulnerable nervous look on his face told me it was not meant that way.

"Bella, do you mind if I do something?" He had an intense look in his eyes now.

I slowly shook my head from side to side letting him know that I didn't mind.

He reached over and placed his cool hand on my cheek gently tilting my face, he then slowly moved his face towards me, never taking his dazzling green eyes from mine. His lips on mine were firm but gentle. I had never felt anything like it before in my life. His kiss was slow and earth shatteringly good. He gently prized my lips apart and I felt his tongue against mine. It slowly ran across my top lip before disappearing. In all the time I was with James I had never felt anything like this. My thighs were on fire. I never thought I could feel so aroused from just one kiss.

He pulled just far enough away so he could look deeply into my eyes again then whispered, "Bella, if you were mine you would never have to feel that type of heartbreak again." _Was he serious?_ My heart was pounding a million miles an hour. I had no words to say to him, nothing came out that could possibly allow me to respond to what he just said to me.

There was a loud noise up at the house, as the volume from the music was suddenly turned up and everyone started singing. He pulled away and we both laughed, needing to make light of the situation. _I was going back to Phoenix tomorrow for god's sake!_

Edward leaned back sexily on his hands looking pretty happy with himself. I just tried not to look stunned.

"You know, I wish James had never happened. I wish I had given it up for someone who I would always feel the same about. Not necessarily love, but someone who would always remain in my memory as something special you know, someone who I would always have good memories about. Instead all I feel about James is regret."

Edward was now lying on his back on the grass so I lay next to him watching the stars.

"Yeah, I think I know what you mean. Although I've only got the first kiss to go by."

I looked over at Edward, he was looking directly up at the starts, not meeting my gaze.

"Edward?"

"Yes Bella?"

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"What do you think I'm saying?"

"Are you saying that you're a virgin."

"Technically......yes."

"Are you sure? Because from what that kiss just did to me I find it impossible to believe that no girl has ever jumped you after.....well, that good of a kiss!"

"To be perfectly honest I haven't wanted to kiss anyone like that before. I mean I have kissed girls, plenty of girls, but I just never wanted to take it any further with them for any reason other than getting myself off. And I never really thought that was a good enough reason." Edward was looking up into the sky away from me. "Sorry, I can't believe I said all of that to you. I don't even know you!"

"That's OK," I breathed quietly, not entirely sure what to feel about what Edward had just said to me.

We sat looking at each other for I don't know how long. I'm sure it was only a few seconds but it felt like forever. How was it possible that Edward was single, let alone a virgin. He was a god, and I wished to god that I could stay here and not fly back to Phoenix. As that wasn't possible maybe there was something else I could do.

"Want to do something about it?" I smirked mischievously at him as the words left my mouth. I can't believe I actually said that. I didn't even wait for his answer, I sat up quickly and playfully straddled his body, my skirt riding right up, my hands resting on his very taught stomach. He grinned wickedly up at me. His hands moved slowly up my bare thighs. _I'll take that as a yes then?_

The touch of Edward's hands on my legs bought goosebumps to the surface. One of his hands worked its way up my back and pressed firmly in the middle of my shoulders, forcing my body forward and into full contact with him. Before my lips met his I pulled back and grinned down at him.

He had a puzzled look on his face.

"You still haven't answered my question?" I was playing with him again.

"Hell yes," he practically yelled as he pulled my head down to his, our lips smashing together in an incredibly passionate kiss. I wanted Edward with all my body and soul. I knew after tonight I would likely never see him again. I decided this must be the reason I felt so comfortable with him, so comfortable in being this forward with him. His hands worked through my hair and up and down my back and thighs as his mouth left me breathless.

But oh god, we couldn't. "Edward, we can't. We don't have any protection." He smiled wryly at me.

"Please don't think I planned this," he chuckled as he reached around and pulled something out of his back pocket. "I know this looks bad, but it's a tradition. Emmett hands them out to Jasper and I at the start of every party just in case. I swear to god I have a draw full of un used condoms next to my bed." He looked mortified.

I took his face in mine and kissed him again, and then laughed. So that's what the big guy had been handing out earlier.

"Bella, are you sure?" He murmured into my mouth, but I could see he was desperate that I say yes. I simply nodded my head, confirming that I was more than willing to go ahead with this. "Then we're not going to stay here." I pulled back and looked puzzled at him. "I know somewhere a whole lot more comfortable."

We stood up and Edward grinned at me before bending down and manoeuvring me onto his back, piggy back style.

"Where are we going Edward," I breathed into his ear.

"You'll see."

Edward walked back up towards the house but went around to the side, onto a paved area where I could see there was a pool. He lowered me gently onto a large poolside recliner that was laid out flat.

"Moor comfortable?" He lowered himself next to me as I nodded in agreement.

Edward wrapped his arms around me and braced his leg, gently flipping me over so I was on my back. He pulled away and looked down at me, a soft smile playing at his mouth as his eyes took in every detail of my face. I blushed under his intense gaze, but I was pretty sure under the moonlight and the light coming from the house he wouldn't have been able to see it.

"You're so beautiful when you blush Bella." _Apparently he could_. I tried to hide my face but there was really nowhere to hide. His hands were on either side of my head, his face hovering directly above mine, his breath warming my face. His mouth descended to my neck, just below my ear lobe, where he proceeded to kiss his way down, and then back up the other side. The feeling of his body resting on mine was amazing, and only made my need for this stranger increase. Only he didn't feel like a stranger anymore.

"Bella." Edward breathed my name as he kissed his way down my neck, his hands playing with the hem of my t-shirt. "I want you so badly. I wanted you from the first moment I saw you walk through the door."

"I want you too Edward...please...." His hand reached down and ran down my thigh. I couldn't help but moan as his hand found my underwear. He sat up abruptly, pulling my skirt up and looking at my panties.

"Bella?" clearly he found something amusing, he was smiling wryly.

"What?" _Oh, god what?_

"What's with the......." Oh god, that's right. I flung my hand up over my face and giggled, trying to push my skirt down at the same time.

"Well, clearly I wasn't expecting that anyone would see them was I!" I pleaded with him.

"No, no, I think they're kind of....cute?" He was getting a better look at my panties. "So you're a big fan of the Simpsons then?"

"Stop it!" I grabbed his shirt and pulled him back down towards me.

"I think it's cute Bella...." I was pouting at him now. "No seriously, you're adorable!" We were both in hysterics, Edward hovering above me trying not to put too much weight on me. He sat back up and looked down at me seriously, he slowly ran both of his hands up my thighs this time, hooking his fingers into the sides of my Simpsons underpants. As he slowly pulled them down my legs he didn't take his eyes from mine. It was hands down the sexiest look I'd ever seen on anyone. The desire in his eyes was unlike anything I'd ever seen with James. He had me so turned on right now. But I could still see a flicker of vulnerability there, as opposed to outright confidence in what he was doing.

Edward lowered himself to me again and slowly moved one of his hands between my thighs, inching up further and further until he couldn't go any further.

"ugh....oh god Edward." I arched up into his body needing to have him closer to me as he ran his fingers between my legs.

"Bella.....Bella you are so....." I didn't hear what he said, over the top of my own moans. He slowly pushed one of his fingers inside me.

"Edward.....Edward I want you inside me." I ran my hands down to his belt and undid it as quickly as I could. He pulled back and pushed his jeans & boxers down, taking the condom out of his back pocket as he went.

Edward shifted his weight so he was directly on top of me. I could feel his hardness between my legs and I felt the need to take the lead, given that I was the one with the experience. I tilted my hips so he was at my entrance and I felt him very slowly slide inside of me. With my legs wrapped tightly around his body he waited for a moment as I got used to the feeling and then slid deeper inside me. His eyes rolled to the back of his head and I heard him moan my name. My breath caught in my throat at the feeling of him buried deep inside me and he started to gently pull out again before slowly thrusting into me, over and over and over.

As my need for him built up more and more his thrusts became harder and deeper. It was as if he sensed exactly what I needed. I could see him holding back though, not wanting to finish before he knew I was getting some satisfaction out of our encounter. And god was I getting satisfaction out of him. With one hand holding himself just above me he used the other to caress up and down my body, running over my thigh as he pumped in and out, tracing the line of my body, over my breast, up to my hair, before finally cupping my face in his.

"Oh god, Edward..." I moaned as he gently teased my ear lobe with his teeth. There was no way Edward was a virgin. My body was melded into his as if we had been doing this together for centuries. He touched me like I'd never been touched by anyone else, his fingertips eliciting a desire in me that I never thought was possible. I felt an unfamiliar tightness between my legs, a pressure building that I had never experienced during sex. His thrusts kept coming harder and faster.

"Fuck Edward," I panted as I realised I was going to come.

"Bella.....I can't.....hold off any longer."

"Ungh, Edward.......then don't," I cried. His mouthing clamped down over mine as we both came together. Our cries of pleasure muffled by our lips clashing together, our tongues dancing fiercely around each other.

Edward's head rested in the crook of my neck as we both slowly caught out breath. My heart was racing at a million miles an hour though as I wrapped my arms tightly around his body, running my hands over his muscled back to help keep him a little warmer.

Edward slowly propped himself up on his left elbow and gazed down at me with a very satisfied smirk on his face.

"Fucking hell Bella, that is the single greatest moment of my life," he grinned mischievously. I giggled back at him as my cheeks flushed from the intensity of his gaze. I felt like he could see straight through me. I ran one of my hands up through his sexy hair and giggled again as I realised something.

"Well, there's a first I got to share with you," I said to him, a little embarrassed but proud that there was something I could give him.

"What was that?" he eyed me suspiciously

"My first orgasm during sex." I breathed quietly.

"You're shitting me aren't you?" He looked shocked, as if he didn't know it was possible for a girl not to orgasm during sex. Personally I didn't think it was possible _to _orgasm during sex without some sort of other manual stimulation!

"Trust me, it was definitely the first."

He looked smug, snuggling his head back into the crook of my neck and sighing with contentment as we lay in each others arms, my legs still wrapped around him, my hands in his hair.

After a few minutes Edward lifted his head and gazed deeply into my eyes. I was mesmerized by him. His hand came up to cup my face, gently running his thumb across my cheek bone.

"You're so beautiful Bella. I wanted to tell you that before. I wanted to say it from the first moment I saw you, but I didn't want to make it sound like I just wanted to get into your pants." He grinned at me, obviously thinking about what we had just done together

A wave of guilt washed over me as I realised what I'd done. But why should I feel guilty, I was a single girl, and my attraction to Edward was unlike anything I'd ever experienced. I put it down to not seeing him ever again, there was an urgency in what I wanted to show him, what I wanted to give him. I felt like I needed to give him a piece of me. Something more solid to remember me by. And take something from him that would help cleanse my heart and body of the hurt that it had felt over the last few weeks. But as I lay there I felt like more than that had happened, I was going to walk away feeling like this had nothing to do with James and everything to do with the beautiful boy who still lay in my arms.

"We should probably get back to your party," I whispered softly into his ear.

"No, please say you don't want to go back, I want you to myself for a bit longer." And I wanted nothing more than to lie in his arms for the rest of the night.

"Edward, I know this is way more fun, but they'll probably be wondering where we are, we've been gone a while." Angela would be going out of her mind if she was looking for me, hopefully she hadn't really noticed I was gone.

"Fun isn't exactly the word I'd use to describe what we just did....mind blowing, crazy, awesome....is what I would have said."

I giggled at his descriptions. He was right. This was the craziest thing I'd ever done, and I'd cherish it forever. Cherish the way he touched me, the way he made feel, the way he looked at me. My last Summer in Forks had certainly ended on a high.

I slowly lifted my body from his, and looked around for my underpants. In the dark I couldn't see them. _Shit._

"Looking for these?" Edward was holding them up.

I held out my hand for him to give them to me, I was still mortified that he'd seen them.

"Hand them over Edward."

"Not on your life!"

"You can't keep them! That's just creepy!"

"They're mine Bella. I want something to remember you by." He was still just holding them up in front of me. I figured if I was quick I could grab them and get them back. The thought of walking back into that party knowing what I'd just done was one thing, walking in without my underpants on was another.

"Didn't I already give you enough?" I quickly grabbed them and bent down to put them on. "Besides, just watch the Simpsons if you want a reminder."

We quickly finished getting dressed and Edward twined his fingers with mine as we walked back up towards the house, it was different to the way he'd held my hand when we'd first walked down into the garden. We were both silent, not quite sure what to say to each other. The entire experience had been a bit surreal. We'd both been so at ease with each other. It felt like I'd known him my whole life.

As we neared the house I dropped Edward's hand. The separation was the first awkward moment we'd experienced in our time together. He looked down to where our hands were no longer connected and then looked back up at me, a look of sadness on his too perfect face. He turned around and kept walking. We walked in through the garage rather than walking through the front door.

"Nice Volvo," I said sarcastically under my breath, I needed to break the tension between us somehow.

"Hey, don't knock it until you've been in it"

"Well, I guess I'll never know."

He turned to look at me with a crest fallen look on his face. He took one step towards me throwing his arms around me, pressing me up against the back of the car, he looked very serious now.

"I want more time with you Bella." He sounded almost desperate, his eyes scouring my face desperate for more time. "Can I at least email you or call or something? Will you be coming back to Forks anytime?"

"Edward.......I'll be back in Forks one day, but not any time soon. I think it would be best if we just walked away from this, don't you?" I had more to say, I really wanted to tell him how great a time I'd had, that he could call me if he wanted, but I could see if I didn't leave it at that it was just going to get harder. He looked so hurt and I didn't want him to feel hurt after this night. I didn't want him to be holding out with the promise of something I knew neither of us could commit to due to geography. I didn't want my heart torn in two again so soon, I couldn't do it. I knew that if I walked away now I would be OK, I would have an incredible memory that I could cherish secretly forever, my heart would stay intact.

He nodded, but I could see the look of disappointment. He bent his head to mine and gave me one last kiss that made me weak at the knees. He pulled away slightly before inhaling deeply and then quickly kissed me on the forehead before letting go of me for the last time. He backed silently away from me then turned and walked towards the door that lead into the house.

"Edward," I called to him and he turned to face me, his eyes shining expectantly, "I wish you had have been the first everything." He smiled knowingly at me and turned and walked into the house. And I meant it. James was an ass. Edward would always remain like a god in my mind.

I composed myself and then walked back into the house, not seeing where Edward had disappeared to.

"Bella, where have you been? We've got to go, I've got to take Jessica home, she's an absolute nightmare. She's so drunk, she really needs to just get out of here before she makes a complete idiot out of herself. Not that I'd care that much if she did, but Alice asked me to get rid of her." Angela sounded a little impatient, but she didn't sound like she'd been looking for me for too long.

"Sure. What's wrong with her. She seems a bit upset."

"Ugh, I think Alice said something about not being able to find her brother or something. She's got it bad for him."

"Right, should you be driving?" I tried not to look too guilty.

"I'm fine, I stopped drinking hours ago." I looked down at my watch and realised it was 1am. I had no idea we'd been gone quite that long.

We helped Jessica into Angela's car and I realised I'd seen this girl hanging off Edward several times during the night. I looked around for him as I got into the car. He was nowhere to be seen. All I wanted was one last look, one last glimpse of that smile, one last chance to get lost in those eyes. But he wasn't there. I'd just have to draw on those images from my memory, I just hoped I had the ability to remember that smile, his smell, those eyes, that voice........

**Please let me know what you thought of this Bella and Edward. There are loads of questions you might have that will become clearer when we get into the first few chapters....I haven't made it all clear at this point. And chapter 1 will put your tail in a spin if you make it that far. Please review!! **


	2. Home Sweet Home

**January **

BPOV

I never thought I'd see this place again, well, not with this much luggage in tow anyway. Forks, was bad enough in Summer, but it was the middle of winter, and I was back. For good. I'd never been here at this time of year, that I could remember anyway. It was worse than I thought. I didn't think life could get any worse than it was, but apparently I was wrong.

The trip from the airport in Charlie's squad car was a silent one. Not that we ever had a lot to say to each other, but this time it was like he just had no idea how to communicate with me. I could feel the pity. I didn't want that. I'd had enough of that over the last three months. It was the only bright side to my move to Forks, no more people looking at me wondering when I would lose it.

"How's your grandmother?"

"Oh...huh.....she's....OK I guess. Not happy about going into a home, but she's just gone downhill so quickly since Mom....um...." I didn't finish my sentence. Dad seemed to understand and didn't ask any more questions. More questions that I didn't want to discuss. All of the answers to those questions had been pushed so far into the back of my mind. I didn't talk about it. Wouldn't talk about it. All I knew was that my mom was gone, never coming back, I would never see her again. Never have the chance to talk to her about school, friends, her crazy plans, the rest of my life. She would never see me graduate from school or college, never celebrate with me when I got my first job, never know her grand children. And it was my fault.

"Well, here we are, home sweet home." Charlie winced as the words left his mouth. As if realising 'home' for me had always been where my mother was. His comment reinforcing the fact that 'home' was no longer in Phoenix with my mother. Home was now in Forks with my father. Forks, where I only really knew one other person and her parents.

"Thanks Dad. I think I'll call Angela, let her know I'm here."

"She called yesterday to find out when you were arriving. Didn't sound like you'd spoken to her yet."

"I didn't really get a chance before I left." I'd been a bit wrapped up in James before leaving Phoenix. James who was my saviour, my first love, my first everything. He'd pulled me out of the depths of despair and made me move forward. Made me see that life still went on, and that I could be happy again.

Moving to Forks and leaving James behind was bad enough. But moving back to the town in which the last night I spent was in the arms of someone else made me feel guilty. I had thought of Edward Cullen a lot in the days after I last left Forks. I never did get a proper good bye. But as time went on my memory of him faded. I'd try to draw on that beautiful image of his face, but I'm sure I never quite got it right.

But after the accident I'd left those memories behind. It was James that swept back into my life and picked me up, kept me going. It was James that made me smile once more. It was James that was there in the weeks after my mother's death, helping me pack up her house, helping me move in with my grandmother, helping me forget the painful memories of that night. But he couldn't help me with the nightmares.

oOoOoOoOo

Now on my way to school for my first day at Forks High School I was nervous. Not nervous because it was my first day at a new school, I at least had Angela for support. Nervous because I had no idea what Edward would have said about me after we slept together. There was no reason for him to have kept it quiet. Why would he? As far as he knew he was never going to see me again. _Why not brag about the chick that he banged at the final summer party before school went back._

I knew what people said behind the backs of the girls who slept around at school. They were sluts. The guys loved them, the girls hated them. I wasn't like that in Phoenix, but as far as these people knew that's what I was like. But at no point had Angela mentioned anything in any of her emails, so maybe he hadn't said anything to anyone. Maybe my reputation was intact. I could only hope.

Angela picked me up for my first day at school. We chatted casually on the way. She tried to contain her excitement at having me here. She knew the circumstances of my move to Forks weren't ideal so I could tell she was toning it down a bit.

"So, what's going on with you and James? Are you going to stay together?"

"Well, yeah. We're going to try. I know you probably don't understand Ange, but he's been so great since the accident. I just don't know what I would have done without him." I could see she was trying to be understanding, but it was a stretch for her. After all, the last time I saw her I spent two weeks calling him a son of a bitch.

The first couple of periods at my new school passed without too much fuss. My teachers didn't embarrass me too much, and I had yet to bump into Edward. To be perfectly honest I didn't even know if he was still here. There was every chance he had moved away, I would never see him again. I tried to put him out of my mind, but for some reason he kept clawing his way back in.

I had English with Angela just before lunch so we went to the cafeteria together afterwards. I felt the nerves again. Every time I'd walked into a new room today I'd felt them. Butterflies at the pit of my stomach. It was an unfamiliar feeling and I didn't like it. We grabbed our food and sat at a table together. We were very quickly joined by a small girl who I recognised vaguely.

"Bella have you met Alice?" Angela asked me.

"No I don't think so," I replied.

"Hi Bella." Alice said in her high pitched voice.

"Hi Alice, nice to meet you."

"Are you sure you guys didn't meet at your party. Bella remember that party last summer the night before you went home to Phoenix. That was Alice's place." Oh god, Alice, of course! She was Edward's sister, twin sister I think, although they looked nothing alike. Meaning, it was unlikely he had left, and it was likely I would run into him somewhere...soon. That feeling was back in the pit of my stomach. And I'm pretty sure my cheeks were turning a dark shade of crimson.

"Oh right," my heart skipped a beat. A wave of guilt washed over me as I thought about her brother, and then thought about James.

Alice looked at be blankly for a few moments, then all of a sudden the look on her face changed. There was a strange look of recognition come over her face, and then she smiled knowingly. She was smirking at me, like she knew.

"So you're Isabella Swan right? The police chief's daughter?" I nodded. "We heard you were moving here from Phoenix." Oh god, did that mean that Edward knew. I thought not, I never told him my last name, or my full first name.

But she very quickly started talking about something else as I tried not to look too uncomfortable. But every chance she got she looked at me intently, as if trying to size me up or something.

"So what class do you have next Bella?" Alice chimed at the end of lunch.

"Oh…..um" I pulled my schedule out and looked at it. "Biology with Mr…..Banner."

"Oh, right," she giggled for some reason. "We'll walk you to class." Angela and Alice walked me to my classroom and then left. "Have fun then Bella." Alice smirked at me knowingly again and then ran off in the direction of her classroom. What was going on with her?

I turned and walked into my Biology classroom alone. The teacher's desk was just inside the front door so I stopped and introduced myself. Mr Banner kindly pointed me in the direction of my desk and my lab partner for the remainder of the year.

_Oh, god._

I felt my chest constrict and my cheeks turn red as I saw Edward Cullen sitting at the table the teacher had pointed me to. As I approached he was looking at me, blankly. I went to smile but my face wouldn't move. If he'd smiled at me I'm sure I would have smiled in return, but he didn't, he looked....horrified, _was that it_? Yes, horrified and then he looked like he was in pain, before wiping all expression from his still perfect face.

_Oh, god._

He turned his attention away from me and towards the teacher who had started the lesson. What had happened? Why was he reacting like this? The possibilities started running through my head, but I had nothing, my mind was blank. But why was I even worrying about it? I had James. I was with James, I had a boyfriend. I was in love. But I couldn't help but look over to catch a glimpse at that face. My memories had not done him justice, not by any stretch of the imagination.

When I looked back at him he had calmed a little. I could see his leg jigging up and down. But the look on his face had softened a little. He looked sideways at me and then quickly looked away.

I wasn't going to sit here nervously for the next hour without getting some answers. I wrote on the pad of paper in front of me and slowly edged it across to him.

_**Was it that forgettable? I don't remember it as being that bad?**_

Edward looked up into my eyes, a pained expression on his still beautiful face, which softened to one of confusion. He pinched the bridge of his nose and then hesitated before picking up the pen to write a reply. He looked completely unsure of what to write, completely different to the Edward I met 5 months ago who was a lot more sure of himself. His brow furrowed and he shook his head a little before sighing and then he wrote something down.

_**I didn't think I was ever going to see you again.**_

He looked up at my face, slowly taking in all of my features before looking into my eyes, searching for something I wasn't sure was there. _Oh dear god this was going to be a problem._

_**Well here I am.**_

I pushed the pad back towards him.

_**I can see that. What are you doing here?**_

Well, this was better, at least the scowl was gone.

_**Long story.**_

Edward drew an arrow back up to the first questions which he still hadn't answered.

_**No, definitely wasn't bad. But remember you're the one who wanted no contact.**_

And he was right. Was he still pissed off about that? And why did it matter to me? I went back to paying attention to the teacher but spent the rest of the period acutely aware of his presence not more than half a foot from me.

As the bell went at the end of the period I turned towards Edward. He looked at me again, my memories didn't do those piercing green eyes justice. In fact his entire face had faded in my memory. And it was so much better than I had remembered. The butterflies were back.

"Hi," I said softly, smiling at him hesitantly, not sure what his response was going to be.

"Hi…….so you're Isabella Swan…Bella…..I didn't put two and two together when I heard the police chief's daughter was coming."

"Well, I guess I never did tell you my full name did I?"

"No, if I remember correctly, and I'm pretty sure I do, you were pretty vague on that little bit of information." He ran his hand through that sexy hair of his, the slightest grin on his face. It disappeared almost as quickly as it appeared. I wanted to see it again. _Oh god, no I didn't! I have a boyfriend._

We both stood and walked out of the classroom, walking up the aisle side by side. Looking at each other occasionally as if not believing the other was standing there.

"So, Bella. Where's your next class?" He asked out of what sounded like obligation rather than any real desire to know.

I pulled my schedule out and we both looked down at the piece of paper.

"Gym." Edward began giving me directions and we both turned quickly as we heard someone behind us clearing their throat.

I looked up to see a girl with long dark hair scowling at us. I'd seen her before.

"Um thanks." I quickly scurried away from him, not feeling welcome anymore in his presence any longer. I turned around briefly to see the girl throw her arms around Edward's neck reach up and kiss him on the lips. He placed his hands on her hips and drew her in. _So Edward Cullen has a girlfriend._

As I walked to the gym I felt a sense of relief. As if things just got easier. I had sat in biology, memories flooding back to me of the night I spent with Edward. I realised why I'd been feeling the butterflies all day. It was just the affect Edward Cullen had on me, it was a completely subconscious thing, my body just reacted to him. I had sat there getting worried about my ability to resist him. I'd sat there feeling guilty that I could possibly be having these feelings for Edward when I was in love with James. But that was no longer a problem. He had a girlfriend.

oOoOoOo

EPOV

"How was _your_ day?" Alice sounded too fucking happy. She sounded like she was up to something. What, I didn't know, but she had that tone in her voice.

"Fan-fucking-tastic." I bit back sarcastically. We both climbed into the front of my car.

"What, no Jessica this afternoon?" Another sarcastic remark? Or was she just over hiding her disdain for my girlfriend. I knew she couldn't stand Jessica, for what reason I wasn't entirely sure.

"No, she's staying back for some study group thing."

"Right." We were both silent as I reversed out of our car spot and drove out of the school. This meant she was up to something. Alice was rarely silent.

"So, anything interesting happen today?"

I eyed her suspiciously. "Spit it out Alice. What do you want to know?"

"Nothing." She laughed at me. Another silence, yep, definitely up to something. "Hey did you meet the new girl today? Bella Swan." She was looking at me with a fake innocent look on her face. What the hell? What did she know about Bella Swan? I racked my brains for what she could possibly know.

And then it came back to me. She didn't know who it was, I'd never said her name. But the day after the party I did ask Alice questions about who Bella might have come with to the party. And some time later I'd admitted to Alice that was the night that I'd lost my virginity to the mystery girl with the long brown hair and brown eyes.

"It's her isn't it?" She said it so quietly I wasn't even sure I was supposed to hear it.

"Sorry?"

"Bella Swan. She's your mystery girl isn't she?" She didn't even give me a chance to answer. She just knew. "I get it now. I get what you see in Jess now. She's the spitting image of Bella. Not as beautiful if you ask me, but I see it. The long brown hair, brown eyes."

"What are you talking about Alice?" I snapped at her. Of course she was wrong_. Wasn't she?_ "You've always had it in for Jess and I don't know why. She's never anything but perfectly nice to you and you're still a complete bitch to her." I was angry with her. Alice and I hardly ever fought but I just snapped at her. My aggravation at her comments getting worse and worse and I wasn't sure why, it wasn't like I didn't know how she felt about Jess.

She looked at me incredulously. "OK, forget I said anything then," she spat at me. We drove home in silence but I could see that little brain of hers plotting. She was up to something and I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to know what. But as we drove along her words seeped into my brain, eating away at what I knew to be true. Jessica did remind me of Bella, it's what finally attracted me to her in the first place.

"You don't need to worry you know. She's got a boyfriend."

"Who's got a boyfriend?"

"Bella Swan. She's got a boyfriend back in Phoenix. James, he's a piece of work apparently."

"So she got back together with that scumbag." I hadn't meant to say that out loud.

"So you admit it then. You do know her? It _is_ her?"

I gave in to Alice's pestering. "Yes Ali, it is her, but it's a moot point isn't. We're both seeing someone aren't we. So just leave it alone. I'm with Jessica, she's with James, there's nothing to discuss."

"Sure." But I could tell that wasn't the end of it as far as Alice was concerned. She was up to no good.

That night in bed I lay there thinking about my reaction to Bella when she walked into Biology. I had almost fallen out of my seat as I saw her walk into the room. I wasn't sure it was her at first, I mean I knew there was a new girl starting at school that day, but I'd never thought that Isabella Swan would be Bella. My Bella. I'd imagined that moment on many occasions. In the months after that night of the party I'd sat in various classrooms at school and wondered what I would do if she walked through the door.

And when she did I froze. It's not how I'd imagined it would be. I'd imagined I would flirt with her outrageously before asking her out properly, I even had the conversation mapped out in my head. We'd started things all backwards and I wanted to make it right. But I'd fucked it up. I just glared at her. I wasn't even sure where all of the anger and resentment that I felt in that moment came from. It was like I hated her, hated her for leaving me, hated her for not wanting any contact, hated her making me want more from her and not letting me have it. But most of all I hated her for coming back into my life when I couldn't have her. When I was seeing someone.

In the few seconds I got to prepare before she sat down next to me I knew that I wanted her more than I'd wanted anyone in my life, and I hated myself for what it was going to do to my girlfriend.


	3. Friends

**CHAPTER 3: Friends**

**BPOV**

I arrived at school on my second day at the same time as Alice and Edward. _Great._ While the initial tension between Edward and I had eased at the end of class yesterday, we still probably had a few things we needed to talk about. I still felt a little awkward about the whole situation, mostly around who did and did not know about what had happened between us. But he had a girlfriend, so there shouldn't be any weirdness between us _should there?_

As I parked the old truck Charlie had bought me I recognised the silver Volvo that pulled up beside me. Alice got out of the car next to me and immediately linked her arm in mine so we could walk to our first class together.

"Morning Alice."

"Hi Bella. How are _you_ today?" Her question sounded loaded, and I wondered how someone could sound so chirpy at this hour of the morning on such a cold miserable day. I glanced over the top of the silver car and noticed Edward rolling his green eyes.

"Hey Edward." I bit my lip as I looked in his direction unsure of what his response would be. I was pretty sure Alice knew there had been something between us, I just wasn't sure how much of the story she knew.

"Bella." The scowl was back on his face as he ran his hand through his hair. _So that's how it was going to be then_. The wall was back up and he was going to keep being a prick the way he'd been yesterday in Biology. I wondered what it was that was making him so different. He was nothing like this in the Summer.

A tall guy who I vaguely recognised came over and slapped Edward on the back. Edward whipped his head around and scowled at him too. _Maybe it wasn't just me he had a problem with_.

"Cullen. What's up your ass this morning?" I think he was one of the guys who was at the party with Edward – one of the three really good looking ones I'd seen talking at the beginning of the night when the condoms were being handed out.

Edward glanced in my direction before answering, "nothing."

"Hey Jas," Alice's voice was light and flirtatious. I think she even batted her delicate eye lids at him.

"Hey short stuff. Who's your new friend?" Alice was looking at this guy with dreamy eyes, it was the first time I'd seen her mind switch off in the brief encounters I'd had with her. It was like she was in a trance.

"Oh, um, this is Bella. Bella this is Jasper," she said gesturing to the tall guy standing next to Edward. He was strikingly good looking, but altogether different to Edward. He was blonde a little taller and a slightly bigger build.

"Really nice to meet you Bella." I looked for some sort of recognition on his face but there was none. Either he didn't remember or Edward really didn't say anything to anyone about that night. Other than maybe to Alice.

"You too Jasper," I replied.

We started walking to class, the boys ahead of us when I noticed Alice's body stiffen.

"Egh, Jessica and Lauren," she said, screwing her face up. Ah, that's right, I knew I remembered her from the party.

Edward's girlfriend, Jessica and Lauren the other girl skipped up to Edward and Jasper, Jessica entwining her fingers with Edward's, Lauren walking quite close to Jasper, but not quite touching. I didn't feel close enough to Alice to ask what the go was with Jasper, besides it had been pretty obvious. But I figured I'd have plenty of time to figure it all out. Probably best not to get into school yard politics so soon after my arrival.

Edward smiled down at Jessica a few times as he listened to her prattle on, I couldn't hear about what. But I could see her gush "Oh Edward" a few times and throw her head back in mock laughter. It all looked contrived and for some reason made me want to puke. I noticed her glance over her shoulder once or twice and sneer in Alice's and my direction. What the fuck was with that? She didn't even know me, and you'd think you'd be a little nicer to the sister of your boyfriend. I was getting the impression she was a bitch.

Alice just gripped my arm tighter and tried not to look at Jasper.

"So Bella, Angela tells me you have a boyfriend back in Phoenix?"

"Yeah, James."

"So how long have you been together?"

"Well, we got together almost a year ago when I was a junior and he was a senior. We broke up for a little while though but we've been back together for almost three months."

"So what does he do now? Is he in college?"

"Yeah, he's studying Business at the University of Phoenix."

"Wow, so did you spend a lot of time together before you moved to Forks?"

"Um, yeah, I guess. We spent time together most weekends, and then during the week we'd usually catch up. It was hard though I spent a lot of time looking after my grandmother, and what with study and stuff......"

"So, when are you going to get to see him again?"

"He's going to visit as soon as he can, hopefully for Valentine's weekend."

Alice just smiled knowingly at me. I wasn't sure what that was about.

o0o0o0o0o

Alice and I sat in English together today. Unfortunately Jessica and Lauren were sitting in the seats directly in front of us. In the brief time I'd known Alice she always seemed happy and bouncy and excited, except in the presence of these girls. I could see the light visibly disappear from her bright blue eyes and the colour drain from her cheeks.

I could hear them talking about their weekend. Lauren kept mentioning Jasper's name and every time she did I could feel Alice get stiffer and stiffer beside me, her jaw clenching so hard I could almost hear her teeth grinding together.

"He's just so unbelievably hot. He asked me what I'm doing this weekend. I think he's going to ask me out on a date."

"Lauren, Jasper doesn't 'date'. But I'm sure it will be different with _you_, that's so exciting. Perhaps we can go out on a double date. Me and Edward and you and Jasper. I think you'd be perfect together. And he's such a good kisser." _What the fuck_? I heard Alice's sharp intake of air and her face reddened as she held it in.

"So Alice. Who's your new little friend?" Jessica had turned around and was putting on a fake smile as if knowing we'd over heard her conversation with Lauren and now was the perfect time to rub it in. Jessica's overly made up face just made her look high maintenance. Her dark hair was pulled back severely into a very tight pony tail, pulling her face back and making her look sharp. I guess you could probably say she was pretty, but in a completely over done way. She was well looked after though, short skirt with toned legs. I'm surprised she wasn't freezing her ass off. Her perky breasts were pointing at me as she turned in her chair to face me. I surmised from all that she was a cheer leader. _Why did Edward have to go out with a cheer leade_r? It just went to show that I wasn't really his type, Edward and I just weren't in the same league. I'd never be like the girl in front of me. And that was probably a good thing.

"This is Bella. Bella this is Jessica," Alice replied as politely as she could. She stretched her right hand out towards me, her red acrylic talons facing upwards.

"It's so nice to meet you Bella. I'm Edward's girlfriend." Was that a threat? Or was that the only good thing she had going for her. I couldn't see why she'd be sharing that piece of information with me. "This is Lauren." I waited for Lauren to turn and tell me what her relationship with Jasper was, but it wasn't forth coming, she simply sneered at me. Well, if they were going to be like that.

"Hi Jessica. Actually, we've met before," I said to her.

"Oh really, I don't remember you at all," she replied.

"Well, no I don't expect you would. I was with Angela the night she took you home from Alice and Edward's party last Summer. The one where you were really drunk, and puked all over yourself just as you got out of the car. You were pretty hammered, oh, and upset about something too, so I wouldn't expect you to remember me." I could feel Alice relax beside me, and the smile reappeared on her face.

"Oh really, I don't remember. I've been to so many parties since then." She tried to laugh it off but I heard one or two sniggers from people sitting around us.

"I'm sure you have." The smile I gave her just reeked of sarcasm. I'd probably just done myself a great disservice by being so rude to Jessica, but I didn't really care. Right at the moment I could feel the weight of the world lift from Alice's shoulders, her little body was bouncing up and down with excitement.

After class we slowly walked towards the cafeteria together. After my comment to Jessica I figured it was probably about time I asked Alice about her, I needed to make sure my snide remark to her was because I could see she upset Alice, not because I wanted her boyfriend. And there was something very visibly going on between the two of them that I was now involved with.

"So Alice. What the hell have I just gotten myself into with Jessica and Lauren? What's the history with you three?"

"Oh my god Bella, you were brilliant! It's a long story, but let's just say that that slut, actually both of those sluts have been the bane of my existence for the past couple of years."

"And I'm guessing it has something to do with.....Jasper?"

"Oh Bella, is it that obvious?" She looked so sad, defeated. "I like him, I mean I really like him. I've been in love with him since I was like 13. But it's like he doesn't even know I exist. I think I'm like a sister to him or something. I think he sees me as a twelve year old, he doesn't see this..." Alice stopped in her tracks motioning up and down her little body that had curves in all the right places for someone who was no longer a child, "....or these," motioning with both of her hands to her chest.

I had to laugh at her. She was positively gorgeous, I'd noticed boys looking at her as they'd walk past, checking out her ass, or her chest, or smiling expectantly at her with adoration, but she seemed completely oblivious.

"Oh Alice, have you ever even tried to tell him how you feel?"

"Oh, god no!!" She turned and grabbed my arm with a pleading look in her eyes. "You don't understand, that's part of the problem. If I did that he'd probably shag me, but that would be it. That's where it would start and end, in bed, or in the back of his car, or on the bonnet of his car, in the kitchen, on the....."

"Alice!" She was in a world of her own as she was mentioning all of the places she wanted Jasper.

"Oh sorry, I get a bit carried away sometimes," she sighed, her cheeks just a little pink thinking about him.

"I can see that."

"So what's the problem with Jessica then?"

"Well, Jessica and I used to be quite good friends when we were younger. She knew I had a thing for Jasper. Then about two years ago Lauren turned up and they became best friends, and I guess she turned Jess against me for some reason. She really started to hate me, the only reason I could ever figure out was because I was such good friends with Jasper, Edward and Emmett, the three best looking guys in school. So she went and.......she went and.." I could see she was having difficulty saying it, "she screwed Jasper. Just to piss me off. He was her first and she bragged about it in front of me, knowing that I'd be hurt by it. I pretended I couldn't give a shit in front of her but I've hated her ever since. If she did it because she really liked him I wouldn't care. But she did it just to spite me so we've pretty much been at war ever since."

"Oh, Alice, that's just awful."

In the cafeteria Alice insisted that I sit with her and her friends. Angela was at the library anyway, so it wasn't like I'd be offending her. We sat at a round table already occupied by a girl, and a guy I recognised, he was the third guy in the Edward and Jasper trio from the night of the party. Did that mean it was likely that Edward would be joining us? And with Jessica? God I hoped not, I didn't think Alice would cope. I wasn't sure why Edward was being so hideous to me. _He had a girlfriend for god's sake_, and she was gorgeous. Maybe he didn't know that James and I were back together and was concerned I was going to cause trouble for him and Jessica. I'd have to set him straight.

"...all I'm saying Rose is that if you had just been nice back to her, and maybe smiled, then she wouldn't have given you the detention. It's been working for me for years. The amount of shit I've gotten away with just because the teachers love me is incredible."

"Hi guys, this is Bella. Bella this is Emmett and Rosalie."

"Hi Bella, it's nice to meet you." Emmett was very chirpy, a little like Alice, really full of energy, but he looked like he was probably a complete rat bag with that mischievous grin.

"Hi Bella," Rosalie glanced at me quickly but immediately turned her attention back to Emmett not even giving me a second glance. "Well, we can't all have your natural ability to be all flirty and sweet and charming when we want to be. The bitch pissed me off, I wasn't going to sit back and be all fake and sweet to her. She had it coming anyway." Rosalie sat with her arms crossed over her chest. Emmett had his arm around the back of her chair. I couldn't quite tell if they were together or not.

"I'm just saying is all. Now look what you've got yourself into." He turned his attention to me. "So Bella, you're the police chief's daughter right?" He said with a warm cheeky smile on his face.

"Ah, yeah," I replied, a little embarrassed. I suspected this may not be a good thing.

"Well, we'd better not invite you to any of my Friday night sessions. Wouldn't want the police chief's daughter going home drunk or off her face now would we?" Alice, Emmett and Rose all laughed, but I felt a little rejected.

"What's so funny?" Asked Jasper as he and Edward arrived at the table, putting their books down, but not sitting.

"Emmett was just saying that Bella can't come over Friday night because she's the police chief's daughter and it wouldn't look too good if we sent her home drunk," said Alice looking at Jasper with sparkly eyes.

Edward grunted, dumped his books and left the table to get his lunch.

"What's up his ass today?" Asked Emmett.

"Dude, that's exactly what I said this morning," replied Jasper before turning and following Edward to get something to eat.

"Has the slut stopped putting out for him?" asked Emmett.

"I doubt it. Jessica is permanently greased up for Edward," Rosalie snarled. It seemed Alice wasn't the only one who had a problem with her.

"You should have just seen the way Bella put her in her place in English."

"Oooh do tell." Rosalie actually addressed me and was smiling. I was a bit worried when I sat down that I'd done something wrong. Apparently now I'd definitely done something right. Clearly she hated Jessica.

"Well.....she turned around in class and asked Alice to introduce her to me. I simply reminded her that in fact we'd already met......and the last time I'd seen her she was throwing up on herself."

Emmett's laugh boomed around the cafeteria, "fuck, I remember hearing about that. Wish I had have seen it." Emmett's eyes narrowed and he leaned forward looking at me intently. "Wait a minute, when did........." But he was interrupted by Alice, thank god.

"So what do you say? Friday night, is Bella in?"

Rosalie was still laughing about what I'd said.

"In for what?" I asked.

"My place," Emmett replied, also still sniggering, "nothing big, just us, no girlfriends allowed." Rose cleared her throat loudly. Emmett looked over at her adoringly, "you know you don't count Rose, you were already one of the gang before Dumb and Dumber over there started dating those fucking bimbos."

"Is Jasper actually dating Lauren?" Asked Rosalie. I felt Alice stiffen again as she looked expectantly at Emmett for his answer.

"Well, no, I don't think so. But I'm pretty sure it's only a matter of time before he taps her ass."

"Emmett!" yelled Rosalie before smacking the back of his head.

"What baby, you know what he's like," he looked at her pleadingly before turning his attention back to me. "So anyway, Bella. It's very casual, just the five of us, plus you. Some pizza, beers, maybe a DVD or some pool or some drinking games. You in?"

"Hell anyone who can put Stanley in her place is well deserving of a bait to our little Friday night get togethers." And with that Alice, Emmett & Rosalie all started laughing again.

I wasn't sure what Edward's reaction would be. Would he want me there, would he feel uncomfortable? But fuck it. He was the one with the problem, not me. As far as I was concerned there was no issue. "Yeah, sure why not."

"Don't worry Bella, you can stay at my place," said Alice. That's not good. "Mom and Dad will never notice. Chief Swan will never know his little girl was drunk."

**EPOV:**

As we stood in line to get our food Jasper was looking back at Bella who was sitting at MY lunch table with MY friends checking her out. Alice was dead.

"Fuck man, the new chick is hot. Think I might have to get to know her a little better."

No way, not going to happen! "What about Lauren? I thought you were working your angles there, not that you have to work very hard from what I hear."

"I'm just about to seal the deal with Lauren. That will be done this weekend and then I'll be bored. Just give me a few weeks."

Fuck that!

"She's got a boyfriend man, so I wouldn't even bother." I tried to look disinterested. Alice would have been all over me like a rash, but Jasper generally wasn't that observant.

"And from what I hear he's a thousand miles away. As if that relationship is going to last more than three weeks. Look at her! And when it all falls to pieces I'm going to be there to make it feel better....much much better." Jasper was smirking to himself. He was a man whore. Mostly we found it funny. He was a bit of a legend among the guys, and the girls just fell at his feet because they knew he'd be good for a quick fuck or a booty call. The guy had no qualms about fucking more than one girl in one night. Fuck he'd even been with Jessica, which for some reason never bothered me. But the thought of him going anywhere near Bella made me want to vomit, literally.

"Jasper, man. I'm asking you..........stay the fuck away from her." Jasper stopped and looked at me. I tried to turn away but he grabbed my arm and made me face him.

"What the fuck Cullen?"

I'd never told him about Bella, I hadn't said a word to anyone about her except for Alice, and she only had limited information. Jasper, Emmett and I had always shared our exploits with each other. Not as a bragging exercise, we just shared everything, had done since we were 6 years old. But neither of them knew about Bella.

"Just drop it." I wasn't going to elaborate. He'd always known not to fuck with me when he knew it was important. He'd heeded my warnings when it came to Alice, hopefully he'd get the picture with Bella.

"Whatever man. She's off limits then." I turned and walked back to the table with my food, Jasper following me. I knew it wouldn't be the end of the subject, I don't even really know why I cared. They'd known about all of the other girls I'd ever been with, what made Bella so special? Whatever it was I needed to let it go. I just wasn't entirely sure how I was going to make that happen.

We sat at the table and I tried to avoid eye contact with Bella, which wasn't easy as she was sitting opposite me. She seemed to fit into the group easily. Emmett and Jasper gave her shit and she happily gave it back. Hell, even Rosalie seemed to like her which was no mean feat. But it was Alice that looked radiant, I could see her bouncing up and down and deferring to Bella for her opinion on things, including her in conversations, filling her in on history if the conversation turned to topics she wouldn't understand because she hadn't been there.

On occasion Bella would glance in my direction, but would immediately drop her eyes to her lunch or glance away when I caught her. The pink rising in her cheeks each time she'd glance away and then slowly fading as she became re engrossed in the conversation of the others at the table. But at no point did she engage me in conversation, and I didn't speak to her either.

The early warning bell rang to signal the end of lunch. Bella moved away from the table and made no effort to walk with me to Biology, but I followed behind her, watching her pony tail swing from side to side, watching her tiny body move, remembering how she moved without all of the bulk covering her up. Watching as other guys turned their heads in her direction as she passed them in the corridors, elbowing the pimply faced guy next to them to point her out. She was oblivious to the looks, oblivious to the thoughts running through their tiny minds. They didn't know her. They didn't know her like I did, and I didn't want any of them to know her like I did. But I couldn't have her, she belonged to someone else. _As do you_.

I hadn't noticed that on our way to Biology I had practically caught up to her until she tripped and I automatically put my right hand out catching her elbow to stop her delicate body from hitting the door frame. She turned to thank me but the words never escaped her mouth. As she saw who it was she immediately looked down, her cheeks turning a fierce shade of red.

I wanted to ask her if she was alright. But instead I snapped at her.

"You should watch where you're walking Bella."

Her head snapped up at me and her eyes narrowed. "Well just let me fall next time. Save yourself all of this regret Edward." She turned and stormed to our desk dropping her books noisily.

I followed and sat down next to her. I tried to see her face so I could see how mad she was with me but she had pulled her hair out of its pony tail and it was fanned out covering her features from my view. I pulled out my pad of paper and wrote her a note, pushing it in her direction she looked over and read it.

_**You think that I regret what happened?**_

She looked at me with a confused look on her face before picking up her pen and scrawling a response.

_**I can see that you do.**_

_You don't know anything Bella_, I thought to myself as I read her response. _You don't know anything_.

I didn't respond to her note. I couldn't put any of what I wanted to say in writing, so I turned my attention back to the teacher, not hearing any of what he said. I just sat there listening to my heart pound in my chest. By the end of class I felt like I'd run a marathon but I'd hardly moved an inch.

As the bell rang Bella grabbed her books and took off from the class room, not even bothering to say good bye. I couldn't let her leave like this so I got up from my seat and took off after her, catching up easily in the corridor.

"Bella, wait up." I could see she was pissed with me, and really I couldn't blame her. I'd pretty much been a complete ass to her since she'd arrived.

"Oh, so you're talking to me now are you?" She snipped at me. And I couldn't really blame her. I ran my hand through my hair as I thought about how to respond.

"Edward, James and I are still together," she blurted out.

I stopped in my tracks and stared at her, "what do you mean _still_ together?"

"I mean back together. We got _back_ together."

"What are you telling me that for?"

"Because I thought maybe you thought that I'd want to break you and Jessica up, that's why you're being so....so....rude to me. But I've got a boyfriend, so I wanted to assure you it's not the case."

She thought I was being rude to her because I thought she was going to break Jessica and I up. She couldn't be more wrong. _Could she?_ Well, that's not exactly why I was angry with her.

"So what are you doing back here Bella? Why did you come back?" I just realised I had no idea why she had moved from Phoenix to Forks.

She hesitated. It looked like she didn't want to say it. I could see her swallow hard and then she looked up into my face, and I could see her gain some strength the longer she looked at me.

"My mom........my mom died......" she whispered so quietly I almost didn't hear her. She quickly looked down to the ground, not letting me see her eyes, or not wanting to see the look I held in mine, I just hope it wasn't one of pity, people hated that. I had so many questions I wanted to ask her but I could see it was too soon for her to talk about it, she was obviously still grieving her loss and couldn't talk about it. Oh god, now I felt awful about the way I'd treated her. She looked back at my face taking a deep breath in.

"I have to go class now," she turned and walked away from me quickly.

I was an asshole. I hadn't even responded to her. It looked like it took her a lot to tell me about her mom dying, probably recently, and I just stood there......with my mouth open. But I vowed to myself that I would talk to her about it one day. She needed to talk about it, I knew that much from experience.


	4. Alice

**A/N: This chapter is from Alice's point of view. I don't love stories that jump between POV's of too many character's so I'm hoping Alice's is the only other POV in this story (other than Bella & Edward). Mostly I'm using her to provide an outsiders point of view to what's going on between Edward and Bella, and in particular with what happened with Edward after the party.. But we'll also see a bit of what's going on in her head about Jasper.**

**The italics and in flashback....back to August**

**CHAPTER 4**

**APOV**

"_Alice!! Alllllllliice!!!" _

_Fuck, who was that? It's got to be too fucking early in the morning doesn't it? I heard someone stomping heavily up the stairs and then they were banging on my bedroom door. "Alice get the fuck out of bed I need help!" _

_Edward._

"_Just come in for fuck sake and stop banging you're making my head hurt." Ever since we were about twelve Edward had been instructed NOT to barge into my room. I'm pretty sure that had we been related by blood it wouldn't have been a problem. But Mom and Carlisle must have thought that Edward should at least give me the privacy a developing teenage girl craved. And god love him, normally he gave it, but the banging on the door this morning was doing my head in._

_The door flew open and in raced Edward, fully dressed and showered and looking far too bright and chirpy for someone who co hosted the party of the Summer last night._

"_What time did you get to bed last night? What the fuck are you doing up so early? And why the fuck don't you look more hung over?" _Oh god, it even hurt to talk!_ I flopped back onto my bed, throw cushions bouncing off everywhere and onto the floor. Head still pounding from the obscene amount of vodka consumed last night._

"_Ali I need you to tell me who she is?" _

"_Who _who_ is?" _What the hell was he talking about?

"_Bella. The girl from last night. Who did she come with?"_

_I shut my eyes tightly, trying to comprehend what he could possibly be on about. "I don't know who you're talking about. Just slow down. Go down stairs, get both of us some coffee and some greasy eggs and bacon. I might be able to help you when my brain is functioning," although with the way it felt that probably wouldn't be until I went to College. _

"_No Alice, I can't waste any time she's leaving today I have to go and find her before she leaves. I can't let her leave without talking to her," he was pleading with me._

_Now this was starting to sound interesting. Confusing, but _very_ interesting._

_I slowly propped myself up on my elbows and looked at him properly for the first time. I raised an eyebrow questioningly at him. Last night was slowly starting to come back to me. _Let me see......_Jasper, gorgeous, heartbreaking. Lots of music, lots of drinking, lots of dancing.....always with the wrong guy. Jessica hauled up in the bathroom downstairs meaning everyone had to go upstairs to use the toilet. Mike passed out under the dining room table, _must remember to check if he's still there this morning_. Jasper grinding with Sally Bennett, egh. Emmett with his pants around his ankles for most of the night.......but no Edward. Where was Edward in my memories from last night. That's right, he wasn't there! Hence the Jessica fiasco._

"_Where the fuck were you last night? And who the fuck is Bella?" _Hmmm, I only ever swear this much when I'm drunk. I must still be pissed.

"_Bella is a girl I met last night Alice."_

"_....And....." This didn't make sense. He stepped closer to my bed and grabbed my hand._

"_And I have to find her. She's leaving to go back home and I have to go and find her before she fucking leaves." _

"_Who did she come with?"_

"_That's the problem I don't know. She wouldn't tell me. She was being all mysterious and shit." His whiney voice was starting to really grate on my headache._

"_Well, how do you know she's even interested in you?" He just raised an eyebrow at me and smirked. "Edward Anthony Cullen, did you get lucky last night?" _

_He hesitated just long enough for me to take that as a yes. "Maybe." He ran his hand through his hair, classic Edward Cullen sign of nervousness! I'd say definitely got lucky. _

"_What the fuck Edward? Who is she, what does she look like? Tell me everything." Holy shit this was big. Edward was never interested in anyone. Girls threw themselves at him all the time, he was gorgeous, and I had no hesitation in admitting there was a time I thought I might be developing a crush on my step brother, but luckily I diverted my attention elsewhere and avoided the awkwardness that would have caused if it hadn't worked out....or if it had......whatever._

"_That's the problem Alice I was hoping you could help me. She came with one of your friends. I just don't know which one."_

"_Describe her to me. What was she wearing?"_

"_Death Cab For Cutie T-shirt.....it was pink. Short denim skirt, flat shoes." Band t-shirt - sounded like the type of girl I thought he could go for._

"_What does she look like?"_

"_Luscious brown hair, long and a bit curly. The most amazing big brown eyes I've ever seen. Really pretty. 'Bout 5 foot 4." He was pleading with me to remember. _

"_I think I remember her vaguely. She was with one of the girls....."_

"_That's right, that's what she said."_

"_I just don't remember which one."_

"_That's why I need you. Get dressed now, we're going to visit your friends this morning to go and find her."_

"_That's crazy."_

"_No, I have to find her before she flies home."_

"_Where the fuck is she from?"_

"_Phoenix."_

_I groaned and collapsed back onto my pillows again. He's on drugs._

"_What's the point Edward. She's from so far away."_

"_You don't understand Alice, we had this.....this....connection that I've never experienced with anyone. Fuck i,t I just want to see her one more time, convince her to stay in touch." He sounded pathetic, and he looked like he knew he sounded pathetic too. He was grabbing my hand and dragging me out of bed._

"_Alright, alright. I'm coming. But get your ass down stairs and get me some breakfast and a coffee while I shower. I'm not going anywhere without it."_

"Sunglasses. I need sunglasses, the bigger the better_." I was sitting in the front seat of Edward's car as he drove like a bat out of hell down our front drive way, my body swinging from side to side as we screamed around the corners._

"_Jesus Edward, you're going to make me vomit if you keep this up."_

"_Suck it up Alice, I'm on a mission. Where should we start?" The whiney voice had been replaced by a determined one. Probably better, if she was anything like me she'd prefer strong and assured to pathetic grovelling._

"_I don't know, how about Jane's place. Did she say she was related or a friend or what?"_

"_Friend, I don't think they're related."_

"_Good, because Jane is blonde, they're probably not related...........Why the hell don't we just call them?"_

"_OK, that's a good idea. You call, I'll drive through the main streets looking out for her." This could be a long morning. He was going to have to pay for this._

_I got on the phone and made half a dozen phone calls. No one seemed to remember who she came with, but most of them remembered the mysterious girl with the long brown hair._

_We drove around town while I tried to keep an eye out for any one matching Bella's description. It was a lost cause, I knew that. But if Edward had found the girl of his dreams who was I to stop him holding onto her. It was kind of sweet. I had been a bit worried that everything that went on with his parents had left him an emotional cripple. Now I was starting to think he'd just never found the right girl._

"_Drive through.....I need more coffee. Take it NOW!" Edward just scowled at me as I made him pull into the driveway._

"_Alice, you're wasting my time here," he snapped at me impatiently not even bothering to look in my direction as he continued to scour the street for his mystery girl._

"_I've just saved you a bucket load of time by making those phone calls, stop being so ungrateful....... Fuck, are you sure you're sober?" We'd just pulled up behind Chief Swan's car in the drive through._

"_Yes, I stopped drinking at about 10.30, I'm fine. I'd be more worried if I were _you_. He doesn't look too kindly on underage drinkers and I can smell the alcohol leaching out of your pours."_

_We waited while the attendant handed the Chief his two coffees, watching as his arm grabbed the little cardboard container cradling what I so desperately wanted. He slowly pulled away and I breathed a sigh of relief, not that he would realistically have turned around and breathalyzed a passenger in someone's car at 8.30 in the morning. But, you know, authority and all that shit._

"_Edward, you know this is hopeless don't you." He turned to me with the saddest look in his eyes. Like someone had just run over his puppy._

"_I know Alice. I just really like her and I don't know how to get in contact with her. I don't think there will even be a photo of her."_

"_She didn't even leave you an email address?"_

"_No, she said it would be better if we didn't contact each other, said it would be easier on both of us because of the distance. Why prolong the inevitable?"_

"_She has a point. It is a bit geographically impossible." The attendant handed us our coffees. We did one last lap of the main street. Edward didn't say another word, he just looked blankly out the window as he guided the car in the direction of home._

As I sat in the car with Edward on the way home from school remembering that day I wondered whether I should remind him that we'd probably been sitting right behind Bella at the drive thru. It probably wouldn't help get them together. I'd never seen Edward like that with any girl, and I hadn't seen him like that since. Not even with Jessica. Which just made me more angry about the fact that he was with her in the first place. She didn't deserve him.

"Do you know why Bella is here?" Shocked that he was even bringing Bella up voluntarily I turned to look at Edward. His question sounded like he knew the answer.

"Yeah." Not knowing how much he knew I didn't offer any more info, not that I had that much either.

"What happened?"

"It was a car accident. Bella and her Mom were coming home....."

"Bella was in the car?" He looked across at me with a concerned look.

"Yeah, she was pretty injured from what Angela tells me, spent a bit of time in hospital."

"How long ago was it?"

"About three months ago I think, I'm not sure, Angela doesn't have too many details. Bella won't talk about it. I guess Charlie probably knows but...." I looked sideways at Edward, wondering what was going through his head. The similarities were uncanny.

"I see."

"How do you know about it?" I asked.

"She just fucking told me." Edward nervously ran his hand through his hair as he guided his car down the road. The heavy fog that had descended on the town seemed to be evident in the car as well as I noticed the look of anguish on my brother's face.

"What do you mean? What did she say?" I asked.

"Not much. I asked her why she came back here, and she told me it was because her mom died." That was odd. That wasn't what I'd heard her say to other people, she had been pretty vague when anyone else asked her, including me before Angela had explained it to me. But she was telling Edward.

"What did you say?"

".....nothing. I couldn't come up with anything." He cringed. But I couldn't help it I had to react.

"What do you mean you said nothing. You of all people?"

"I know, I know I just fucking.....froze."

"Edward, she hasn't said anything to anyone since she's arrived and she tells you and you say nothing. You're probably the best person for her to speak to ..."

"What the fuck Ali? Just because I spent one night with her over five months ago doesn't mean I'm the best person for her to speak to."

"That's not what I mean and you know it. I just meant that you had a really hard time of it when your Mom died and wouldn't talk about it, and she's obviously going through the same thing. You can show her how important it is to open up."

"Alice I was seven when it happened. And it's completely different."

I let the subject drop. I knew if I pushed him too far he'd close up completely. But I could see that he was thinking about it. Hopefully thinking about how he could help her.

I'd known Edward most of my life, since before our parents got together. When his Mom died he was hit pretty hard, and for many years he was very closed off about it. Jasper and Emmett always did their best as kids to keep him entertained, but for a long time Edward was the moody one in the trio. But god love the guys they stuck it out and Edward eventually came through, but only after my Mom Esme intervened and got him some help. Since then he'd been really great, dealing with everything as a normal teenager would, albeit a little emo from time to time.

The only other time I'd seen him close up again was after Bella. In the few weeks after it happened he spent a lot of time locked up in his room. I knew he'd been looking through the photos that were taken at the party that night, desperately trying to see her in the background. But she wasn't in any of them. Not full frontal anyway. There was one photo of Jasper, Emmett and Edward. Jasper and Emmett were facing the camera making ridiculous goofy faces, in the background you could see she was walking out the front door, Edward was turned in her direction watching her, a crooked smile on his lips. But no face. Just the long brown hair.

I think he spent a lot of time on people's Facebook pages, looking through my friends. Desperately looking for her. But he never found her, he would have told me if he had.

A little while after that he came back out of his shell again. But he wasn't the same, he started hooking up with girls more often, which wasn't like him. He started giving in to the girls that had been after him for years. Suddenly Edward Cullen, who had always been popular, smart, exceptionally good looking if not a little moody, but always completely inaccessible, was making himself _very_ accessible and the girls were loving it.

Jessica hung back a little at first, and watched him play around. She seemed to work her angle to give maximum impact, making sure when she got her claws into him he would be over playing around and she'd be able to keep him. She was actually incredibly smart about it. She let him have his flings and one night stands with the other girls. Then she made her move. But she had no clue about the cause of his little change, and she sure as hell wouldn't have counted on her coming back to town. And she sure as shit had no idea that the reason Edward finally gave into her was because she reminded him so much of the one thing he was so desperate to hold on to. I smiled smugly at that thought.

**A/N: Pleeeease let me know what you think!! I love reviews as much as the next author!!**


	5. His

**Thanks for the reviews!! They make me write faster. **

**CHAPTER 5: His**

**EPOV**

I lay on my bed contemplating how I would apologise to Bella for what I'd said this afternoon, or rather for what I didn't say, but should have. God I was a fucktard! Alice was right, I was the one person in Forks who could help her get through this. I knew that if she kept everything about the accident and her mother's death bottled up then it would fuck her up completely. Internalising shit like that would have long term effects. But really, wasn't that James' job? Wasn't he helping her deal with this?

And I had my own problems to worry about. If I went out of my way to help her then I'd need to get closer to her, and I had no intention of doing that while she had a boyfriend. Staying away from her was the only thing I could do to stop myself from falling back into her again. I was on a knife edge and I knew if I fell off I'd have a very difficult time pulling myself back up.

The sound of Jess' ring tone on my phone bought me out of my daze. I reached over and picked up the phone, noticing the new picture of her she'd programed onto it when she called.

"Jess."

"Hi babe? How was your day?"

"OK I guess. What's up?"

"Well I hardly saw you today. I didn't see you at lunch or after school so I thought I'd call."

"Oh, right."

"Hey you want me to come over, I could sneak out?"

"You better not, I'm doing homework," I lied. I wasn't in the mood for Jess tonight.

"I know, but I just miss you so much, I had a shitty day."

"Did you, what happened?" I tried to sound concerned. This was a regular occurrence.

"Oh, it's nothing, you don't need to hear about it." And this was the typical Jessica response. She was good at playing the martyr.

"Well, if you don't want to tell me why'd you bring it up?"

My relationship with Jess was a strange one. Physically we were good. But over the phone, not so good. She usually just whined about shit that I had no interest it. I usually started to switch off right about now. It hadn't always been like this. She was much more interested in me in the beginning, now she was much more interested in the dramas that seemed to follow her around on a regular basis.

"Well OK. It's the new girl. I think she's a complete bitch."

What the..... "Who Bella?"

"Yeah, Bella. By the way how do you know her so well?"

"Oh, um.....she's friends with Alice I guess. And she's my Bio partner." _Shit, I didn't need to have this conversation._

"Oh, of course. Alice I forgot about her. Well, that's where it all started anyway.....Hey did you know she was at your party in Summer?"

"Oh.....um yeah. I guess she was." It didn't sound like she was calling me out on it. Didn't sound like she knew anything, but probably safer to admit that I knew she was there than to deny ever having met her before.

"Anyway, in English today she was a complete bitch to me. I was just sitting there minding my own business talking to Lauren. Then I politely turned around and asked Alice to introduce her to me and Bella was so rude."

"What did she say to you?" I wasn't sure whether my defensive tone was aimed at Jessica or Bella.

"Well, you know how I was a little bit drunk at your Summer party and may have thrown up as I got out of Angela's car. Well, apparently Bella was there, in the car with us, not that I remember, she's so fucking plain and forgettable, her brown hair is so dull she really could do more with it. Anyway she said she remembered me throwing up on myself. _As if you'd bring that up?_" She screeched. "She said it so loud most of the class room heard. I was mortified."

I couldn't help but laugh a little bit. Because at the time I'd first heard the story I'd pissed myself laughing, I just didn't realise it was Bella who was in the car with her. It made my heart ache to have the little pieces of her life since I walked away from her that night revealed to me from other people like they knew her. Especially Jessica.

"Oh, Jess, I'm sure she didn't mean anything by it."

"And your sister, she didn't say anything to protect me. She just sat there smirking." If Alice had had anything to do with this I'd be pissed.

After my phone call with Jess I sat on my bed slowly stewing about what she said that Bella had said to her. Why would she bring that up if she wasn't trying to be rude to her? Bella must have been having a go at her. But she'd assured me she didn't want to break Jess and I up, and she had a boyfriend. _Why bring it up at all?_

I spent the rest of the next day avoiding/ignoring Bella until after lunch and we were walking to Biology. I walked up behind her grabbing her arm to get her attention.

"Bella?"

She spun and looked at me blankly, god she took my breath away even when she wasn't trying. She could see I wasn't happy.

"So what happened with Jess yesterday in English?" I asked calmly, trying desperately not to get lost in her eyes.

"Excuse me?" Her eyes were boring into mine now and the proximity of her body to mine was having an affect on me. This is what I was concerned about, I just had to stay away from her. _Push her away._

"Jess told me you were rude to her in English yesterday. Why would you say that to her?"

"What do you care?"

"I don't, I just don't want you causing trouble with my girlfriend if you're angry with _me_."

She looked at me incredulously. "God Edward, not everything is about _you_!" she stormed at me. "Alice was just about to burst into tears listening to her and Lauren talk about...." but she stopped herself and looked away from me.

"Talk about what?" she didn't answer me. "Talk about what Bella?"

"Go and ask your sister what she was upset about Edward, it's not my place to tell you."

"Fuck, I wish someone would tell me why Alice hates my girlfriend so much!" Bella just stared at me. "What?"

"Edward, I've been here for about what....two seconds now? Even I can see it's actually the other way around. Jessica hates your sister, she was being so mean to her in class yesterday. Alice was sitting there doing nothing and she was almost crying. God, you have no idea do you?"

I was a little taken aback by Bella's outburst.

"And anyway, I'm not angry at you, you're angry at me. You've been rude to me ever since I arrived and I don't know what I've done. I can't help it that I'm here Edward. If I had the choice I'd still be in Phoenix, but I don't. I didn't have any choice but to come here so I'm sorry if I've done something to offend you. But I can't change it, I'm not going anywhere."

Once again Bella turned on her heal and walked away from me towards Biology, and once again she had left me speechless. And once again I felt like a complete asshole. The hurt look on her face pulled on my heart strings maddeningly. I took a deep breath and followed after her. I didn't know what other way to do this. Ignoring her and being rude to her was the only option, but even that didn't seem to be working too well for us.

For the third day in a row I sat in Biology and didn't hear one word Banner said. I just felt the warmth emanating from the girl sitting next me, accentuating the smell from her hair and her body, wafting over and driving me insane. It was a smell I'd yearned to remember. I'd spent hours in the shampoo aisle smelling every single bottle until I'd finally found the one that reminded me of her, and bought it. Smelling it every morning when I got in the shower. I had to get this under control but I couldn't figure out how to. It wasn't under control before she came back, what made me think I could possibly get it under control now that she was here, sitting next to me for an hour every day, making friends with my sister, encroaching on my life. And deep down I knew I didn't want to, but I had no choice.

Why could everything be so perfect for that one night in Summer, but now we could hardly even be in the same room together, let alone speak to each other. I knew why it was, I was upset with myself for settling. I was mad at myself for the way I'd behaved since that night. Mostly for the number of girls I'd been with, and there had been _a lot_. And I was taking it out on Bella. That, and I was pushing her away because I couldn't have her.

It had all started about a few weeks into the school year at a massive party at Emmett's. As per usual he handed out the condoms and I copped the usual shit about my V status. They didn't know I'd lost it. I finally cracked and picked up a junior who had been looking at me with big puppy eyes for weeks now. I was fairly certain she was no longer a virgin, so I didn't feel completely selfish about the act. And luckily it didn't look like she felt too hurt the next week when I didn't call her, or even really speak to her again, other than the occasional polite flirtation in the quad at lunch time. She deserved better. And so did all of the other girls I either kissed, got to third base with or fucked since then.

Emmett and Jasper were finally off my case. I'd finally found a use for all of those condoms that Emmett handed out. And I'd finally found an emotional outlet for everything I'd kept pent up since August.

And that's when Jessica happened. I knew she'd had a thing for me for the last year. Everyone knew she'd had a thing for me. She'd made it quite obvious on more than one occasion at more than one party. But I'd never really been interested for some reason. I could appreciate that she was hot, I even got along with her reasonably well, but I'd just stayed away for some reason, maybe because of Jasper.

Then one night she had her long dark straight hair out, and she'd curled it. She reminded me of something that I wanted. As I sat next to her on the lounge, pissed out of my brain I started actually paying attention to her flirtations and I found myself flirting back. The look in her eyes was one of pure lust. The next thing I knew she was straddling my lap, I had my hands on her ass pulling her into me, and she had her tongue down my throat. I didn't sleep with her that night. I think she thought she'd left me wanting more.

But I did sleep with her the next weekend at a party at her house. I'd fucked her, stayed a few hours in her bed and then got the fuck out of dodge. But I wasn't a complete asshole, I was softening towards her. I found myself talking to her at school most days. She was sweet and flirtatious and kept her problems to herself and didn't cling. It was easy.

Then another two weeks later we were together again after a football game and that was it. Emmett announced 'three strikes and you're out' meaning I was now in a relationship with her. Whatever the fuck that meant. And it had been pretty good mostly. The sex was regular, thanks to parents who were either away a lot or didn't pay attention. We didn't have many classes together meaning we didn't spend too much time together so she didn't wear out her welcome. I still had my Friday nights to myself, much to her dismay. _I can't believe she thought I'd give that shit up!_

But two months later we were at make or break stage. I either declared myself or I got out. Before Bella I'd been thinking maybe I was headed in that direction. _Maybe_. But now I _knew _I wasn't. So what was I going to do?

I either stay in a relationship with a girl so I can get laid once or twice a week. Or I get the fuck out.

**APOV**

I seethed as I sat in class watching as Jasper sat and flirted with Lauren in the seats in front of me. Really I don't even know why I was worried. I knew him well enough to know that when he was done with her he'd be onto the next one. _Lucky bitch. Or unlucky depending on the way you looked at it._ At least they were getting to have their way with him. What was I getting....the little sister routine. I guess I should be thankful that I got more time and better quality conversation than they ever got.

One day. One day I'd show him how I felt, but only when I was strong enough to walk away when he rejected me...._well, had his way with me then rejected me_. It would rip my heart in two, but wasn't it better to put your heart on the line than never to have done it all. _Yeah, you just keep telling yourself that Cullen, you just want to get in his pants._

The thought of his hands all over my body, his lips on mine, my legs wrapped around his waist. Sigh.

Jasper must have heard me sigh as he turned and looked at me quizzically.

"What's up little one?" He whispered so the teacher wouldn't hear.

I blushed a little as I shook my head. "Nothing Jas, nothing at all," I whispered back.

"Doesn't look like nothin'. You look sad, you know I don't like it when you look sad."

Lauren turned around and glared at me. _Stupid fucking bitch_.

"I'll be OK."

"Let's talk about it after class, OK." He reached over and put his hand on my desk waiting for me to acquiesce. So I did, how could I resist. Plus it meant he couldn't talk to the dumb slut next to him. But what the hell was I going to say was upsetting me?

Jasper actually waited for me after class. Which shocked the shit out of me. I knew he meant well when he said we should talk, but I was pretty sure I was way further down his list of priorities than Lauren was and he would have been dying to walk her to her car or something. The 'or something' being the operative in that statement.

"So little one, what's on that sweet little mind of yours?" He threw his hand over my shoulder in a friendly gesture. It felt so good to be tucked up under his arm. But I knew it was a brotherly one, not one that screamed 'Alice, I want to fuck you senseless every night for the rest of my life.'

"Nothing much, I don't really want to talk about it."

"Ali, this is me you're talking to. You know you can tell me." He paused and then looked down at me hesitantly, "have you got guy problems?"

"Huh.....oh, well......"

"Ali, has someone hurt you, I swear to god, if one of those fucked up idiots...."

"No, no Jas it's nothing like that. He doesn't even know I exist."

"What do you mean he doesn't even know you exist?" He looked at me incredulously.

I just stopped in my tracks and looked up and him and shrugged my shoulders.

"Ali, trust me, I'm sure he knows you exist." _What was that supposed to mean?_

I turned and walked away, Jasper easily caught up behind me as I walked towards Edward's car. He threw his arm around my shoulder again. I wasn't sure how much more of this I could take.

"Look, if he doesn't know you exist, then he doesn't deserve you. You're hot. You're one of the hottest girls at this school. And you've actually got a brain, and a personality. So...."

"You think I'm hot?"

"What? Of course I think you're hot." He bent down and whispered in my ear as we approached Edward who was leaning against his car. "But don't tell your brother I said that." He smirked at me, playfully tapped me on the ass and then walked towards the side of the car that Edward was leaning on as I walked towards the passenger side.

What the fuck was that about. What the fuck would Edward care if Jasper thought I was hot? But I couldn't wipe the grin off my face. Jasper thought I was hot. I was doing a little internal dance!!

"Alice, what the fuck has gotten into you? I know you're easily excitable and love to jump up and down, but honestly I've never seen you so excited for school to be out."

OK, maybe not so internal. But I couldn't help it.

"Fuck Edward, stop taking your bad moods out on other people," Jasper said protectively.

Just when I thought my afternoon couldn't get any better Jessica sidled up beside me and opened the front passenger side door and hopped in, deftly putting an end to my great mood....and talking my seat. O_h for the love of god, why did this have to happen to me?_ The only thing that could make it worse was Lauren turning up and getting into Jasper's car. _Please dear god don't do that to me and completely ruin my afternoon._

"You getting in Ali?" Edward asked.

"Ah..." I scanned the parking lot and spotted Bella's truck and Bella walking towards it, "no, I've got to go catch up with Bella. I'll get a ride home with her."

Both Jasper and Edward looked at my quizzically. I noticed Jessica smirk from inside the car. _Stupid bitch._ I just turned and walked towards Bella, hoping like hell her truck would make it all the way to my place. Then maybe it could break down at my place, and she'd have to stay for dinner, and then stay the night, and I could make her wear something skimpy to bed, make sure Edward sees her in it, and then she'd have to get a lift with us to school tomorrow. You can shove that up your slutty ass Jessica Stanley.

**A/N: Please, please let me know what you think!!**


	6. Hers

**CHAPTER 6 : Hers**

**BPOV**

Alice came bounding towards my car, a chirpy look on her pretty face. She always cheered me up. Sitting with Edward for an hour after he accused me of having a go at his girlfriend left me in a decidedly chilly mood.

"Bella, is it alright if I get a lift home with you this afternoon?"

"Yeah, sure. Edward not going home?"

"Who knows, the bitch took my seat."

"Ahhh." But why the happy face?

We both hopped up into the cab of my old truck. I could see Alice eyeing it off uncomfortably, wanting to say something about the state of it, but she withheld.

"So, you're never going to believe the conversation I just had with Jasper."

"Do tell.

"He just told me he thinks I'm hot!" She squealed at me. I'm quite sure if I was a normal teenage girl I would have screamed in unison with her. But I'm not. Squealing was never really my thing. But this was good news. And for me, not entirely unexpected. All I saw of Jasper was the way he looked at Alice, and it was completely different to the way he looked at any other girl. If Alice had noticed, I was pretty sure she'd put it down to having 'brotherly' affection for her. I was starting to think it was something altogether different.

"Well of course he did Alice. You are."

"Yeah, but I'm not Jessica or Lauren hot. As much as I hate to admit it, I can appreciate that on the hotness scale those two bitches are up there."

"Yeah, I guess. But I guess it depends on what you go for. If you want something really obvious that in ten years time is going to look old and wrinkled and fake because they've spent too much time in a sun bed and too much time having their boobs pumped up. It's just unnatural being that tanned in Forks. Truly Alice, you don't see yourself very clearly do you?"

She just looked at me with those big blue eyes of hers. And then we were silent except for Alice giving me directions to her house.

As we pulled up I remembered the last time I was here, 5 months ago. The butterflies were back in the pit of my stomach as I looked along the veranda to where I was sitting when Edward and I first met. Oh how things have changed. We walked into the house and towards the kitchen. In the light of day with the partygoers removed it looked even more amazing. Clearly the Cullen's had quite a bit of money.

"Bella this is my Mom Esme. Mom, this is my friend Bella Swan, remember I told you about her."

Esme came towards me wiping her hands on her apron, before wrapping me in her arms for a brief hug.

"Yes of course Bella, it's so lovely to see you, call me Esme." She seemed very motherly. It kind of made me a bit uncomfortable.

"Hi Esme, nice to meet you."

"Well, this isn't the first time we've met Bella. I remember seeing you with your mother when you were just a baby." Her face turned all motherly concern now, and she rested her hand on my shoulder. "Now Bella, I was so sorry to hear about your mother. If there's anything I can do for you please let me know." She wiped a small tear away from her eye. "Raising a child on your own can be hard enough, but when you're a man raising a teenage daughter, heaven knows that's just a recipe for disaster."

"Mom, Bella is eighteen."

"Oh, I know, but you know what I mean."

I couldn't believe someone was being so open with me about my mother. Most people tip toed around it. Actually, that's not strictly true, James would head them off at the pass and steer them in another direction. Saving me from having to deal with the questions that would often upset me.

"Would you like to stay for dinner dear?" Esme asked.

"Maybe next time, I'd better get back to cook Charlie dinner, I'm not sure what he used to eat before I arrived, but I'm pretty sure it was take out most nights." I didn't want to be here when Edward showed up. And I most certainly didn't want to keep talking about my mother.

Esme giggled in a girly way, and didn't force the issue. "Well, you're more than welcome any time you like. Thanks for dropping Alice home....why didn't you come home with Edward honey?"

Alice just rolled her eyes and huffed like a petulant teenager. I guess she probably was one.

"Oh, I see. Did the she devil steal your seat again?"

Alice simply nodded and headed out the door. Seems Esme wasn't overly fond of Jessica either.

"See you later Esme."

"Good night Bella, say hi to Charlie for me. And please stay for dinner next time."

Alice walked me out to my car.

"Can I ask you a question Bella?"

"Sure."

"You don't talk about your Mom much." Oh, I was not expecting that. Adrenalin started racing through my body as I realised Alice was going to make me talk, and James wasn't here to protect me.

"That's not a question Alice." I said it a little too harshly. But just because her mother had known my mother and bought her up in conversation didn't give Alice the right.

"I know, it's just, doesn't it help........you know.....to deal with it if you talk about it?"

"No."

I couldn't even manage a good bye before I got in my truck and took off as quickly as I could. Tears began to stream mercilessly down my cheeks as I thought about my mother. Crying about her wasn't something I allowed myself to do very often. James didn't allow it and it had helped me to keep it together....most of the time. It made me think about the protective way that James had sheltered me when my mother died. I hadn't seen him in two months when the accident happened, not through his lack of trying. But his Mom and my Mom were best friends, so when I woke up after the accident he was the one there. I was surprised at first, it had been so long, and our last conversation was anything but polite. But he never left me alone, he was at my side day and night. He helped with the doctors, he helped with my therapy, he helped with the funeral. But most of all he helped me forget the car accident.

He helped the numbness to ease, and the nothingness to disappear

Whenever anyone brought the accident up he asked them to leave. The only people who I had spoken to about it were the police. It was the only time I would allow myself to re live the pain, other than in my dreams, which still haunted me three months later.

At first James was just there as a friend. But his small touches and kisses on the cheek slowly turned into more. They would linger just a little longer each time, until all of a sudden we seemed to be together, there was no discussion. It just was. And we never talked about 'Grad Girl' again.

He knew my Mom. She adored him. I knew both our mother's talked about our future wedding, even when we were broken up. So I just accepted the situation. It warmed my heart to know that James had known my Mom. When I was finished at school in Forks I had planned to go to College in Phoenix. To be with James. My mother would have wanted it. And it felt good to know that I would make one of my mother's dreams come true. It felt good to know that my Mom knew the guy I would probably spend the rest of my life with.

Going back to the place where I was loved, where I had lived with my mother just seemed like the only thing that mattered some days. It was the only thing keeping her alive.

o0o0o0o0o0o

I woke up on Friday morning in a cold sweat, nothing new. Since the accident sleep had become a broken series of nightmares that never allowed me any true rest. James couldn't be there to protect me at night. He was always in his frat house, and now he was a thousand miles away. During the time we spent together he was wonderful in making me forget what happened, taking my mind away from the nightmare that started the moment my mother suddenly hit the brakes. The blood curdling scream is the thing that stuck out the most in my nightmares. I was never sure if it was mine or my mother's.

But I put it to the back of my mind quickly. I was expecting a call from James this morning. He'd promised me yesterday in the email that I'd received that he'd call me. So I raced through the shower and got ready as quickly as possible. My phone rang just as I finished getting ready.

"Morning James."

"Morning Bells,".....and cue the chuckle. James never ceased to find that greeting amusing. "How are you feeling sweetie?"

"Good, I'm....good. I think. I just......"

"Well, you just keep your chin up, don't let anyone get to you and in no time you'll be back in Phoenix......Ouch, knock it off, I'm on the phone." Clearly he'd been interrupted. I could hear the guys of his frat house making noise in the background.

"Look babe I've got to go. But I'll call again tomorrow. Probably late, there's this huge party going on here tonight, you know how it is. I guess you'll be in studying tonight will you?"

"Actually I'm spending the night with some friends."

"Which friends?"

"Just some people from my year at school. They're fun, you'd like them."

"Well don't do anything too crazy Bells." Our conversation finished off on his sarcastic note. Life had been pretty quiet in the last few months, I hadn't spent a lot of time out with friends doing typical teenage things. And he knew Angela was a bit nerdy so he probably assumed I was hanging out with a bunch of mathletes.

I was disappointed our conversation was so short. My conversations with Esme and Alice had thrown me off a bit, and I wanted some reassurance, I would just have to wait for next time.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o

My first week at Forks High had been a cluster fuck of run ins with Edward Cullen. How we were going to manage to get through the rest of the year I had no idea. By Friday we just decided to completely ignore each other. What his problem was I'll never know. I was clearly out of his league. The gossip I'd heard in the girls toilets and around school was starting to make me question whether he'd actually been a virgin when we'd slept together. It had seemed that Edward was a very busy boy before getting together with Jessica. I was beginning to question whether what he'd told me that night was complete bullshit or not.

But by the time Friday night came around I didn't care. I was finally going to have some fun whether Edward liked it or not. I was in a different city (not that Forks was even close to being a city, _but, you know_), people didn't look at me with pity, there was no expectation that I might lose it at any moment. It felt as if the heavy weight that had been chained around my chest for the last three months had lightened....just a little.

Alice came home with me after school so we could get ready before going to Emmett's. Even for just a casual Friday night in the girl got dressed up. I figured it was all for Jasper's benefit. She looked none too impressed with my wardrobe, the various band t-shirts in my draws were strewn across the floor, her brow furrowing each time she pulled a new one out.

"You know Alice, you won't find a Beyonce one in there."

She turned around and glared at me.

"Are you knocking my taste in music Bella?"

"Not at all Alice." I replied sarcastically.

"I'm just looking for something a little more appealing to the opposite sex."

"What on earth for. It's just Jasper, Emmett & Edward, they're all taken." She whipped her head around furiously and glared at me. "Sorry, Jasper's not. But he would be if you'd just tell him how you feel."

"You know I can't Bella." She sat down on my bed a little defeated. At least this got her away from my wardrobe.

"Well if you're not going to tell him why don't you at least make him jealous or something."

"Because he wouldn't get jealous because of me."

"I beg to differ. I think we need to find you some hot piece of ass to flirt with, then see what he does."

She looked at me sadly. "And if he doesn't do anything?"

"Well, then he never deserved you in the first place."

Alice and I arrived at Emmett's after everyone else, I wasn't sure whether Edward knew I was coming or not. But again, I had to tell myself I didn't care. And really, I didn't. James had been on the phone to me almost every day since I'd arrived reaffirming the reason we were together...he was caring, and protective and always kept my thoughts away from that horrible day. He was helping me to forget, yet he was keeping me connected to her.

We walked in without knocking and went straight through to the kitchen where Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie & Edward were already gathered. Emmett's parents clearly weren't home as he was already into the beers when we arrived at 5.30. It looked like this night could get very messy looking at the quantity of beers in the fridge. Everyone welcomed me into their little Friday night tradition, with the exception of Edward, the ever present scowl was on his face. Unfortunately it didn't detract from his good looks, I don't think anything could. My stomach lurched as he ran his hand through his hair and his eyes darted to meet mine briefly before he turned away.

"So Bella, how have you enjoyed your first week at Forks High?" Emmett boomed across the room.

"Um, it's been good I guess. You know....as good as starting a new school in the middle of the year can get?"

"Anyone been giving you any trouble? You just let me know and I'll sort them out. No one gives shit to one of Emmett McCarty's friends and gets away with it." I noticed Alice's eyes flash in Edward's direction as he watched me for my answer.

"Ah, no I don't think so," I replied hesitantly. He already knew about my run in with Jessica, as did everyone else. No need to go over old ground in front of Edward.

"She's already got half of the football team eyeing her off though." What the fuck Alice? I just glared at her. "Mike, Tyler and Eric have already asked me about her," Alice continued excitedly. And if I wasn't mistaken there was a hint of mischief in her voice.

"Alice?" I cringed.

"It's true. They all think you're gorgeous, however I have let them all know that you are completely unavailable."

"Oh, huh, well at least that bit's true." I knew I was blushing something chronic, I could feel the heat in my cheeks and I just wanted to press the bottle of beer to my cheeks to cool them down.

"Trust me Bella, the first bit's true as well," Jasper chipped in as he moved through the kitchen and pinched me on the ass as he passed me. I think I blushed even more. A pained look flashed over Alice's face which quickly disappeared as she tried not to show too much emotion.

Moving into the lounge room with our drinks we all settled around the television, the boys fighting about what they wanted to watch, Alice and Rosalie discussing the latest clothing line from somebody or other.

"J Man, we always watch the Simpson's. Every fucking Friday afternoon for the last six months we've watched the Simpson's," Emmett argued as he went to swipe the remote control from Jasper's hands.

"That's because emo over there has an obsession with the Simpson's and can't miss a fucking episode," replied Jasper pointing in Edward's direction as he looked down at his beer bottle, peeling the sticky label off the front of it.

"We don't have to watch the Simpson's every Friday, it was just all that was on. You can watch Wipeout if you want Jasper," Edward replied. Looking very much like he was completely disinterested in the conversation. When he looked up at me he was still scowling, but with a hint of embarrassment.

But I couldn't help but smirk a little at him. And I started to giggle. I couldn't help myself. I began laughing uncontrollably. Edward continued to scowl back at me and then his face broke out into the most heavenly smile as he began to shake, trying to hold in the laughter. But he couldn't, he began to laugh uncontrollably as well. It was the first time I'd really laughed in months. The memory of that night was all of a sudden crystal clear in my mind as I thought about my stupid Simpson's underwear. But with it came the memory of the feelings that I held that night. The feelings that I hung onto in those first few weeks afterwards until my world was ripped apart. And then they were forgotten.

Everyone else just stopped what they were doing and looked at us, having no idea what we were laughing at. We'd hardly communicated since my arrival. We'd had several conversations that were stilted and angry. But this was new, and different. This was more like the way we were on my last night in Forks in the Summer.

"What the fuck kind of drugs are you two on and where can I get some?" asked Emmett as they all stood staring.

"Well.......what's so funny?" Asked Rosalie.

"Nothing, nothing at all," laughed Edward as he tried to control the laughter, wiping tears away from his cheeks and then running his hand through his hair.

"Oh, come on, you two have hardly said a word to each other since Bella got here. And now you're in cahoots about something?" So they'd noticed we weren't really very friendly.

"Cahoots? Emmett who the fuck uses that word?" Teased Jasper.

"I do, dickwad! And do you want to fight me about it?" Jasper just laughed back at him.

"So, you two, spill."

"Seriously, it's nothing. Just something someone said in Biology today about Banner and the Simpson's wasn't it Bella?"

"Seriously you kind of had to be there." I helped, hoping they would just drop the story. I smirked conspiratorially at Edward and the subject seemed to have been dropped. Well at least by everyone else.

For the rest of the night Edward seemed to relax. For some inexplicable reason whatever had been bothering him for the last week seemed to have passed and he was back to being the Edward I knew in Summer. I wasn't sure what I preferred. At least when he was being a moody asshole I had good reason to dislike him. It meant I could stay away from him easily and not be bothered by my attraction to him. The fact that I wasn't really missing James wasn't helping. It wasn't that I wasn't missing him, I was, it was that I wasn't as sad as I thought I'd be to have left Phoenix behind. Left my mother behind. But then again, my mother was all around me. She had grown up in Forks, lived in the house that I now lived.

I was no longer in danger of Edward Cullen. Or should I say, James was no longer in danger of Edward Cullen. His strange behaviour from the last week seemed to have disappeared and he was treating me as one of the other girls instead of his mortal enemy. I was so not the type of girl he would normally go for. He was just spreading his wings that night, and I was the happy, and at the time very willing participant, although I still had my doubts about his story. But at the time he'd helped me get over James' deception. It was all good. I knew where my place was now, I was feeling more and more comfortable about him.

The pizzas arrived and were disposed of quickly. I was grateful for the food, the alcohol was going to my head and I was feeling more than a little tipsy. I noticed on more than one occasion Edward looking in my direction. Again it reminded me of that night back in Summer. But I tried to shake it off this time. So much was different now. I had a boyfriend, he had a girlfriend, I wasn't leaving tomorrow never to return.

I found myself on a lounge talking to Jasper late in the night. Of everyone, I had had the least to do with him. He'd always been off chatting up girls during lunch and I wanted the chance to get inside his head and talk about Alice.

"So, Bella. You and Alice seem to get along really well. It's nice she has a new friend. She spends far too much time in her own head," Jasper seemed genuinely concerned about her. I was onto something here, I was sure of it.

I laughed it off a little though, looking across at where Alice and Edward were standing near the kitchen door discussing something. Alice was waving her hands around describing something to him. Edward looked a little distracted.

I just laughed at Jasper's comment, shaking my her head. "You wouldn't know they're related."

"Well, they're only step brother and sister so what do you expect?"

"What, I thought they were like twins or something."

"No, noooo." He scoffed, "Alice and Edward couldn't be further than related." He seemed to be finding the whole idea utterly preposterous and was laughing at me. "Esme, Alice's Mom & Carlisle, Edward's Dad got married when Alice and Edward were about 10 or 11." I was too drunk for this conversation but I had to find out more.

"So where are their other parents?"

"Alice's Dad has never been around, who knows where the fuck he is, she's never even met him that she can remember, hence the reason she has taken on Carlisle's last name and accepted him so openly as her father. And Edward's Mom died in a car accident when he was about seven from memory. That's why he's such an emo asshole some times. Emmett and I forgive him of it because we know he had such a hard time of it."

"Oh." I was shocked. I looked over at him and he looked up at me, our eyes meeting across the room. I felt my chest constrict and I felt the chain around my neck become heavy again. I have to get some fresh air.

**EPOV**

I saw Bella talking to Jasper and I was jealous. I was never jealous when he spoke to Jessica, and they had history. But I was jealous of the way they looked like they were having an intimate conversation. I had no idea what Alice was saying to me, I just couldn't concentrate on her. Bella suddenly stood up and took off out the front door.

Jasper looked over at Alice and me for help. I quickly walked out the front door after her not giving anyone else the chance. I knew Alice would understand. It might take a little more explaining to the others as to why I took off after her and not Alice.

She was sitting outside in the cold on the front step. Her knees up under chin with her arms wrapped around them. I quietly sat down next to her but didn't say anything for a little bit. I just sat there with her. We hadn't actually spoken tonight since the Simpson's outburst. But it seemed to have broken the ice sufficiently between us that we could now at least hang out in the same room and not scowl at each other. And she looked so beautiful before when Alice was teasing her about all the boys on the football team who wanted to ask her out.

"I've been kind of an asshole this week haven't I?"

She turned her head and considered what I said to her. I wish I knew what was running through her head. She nodded slowly but didn't say anything to me.

"I'm sorry about that."

"Why?" She asked quietly.

"Why am I sorry or why was an I asshole?"

"Why are you sorry? I think I know why you were an asshole." _She had no idea._

"I'm sorry because I can see I've made things difficult for you this week, it was never my intention. You just caught me off guard is all."

She just nodded her head again and looked out into the street turning her head away from me.

"What are you doing out here Bella? It's freezing."

"I just needed.....the conversation with Jasper just got a bit heavy....I needed some fresh air before I got......" But she stopped herself from saying anymore. What was she going to say? What had she been discussing with Jasper? Oh god, no he didn't did he? He basically told her he thought she was hot in front of all of us earlier and he'd pinched her on the ass. At least her reaction was to run off rather than to fall into his arms.

"But he knows you've got a boyfriend."

She giggled at me softly. That was the thing that I remembered the clearest, the way she would giggle like a little girl, her head would tilt down and then she look up at me through those long eyelashes. I hadn't seen her do that since she'd been back. It wasn't making things easy.

"He wasn't trying to pick me up Edward."

"Then what were you talking about that freaked you out?"

"It didn't freak me out." She was playing with the laces on her shoes, considering what to say next. "He was telling me about your and Alice's parents."

_Oh. I see._

I just nodded silently to her, figuring out a way to get her talking. I know it wouldn't happen over night. But the very fact that she had acknowledged what had upset her was encouraging given the similarity to her own situation. But I knew she'd consumed a decent amount of alcohol, hopefully she would remember our exchange in the morning and would feel comfortable opening up now that the ice was broken again on the subject. Hopefully I could offer her a better response this time than I had the other day when she told me that her mother had died.

"Will you tell me one day.....what happened? Will you tell me what happened to your Mom?"

She looked at me, her eyes wide and scared. She inhaled deeply before replying.

"I don't know if I can Edward."

I wouldn't push her. Not yet. "OK. But if you need..." I shrugged my shoulders, knowing I didn't need to complete the offer verbally. She simply nodded her head and then stood up.

"Come on, it's freaking cold out here." As she looked down at me it was like she completely shut out our conversation. She smiled mischievously, raised an eye brow and held her hand out to help me up. "I need a drink. It's been a long time since you and I were drunk together and if I remember rightly it was a lot of fun."

**A/N: Sorry this took so long. I seriously struggled with this chapter. There was still so much to get out about why Bella and James were back together. But I also needed to give you a bit of Bella and Edward time as well....because let's face it, that's why we're all here. And no Jessica....yay! But unfortunately we're going to have to deal with her (and James) at some point.**

**The story should move on a little faster from here. The backstory is mostly all out now.**

**Ah, poor little Alice. She seems to have a little self esteem issue in this story, very OOC for her. But remember, she's been abandoned by her father, so it kind of makes sense.**

**Let me know what you think!**


	7. Busted

**A/N: Sorry this one's a bit short. But I think you'll understand why I cut it where I did.**

**CHAPTER 7: Busted**

**EPOV**

I didn't want to let go of Bella's warm little hand as we walked back in through the front door of Emmett's house. But she dropped mine quickly, reminding me of how she had dropped my hand after we went back up to the house from the pool that night. I felt the sense of loss then, and I felt it now. Bella was not interested in me. She had a boyfriend and it would be wise to keep her out of my thoughts as much as possible. I knew it was a slippery slope if I was to get too close. Spending time with her to help her properly deal with the death of her mother would mean I was left open to her rejection again. Only this time it would probably be worse. But maybe for her I could deal with it. To make her happy again so I could hear that cute little giggle of hers more regularly I could do it. Because she was a different person now to the girl I met in August. There was a shadow behind her eyes and something holding her back, and I wanted to cut her lose from whatever it was that held her down.

We both walked back inside the house and found everyone else sitting around the coffee table. Dozens of shot glasses in place, Emmett filling them up with an assortment of liquor. My throat seized at the thought of knocking back any of it.

Alice squealed as we walked back into the room. She bounded over to Bella grabbing her arm and sat her down at the coffee table.

Emmett stopped what he was doing and looked up at us. "Where have you two been? If I didn't know any better I'd say you two were outside getting to know each other a little better." Emmett swivelled his hips around suggestively. Bella groaned and rolled her eyes, Rosalie and Jasper laughed at him and Alice, _god love her_, changed the topic of conversation. I really needed to appreciate my sister more.

"In honor of your arrival Bella, we're going to play a little getting to know you game," Alice stated with her arm around Bella's shoulders.

"Oh god Alice. I'm not good with shots."

"Nonsense. Anyway, if you're as sweet and innocent as they all seem to think," she gestured to Emmett, Rosalie & Jasper, "you'll come out of this completely unscathed."

Oh if only they knew she had deflowered me in August they would have a completely different opinion of her I'm sure. Her eyes shot to mine briefly. This was not helping, neither was the way she flirted with me earlier. I got my cell phone out of my pocket and decided to send Jess a text. I had to do something to keep my mind focused on the fact that I had a girlfriend.

I quickly typed it out.

**Jess, pick you up at 5 tomorrow and we can have dinner before the party??**

"So Ali, what are we playing this time," Jasper enquired politely.

"Well, I think a very simple game of Truth Or Dare is in order.....but let's skip the dare bit, I don't want to see anyone get injured like last time."

"Well then it's not truth or dare then if there's no dare. Why don't we just play I Never Ever." Jasper, Rosalie & Emmett all looked at Bella, wondering if perhaps she wasn't as innocent as she looked.

My phone vibrated in my pocket letting me know Jess had texted me back.

**Sounds good. Can I see you later tonight?**

I fought with myself on whether I should say yes or not. Although chances were we'd be staying here tonight so I replied back that I wouldn't be home. I'd probably cop grief for it tomorrow, but I was starting not to care.

"OK, you're on sweet cheeks. Why don't you start us off then Bella."

"OK........ah, I've never ever......um.........flashed my ass in public." Bella stated proudly.

Emmet, Jasper and I all groaned as we picked up a shot each and threw it back. Emmett was notorious for getting his pants off at parties, regularly drinking with them around his ankles. He was a very proud guy.

Jasper and I had been known to do the occasional nude run. Jasper had more than likely also had his ass out when shagging some skank in a public place.

"OK my turn," Alice chimed in. "I've never ever gotten off at school." Everyone looked at her blankly not too sure of what she meant. "You know, _gotten off_ gotten off." Oh.

"Oh!" We all said in unison, clearly the alcohol meant we weren't very quick on the uptake this evening.

Everyone but Alice picked up a shot glass and skulled. They then all looked at 'sweet innocent' Bella.

"What! You all skulled as well, don't look at me as if I'm some kind of slut." She had a point, although I really did not want to know that Bella had let some guy, probably James get her off at school. I just hoped no one asked her for details.

Alice looked a little dejected, not being part of the 'club' and I noticed Jasper throw his arm over her shoulder.

"Don't worry Alice. I'll fix you up if you like."

"The hell you will Whitlock. Keep your filthy fucking hands off my little sister." For some reason she glared at me. Why in the hell would she want him anywhere fucking near her, she knew what he was like. He was my best friend and all, but I suspected he probably wasn't all that 'clean'. But the respect this guy had for me was second to none, Jasper's arm immediately dropped from around Alice's shoulder. And I was grateful for it, I didn't want that fucker breaking Alice's fragile little heart. She'd already had one man walk out on her, I wasn't going to allow it a second time.

"OK, it's my turn," Emmett said excitedly. He looked at each one of us with consideration, figuring out who he was going to target. Emmett usually got personal when we played this sort of shit, picking out random statements knowing it would reveal something very dodgy about someone that not all of us knew. The only thing he hadn't figured out yet was that it usually back fired. We would all gang up on him making sure he had to skull every time and he would end up passed out by the end of it. You had to feel sorry for Rosalie, she was invariably involved with whatever had gone on and had to skull as well.

Emmett continued to look at each of us before settling on Jasper and me and smirking to himself.

"I've never ever....had sex with.....Jessica Stanley." Ooh, that was a low blow and he knew it. It was one thing to talk about a girl publicly who we had both been with, it was another thing to bring it up when one of us was still actually seeing her!

But Jasper and I took our shots and I tried not to react. I really wasn't happy about having all of this shit revealed about me in front of Bella. But hell, Jessica was my girlfriend, of course Bella had to know we had sex. So why was it bothering me so much to have to admit it to her?

"OK. It's my turn," I said. "I've never ever been caught by Charlie Swan in a compromising position."

This question could backfire on me big time. I knew Emmett, and by virtue Rosalie, would have to skull. But please don't let Bella have to skull for this one. Being caught by the Police chief was one thing. Being caught by your father was another, but I just had to ask it. _I know, I'm a masochist_.

"Hey, that's not fair. He's my Dad, of course he might have caught me..........define '_compromising_'."

"Well, based on the previous questions, let's just assume it has sexual connotations," I confirmed.

"Or nakedness," added Jasper raising his eyebrows suggestively at Bella just dying to hear that she had been caught naked by her father doing something naughty.

"Well of course he's seen me naked......but not since I hit puberty. So let's make that a 'no' he hasn't caught me in a compromising position." Oh thank god. I didn't want to have to hear about that.

"So, what did my Dad catch you guys doing?" Bella asked Emmett and Rosalie.

"Well," Rosalie started, "he might have caught Emmett, and some blonde girl who's face he never saw," she said smirking, "going at it in the dugout at the baseball stadium one night."

Bella just nodded her head.

"But that's not the funny part," I continued. "The funny part was when Chief Swan caught Emmett and dragged him home and made him tell his parents what he was doing and who he was doing it with. But he lied about the girl, not wanting to let anyone know that he and Rosalie were seeing each other and wanting to protect her 'virtue'."

"Which I'd shattered long before that night I'll have you know."

"Yeah, we know!!" Jasper, Alice & I all responded.

"OK, after that I think it's my turn," said Rosalie.

She thought for a while, it often took Rose & Emmett a while to come up with this shit, they'd done so much of it themselves.

"I never ever kissed more than one girl in one night."

Eh. Not a good one. Fuck me I was going to be hammered by the end of this night.

Bella all of a sudden piped up. "That one's not fair, it automatically excludes Alice an......" But she stopped mid sentence turning in Alice's direction as she took a shot, along with Jasper and I. We all knew about the night Alice & Rose were playing no holds barred spin the bottle when they were pretty young. Alice had had to kiss Rose. And as it so happened she'd also had to kiss Jessica. It had all happened back when the two of them were actually on speaking terms.

Bella waited until Alice had finished her shot looking for an explanation.

"Not my proudest moment I'll admit. But let's just say it involved Rose & Jessica, and a very random game of spin the bottle and alcohol at an age when I really wasn't ready for it."

"Fucking loved that shit. I wish it happened more often now," chimed in Emmett, looking wistfully at Rosalie. She just smacked him on the back of the head.

I just sat there hoping that Alice having to scull kept Bella's attention diverted. I was starting to feel pretty ashamed about some of the shit I'd done since Summer, and I didn't particularly want her thinking I was a complete fucking douchebag. Hell, she probably thought I'd lied about the whole virginity thing. Which I definitely hadn't, but it wasn't like I was completely fucking inexperienced, and she knew that at the time. But this was just making me sound like a complete dirtbag.

"Jasper man, it's your turn."

Jasper licked his lips and then looked at each of us, the faintest smirk on his face. "OK, I never ever..........lost my virginity to someone sitting in this room."

Oh fuck.

**A/N: Oooh, how's Edward going to get his way out of this one?? **

**Thanks for all of the reviews and to everyone who has put this on Story Alert or their Favourites list!**


	8. It Is What It Is

**A/N: So not as long as usual, but there are a few people who need to be put out of their misery quickly so here it is.........**

**CHAPTER 8 – It Is What It Is**

"_I never ever..........lost my virginity to someone sitting in this room." _

Oh fuck.

_Oh fuck me dead!_

How in the hell was I getting out of this one? And why in the fuck did Jasper say it? Bella looked at me, her beautiful eyes wide open with shock, waiting for what I was going to do. Do I lie, and not take my shot? But then Bella will think I lied to her. Do I drink and 'out' us, although the boys would automatically assume I'd lost my virginity with Rosalie or....Alice. Eew. But even still, they'd be extremely pissed that they didn't know the real details. Not that I'd ever technically told them about the girl they assumed it was with, but whatever. It was still a lie by omission.

As Rosalie and Emmett were complaining about how much they'd already had to drink Alice commenced making a big commotion about it as they skulled. Her little arms were flailing everywhere and she was calling them out on being such big softies when it came to drinking. _She was distracting them for me_. I very discreetly picked up the closest full shot glass, and with as little movement as physically possible I bought it to my lips and drank it quickly. I didn't put the glass back down on the table, I just put it down beside me on the floor where it wouldn't be noticed for now. I was pretty sure Rosalie and Emmett didn't see me. But I wasn't so sure about Jasper. There was a reason he asked that question in particular, and I had no idea how he'd know anything about her and I, particularly that I'd lost my virginity to her. Unless it was just a lucky guess? But Jasper had always been perceptive, that was for sure.

Bella just continued to look at me wide eyed. I wanted to know what was going through her head. Why was she looking at me so strangely? She knew she was the first girl I'd ever had sex with, so why the strange reaction? Maybe it was because it was the first real acknowledgment that I'd made that we'd been together? Who knew? I wanted to know though.

For now, I was just glad the wrath of Jasper and Emmett, not to mention Rosalie Hale wasn't coming down on me. _Fuck me._ That was the closest escape I think I'd ever had. And I'd had a few lately. But I was pretty sure I'd have to deal with Jasper at some point, that was far too much of a coincidence.

After taking yet another shot I was definitely over this fucked up game. My head was completely fried. My stomach would definitely appreciate the break, and Bella sitting there on the other side of the coffee table staring at me was going to bring me completely undone if I didn't escape it soon. This was going to fucking hurt tomorrow that's for sure. Jess wasn't going to be happy about the hangover I had, and would be all over my ass if I didn't back up for the party tomorrow night.

Everyone else looked like they were done for the night. Alice started making her way up the stairs to the spare room. She was always the princess who couldn't sleep on the fucking lounge. Emmett vaguely pointed Bella towards a lounge, knowing he could leave the rest of us to fend for ourselves. _What a host!_

I walked to the kitchen knowing that if I didn't get some water and Tylenol into me now my head was going to hurt like a bitch tomorrow. I filled two water glasses up and went back into the lounge room where Bella was snuggled up on one of the lounges, Jasper was on the other one across from her, _fuck him_. I knew there was another lounge in Emmett's dad's office so I wasn't upset about missing out on somewhere to sleep. But being upset about it was just admitting to myself that I wanted to be the one on the lounge next to her, and that was just a fucked up lost cause. I put the glass of water on the coffee table not far from Bella's head so she'd see it in the morning. I put a couple of Tylenol down as well, she'd appreciate that. I went into the laundry and found the linen closet and found a couple of blankets. Going back to the lounge room I could already hear Jasper quietly snoring. I looked down at Bella who already looked like she was peacefully asleep. She was beautiful, her lovely brown hair fanned out on the pillow behind where her head lay on the side. I just wanted to run my hand through it once, to remember what it was like, but I didn't dare. I lay a blanket over her and tucked it in around her. As I did she moved her head toward me and opened her eyes briefly. Smiling before closing them again and drifting off to sleep, or passing out, one or the other. Jasper didn't need a blanket. That mother fucker never got cold.

I turned the lights out in the lounge room and made my way the short distance down the hall to Emmett's dad's office not even turning the light on. I decided not to pull the lounge out, just opting to sleep on top of it instead of using the pull out double mattress. I'd probably wake up with a sore neck as a result, but at this point I didn't really care. I just wanted to get to sleep as soon as physically possible so I could quit thinking about the girl asleep on the lounge outside.

**BPOV**

Oh god, the look on his face when Jasper said what he did. I thought Edward was going to vomit he was so white. He'd been caught out. I'd caught him in his lie from Summer. _I knew it!_ While I already suspected he wasn't a virgin due to the fact that the whole experience felt so right, so perfect, the fact that he now sat there knowing he'd been caught out made me seethe. But then as Alice started flapping her arms about and making a commotion, with lightening fast speed I saw him pick up a shot glass and discreetly tip it into his mouth without taking his eyes from me.

_OK then_. Maybe I was wrong?

I was expecting everyone to say something, but no one said a word. Not one. This was fucked up. Rosalie and Emmett were probably too distracted, not to mention too drunk to notice. But Jasper and Alice just sat there. Neither of them acknowledged a thing. It was weird. What was with these people that they didn't ask? It was almost as if they all knew but had been forbidden to acknowledge it, or were ignoring it for some reason I couldn't fathom. Like it was a big secret. Was he ashamed of it? _Was he ashamed of me? _ I know I wasn't the prettiest girl in class, I certainly wasn't Jessica, but I wasn't the ugliest girl in class. He seemed to be into it that night, but it was a long time ago now, and it was one night after all. I remembered Jessica was upset about not being able to find him that night, perhaps he wanted to keep it from her. I don't know. All I know is at the end of the day it doesn't really matter. He had Jessica. I had James.

I woke the next morning on the lounge with a blanket over me and a killer freaking headache. Rolling over I noticed a glass of what I hoped was water on the coffee table with a couple of little white tablets. _Please dear god be pain relief for my head_. I picked them up and skulled the glass of water, thankful to whoever put them there for me. It was going to be a long day.

The body on the lounge across from me stirred, I realised quickly that it was Jasper. He rolled over to face me, his eyes squinting as the soft morning light filtered through.

"Oh god," he groaned. "Please tell me I didn't drink as much as I think I did last night."

"Morning Jasper......wish I could help, but I'm pretty sure you probably drank more than you think."

"Eghhhhh, it's going to be a shitty ass day, and I've got to back up again tonight."

"That's right, that party."

"Yeah, you coming?" Jasper asked.

"I'm not sure yet."

"Why not, your boyfriend wouldn't approve?" he said jokingly.

I laughed a little, knowing he was just teasing. "No, James isn't like that. Actually, he thinks I'm a bit straight."

"Are you?"

"Uh, I don't know....yes...no.....I don't think completely. I do have a cop for a father."

"That's true. Do you miss him?"

"Who my father?" That seemed like an odd question now that I lived with him.

"No, James. You must miss him right?"

"Yeah I guess."

"Well, gee Bella don't sound so heartbroken about it." He said sarcastically. "So I'm guessing he's not the love of your life then, if you're not really missing him."

I just stared at him blankly for a while, not entirely sure what to say to him. I thought James was probably the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. But was he the love of my life? I wasn't sure whether I believed in that.

"Do you really believe in all of that shit, you know, 'the love of your life', 'soul mates', 'love at first sight' even?" I was pretty sure Jasper would have no opinion on this topic of conversation, or if anything, he'd tend to side with me in not really believing in any of it.

He looked at me and I could tell he was seriously contemplating his answer, like he knew something about love. From what I'd heard Jasper was the last person to know anything about love.

"I think it would be a really sad world if none of that was for real. Yes I believe in it. I believe in all of it."

Wow, there was more to Jasper than I'd given him credit for. Eighteen year old boys aren't normally in the habit of admitting shit like that. But I was getting the impression that Jasper wasn't the usual eighteen year old guy. Deep down anyway. Because on the surface he sure was screwing around like one.

"Why do you screw around so much Jasper.......I mean, don't get me wrong I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it, well, not as long as you're not hurting the people you love there isn't. But, you know, you just seem better than that. You seem like you've got a heart."

Jasper sighed, rolling over onto his back so he wasn't looking at me. He ran his hands over his face while he shook his head.

"I don't know Bell, it is what it is. It's just a way to pass the fucking time you know?" But I could tell he was evading the real answer, and I started to wonder whether it had anything to do with Alice and the way Edward protected her last night when Jasper suggested he would 'get her off' at school.

"That's such bullshit Jasper and you know it." He spun his head to look at me and I raised my eyebrow knowingly at him. "Are you scared of getting hurt or something?"

His brow furrowed as he looked at me. I was getting the impression he knew exactly what I was talking about.

"Like I said. It is what it is. Sometimes you just can't have what you want." There was some finality in his statement. But holy shit it was loaded with so much meaning. I was right, I'm sure I was, the only question was, why in the hell can't he have her. Does he think she's not interested? Or was it all to do with Edward. Hmmmm, it'll keep though, I was going to get to the bottom of this. "So, how long have you and James been together?"

"Um, about a year I guess. We broke up for a few months towards the end of Summer and then we got back together."

"Why'd you break up?"

Oh god, do I tell him he cheated? It's not like other people around here didn't know, but the answer made me feel so ashamed.

"He....ah....he kissed another girl at his graduation."

He contemplated my answer for a while. "Why'd you get back together then?"

Now it was my turn to contemplate my answer. I sat up on the lounge crossing my legs Indian style in front of me, nervously playing with the blanket in my lap. No one had ever asked me that question before, so while I'd _thought_ about the answer, it was never something I'd had to articulate before, particularly given that it was all wrapped up with the accident and my mother. But I had to give Jasper an answer, and I couldn't help but be completely honest with him.

"He helped you know? After.....the accident, he was just there. And I forgave him I guess. He helped put me back together, he saved me from drowning in the memory of it all. After a while he just never left, and he was just there, and we were together."

"Wow, sounds so romantic Bella," Jasper said sarcastically. "I was kind of expecting you to say it's because he grovelled and swept you off your feet, and makes you feel beautiful and loved and safe and sexy as hell. That you love him and couldn't stay away from him, and knew that he would never, ever do something like that to you again. Because you deserve better." It was Jasper's turn to raise his eyebrow and look knowingly at me. But that just made me mad.

"What the hell do you know Jasper, you won't even put your heart out there."

"Too true little Swan, too true. But at least I'm not settling."

"I'm not settling Jasper. You don't know anything about James and me. You've never even met him?"

"Well, I look forward to being proven wrong. When is he coming to visit? He is going to come and visit you right?"

"He's coming on Valentine's weekend in a few weeks," I replied more than a little defensively. Although it still wasn't confirmed for sure.

"Well excellent. I look forward to having a few drinks with him at Alice's party." He looked smug for some reason.

"What party is that?"

"Alice has a Valentine's Day party every year. It's kind of tradition. She does Valentine's Day and the Summer party the last weekend of Summer break. It's kind of like a Winter party and a Summer party. And I expect this year will be huge seeing as it will probably be the last one before we all finish school and go off wherever the fuck we're going to go to college or whatever."

**EPOV:**

I stayed glued to the wall as I listened to Bella tell Jasper that James was coming to visit Valentine's Day weekend. Fuck if I was going to have that scumbag in my house. At the very least if he was coming, I was going to get the fuck out Forks.

**A/N: So, I hope you liked how the start of the chapter went. I ALMOST changed it due to the pressure from some reviewers. I actually wrote a version of it where it all came out and everyone reacted but decided to stick with the original plan. If you want to see the other version Review and I'll send it to you.**


	9. Progress Indeed

**I know...this would get written a lot quicker if people would just stop writing such great fics....I've been a little distracted by some rather good stories lately. Nothing annoys me more than when a story doesn't get updated very often.....so my humblest apologies for taking so long to update this!**

**This starts the day after the infamous drinking game.....**

**CHAPTER 9: Progress Indeed!**

**EPOV**

Today could be hell. Other than the fact that I was feeling decidedly seedy, I was pretty sure I was going to have to face Jasper at some point. I wasn't worried that I'd done it, it was that I'd withheld the information from Jasper of all people. He and I had a much stronger bond than Emmett and I had. Hell, I'd even saved his life last year the last time we played Truth or Dare. Emmett had stupidly dared him to get up on the roof and strip down naked. I wasn't happy about that shit because that roof was damn slippery. I wasn't as drunk as the rest of them so I went out after him. And he's damn lucky that I did because he slipped and damn near pulled both of us off the roof. Hence the reason we don't really play that drinking game anymore. Jasper's been pretty grateful ever since then.

Alice and I drove home form Emmett's in separate cars, she had to drop a very quiet Bella home, but as soon as she got in the door she pounced on me.

"Well, that game of I Never Ever wasn't half awkward Edward. I didn't know you'd told Jasper about Bella."

"I didn't."

"Then how does he know. Because the question last night sure as shit made it sound like he knew. Unless Bella told him."

Fuck, I hadn't thought of that. But why would Bella tell him? "Do you think it was her?"

"How else would he know? I know he's pretty cluey but that was pretty damn specific you've got to admit."

"Unless he had a couple bits of info and the rest was just a fishing expedition. But he and Bella were talking pretty intensely last night, and when I got up this morning they were at it again, talking about James." It was making me jealous as all hell. Why couldn't I have those conversations with her. Well, not the James one's, but the others.

"Ooooh, what were they saying?"

"Jasper was trying to rev her up a bit about how strong her feelings for him are. She mentioned that he's coming to visit Valentine's weekend so he can see for himself then."

"Yeah, she mentioned that he might be coming up that weekend. I'm dying to meet him, I haven't even seen a photo yet, but I'm not getting a very strong vibe about him. She doesn't say a lot about him, and when she does talk about him it's never with any real emotion you know."

"Maybe she's just not a very emotional kind of person."

"Well, I guess you'd know brother mine."

"Fuck off Alice." But she had a point. She didn't seem to be a really emotional type of person. If she was maybe she wouldn't have been able to walk away from that night we spent together so easily.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o

The sun was shining Monday at school. Pretty unusual for this part of the world, so at lunch time I was going to take advantage of it. As I walked through the quad I spotted Jasper sitting casually by himself up on one of the tables eating a bag a crisps soaking up the sun. I walked slowly in his direction dumping my bag and sitting down on the table next to him. There were loads of people milling around outside eating their lunch.

"Hey man," I greeted him.

"What's up?"

"Nothing. You?"

"Nothing."

"Didn't see much of you on Saturday night. You didn't hang around long and from the look on Lauren's face today when I saw her talking to Jess I'd say she had something to do with it?" Jasper just smiled and nodded knowingly at me. "So, you going back there?"

He looked at me and considered my question for a minute.

"You, know, it was a little weird actually."

"What was?"

"Lauren."

"So the third nipple rumour is true then?" I joked. But he didn't seem to bite.

"Apparently she's been drooling over me for ages and then when I finally get into her pants she just didn't seem into it. It was weird, it's never been like that with any girl before. Even the really inexperienced ones."

"Maybe you're not as good as you seem to think you are."

"Hmmm, maybe" he was still deep in thought about it, I was surprised he didn't react to my last disparaging comment.

As we looked out into the quad we both noticed Jess in her short skirt walking towards Lauren. Neither one of them noticed us watching them. God Jess had a great set of legs but she must be freezing her ass off. The two of them stood there talking about whatever Lauren was looking at in a magazine. Jess opened her bag and pulled out something putting it onto her lips – lipstick I guess. It was sure to end up on my t-shirt at some point. I was pretty sure she did that shit on purpose.

"So, what are you going to do there?" Jasper asked nodding his head in Jess' direction.

"What do you mean?"

He looked at me and rolled his eyes. "Come on man we both know you're just using her for sex." Now it was my turn to contemplate my answer. "Not that there's anything wrong with that," he smirked.

Just then Bella and Alice walked across the quad, laughing about something. Bella mesmerized me, and I found whenever she was near and she couldn't see me watching her I couldn't take my eyes off her. She was just so cute, and lovely. The way her head tilted to the side and she bit her bottom lip when she was contemplating something. I'd never found myself unable to tear me eyes away from someone before like this, for no apparent reason.

".....unless of course....?" Jasper was eyeing Bella.

"There's nothing going on."

"Yeah, but there was. Now spill." Ah, I was wondering how long I could evade this conversation with Jasper. I knew he was pretty hammered on Friday night, but I didn't think he'd actually forget what he'd said.

"How in the hell did you know, did she say something to you?"

"No, she didn't say anything. Observation mostly, and then a lucky guess."

"Fuck you're good. What did you see?"

"A hot chick at your party in Summer who I'd never laid eyes on before, who I kept track of for a while until she disappeared," should have known Jasper would have noticed her, "at about the same time you disappeared for most of the night. Then both of you reappeared at around the same time, only she left with Angela shortly after, and you seemed on a pretty big high for the rest of the night. When I heard she was moving to town I just figured I'd watch and wait. Those comments you made to me in the cafeteria that day.....I just figured. The whole _being your first time thing_ was just a fucking lucky guess. Sorry about Friday night, I was pretty hammered I hadn't intended to out you that way."

"Are you telling me you knew who she was, and who she came to the party with?"

Jasper looked at me a little strangely, "yeah, I asked Angela about her a couple days later at school. I wanted to find out who she was so she told me all about her."

"Fucking hell Jasper. Have you got any idea how long I looked for her?"

"What do you mean?"

"She didn't tell me her last name or who she came with. I just knew her name was Bella. I spent all the next day looking for her so I could see her before she went home to Phoenix. I can't believe you didn't tell me you knew any of this."

"Well, I can't believe you didn't tell me you shagged some hot chick that night."

He had a point. But it didn't stop me from being frustrated as all hell. Things could have been so different.

"So, what are you going to do then?" Jasper asked.

"Why would I do anything?"

Jasper just looked at me with his eyebrow raised.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me don't you? The girl is fucking perfect for you and you know it. And I've never seen you so taken with a girl the way you were that night. I can see you're trying to push Bella away because you think you can't have her. You're such an asshole to her sometimes."

"She's got a boyfriend."

"Yeah, I don't reckon it's going to last too long."

"What makes you say that?"

"I had a good chat with Bella on Saturday morning."

"Yeah, I think I caught the tail end of it."

"How much did you hear?"

"Just that he's coming to visit Valentine's weekend." I had heard a little more than that, but wasn't in the mood to talk about Bella and her fucking boyfriend.

"Yeah, well you should have heard the rest of it. She's not in love with that guy. It sounds like she's with him out of some sort of obligation or something. It sounds pretty fucked up if you ask me."

"This coming from Mr Commitment himself."

"Yeah, but the difference between you and me is there's nothing really holding you back from having what you want. We both know the screwing around you've been doing lately isn't your thing and I never really got why you and Jess ended up together. Don't get me wrong,.....the girl is hot, but fuck me she's hard work....and a massive bitch."

"Watch it." But it was said without any conviction whatsoever, more out of obligation to protect my 'girlfriend', but I absolutely knew he was right.

"It's only a matter of time man. ........have you said the L word yet?"

"Fuck no." Jasper just looked at me. "I know, I know, fuck, I don't know how to get myself out of this." I shook my head and dropped it into my hands not wanting to see the mess I'd got myself into.

"Just have some balls man. Tell her you want out, it's not that hard."

"Fucking yes it is, I don't want to hurt her."

"The sooner you do it the better if you ask me, there's not much time left at school, do you really want to waste your last few months with her, when you could be with Bella."

"It's her birthday the week after next. I can't do it to her before then, she's got all these big plans."

"Yeah, well, you're going to want to do it pretty soon afterwards. The longer you wait the harder it is to get out of."

I contemplated what he said for a few moments.

"What the fuck did you mean when you said the difference is there's nothing holding you back? What the fuck was that about?"

"I just meant that all you have to do is dump Jess' ass..."

"No, that's not what I meant. You said it like there's something holding _you_ back from having what _you_ want. You get all the ass you want whenever you want it."

"True, but it doesn't mean I'm getting the one I really want."

"Are you telling me there's someone who is able to resist your slutty advances?"

"Something like that."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing....later man, I've got to go."

"Jasper, what the fuck?"

But he was gone. What the fuck did that mean? I knew Jasper had enough respect for me to back down if I wanted something, he'd done it before. But was it Bella that he wanted? Did we both want the same girl? And if we did, what the fuck would come of it. Did I have some sort of prior claim just because I'd been with her before?

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

**APOV**

"Alice, wait up." I heard Bella call out to me as I headed out the door towards the sunshine. God what I'd give to get more days like this. The constant lack of sun in Forks drove me absolutely around the twist.

"What's up Bella? How did you recover after Friday night?"

"Christ on a stick Alice, I don't think I've ever been that hung over. I had to bung it on for the rest of the weekend so Charlie wouldn't get suspicious. He even cancelled a fishing trip to stay at home and look after me, god love him. I felt _so_ guilty."

"So you missed the party Saturday night as well? Now I don't feel like such a loser." I was really sad about not going to the party Saturday night. But in the end I was glad if it meant I didn't have to be subjected to seeing Jasper and Lauren together in _any_ way.

"You didn't go?"

"Nah, sometimes it's just easier not to watch the train wreck you know?" We were walking through the quad together to sit down and soak up some rays.

"Oh Alice, I'm so sorry. I heard."

I simply shrugged my shoulders in defeat. "Well, at least now I don't have to watch them flirt openly anymore. He usually just moves on once he gets it out of his system. You must wonder why in the fuck I have any interest in him whatsoever." I know I did, he broke my heart at every turn. But I couldn't help it. It just was. My feelings for Jasper just seemed to get stronger and stronger with every passing year. I was pretty sure I would just explode one day from it all.

Bella paused for a moment and looked at me considering her answer.

"No.....no I don't wonder Alice. I see it. I'll admit I don't think I did at first when I heard what he was like. I mean I can see he's gorgeous and a nice guy and all. But at Emmett's I really started to get to know him you know? There's a lot more going on with him than you think. So, I get it. Question is, what are you going to do about it?"

"There's nothing to do about it." She just didn't seem to get it. She was always pushing me towards Jasper, she just didn't realise that I don't think I could take the heart break when he did away with me as he inevitably would. It just hurt less this way.

"Hmmmm, we'll see. I have a sneaking suspicion your Jasper is just biding his time waiting for something to come along and turn his world on its head."

"But I'm already part of his world Bella."

"Yeah, but not in the way you could be. Do you show him the real you?"

I had to think about that for a few moments. I didn't know the answer to that question. I guess if he didn't really know how I felt then he didn't know the real me then did he? We continued to sit in silence for a while, watching people walk past us. I spotted Jasper and Edward sitting on the other side of the quad from us, deep in conversation.

"You didn't seem surprised on Friday night when Edward skulled that shot," Bella stated matter of factly, but she was looking off into the distance not looking me in the eye.

Hmm, finally we get to talk about her and Edward, this had been killing me since I sat with her that first day at lunch. This would hopefully put me in an infinitely better mood. I looked across at Bella and smirked at her knowingly.

"I'm a bit confused about what happened. Do Rose and Emmett know?" She asked.

"No. We didn't even know that Jasper knew. Did you tell him?" Bella's brow furrowed as she shook her head from side to side in confusion. She was playing with the bottle top she had in her hands, flipping it around in her fingers as if she was nervous. I suppose she probably was.

"As far as I'm aware I'm the only one Edward ever told about that night."

Bella's brow furrowed again and she looked down at her hands playing with the bottle top. She sighed as if in defeat. "Well, I guess it doesn't really matter anyway."

"What do you mean it doesn't matter Bella?"

"It was just one night Alice. I mean, we barely knew each other." She shrugged and looked across at Jasper and Edward, Jasper had just got up and walked away. Edward looked at him with a puzzled look on his face and then looked directly at Bella as if he'd known precisely where she was among the hundred odd people who were milling around in the area we were sitting. He looked away quickly and moved as if to get up. I thought he was going to walk in the direction of where Jess was seated off to the left of us but he didn't, he put his hands in his pockets and walked in the opposite direction.

"Bella, did you think about Edward when you went back to Phoenix?" I had to get to the bottom of this. Despite Jessica, I knew how Edward had felt about that night, how he still felt. I needed to know where Bella's head was at after that night.

"Of course I did Alice. I'm not so cold that I could just walk away from something like that and not think about it again." She was getting fired up now. Good. I was going to give her something to think about. Edward would probably kill me if he ever found out but I didn't care.

"Are you sure about that? Because from what Edward told me the next morning when he was desperately searching for you all over town was that you walked away not even giving him your last name or anyway to contact you."

Bella looked up at me very sheepishly. "He looked for me the next morning?"

"Oh my god Bella, I've never seen him like that. He came into my room all broken hearted asking me where you were. I had no idea who the fuck he was talking about so he told me what happened and then made we drive all over town going to all of my girlfriend's places....clearly we didn't get to Angela's....tying to find you so he could see you again before you left." Bella was looking a little shocked at this revelation.

"But Edward hates me. Well he did until we seemed to have a civil conversation on Friday night."

"He doesn't hate you Bella. I think he just hates the situation. He was probably a little shocked when you came back into town. And the fact that you're back with James doesn't sit very well with him." Why could she not see this!

"Well, he didn't have any problems moving on. It wasn't until Friday night when he took that shot that I actually believed that he was telling me the truth when he'd said he was a virgin. But it sure sounds like he's been making up for lost time Alice." Bella actually sounded a little pissed off....this was good. This was very, very good.

"Bella, Edward's not like that." She looked at me sceptically. "My theory is that he was just trying to find that feeling again. I've seriously never seen him as upset as he was after that night...well....with the exception of....." but I wasn't sure how much she knew about his mother, and truthfully I wasn't sure if I should bring it up after the last time she snapped at me about bringing up her own mother.

"It's OK Alice, you can mention his mother. Jasper told me."

"Oh, well, anyway, I'm pretty sure the only reason he and Jess ever got together was because she reminds him of you."

"What?"

"Don't look so surprised Bella. If you take away the bitchy attitude and all the make up she actually looks quite similar to you....only you're way prettier than she'll ever be. Not to mention you actually have a personality and deserve someone like Edward."

"That's such bullshit Alice. Edward would never be interested in me that way." Hmmmm, definitely making progress here. I just need to make sure I keep chipping away at this making her realise that Edward desperately wants her! And that Jessica isn't worthy. At least one of us will get what we really want, even if she doesn't know she wants it.

Although, I find it incredibly interesting that at no stage during that conversation did she mention James. Progress indeed!

**A/N: Please click on the little button below and review!!**


	10. Selfish

**A/N: Just in time for Christmas!!!! My lovelies, thank you so much for your reviews and please accept my apologies for taking so long!!**

**Have a fabulous Xmas holiday....I'm hoping some time off work will mean I have some more time to dedicate to this story!! **

**CHAPTER 10 - Selfish**

**BPOV**

My conversation with Alice had me feeling a little off balance. Since moving to Forks Edward had been downright nasty to me, that is, until Friday night. For no apparent reason he had been rude and dismissive. Thinking back to that first day in Biology I cringed. I assumed his abhorrent behaviour was because he thought I wanted to get between him and his downright gorgeous, albeit skanky girlfriend. I'd been thinking about the fact that Alice seemed to be the only one who knew about us. What hot blooded male who has just lost his virginity doesn't go and tell his mates, especially when the girl in question is no longer around to feel the shame of a one night stand?

I thought I'd figured out the meaning behind Edward's dismissive behaviour, but Alice's revelation about Edward's behaviour the day after the party didn't make sense. All I could figure out was he wanted to find me to make sure I didn't go around telling anyone about what had happened. As if I'd go around telling anyone about it anyway, _god boys could be such self serving pricks sometimes._ But then again, people like Lauren and Jessica probably behaved that way. But then what Alice said about Jessica was confusing to me. I couldn't actually believe that he was going out with her because we looked similar. That just didn't sound right. At all.

After Friday night's drinking games sitting with Edward in Biology today was already going to be awkward. But with what Alice had just revealed to me I was now just confused. Truth be told I had thought about Edward after that night. A lot. As much as I didn't like to admit it to myself. He'd filled my head night and day in the first few weeks...months even. I knew all I had to do was ask Angela for his contact details, but what was the point? It was unlikely that I'd be back in Forks any time soon. But I had regretted not doing it....at the time. Desperately.

I walked into our Bio room and sat in my usual seat, butterflies at the pit of my stomach again. Edward wasn't there yet which only increased my nervousness. I sat tapping my pen on the pad of paper in front of me, subconsciously trying to expel the feeling building up inside of me. He sauntered in a few minutes later. God he was still so good looking, it really did take my breath away.

"Swan." I heard that smooth voice come from beside me, a little softer than usual, sexy. _Stop it!_

I turned and looked at him briefly trying to read the expression on his face. Was he back to being asshole Edward. Or was he finally going to show me the beautiful guy I remembered meeting in Summer. Or perhaps he was just going to start treating me indifferently. Perhaps that would be better. Safer.

"I'm sorry about Friday night Bella," he said softly.

I contemplated his comment for a while. Thinking through everything Alice had just revealed to me.

"Why would you be sorry Edward?" He studied the confused expression on my face, and I could see him fidget uncomfortably in his chair, his hand going up to scratch the back of his head as he let out a sigh.

"I'm sorry that Jasper bought up something so personal in front of everyone. I promise I didn't tell him about it."

Now I was even more confused. Why wouldn't he want to tell anyone about it. He's an 18 year old guy who had sex with a complete stranger. Why not tell people? Well I wasn't going to get any answers if I didn't ask any questions.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure?" he said hesitantly.

"Why did you look for me the next day?"

He looked surprised. I wasn't sure whether he was surprised at the question, or surprised that I knew he had been looking. But he looked a little like a dear caught in headlights.

"How.....how do you know about that?" He was looking down at his hands which were tapping nervously on the desk.

"Alice told me." He shook his head lightly from side to side. Hopefully I hadn't just gotten Alice into trouble.

Edward looked back at me and the look in his green eyes was pleading with me not to continue with my line of questioning. He was nervous as all hell, but after the way he'd treated me over the last couple of weeks I couldn't help it. Part of me was enjoying watching him squirm.

"I....I....wanted to see you." He sighed, almost with relief as he looked up into my face again. "You didn't give me any way to contact you, I wanted to see you again." He looked like he was searching my face for something. What I wasn't sure. Forgiveness perhaps for being such an asshole. But this didn't answer my question. Why did he want to see me again?

"Did you want to see me so you could ask me not to say anything to anyone?"

His face fell a little, the look of confusion turning into an incredulous scowl. "What! No. Why would you think that?"

I shook my head from side to side, unable to believe he would have no idea why I would think that. "Because of the way you've been since I've been back, I thought maybe you regretted it. Maybe you didn't want your friends to know. Clearly you haven't told any of them."

"God, no Bella that's not it at all......" he trailed off, looking for the words, but the teacher was at the front of the class, and had already thrown one or two looks in our direction. Our conversation didn't go any further as we both pretended to ignore the fact that you could cut the air between us with a knife. I was suddenly aware of every shift of his body, everything he wrote down in his note pad, every breath he took.

But at least I had an answer to one of my questions. However it still didn't explain a great deal.

The rest of the week went on. Lunch was spent with Rosalie, Emmett & Alice as per last week. But Jasper and Edward seemed to spend more and more time with us rather than with the skanks they were hanging around with the week before. On several occasions I noticed Jessica send death stares in our direction, but whenever Edward turned to look at her, which wasn't often, she would smile sweetly and wave. They seemed to spend less and less time together as well. A small part of me rejoiced at this, but it really didn't concern me. I was looking forward to James coming to visit in a couple of weeks. He had been on the phone regularly, but our conversations were never very long.

Friday night we ended up at Emmett's again. I was now well and truly part of their group and it made me feel for the first time in a long time like I really belonged. No longer having a mother around to give you a sense of warmth, comfort and that feeling of 'home' had been difficult. But my new friends helped restore some of that feeling, albeit in an altogether different way.

I was feeling bad that Angela and I had spent very little time together since moving to Forks. She and I spent two weeks together every Summer for the past I don't know how many years, but since coming here I'd hardly seen her. So one day at lunch I ditched my usual crowd and asked if she and I could have lunch together.

"So Bella, what's been going on? I'm so sorry we haven't had a chance to hang out. But I can see you're being looked after pretty well." She was eyeing the table I would normally sit at for lunch.

"Ah, yeah....they're all really nice. They've been very welcoming."

Angela shifted in her seat a little. It looked like she was trying to get the courage to say something to me.

"What is it Ang?"

"Well, I don't want to sound....I don't know. I just want to make sure you understand what his reputation is like."

"Sorry?"

"Jasper, just watch him. I know you're with James, but Jasper has pretty lose morals when it....."

"Hang on a second Ang. What are you talking about? Jasper's not interested in me, and I'm definitely not interested in him."

Angela sat looking very confused. "But I thought after....after the party in Summer, he asked about you. Wanted to know who you were, where you came from, how I knew you." I must have looked puzzled because she continued. "He wanted to know when you were coming back. I asked him why he wanted to know all of this stuff but he just shrugged and told me no reason. We never spoke about it again. And I see you two around, talking heaps."

"Look Angela, I've honestly got no idea why he asked all those questions. Well, I don't think I know...but...maybe, but......I know he didn't know about it then." I was half talking to myself and Angela was now the one looking at me with confusion.

I pursed my lips together, contemplating whether I should tell Ang what happened that night. Other people seemed to know now. So I should probably make sure Ang heard the truth from me.

"Ang, I should probably tell you something.....about that night." I was nervously playing with my bottle of drink, picking at the label.

"What.....what happened Bella?" She was looking a little panicked as if something bad had happened.

"No, no, nothing bad happened Angela. I met someone that night. And spent quite a lot of time with them. Like, a lot of time, away from the party, by the pool." I was trying to make it obvious what had happened. I wasn't sure whether she was getting my drift or not. She was concentrating on me, and then she looked shocked.

"Oh my god Bella who was it." She squealed far too loudly. Realising she'd drawn attention to us she quickly slapped her hand over her mouth and ducked her head towards the table. "Please tell me it wasn't Mike......or Eric.....or Tyler. Please tell me it wasn't Tyler. Jesus Christ it wasn't Ben was it?" She looked shocked at that last one.

"Angela! No no, it wasn't any of them."

She sat up a little bit straighter and started looking around the room, searching for whoever it was. "Is he here, in this room?"

I bit my lip and nodded slowly, aware that Edward was sitting on the other side of the cafeteria. Her eyes would fall on a table and look around and then she would dismiss the guys that were sitting there. She did this several times until her eyes fell on my usual table. She already knew it wasn't Jasper. Rosalie and Emmett weren't together then, so it could have been Emmett....or clearly, Edward.

I could see the smirk start to form at the side of her mouth as she looked from their table to me and then back again. She could clearly see the blush rise from my neck upwards partially giving my secret away. She knew she'd struck gold. Now she just needed to decide which one it was.

"You're not Emmett's usual type, so I'm going to have a guess and say it was Edward. Cullen."

I nodded again, slowly closing my eyes not wanting to see the look on her face. I would be in trouble for so many reasons over this. Especially the fact that I hadn't told her about it.

"Oh......my.....god. Bella, have you got any idea how many girls at this school want to get into his pants. He was so untouchable up until....up until....just after Summer. Oh, my god, what did you do to him Bella?"

I contemplated telling her for a few seconds. Then I just couldn't help it. "I took his virginity."

"You what? Jesus!" She practically yelled. "Have you got any idea what sort of a prized possession that is around here. The guy is a god, I mean, just look at him, he's divine. Every girl in school lusts after that guy, including me! And until the start of this school year he wouldn't go near anyone, it just made him all that much more delectable, the fact that he wouldn't just screw around because he could. So what happened? Tell me everything."

"Jesus Ang I can't tell you everything!"

"Please. Come on Bella."

"Ok, I don't know. You remember when you wanted me to dance and I wouldn't because I hated the music. Well I went outside to get some air and he followed me."

"Why did he follow you?"

"I don't know Ang, we'd sort of been flirting with each other all night, just checking each other out. Catching each other....you know."

"Edward doesn't flirt you know Bella. He's too guarded for that. This is big."

"Well we were flirting, he followed me and we talked. About loads of stuff, and about James who I was angry at. Then one thing lead to another. We kissed and then we got onto the whole virginity thing, I found out he was a virgin so I offered to be his first."

"And why wouldn't you?" she remarked sarcastically.

"So we went up to one of the sun lounges by the pool. It was incredible. Certainly didn't feel like his first time I can tell you."

"So what does this mean?"

"What do you mean 'what does this mean'?"

"I mean for the two of you."

"Nothing. We hardly speak to each other. Well, that's not true, we kind of speak to each other now, but when I first got back he was a complete asshole to me.'

"Doesn't sound like Edward Cullen to me."

"Well, people aren't always who you think they are. What are you grinning about Angela?"

"Nothing, I don't know. You two would make a great couple, that's all."

"You're forgetting one thing?"

She looked like she was off with the fairies. "Hmmmm.....what's that?"

"We both have significant others."

Angela sighed sadly. "I know."

As I looked across the cafeteria I notice Edward looking in my direction. He quickly looked away when I busted him, running his fingers through his already messy hair as if frustrated about something. It reminded me a little of the night of the party, we had done that so many times, busted each other just looking. He rose from his chair, glancing at me briefly again before walking out of the cafeteria shaking his head from side to side. I couldn't figure his mood swings out.

**EPOV**

By the end of the week I realised I had been putting myself in Bella's way, watching her surreptitiously. I was at my car as soon as the bell went, but then loitered as long as possible, just waiting to catch a glimpse of her. Making sure I was eating lunch at my regular table, instead of with Jessica. Getting to Biology early in hopes of spending more time with her. All of these things had gone unnoticed by me during the week, but by the end of it I realised I was subconsciously unable to stay away from her. I had to do something about it. My eyes constantly scoured for her, never resting until I found her brown hair in the corridor, following it until it disappeared around a corner. My eagerness to have her within my sights was unsettling given our current situations.

Jessica was driving me a little insane. She was being a little clingy, well, a little more clingy than usual and all it was doing was pushing me away further. It was as if she could sense I was getting ready to break up with her. Did chicks have a sixth sense for that sort of shit? Who knew, but she surely seemed to. All she could talk about was her birthday this weekend and how excited she was about the party she had planned. It wasn't anything huge. Just an intimate dinner party with her closest friends. But it was being fully catered, her parents wouldn't be there and I was pretty sure she was expecting that I would lavish her with lots of gifts and attention. Given that I was planning on breaking up with her very shortly after I knew I had to be careful about how much attention I gave her. But I wasn't a heartless bastard.

But for now I was looking forward to Friday night. We'd had a change of plans this week. Emmett's parents were going to be in town for a change and mine weren't, so we were spending the night at our place instead. It would give me at least a few hours of uninterrupted time with Bella, albeit with four of our closest friends. But whatever, beggars can't be choosers. And right now I was happy to be a beggar, if that's all I could get.

So at lunch on Friday I was gutted to find out Bella might not be coming. As I sat down at our lunch table Alice was deep in conversation with her.

"What do you mean you might not be coming tonight?" Alice whined. "Bella, you can't just not come."

Bella looked up at me as I sat down and then looked at her plate of food. Something seemed off.

"Charlie just wants me around so I may not be able to come tonight, that's all. It's not a big deal," replied Bella quietly. She was trying to speak softly so as not to disturb everyone else at the table. Usually Alice would keep on at someone until she got her way, but with Bella I had noticed she didn't push like she did with other people. I wasn't sure why that was, but she seemed to drop the subject, almost as if she understood she was a little fragile. I just hoped she didn't feel sorry for her, I knew Bella wouldn't want that.

Looking at Bella as she sat there at our lunch table, long hair down and framing her face as if in hiding she seemed a little on edge as well, like she was only just keeping it together. I was worried about her. Something definitely appeared to be wrong and I didn't know how I could help her. She was quiet afterwards in Biology, we had a test which prevented us from talking and then she left the classroom a few minutes before the end of class saying she had finished her test and could she be excused.

So I was surprised when I was sitting outside on the front porch at home that night to see her truck pull up. Bella got out and slowly walked up the front path, playing with her keys in both hands as if nervous about something. I tilted my head to the side watching as her pretty face looked away from me nervously.

"Hi," she said quietly. She seemed a little better than she had been at lunch.

"Hi. I didn't think you were coming tonight."

Bella looked down at her hands and then took a step towards me lowering herself on the step next to me and sighing heavily. She shrugged her shoulders and then looked up into my eyes. It was as if she was pleading with me in some small way. I didn't know what to do or say. But there was a very large part of me that was selfishly hoping like hell that James had fucked up and that it was now over between them.

**A/N: Thanks for reading. Please press the little button and review. Anything pissing you off (except for Jessica, Lauren & James)??? Just give it to me!! (and feel free to give me a little love if you really want!!)**


	11. Break Me

**A/N: Happy New Year. Thanks so much for all the reviews – I got more last update than for any other one!! It makes me so excited, so I got my ass into gear and got this chapter finished for you. Told you reviews make me write quicker!! If I know people are desperate to find out what's next it guilts me into writing!**

**CHAPTER 11: Break Me**

"_Hi," she said quietly. She seemed a little better than she had been at lunch._

"_Hi. I didn't think you were coming tonight."_

_Bella looked down at her hands and then took a step towards me lowering herself on the step next to me and sighing heavily. She shrugged her shoulders and then looked up into my eyes. It was as if she was pleading with me in some small way. I didn't know what to do or say. But there was a very large part of me that was selfishly hoping like hell that James had fucked up and that it was now over between them. _

**BPOV**

I had gone home from school wanting to escape everyone. Wanting to escape the laughing happy people who wouldn't understand what today meant to me. But when I got home the silence from Charlie was asphyxiating. I knew he didn't know what to say to me today. And he was probably sad in some way himself, but I had to get away. I hadn't intended on going to the Cullen's, it's just where I ended up. Deep down it's where I knew I wanted to be the most, with my new family.

As I sat there on the front steps of their home looking into Edward's deep green eyes I realised I needed to let it out. I wasn't coping today and I needed to unload something, I just wasn't sure what. James wasn't here, hadn't called yet, even though he must know, and I was relieved when I pulled up to my friend's house that Edward was sitting out the front. He was probably the one person who could help me with what I was struggling with today, and it meant I didn't have to face everyone else, yet.

"It's my mother's birthday today.....it's just...it's just been kind of rough that's all." A tear slid down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away not wanting him to see it. No one saw me like this.

"It's alright you know." His voice was soothing, gentle, but not scared like so many people would have been to talk to me about this. But I was a little confused by his statement. "It's alright to cry. If you're upset, you don't have to hide it."

"But it's private."

"There are no rules Bella. Grief isn't something that is the same for everyone."

"I don't like getting upset about it."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't.....I don't like thinking about what happened, I don't want to go back there. It's too.....it's too hard." I never went back there. Never thought about it. Except at night, when I was asleep.

Edward took a deep breath then looked at me. "Bella, I don't want to tell you what you should and shouldn't do. No one can tell you what you should be feeling, or how to go through this. Except maybe a therapist. So all I can do is tell you my experience. When my mom died I was lost....for years. Esme was the one who finally made me see that talking about it helped. Like you I still don't think much about what actually happened. And to be honest I don't even remember much, I'm kinda lucky that way I guess. But she helped me start talking about my mom and remembering there was good stuff, before the bad." Edward paused for a moment, looking off into the distance as if in his own private moment. "Ask just about any of that lot in there what I was like the few years after she.....after the accident. I'm surprised any of them still speak to me. I was horrible to be around. Still am sometimes." Perhaps that helped explain some of the mood swings. I felt them too.

He looked at me a little apologetically, his beautiful green eyes framed by long dark eyelashes. I watched a tear slowly make its way down his cheek. He didn't wipe it away, he just let it fall.

His admission triggered something in me. Something that felt small, subtle to begin with, but as the moments ticked by I could feel the rise and fall of my chest become heavier as I felt the weight around me grow heavier. Silently tears started to fall from my eyes and I wasn't entirely sure whether they were for me or for him. I was just imagining a frightened little boy, not knowing which way was up, just having lost his mother. And then I was thinking about my own, and I broke into a loud sob as I felt his arm wrap around my shoulder. He didn't shush me or tell me to be quiet, or try and make me smile the way James would have, he just let me be. And we sat there like that, on the top step, in the cold, with Edward's arm wrapped around my shoulder and my head buried between my knees as for the first time I let my grief overwhelm me.

For the first time I let someone see me grieve, someone see me cry, and I didn't hold back. Edward hadn't even tried very hard, but for some reason my grief that had been internalised for so long was openly displayed for him to see.

I slowly came out of my daze and realised Edward's arm was still around my shoulder, his hand quietly rubbing circles on my shoulder and down my arm, his body sitting precariously closely to mine. _I'm sitting here openly grieving for the first time in months about my mother and I'm thinking about how Edward's arm feels across my shoulder and how his body feels next to mine!_ And it feels good, and I shiver, but it could be the cold, it could be him, I'm not sure. I raise my head from my knees and shift away a little. No point in tormenting myself over what will never be.

I looked up and shook my head a little, trying to bring my brain back to reality and clear my mind of the thoughts that seem to be overtaking it more and more lately. I must look awful. Red eyes, snotty nose, puffy face. I wiped my face on both of my sleeves and tried to pull myself together as best I could. I felt drained, drained of life, and exhausted, but somehow I felt just fractionally better as I thought about the last birthday I spent with my mother. She'd taken me to a pancake parlour and we'd eaten our way through the menu. It was stupid and childish, and the type of place your parents might take you when you turn ten, not eighteen.

"What are you thinking about?" Edward asked me, smiling hesitantly at me. Encouraging me.

"I was just thinking about my eighteenth birthday."

"Good girl." He didn't ask me any questions, he just let me think about whatever it was that seemed to make me smile just a little. And that helped. He just seemed to know what to do, and I was grateful.

We sat for another few minutes in silence, just listening to the sounds around us, the noises coming from inside, Emmett's booming laugh, Alice's squeals, the movement of the water in the stream far off in the distance, Edward's breathing. The last time I'd sat here with him was such a different situation. We weren't in exactly the same spot, just a little further off, but still, it bought back the memories. "Should we go inside now?" Edward stood up, offering me his hand again. He'd been making a habit of this, but it felt good to have my hand in his once more. His cold fingers wrapped around mine. The shiver ran through my body again.

"Thanks Edward." He turned and looked at me, hopefully not too closely, but I couldn't tell as I was trying to hide my face by looking at my feet. I felt his cold hand under my chin as it gently lifted my face up so my puffy red eyes met the penetrating green of his.

"I know it doesn't seem like it sometimes, but I'm here for you Bella." He smiled reassuringly at me, and then looked at me apologetically, in a playful way that showed he was ashamed of his behaviour. It helped lighten the mood somehow.

"Yeah, well, you'd do well to be nice to me from now on. Now that you've seen me cry there's no telling when you might get that sort of reaction from me and do you really think you could cope with that again."

"Christ no, you only get one chance to cry on my shoulder! You'll have to find someone else to hear your sob stories from now on," he retorted sarcastically. "I hear Emmett is good at that sort of shit."

As we entered the house no one looked terribly surprised to see me walk in. It gave me the distinct feeling they knew I was out there, like someone had seen me. I didn't feel comfortable knowing that other people had seen me fall apart. For some reason only Edward made me feel OK about that.

I needed to lighten the mood a bit so after I grabbed a drink I found myself sitting with Jasper. He was always good for a laugh, and I wanted to continue getting to the bottom of the whole Alice situation. It should be good for keeping my mind off what today meant to me, and help get my wandering mind off Edward, where it should not be.

"Hey Baby Bell! What's going on? Actually, stupid fucking question, clearly you're having a fucked up day. Want to hear about my day?" I nodded my head, sounded like he was on a roll. "Well, school was pretty fucked as usual, I spent most of the day trying to avoid Lauren, although to be honest she wasn't so much the problem, Jessica was on my case about her. Jesus Christ that girl needs to know when to give up. I'm so not interested in Lauren."

"So, who's your next victim then?"

"Bella," he looked at me and raised an eyebrow, "I wouldn't call them victims. They're all pretty willing."

"Pssh, you know what I mean. From what I hear you usually have one lined up pretty quickly after the last one. So tell me who she is, who have you got your eye on now?" I was in a massive fishing expedition, hopefully I was reeling him in and wasn't about to hit a snag.

"Hmmm, wouldn't you like to know darlin'"

"Honestly, I don't think I do." Please tell me, please tell, me. Oh, and please let it be Alice.

"Why? You want to be on the list?"

"Hardly Jasper. Anyway, there are two problems with that. One, I have a boyfriend....."

"Ah, yes. The elusive _James_." I rolled my eyes, Jasper always gave me shit about him. "And two.....?"

"Two. Wouldn't think you and Edward would like to make a habit of being with the same girl. You know....cast offs and all that." This was the first time we'd had a conversation acknowledging that I knew that he knew, whilst inadvertently calling Jessica a Cast Off!

"Yes with you, I could guarantee you that _would _be a problem." I looked across at Jasper. He was just looking at me smirking. He had mischief written all over his face and I wanted to ask him what he meant, but I wasn't game enough. I couldn't know. If there was something behind his meaning I didn't want to know. "You really did a number on him you know?" Jasper looked at me arching a well defined eyebrow.

"Hardly, he has the lovely Jessica to keep him occupied."

"Oh please." He scoffed. He drained the last of his beer and then picked up the fresh one that Emmett had put down in front of him before returning to the kitchen with the other's to cook dinner. "Why do you think she's not here tonight? Never here on Friday nights?"

"I don't know?"

"It's because no one actually likes her that much. Including Edward."

"What's that supposed to mean."

"I don't know. Just....he's a good guy Bella, don't write him off because of his behaviour over the last few weeks."

"I can hardly write him off. He's actually started being really supportive. But you've got to admit he's been a complete prick to me."

"All I'm saying is, I'm sure he's got his reasons." OK, how did we get onto one of the two topics I didn't want to talk about. I needed to steer him back in the direction of what I wanted to know.

"So, tell me. Why is Alice still single?" Couldn't be any more direct than that could I?

"Ahhh, that's an easy one Bella. She's got a brother that scares everyone away."

"What, why would he do that?" How dare he! And had he scared Jasper away?

"Alice's dad abandoned her. He just doesn't want to see her get hurt by another man. She gets a bit sad about it still sometimes, you can see it in her eyes."

"Are you sure it's because of her father, or is it because she's a gorgeous teenage girl wondering why the fuck the guy she likes isn't paying her any attention?"

"Hadn't thought of it that way. What guy does she like?" Jasper sounded ever so slightly alarmed, although I suspect his response would have been a little quicker had he not been getting quite so intoxicated. I knew it.

"You should ask her and find out for yourself." I raised my eyebrows suggestively at him. Hopefully he got the point, because the guy seemed completely oblivious to the fact that she had feelings for him.

**APOV**

I watched Jasper walk away from Bella as Rosalie and I walked out of the kitchen, leaving Edward & Emmett to finish dinner. It drove me insane that she was able to have in depth discussions with Jasper. I wasn't jealous, well, I was, I wish it was me. But I wasn't jealous that he might fall for her, or she might fall for him. But I was jealous that they seemed to have some connection that I didn't seem to have with either of them, they looked like they had frank honest & open conversations, you could tell by the looks on their faces. I wanted to have that, with both of them. But Bella was still closed off about a large aspect of her life, and Jasper well, he was just Jasper....he still made me nervous a lot of the time.

We went and joined her on the couch, handing her a Vodka Cranberry.

"So Bella, tell us a bit about James." Rosalie asked her.

"What do you want to know?"

"I don't know. Tell us how big is cock is, or how good he is in bed or about the last time you two had sex. I don't care. Just something to make the horny pixie live vicariously through someone other than me for a change."

Bella looked a little shocked at the question but then laughed heartily, it was a vast change from the way she was sitting on the front steps with Edward a little earlier. Perhaps I could use this to find out a little more about her relationship with James.

"Just ignore Rosalie Bella." _OK, make it sound like you don't want to know, and be a little more subtle._ "But you must be looking forward to having him here. Will he be staying with you and Charlie?"

"Yeah." She took a large sip from her drink before placing it back on the table in front of her.

"Charlie must be more liberal than I thought?"

"Oh god no. James will be sleeping on the lounge."

"Yeah, but I'm sure he'll be sneaking into your room," I replied, trying to encourage a little more information out of her.

"Ah, I don't know, I guess...we'll see." She seemed hesitant for some reason.

"Oh come on Bella how long has it been since you've seen him, you must be dying to get into his pants," retorted Rosalie.

"Ah, well....we haven't really....it's been a while since we were um.....together, in that way. We haven't really been together since we got back...together." _Oooooh, now that said something_. My little brain was running a million miles a minute.

"Why in the hell not. You have been together haven't you."

"Yes of course. Before we broke up we had sex all the time. But after the....after we got back together it's just been different." Oooooh, does that mean that Edward was the last guy Bella slept with. I was doing backflips inside with the thought of telling Edward that!

"So, when did you get back together...exactly?" Rosalie eyed Bella suspiciously, as if unable to believe that two people could be in a relationship and not be able to have sex....if they'd had it before.

"Well....I don't know exactly, it just sort of well...he just sort of never left. He helped me in the hospital and stuff. And then when I came home...I mean, to my grandmother's he was really supportive."

Rosalie looked at her with her mouth agape. "So it's not a sexual relationship then?"

"Well, yes. But after the accident....it was just hard for me, he was just really protective. He wanted to make sure I was ready...again. I don't know." I could see she was getting agitated by this conversation. I wasn't sure whether it was because it was about sex, or whether it was because it meant having to bring up information about the accident. Or was it because of Edward. But at least she was talking. "I was pretty injured, I still have scars. I'll always have them." Yeah, and it sounded like James would be one of them if we didn't help her out with them.

The rest of the night continued as per usual, minus the drinking games this time. Although I was almost tempted to do it again to see what other information we could get out of Bella, but today was clearly a sensitive day for her, so I figured it was probably best not to. Bella went to sleep in the spare room while the rest of us stayed up and drank a little more, only I wasn't much in the mood to drink so I left the alcohol out of my drinks, hopefully no one noticed. Edward went to bed not too long after Bella, so I went about pulling out blankets and pillows for Jasper, Rose & Em. They could make themselves comfortable on the lounges.

Shortly after I turned and left the room I heard footsteps following me.

"Ali can I sleep with you," Jasper slurred from behind me. "I don't wanna sleep on the lounge anywhere near Em & Rosie." He started traipsing upstairs quietly behind me. I heard him trip on the stairs once or twice behind me. _God, how drunk was he?_ As I entered my room first I went straight to the bathroom, not wanting to see if he actually followed me in or not, but I could feel his presence. I had always been able to feel his presence.

When I came out of my bathroom I found Jasper passed out on my bed, his shoes sitting neatly beside the bed. He looked so peaceful sleeping there. Instead of crawling under the covers I lay down on top of them with him, just looking at him. Watching. I knew every line on his perfect face, but it still never ceased to amaze me how I could just stare at it, overwhelmed by the affect it still had on me, even after all of this time, and all of those girls.

I pulled a blanket over us. After a little while I couldn't look anymore at what I couldn't have, so I turned over, rolling away from him. Away from what I would never have. The movement of the bed must have stirred him from his sleep because I felt his arm wrap around my waist. I froze, until he pulled me towards him, my body complying.

My heart was pounding. I didn't want to be another one of his bimbettes but I didn't know whether I had the will power to resist him. He wrapped his body around mine protectively and sighed. His body relaxing, moulding around mine as if protecting me. His legs and arms cocooning me into his body, my head tucked under his chin. Safe, warm, agonizingly close.

_Oh god, don't do this to me Jasper_.

"Hmmm, finally, I have my beautiful little Ali in my arms," he murmured aloud to himself sleepily as he snuggled into me a bit more. His face nuzzling into my hair. My heart immediately started racing as the words escaped his lips. I started questioning my sanity, did he really just say the words I'd been waiting to hear. But he was drunk and he was practically asleep, and this was Jasper. Jasper had girls all over town waiting to get him into their beds, or wherever they had him.

Silently I began to cry, knowing that if faced with the opportunity to be with Jasper I wouldn't be able to resist. But knowing full well it would probably break me.

**A/N: Oh, Jasper has been so clueless!! But will he break Alice's heart? Should she give into him or make him work for it?? Please review and guilt me into writing the next chapter!**


	12. Aftermath

**A/N: OK, this is a bit of a mish mash of POV's. We need to wrap some things up and start some others so we can move onto the big Valentine's Day party! I'm as anxious as some of you seem to be to get there.**

**CHAPTER 12: Aftermath**

**EPOV:**

Friday night was heaven and hell, all rolled into one. Bella had finally opened up about her mother, just a little. And she'd done it with _me_. That had to say something didn't it? I just wanted to fix her, and make it better. But I knew it was a slow and steady road to recovery. Being able to sit so close to her while she wept made my body ache. Under any other circumstances I probably would have taken advantage of the situation. _Screw the consequences_. But it wasn't the time to make a move on her.

I didn't get much of a chance to spend time alone with her for the rest of the night, but merely being in a room where I could watch her smile and laugh and blush was enough for now. And every so often she'd look in my direction, not unlike the last time we'd been in this very room together, the first time we'd laid eyes on each other. I tried to suppress the feelings welling up inside me whenever Rose or Emmett bought up James or her 'boyfriend'. Jasper & Alice knew better than to do it, and there was always a slightly uncomfortable shift when his name was mentioned. Even she didn't seem too comfortable talking about him, I took that as a good sign.

But it was when Bella went up to bed that I was feeling the most uncomfortable. She would be sleeping just down the hall from me, agonizingly close, alone. I'd kept an eye on the amount she'd had to drink and I was pretty sure she wasn't drunk enough to welcome me with open arms should I pay her a late night visit. But it didn't stop me from wanting desperately to check on her. I controlled myself for as long as I could, busying myself in my bathroom getting ready for bed, throwing my clothes off and pulling on a pair of pajama pants. I paced around my room until well after I'd heard all of the others settle down to sleep, chewing on one of my finger nails, biding time.

After what seemed like an eternity I crept silently down the hall way, I thought I'd heard a noise I just wasn't sure where the noise was coming from. Probably not from Alice's room, but I wanted to make sure Bella was OK.

As I approached the spare room she was sleeping in I could hear her. Was she talking? The door wasn't completely closed, so I slowly pushed it open, the room wasn't large so the bed was relatively close to the door. I could hear her breathing, it was faster than you would expect for someone sleeping peacefully and she shook her head a little from side to side, her hands fisting in her hair. She looked to be having a nightmare. Bella made a muffled sound, it was like she was screaming, but her mouth wouldn't open to let the noise out. I panicked a little, until I remembered my own nightmares. I stepped closer to the bed and gently sat down. It was a double bed and she was sleeping on the far side so she probably wouldn't notice the bed dip down. I placed my hand on her arm and gently caressed her soft skin, hoping not to wake her on one level, but hoping like hell she'd open her eyes on another. It seemed to do the trick. In a few moments she seemed to calm down considerably, her breathing returning to a peaceful rhythm.

I should have known that once I was in here I wasn't going to be able to leave. I wanted to kiss her beautiful face just once more. I would give anything just for that. But I felt a bit stalkerish so I removed myself from the bed and sat in chair in the corner of the room, watching over her, waiting for the next nightmare that I was sure would come. And it did. I stayed in there for hours, calming her each time her breathing became rapid and she began to make small noises. I wondered if she ever dreamed. Or was she only plagued by nightmares. And did she ever dream of me the way I had dreamed of her. Still dreamed of her. Probably not. She had _James. What the fuck are you even doing Cullen? She's got a fucking boyfriend, oh and don't let's forget you have a fucking girlfriend._

I didn't think I could last with Jessica until after Valentine's Day. Her birthday tomorrow was going to be bad enough. At least Jasper should be there to help keep me company at her fucking dinner party. But with James coming to the party next weekend I knew I needed some sort of distraction, and Jessica would at least be that. _Fuck, that was a fucked thing to think and I knew it._ She deserved better than that.

As I sat there in that chair, dawn rapidly approaching my mind wandered back to that night, as it often did. The moment I first saw Bella was etched into my mind with so much clarity. She walked into the party looking so uncertain, not making eye contact with anyone, seemingly pissed off. It wasn't until later I found out why, I was still surprised she'd gone back to him after the way she'd spoken about him that night.

Shortly before the sun rose I begrudgingly slipped from Bella's room crashing as soon as my head hit my own pillow.

When I awoke several hours later I didn't hear any movement in the house. Rolling over I looked at my alarm clock, it was 12.39pm. I was going to be in so much shit for not having called Jess already for her birthday. Fuck my life.

**APOV**

Before I even opened my eyes I knew he was still there. I don't think I'd actually slept, just drifted in and out of consciousness, knowing that the guy I was desperately in love with had his arms tightly wrapped around me, seemingly unwilling to let me go. I could only hope. I'd heard enough stories about Jasper to know that he never stayed. But this was different, and probably meant even less to him than all of the girls he'd been with.

I rolled over so I was facing him as my eyes slowly fluttered open. I could only imagine I looked shocking. While I'd managed to remove all traces of make up before laying down next to Jasper I knew my hair would be a mess and my eyes would probably be puffy from lack of sleep. And as for my breath....eeek! But he was probably still sound asleep, why else would he still he here, holding onto me for dear life?

The sight that welcomed me as I rolled over was mesmerizing. Jasper was there, awake, looking back at me, like he'd been awake for hours, looking fresh as a goddamn daisy! How on earth did he do that? Oh that's right, he was Jasper Whitlock...perfect, in every conceivable way......oh, except for the way he treated women. _Shut the fuck up inner monologue, now is not the time to be having _this_ discussion!_

"Mornin' butterfly." _Sigh._

Jasper's eyes were locked on mine, and his mouth was turned up in the most breathtaking grin I'd ever seen. I think I just woke up in heaven....but I was very aware that I could come crashing back down to hell in a matter of moments.

"Hey." It took me a moment to wake up properly. "Did you sleep well?" I said, trying to sound as casual as possible given I was in my bed with Jasper Whitlock's arms around me. _Yeah, but nothing's happened. Oh, shut the fuck up._

"Like a hibernating bear."

I giggled like a hormonal teenager, unable to control myself in front of him. I had keep the nerves at bay, if I didn't I would remain all shy and wouldn't be able to say what I should have a long time ago. I had the perfect opportunity to finally say something to Jasper, and goddamit I was going to do it. Today, right now, in this bed, with his arms wrapped around me, making me feel all warm and fuzzy...._quit stalling Alice_.

"Ali?" He wanted to ask me something first? Please don't ask me 'what are you thinking'. I fucking hate that question.

"Yeah?" I replied.

Jasper inhaled deeply. "Are you doing anything tonight?" He looked away as if nervous for a moment. "I mean, if you're not busy do you want to maybe go out. Maybe see a movie...or something."

_What. The fuck. Was that. ???_

_?_

I think I'm still asleep. Although my dreams about Jasper are usually a lot more X rated and a lot less sweet.

"Sorry what?" _Did I really just respond that way? _That's not how it had gone in my head the hundred million times I'd imagined it. _Farck!_

"It's OK if you don't want Ali, I just...don't worry...I mean....I just thought that maybe...." I put my fingers up to his lips to get him to shut the fuck up. Why was he nervous? He was never nervous when I saw him talking to girls. His arms loosened from around me a little. I had to stop him from letting me go.

"Jasper," I whispered quietly, moving my hand to his cheek and pulling his face back around to face me. "Were you....did you just ask me out on a date?" I tried desperately not to look incredulous, but to convey some sort of excitement and surprise. My previous response needed to be erased as quickly as possible.

"Well, yes I did." I wanted to ask him why. Why now, why me? Jasper didn't 'date', he just fucked around. Was I different? Was this different? _Please don't get my hopes up Jasper._ But there would be time for questions later.

"I think I'd like that," I whispered quietly. You bet your tight perfect ass I would. Jasper's beautiful blue eyes sparkled and his mouth pulled up into a beautiful grin, I'd never seen this look on his face before, it was breathtaking.

"You would?"

"Of course silly." Jasper had a look of doubt on his face which quickly disappeared. But suddenly his brow furrowed. "Jazz, what's wrong."

"This isn't going to come out right.....but...would you mind not saying anything to Edward."

_What?_

He must have noticed the puzzled look on my face.

"He'd murder me if he knew I really.....he'd just murder me. He's very protective of you." Fuck, what was he going to say but stopped himself? And what the fuck did Edward have to do with it. And why the fuck was I swearing so much in my head?

"Edward wouldn't mind Jazz."

"Trust me, he'd mind. This.." Jasper motioned between him and I, "Edward would fucking murder me."

I wanted to ask why, but I think I knew why. I just wanted to know how long ago Jasper had been threatened! Edward was dead.

D.

E.

A.

D.

Dead. I'd fucking murder him if he's kept us apart. But I can't think about that now. I could hear people up and about in the house, and assuming that my fucktard of a brother probably wasn't looking after them I figured I probably should. Also, Jasper looked a little anxious to get away from me now or something. It was weird, he went all quiet and shy or something. He told me he'd pick me up at six o'clock, saying that we'd go to dinner and then see if there was anything on at the movies. Clearly he hadn't put much thought into the whole thing. But, whatever. I didn't care. He was taking me out on a date. Me. Alice Cullen. His best friend's little sister, actually I wasn't his little sister, we were all practically the same age. But maybe that's why Edward had threatened him – he was being protective or something. Who knew? But I was going to find out.

**BPOV**

I left the Cullen's early on Sunday morning. I'd woken at the crack of dawn and had trouble getting back to sleep. My nightmares had taken a strange turn last night. Instead of consuming me as they so often did they would disappear as quickly as they'd started. It was odd, but it was a change for the better.

As I flopped down onto my bed when I got home I heard my phone ring. Who would ring before seven in the morning?

James. About fucking time. I answered.

"Morning." There was no emotion in my voice.

"Why the fuck didn't you answer your phone last night Bella?"

"Sorry what?" Why was _he_ yelling at _me_?

"You didn't answer your phone when I called, and when I called your house your Dad said you were out with friends at a party or something."

"What time did you call?"

"I don't know, after dinner some time." Now I was feeling bad that he had called and I'd missed it. He sounded frantic.

"Sorry, I mustn't have heard your call. I was at a friend's place."

"Your dad said you were at a party."

"Well, it wasn't a party, just a regular Friday night thing with a few people from school," I defended. Although I don't know why.

"What friends?"

"Friends. People I've met at school, Alice and Rose and a few others."

"Gee, you made friends quickly." He said in an accusatory manner. _What the fuck was that about?_

"Don't forget I used to come to Forks for two weeks every Summer James. I wasn't completely friendless when I moved here."

"I thought you said the only person you knew there was Angela." James had always been a little protective of me. Not in a 'I'm concerned for your safety' kind of way. More like a 'I need to veto all your friends to make sure none of them are better than me' kind of way. I used to find it a bit cute, his jealousy had been endearing. But right now it was pissing me off. What, did he expect me to only hang out with Angela for the rest of the year?

"Yeah she's the only one I really know. But she took me to a party last Summer and I met some people then."

"What sort of people Bella?"

"Just people from her year at school. Who are now in _my_ year at school. What does it matter, we weren't together then." I winced as the words left my mouth. That indicated I had something to feel guilty about. Not that I had any reason to, but I guess James probably assumed there had been no-one in between. We had certainly never discussed it.

"What does that have to do with anything? Why point out that we weren't together if you don't have anything to hide?"

"I don't have anything to hide James. What I did during the time we were apart is my business."

"The hell it is Bella. I'm your boyfriend. If you were with someone during that time then I have a right to know."

"Would you tell me if you were with anyone during that time?"

"I asked you first Bella. Were you with anyone?" Sure sign that he's guilty of something. For some reason it didn't piss me off though. It was his business what he did while we were apart. I couldn't care less. But should I care?

"Yes."

"Were you with him in Forks or Phoenix......or both?"

"Forks." I knew where this was headed but for some reason I felt the need to be honest.

"Have you been with him since you've been back in Forks?"

"No."

"This is why you were so eager to get back there isn't it. When your Grandmother went into that resort they call an old people's home and I offered for you to stay with my mom & dad for the rest of the year you wouldn't hear about it. You said you just wanted to go to Forks with your dad. But really you were just wanting to hook back up with some guy weren't you Bella."

"That's bullshit and you know it James. I'm not the one who needs to feel guilty about their actions. If anyone does it's you. Don't forget that you're the reason we were broken up then."

"Fucking hell Bella, we've been through this. It was just a fucking kiss with a random girl I care nothing about. It didn't mean anything."

"Well it meant something to me. How could you be so careless?"

There was silence on the other end of the phone.

"Bella, I didn't.....look, I don't want to fight over the phone."

"Neither do I, I had a shithouse day yesterday and I don't want to start the weekend off badly either."

"I'm sorry Bells. It's been so long and I just miss you so much sweetie."

"Yeah, me too. What time does your flight get in next week?"

"Not sure. I'll have to let you know. I'm kind of short on cash at the moment."

"So you haven't booked yet?"

"No, just waiting for a good deal to come up." Typical.

"Well, I could maybe...um." I can't believe I was offering to pay for his flight after that.

"No, no. You can't do that."

"It's my money, I can do what I want with it James."

"It's fine Bella, I'll book it and let you know when I'll be there OK."

"K."

We ended our conversation but it left me almost wishing now that he wasn't coming. And I didn't know why. Sure he'd been rude to me. It's the first time we'd fought since we'd got back together. It's the first time we'd had any real conversation about anything very important since we got back together. Thinking about it, our relationship seemed to only be based on him trying to look after me and make decisions for me. I should have been grateful for it. And I was. Or I used to be anyway. But after that phone call it gave me the distinct feeling like he was trying to control me.

When I checked the phone for his missed call I noticed that it had come through at 10.15pm. Who calls at that hour. And he still didn't mention anything about my mother's birthday.

I busied myself for the next few hours cleaning the house and going out to get some groceries. Keeping my mind off James and the anger I still felt about our earlier phone conversation was a little easier said than done though. I was in a seriously bad mood with him and I was taking it out on the housework. My phone rang at about three o'clock. It was Alice, hopefully ringing to confirm details for our night of chick flicks.

"What's up Alice?"

"Bella, Bella!! Oh my god!!" I think someone must have given Alice too much red cordial.

"Alice what's going on with you?"

"Oh my god, I didn't see you this morning before you left. And I have news." This had better be about Jasper. I didn't see him on the lounges with Rosalie and Emmett this morning when I left. I didn't know the Cullen house very well but I could only hope that only meant one thing....and it definitely didn't mean being in bed with Edward.

"Spill it Alice."

"Jasper asked me out. We're going out tonight. Oh my god Bella. I'm so sorry but I have to cancel our plans. You don't mind do you?"

"Alice, of course I don't mind. What kind of a friend would I be if I stopped you from going out with the guy of your dreams so you can watch chick flicks with me? But tell me what happened."

Alice proceeded to go into minute detail about her night with Jasper. I then proceeded to tell Alice about my fight with James. She sounded a little sympathetic, but it didn't sound like she was really listening to me. I was so happy for her. But I'd fucking kill him if he hurt her. Come to think of it, I was probably not the only one who would kill him. I was beginning to understand why Edward had kept him away from her. But I had faith in Jasper.

And after my discussion with Edward last night I should probably have a little more faith in him too. Since waking this morning I'd allowed myself to think of my mother. I had to consciously hold back the tears on a couple of occasions, but I realised it was better than not being able to think about her at all. Edward was right. It made me feel better. I couldn't ignore her for the rest of my life. If I never thought about her at all I'd forget, and then I would never be able to think about her because the memories would be gone for good. The more I thought about it the more I realised I needed to remember. I only wished I could talk to someone about her, but I wasn't sure who in town knew her, other than Charlie, and Esme Cullen of course. I wondered how close they were?

**A/N:** Next chapter is almost complete. Yay! OK, so I've put you a little bit out of your misery. So...do you think Jasper asked her out because Bella said she liked someone and he

Knows that it's him that she likes; OR

Thinks it may be someone else so he's getting in before someone snaps her up? And if so is that a cop out?


	13. Morons

**CHAPTER 13: Morons**

**APOV**

I had told my mom what was going on tonight. I couldn't contain my excitement about it. That, and she'd find it a little strange when Jasper turned up to see me and not Edward. She was a little bit concerned that I was going out with him, clearly his reputation was a little more wide spread that the school yard, however she told me she trusted my judgement. Deep down I was pretty sure that if Jasper did anything to hurt me Esme would cut his balls off.

For the first time in my life I didn't know what to wear. I mean, what do you put on for a dream date with a guy you've known your whole life, who you've lusted over since grade school, and who has shagged half the girls in Forks. Provocative just wasn't going to get me what I wanted tonight. That's what every other girl wanted. But not me. I didn't want to get into Jasper's pants, and I certainly didn't want him to get into mine. Well, not tonight anyway. I wanted more than one night. I wanted this to go somewhere. I wanted time.

So I put jeans on, with a silky camisole top with the most amazing pintuck detailing sewn into it. It was a soft pink. Demure, without being prissy. I put a hair band in my hair that was cute. Flirty cute, not baby cute. And pale pink lip gloss. I put on a fitted black jacket and a pair of shiny kitten heels to go with it. I was comfortable, not over the top, but dressy in an understated way.

I don't think this is what Jasper was used to. And that was a good thing. I think.

Jasper was right on time. Edward was very conveniently gone by the time Jasper was due to pick me up. I watched from by bedroom window as he pulled up in his mom's car. I listened for my mom to answer the door and then I calmly walked down the stairs. Jasper just stared at me as I walked down. I don't know why, he'd seen me a thousand times before. He was dressed in jeans and this shirt with the sleeves rolled up so I could see his well defined arms, and this quirky tie that was done up loosely. I'd never seen him in a tie for anything other than really formal occasions like weddings so this was new.

"Hi Ali." He smiled at me. Genuinely smiled. Not a smirk or a leer or anything like that, a genuine warm smile that made me feel like he was really happy to see me. And he was here to take me on a date. It made me feel giddy and I was thankful I wasn't wearing three inch heels.

"Jasper."

Mom had made herself scarce, thank god.

"Are you ready to go? You look really beautiful by the way."

I think I might have blushed.

"Yeah, let's go."

Jasper held out his arm for me to take, it was really sweet, and very chivalrous. There must have been something about his southern heritage that had rubbed off. Jasper escorted me to the car, opening the door for me and closing it behind me. I could get used to this. I wouldn't have expected treatment like this from any of the other boys in Forks.

We chatted a little on the way to Port Angeles about school mostly. We pulled up outside a little seafood place that I hadn't been to before that was right on the water. Jasper parked and did the gentlemanly thing opening my door for me and escorting me inside the quaint little restaurant. It was filled with kitsch ornaments from the sea, but somehow it seemed perfect for Jasper.

When we were seated at our booth I just wanted to ask him what we were doing here. How did this happen and what did he want from me, what did he want after this? But we just continued chatting about inconsequential crap.

All through dinner Jasper kept fidgeting in his chair, he looked uncomfortable or nervous or something. It was as if he had ants in his pants. As we left the restaurant he was still fidgeting. I reached out and placed my hand on his bare forearm.

"Jazz. What's wrong? You seem all uncomfortable or something?" I asked before we made it to his car.

He looked down at me with those beautiful blue eyes. "I'm sorry Ali. I'm just....I don't know." If he wasn't going to be the brave one I would be.

"Am I making you nervous?"

"Kinda."

"It's just me Jasper." He looked down nervously at his feet and then back up at me, his hands playing with the car keys in his hands.

"Precisely Ali."

What the hell was that supposed to mean? My heart was beating like a freight train, I was sure the people walking past could probably hear it. What if he didn't want this? What if he only asked me out on a date because he was in bed with his arms wrapped around me? What if now that he had me here he didn't see it going anywhere. Or worse still what if he only saw it going as far as the back of his car for one night only. I walked down the footpath a little to the wharf and looked out across the water, not able to look at him while he gave me the words that would only break my heart. I had to take a few deep breaths before I continued this conversation, the cold night air refreshing my lungs. Be brave Alice.

Jasper walked up next to me and leaned on the railing.

"Jasper, why am I making you nervous? You've known me my whole life." But then again he made you nervous as all get out.

He took a deep breath and then looked like he wanted to say something, but he didn't say it. He just stood there as if he needed to contemplate his words a little longer. Here is comes Alice. "That's just the point Ali. We've known each other our whole lives. I know you so well, at least I think I do. I know that you don't like thunder storms, and that you hate custard, and that you sing in the shower. I know that your favorite color is pink. I know that you're a lot lot smarter than anyone ever gives you credit for and that you're still hurt over what happened with Jessica and Lauren. I know who you respect at school and who you don't, I know your favorite subjects, and I know that you got that scar on your left knee when you fell over down by the creek and split it open on a rock because I carried you back to the house. I know what your face looks like when you're all different kinds of happy and when you're sad and frustrated and pissed off and surprised. I know all of this because I've watched you my whole life, I've paid attention. And I could keep watching you forever. But I don't think I can keep doing it from the sidelines anymore Ali."

I think I started to cry. _You're not supposed to cry on a date Alice_. It's not a good start.

"Ali, why are you crying?" Jasper had turned to me some time during his speech, he raised his hand and wiped away the tear that had fallen with his thumb. His hand cupped my cold cheek.

"I didn't know you knew all of that stuff about me Jasper. I didn't think you noticed me."

"How could I not notice you?"

"Because you were always paying the other girls the attention. Never me."

He had a pained expression on his face. His eyes dropping to the ground again. He looked ashamed.

"I'm so sorry Ali. I never thought I had a chance with you."

"What do you mean?"

"I never thought you and I could be together. I was just blowing off steam."

I still didn't understand.

"Ali, those girls. None of them meant anything to me. They've never meant anything to me because I knew I couldn't have the one girl that I've always wanted. I was so stupid. And now I've gone and lost you to someone else. I'm so sorry I never told you any of this sooner."

"What do you mean you've lost me to someone else?"

"Bella said that you really liked someone."

"There's no one else Jasper."

He looked at me for a few moments thinking about what I'd said. I didn't deny that there wasn't someone that I really liked. I think I confirmed in a roundabout kind of way that I really liked him. I just wasn't sure whether he'd pick up on it or not. "There's never been anyone else."

"Do you mean....?" His eyes were searching mine for the answer. I simply nodded my head.

"Yes Jasper." Silly boy.

I wanted to kiss him. Desperately. But I was pretty sure that if I started I wouldn't stop. And it was too cold to keep standing out here. And I had made a promise to myself earlier that if things should go well I wasn't going to fall straight into his arms. But standing here now, his hands cupping my face, his thumbs gently caressing my cheeks, his breath on my face, I couldn't help but lift up onto my tip toes as his head slowly descended. The look in his eyes was unlike anything I'd seen, it was full of adoration, there wasn't a smile on his mouth but I could see the joy in his eyes just before they fluttered closed and his beautiful lips pressed against mine. I felt him sigh as our lips touched.

**EPOV**

I was in hell. Again. But this time there was no heaven to help balance it out like there had been last night as I was sitting at Bella's bedside. I flat out didn't want to be here. Jessica's birthday dinner party was going to be excruciating. And Jasper the asshole had somehow gotten himself out of it in the last 24 hours. I'm sure Jess was in a spin over the fact that she'd now need to rearrange the entire table around the fact that the most eligible single male was no longer coming. Lauren would be devastated, but I'm sure Jasper wasn't coming just so he could avoid her.

I had had a long day. I was in trouble with Jess for not calling until well after lunch to wish her a happy birthday. Alice was so hyperactive all day it was just painful, but she gave me a piece of news that should have made my day. And had I not had to go through this dinner party it would have made my day. She'd pulled me aside smirking at me earlier in the afternoon in the kitchen at home.

"Edward. I know something you don't know. Actually I know a few things you don't know."

"Alice I'm too tired for this shit. What is it?"

"What's got your knickers in a twist today emo boy?"

"I didn't get a lot of sleep last night pixie girl."

"Thinking about a certain someone sleeping just down the hall way from you?" I just rolled my eyes at her. "Well, it just so happens that my news is about that particular person....."

"Alice." I was getting pissed off now.

".....and James."

"Fuck, Alice, do you think I really want to hear about her boyfriend?" It made me want to vomit every time his name was brought up.

"Oh, my lovely, lovely brother you're so going to want to hear this piece of news."

_Please they've broken up. Please just say it, I'm begging you._

"I can tell what you're thinking. They haven't broken up. Although they have just had a fight."

"What?"

"They just had a fight, but I'll tell you about that in a minute, it's not the good bit. Well, it is good, it's great, but it's not the best bit..."

"Alice, just tell me."

"Hey, don't be mean to me. I have information you'll be interested in."

"Just spill it Alice."

"Bella and James haven't slept together since they got back together."

"Why is that good?"

"Fucking hell Edward, how much of a moron are you?" _Apparently a big one?_

"What's your point Alice?"

"It means you're the last person she slept with." _Oh. _

_OH!_

"You don't know that?" _Do you? Please say you do. _"There could have been someone else when she went back to Phoenix?"

"Well, that brings me to my second bit of good news. Bella and James had a massive fight this morning."

"Do I want to know about what?"

"Well, given that _you_ were the subject of it, I'm guessing you'd want to know about it." Alice looked like the cat that ate the fucking canary. "Apparently James started asking questions about all of the new friends Bella all of a sudden has and she inadvertently indicated she may have reason to be guilty of something, which she argued she didn't, but when he asked her if she'd been with anyone while they weren't together she told him about you. She didn't mention anyone else. So I'm guessing you're the only person she's been with in quite....some....time." She slowed down as if driving that last point home to me.

"Thanks Alice." I turned and walked away from her. I didn't want to process this information in front of her. I knew I should be really fucking happy. But it made me angry for some reason. Angry that I was in this situation with Jess, angry that she was back with James.

But as I sat at the dinner table at Jess' it was the only thing I could think about. I was the last person Bella had slept with. The last person Bella had made love to. Because we had. Despite the very brief time that we'd known each other at the time it was perfect. When I kissed her she'd taken my breath away. No other girl had done that. Kisses before that, and since if I'm being honest, had only ever been slightly awkward, wet, exchanges of....exchanges of what? I don't know? Affection. But the first time I kissed Bella just felt so right. It felt like she was meant for me. She'd been perfect, but then she shut down any thought of us having further contact. She mustn't have felt the same way I did. She can't have felt the same thing I did. Otherwise she would have wanted to stay in touch, wouldn't she?

"Edward?"

"Edward?" I felt a hand make its way up my thigh.

"Sorry?" I looked at Jess who I was seated next to in the middle of the table. "I was a million miles away." Her hand kept making its way up my thigh until she had it over my crotch. She smiled up at me realising I was hard. Not realising I was hard because I was thinking of another girl. She leaned across, turning her head so her mouth was at my ear.

"I can't wait to get my real present from you later." I felt her tongue dart out briefly and lick my ear lobe before she pulled away from me. I tried not to visibly cringe. I had to find a way out of staying with her tonight. If I couldn't do that I had to find a way not to sleep with her. Now that I knew Bella hadn't slept with anyone since we'd been together I felt guilty, like I was cheating on her. Perhaps I could get Jess really hammered so she passed out. _That was really irresponsible Cullen. You think?_

God I was awful. Jess was my girlfriend and I felt that being with her was cheating on Bella.

After dinner Jess opened all of her presents. She'd opened mine earlier thank god. Alice had helped me pick out a small handbag for her. It had cost me a fortune. But I figured it was suitably impersonal, although it would last a life time. I wasn't sure if I really wanted Jess to have a reminder of me after what I had planned the day after Valentine's day. At least it wasn't jewellery, I'd been quite specific with Alice that it couldn't be jewellery. Jess loved the handbag, it was Coach or some brand I'd never heard of. Alice said that despite how much she disliked my girlfriend she wasn't going to let me give her a cheap and nasty gift. Then she told be she'd got it on sale and it was last season anyway but she was sure Jess wouldn't know the difference. Whatever.

Someone had the very bright idea of bringing out shots, this should make my job easier. But instead of getting Jess hammered I'd decided to get myself hammered. Less guilt involved with that. So I proceeded to get as drunk as physically possible.

Then next thing I remembered was waking up on the lounge. I don't know what time it was, clearly it was the next day because there was far too much fucking light coming in through the windows for it to still be night. And Jess was standing above me, her hands on her hips and she wasn't wearing the little dress she had on the night before. She was in jeans and a sweater. A very tight sweater. _Stop ogling your girlfriend. Why, she's my girlfriend. Yeah, not for much longer jerkward so stop leading her on._

"Ugh, I feel like a swallowed a camel."

"Yeah, you look like it too."

"Not now Jess."

She sat on the couch with me, her hands running up and down my chest. Whenever I went into defensive mode she turned all soft and seductive.

"I missed you last night Eddie." She pouted and I actually felt bad. I'd ruined her birthday. Well, I hadn't ruined her birthday, I'd just ruined her plans to get into my pants.....I think. I probably wouldn't have remembered anyway, but based on the sad look on her face we definitely didn't have sex last night. "So, do you want to go upstairs now? Mom and Dad won't be home for a few hours." Jess' hands were now making their way up under my shirt. It felt good. Ugh, I had to stop this now before it went too much further.

"Jess. I really don't feel up for anything right now. Let's just finish cleaning up and I'm going to head home." Hmmm, perhaps I should be a bit of a prick to her. Ease her into it rather than just springing it on her next week.

"We've already done all of the cleaning up Edward." Seems I'd already started being a prick.

"OK, I'm just going to head home then." I stood up and straightened out my clothes a bit. I bent down and went to give Jess a quick goodbye kiss but she turned her head to the side so I got a cheek.

"Ugh, Edward, please, don't make me kiss you when you've been drinking all night and haven't brushed your teeth."

"Sorry Jess. I'll see you later then." I checked my pockets to make sure I had everything. _Yep, really must have passed out good and proper if I'd left my wallet, keys and cell in my pockets. _ I turned for the door and left. Fuck I'm a prick!

The next few days were strange.

Very strange.

Alice was acting like a fire cracker had been lit under her ass. She was super hyper, and she would talk a mile a minute. I couldn't quite figure out what was wrong with her, but it was annoying as all shit. We would normally have to drag her kicking and screaming on our annual camping trip in a few weeks time, but she was already talking about it. And it was barely February. What the fuck was with that?

Then there was Jasper. I couldn't quite figure out what was going on with him. He'd dropped out of Jess' dinner party on Saturday night at the last minute. I'd assumed it was because he was avoiding Lauren, but he was definitely keeping something from me. And it was something he was exceedingly excited about. Jasper only ever got excited when there was a girl involved, typically some unworthy skank. But I'd never seen him behave in this way before.

And then there was _Bella_. I had already kind of decided in my head that Jess and I were no longer together. This resulted in me subtly starting to pursue Bella. Screw that her boyfriend was coming to visit this weekend. I had a very small window of opportunity before his arrival to make sure Bella knew that I wanted her, _despite_ the situation we were both in. I had no clue as to whether this would work or not, but I had to take a shot.

Bella continually gave me strange looks when I'd talk to her. I really must have done a number on her when she had returned to Forks. I think she was a little confused as to why I was all of a sudden being super friendly. Clearly she still felt a little uncomfortable and didn't quite trust me. I _had_ been a prick to her, but now I was making up for lost time, doing typical teenage shit. Pulling her hair, poking her side when we were sitting next to each other, writing notes to her when we were sitting in class asking question after question about things I didn't know about her. Stupid inconsequential stuff, but important to me. Hopefully I was making up for all the shit I'd put on her in the last few weeks. It was kind of like a cloud had lifted from my brain and I was finally able to allow myself to flirt with her.

Then there were the serious conversations. We spent a little time each day talking about her Mom. I'd ask her if she'd thought of anything new and then she'd proceed to tell me. They were always happy things. Nice memories, never anything about the accident, never anything dark and never anything about what happened in her sleep. I desperately wanted to ask her about dreams. But I didn't dare. Instead, on Thursday afternoon I gave her a book about grieving. I earmarked the chapter that covered nightmares.

**A/N: So....guess what? You guys will get another update on Sunday, just in time for Valentine's Day....hmmmm, I wonder what that could mean???**


	14. That Night

**A/N: Happy Valentine's Day everyone! Two in three days...aren't you lucky!**

**Chapter 14: That Night **

**BPOV**

"Edward?" I caught up to him as we were on our way to Biology on Friday afternoon. He turned around and smiled down at me. I think I blushed. I think I'd been doing a lot of that this week. That smile of his had the ability to bring me to my knees, and create a whirlwind of butterflies in my tummy. _And cue the guilt._

He cocked his head to the side, "What's up Bella?"

I inhaled deeply. I wanted to acknowledge the book he had given me. I hadn't actually read any of it last night. I just stared blankly at the cover and then skimmed through the contents, vaguely recognising topics that may pertain to what I was going through. There was a page turned down and I flipped to that page, briefly noting a chapter on sleeping, noting nightmares was listed as the first topic. I wondered if Edward had had nightmares too. It was obviously his book, it was well worn. I had slammed it shut and placed it on my bedside table and stared at it some more before going to bed.

I didn't want to start a serious conversation with Edward about it, so I chose now to bring it up, knowing that we only had a short amount of time before Banner came into class.

"I just wanted to say thanks for the book. I..um....I appreciate it. I haven't actually read any of it yet, but yeah...that's all I wanted to say...I think." I licked my lips nervously pulling my bottom lip into my mouth, catching it with my top teeth. Edward reached forward taking my chin in his hand and pulled my bottom lip from my mouth before pulling his hand back and running it through his hair.

"That's okay." He looked down, a flash of disappointment momentarily stripping his face of the radiance I had become accustomed to this week. "I, I didn't expect you to read it straight away. You've just got to do all of this in your own time. But there's a chapter I earmarked for you. I think you should take a look at it."

_Huh?_ Why did he think that chapter would interest me? I mean it did. But how did he know?

We were in the classroom now, just about to sit down. Edward actually pulled my chair out for me before sitting down by my side. He pulled out the pad of paper we'd been writing on all week, folding back the top sheets so there was a fresh sheet of paper on top. He propped his left elbow on the table and rested his head on his hand tiliting his head towards me.

"I think we need to get rid of the rules today," he said quietly. The wicked smirk on his face was making the butterflies flit around happily. But I was a bit worried what getting rid of our unspoken 'rules' might mean.

I laughed a little at him. "I'm not sure I like the sound of that."

"What have you got to hide Bella?"

I bit down on my bottom lip again. I wasn't sure I had anything to hide, but I wasn't sure Edward was the one I wanted to share my deepest darkest secrets with. Especially given that he was one of them.

"A girl's always got to have some secrets."

Edward smirked at me again, his eyes twinkling as he picked up his pen and commenced writing. We'd been doing this all week. Edward had been asking me random stuff as we sat in Biology, starting with my favourite color (green), have I ever been bitten by a bee (twice), what was my least favourite food (meatloaf), and other random completely innocuous stuff. It had all been completely polite, and stayed that way after I told him I wasn't going to answer his questions about the first porn movie I watched (can't remember what it was called, but it was more funny than erotic...and we'll just leave it at that).

He finished writing his first question and I looked down just as Banner came into the room.

_**Have you ever kissed a girl?**_

I laughed lightly at his question. Typical fucking male.

_**What would you do if I say yes?**_

I smirked up at him. Two could play at this game.

_**You don't want to know the answer to that question Swan**_

He pushed the pad of paper back to me.

_**Who's got something to hide now? **_I wrote in reply.

_**Touché. OK, I'll take that as a yes. Your turn.**_

Oh, that little......

_**I have never kissed a girl. I'm not like your sister! **_

_**That's low Swan. Your turn.**_

I thought about my question. I was crap at this stuff and I wasn't quite sure I really wanted to know the answer to all of the questions I had for him. _Why were you such an asshole to me? How many girls have you slept with since we were together? Is Alice right when she says you're with Jessica because she looks like me?_

OK, I'll get a partial answer to one of those questions. I looked around the room and then looked at him and smirked evilly at him. He was going to pay for that last question.

_**How many girls in this room have you slept with?**_

I pushed the pad of paper towards him arching an eyebrow at him as I did. His eyes flicked down and after reading the question his head whipped up to me so fast I thought it would go flying off. I laughed at him, but I was getting nervous. _Did I really want to know the answer to that question? Oh shit. _ The more I thought about it the sicker I felt. I grabbed the pad of paper and scribbled over the top of my last question.

Shit.

Edward grabbed my hand and moved it away from the pad of paper and wrote an answer next to my now covered over question.

_**1**_

I looked around the room again, not wanting to let Edward see the smirk I couldn't contain. But I also wanted to get a good look at all the girls in this class. It made me feel better at least knowing who he _hadn't_ slept with.

Banner distracted us for a while from our question time. But towards the end of class Edward pushed the pad of paper in my direction. I hadn't even noticed him writing on it. I looked down, inhaling quickly as I read the question that was sitting there on a fresh piece of paper.

_**When was the last time you had sex?**_

_Holy fuck_. I looked up at him in shock. I........ Shit. Do I really want to answer this question. I searched for something, anything in his beautiful green eyes, but they were blank. Without looking down I reached out and pulled the pad of paper across to me. I really wanted to correct his question...._When was the last time you made love_....

My hand was shaking as I wrote my one word reply.

_**August**_

I didn't take my eyes off his face as I pushed the pad of paper back to him. He was returning my stare as I did it, his eyes dropped. I couldn't quite make out his response, and truth be told I wasn't sure what I was expecting or even hoped to see. He simply looked back up into my eyes, his expression still blank. But the rise and fall of his chest gave him away. It was heavier now, much heavier. Before either one of us could write another word the bell rang, abruptly signalling an end to our conversation.

Edward picked up the pad of paper and tucked it into his bag and then gathered the rest of his stuff. All of a sudden there was an awkwardness between us.

"So I guess I'll see you tomorrow night then?" I asked as a way to try to break the tension, but somehow I think it probably made it worse. Our usual Friday night get together wasn't on due to the party tomorrow night and I realised that the next time I saw him I would be with James. For some reason that made my heart constrict, like it was being squeezed by a fist and I wasn't quite sure why. I wanted my friends to meet James. And Edward was my friend. _Wasn't he?_ The way we'd been together this week would most certainly indicate that we were now on friendly terms. But I felt un easy about it all.

Edward looked down at me and mumbled something. "I guess........I've got to.....I've got to go." He looked nervous and I could see he was coiling back in on himself again. He was letting whatever had been bugging him in the first few weeks that I'd been here get to him again. "I'll um....yeah, I guess I'll see you tomorrow night." He didn't even look back up at me before he practically ran from the classroom. The guy was an emotional see-saw and I had difficulty figuring him out.

The rest of the day was a blur and before I knew it I was at home getting the house ready for my guest. Charlie appeared very apprehensive about meeting James for which I guess I couldn't really be too surprised. But I couldn't help but be a bit pissed off at his reluctance. While Charlie had come to Phoenix after the car accident he and James had never crossed paths other than at my mother's funeral and there was no need to introduce them then. But James was basically the one that helped me get back on my feet, so Charlie should at least be somewhat appreciative towards him.

Alice had seemed kind of excited about meeting James. I got the impression she was intrigued more than anything. To be honest she was excited about bloody everything this week. Her date with Jasper had gone "well". But she'd said it with a little twinkle in her eye. She hadn't given me a full run down of her night, just that they had kissed, a lot. But she was playing most of it quite close to her chest. It was obvious that she didn't yet trust that Jasper wouldn't break her heart. I could see she wanted to take it slow, and I understood her reasoning. And it appeared I was the only one who knew what was going on. At the lunch table I had seen small signs of flirtation between them that were switched off whenever Rose, Emmett or Edward were around. Just little things, like the way Alice would look up at him and smile shyly at him, her cheeks blushing as she did, and he would respond sweetly in return. He was wooing her, and it was lovely to watch. Alice deserved this, and I had faith that Jasper could do it and not fuck it up.

I went about making the house look as respectable as I could. James would probably look down his nose a little at it, he always liked things to be a bit more modern. He liked spending money on the latest things. Charlie and I were a little simpler in our needs. I'm sure he'd probably be impressed with the Cullen's house.

I stopped in my tracks suddenly as I was about to ascend the stairs. The realisation of what I'd just done hitting me like a pile of bricks. I'd just thought about my mother's funeral without breaking down and crying or getting upset or even thinking twice about it. I smiled inwardly to myself and kept on up the stairs. I must be doing something right. I would have to remember to thank Edward for it.

My cell phone rang on my desk and I picked it up, it was James.

"Hi there." I answered.

"Hey Bell, whatchadoing?"

"Well, just getting ready for your visit as a matter of fact."

"Oh good, so what have you got planned for us?"

"Well, when you get here in the morning I figured I'd show you around while Charlie is still at work. Then we're having lunch with him. He wants to meet you." I think James grumbled on the other end of the phone. "Then we're going to go to a party at Alice's place." I'm not sure why I didn't call it 'Alice & Edward's' place.

"What? We're going to a party?" James asked abruptly.

"Yeah, you'll get to meet all of my friends."

"Bella," James said accusingly, "I'm only coming up for two days, I don't want to go to a party, I just want to be with you. We're not going to a party."

"What do you mean we're not going?"

"Just what I said. I'm not flying all that way to spend time with people I'm only ever going to meet once and who are only going to be in your life for a short time."

"What do you mean they'll only be in my life for a short time?"

"Well sweetie," his tone softened, "you're going to be coming back to Phoenix when you start college. I assume you'll be back here for the Summer so you're only going to be hanging out with them for another four months or so. It's not like you're going to form lifelong friendships in that time." I thought about what he was saying. And I started getting angry. Very angry.

"How dare you tell me I'm only going to be friends with these people for a short time. You don't know that. You haven't even met any of them." James had always been on good terms with my friends back in Phoenix, I couldn't figure out why he wouldn't want to meet my new friends.

"Look Bella, I'm just saying, it's hardly long enough to form lasting attachments is it?"

"Of course it is." _One night was enough to form a lasting attachment._

"Well, let's not fight about it. Let's talk about our plans for the weekend. So we're going to scrap the party idea...."

"No wait. I really want to go to the party."

"Why?" He was whining now.

"Because it's important to me. Alice is throwing it, and she's....I don't know I guess she's like my best friend or something." I really wanted to go the party and I knew that Alice would be so disappointed if I didn't go. She was so fragile sometimes that I didn't want to disappoint her. Since we'd become friends I'd seen her change. During the first days that I'd met her there were times when I could see her get so spooked by Jessica and Lauren, and she was completely dejected over Jasper. But I'd encouraged her to go after what she wanted. She deserved it, she was stronger and seemed more in control. And I think I had helped her with that. We'd spent a lot of time talking about what she should do about Jasper and I had noticed her become more determined and more willing to put her heart on the line. And it looked like it was paying off. And James knew all of this, we'd talked about it several times.

"I thought I was important to you babe?" James said softly.

"Of course you are James."

"Well it doesn't seem that way." I wasn't quite sure what to say to that. It was amazing that in the very short time I'd known Alice, and the others, I'd become very attached to them. They'd accepted me into their group so easily, we had so much fun together and they just made me feel so much better about everything. "Will _he_ be there?"

"Who?"

"The guy you were with."

"James? Why are you even asking me this?" My heart was pounding as I spoke to James about Edward.

"Will....he....be.....there?" He asked threateningly.

"I have no idea. Probably," I replied defensively.

"Probably? So you talk to him? You know he's going?"

"It's a small town James, very small school. Only 350 students. There's a very good chance he'll be there, hell there's a good chance all the students will be there, lord knows they'd fit in the house. But don't worry, he has a girlfriend. A very good looking girlfriend."

"Well.....that's something I guess."

"Come on James, you'll have a great time," I pleaded.

"I can hardly see how hanging around with a bunch of high school kids could be classed as 'having a great time'."

"I'm a high school kid," I replied defensively. I wasn't going to let him get to me this time.

"You know what I mean."

"No I don't James. Look, I'm going to the party. You can stay at home with Charlie if you want or you can come with me."

"What the fuck Bella? I gave up months of my life helping you get back on your feet. Then you move away from me when I offer you a perfectly acceptable alternative. And now when I organise to come visit you turn around and tell me you'd rather hang out with your friends." A pang of guilt ripped through me. I could be so selfish some times. "I'm not staying home while you go out. If that's the way you're going to be about it I won't come at all." He hung up the phone on me. I tried to call him back several times but he didn't answer.

Shit. I felt guilty about demanding that we go to the party. James had given up so much of his time to help me through my rehabilitation after the accident. And he'd helped me deal with the emotions that consumed me due to the whole ordeal, helping me suppress them whenever they threatened to overwhelm me.

The more I thought about the party the more I felt angry at myself for wanting to go so badly. And now I felt guilty knowing that he was angry at me. After everything he did for me I had selfishly thrown a tantrum. There was a pang in my heart as I realised how disappointed my mother would be. She loved James and now I was letting him down.

I waited the next morning for him to show up. I sat on the front steps in the freezing cold feeling like a little girl who was being punished, atoning for what I had done wrong. But the longer I sat there realising that he wasn't coming the more my guilt turned to anger. James hadn't even booked his flight when I spoke to him earlier in the week. Was he looking for a way out of coming to visit me and was he making it appear as if it were my fault? I shook the thought away. James wasn't like that. Flights weren't cheap and he was in College. God, now I was feeling guilty for making him pay for a ticket and then not use it. There was just no end to it.

I tried calling James several times during the day. But he didn't answer.

Finally I just decided to get ready for the party and go. I'd have to face Edward and Jessica, but I think I could live with that. Just.

Given that it was Valentine's weekend the idea of the party was to make sure all of those who were single didn't feel dejected. And as such it was also apparently a massive pick up party. I wasn't really looking forward to going it alone. I could just imagine the debauchery.

I stepped into the strapless black dress Alice had leant me. It was fitted to the waist and then it flared out and stopped at my knee, it would have been mid calf on Alice. I wasn't into heels so I grabbed a pair of black Saturn ballet flats. I left my hair out, flowing down my back and sighed as I looked at my face in the mirror before applying a teensy bit of makeup. I couldn't help but compare myself to Jessica. She would look perfect I was sure, and I was scared that my pretty black dress would look dour in comparison to whatever get up she would have on tonight. I had over heard her talking to Lauren in English about what she was going to wear, she'd mentioned red Saturn and it sounded like there wasn't going to be a lot of it. I'm sure Edward would love it. I rolled my eyes at myself before leaving the bathroom.

I threw on my coat and made my way out of the house saying good night to Charlie as I went. He did not look at all disappointed (or surprised) when I told him James wasn't coming. But he did appreciate how pristine the house looked.

I hadn't told Alice that James had never turned up, so I made sure I arrived well and truly after the party was under way. The less attention I brought upon myself the better. As I walked through the front door I was immediately taken back to that night. Same faces, only they were much more familiar now. Unfortunately I still felt just as uncomfortable as I did that night, but for altogether different reasons. I needed to get myself to the bar as quickly as possible before Alice spotted me and gave me the third degree about why James wasn't with me.

I quickly made my way past all of the bodies that were dancing under the mirror ball that had been set up in the lounge room and found the kitchen. There was no one in there so I poured a shot of tequila quickly slamming it down and immediately regretted it. I found a bottle of that red vodka crap I liked, taking the top off it and then I went back outside and went looking for Angela, she wouldn't pry too much about James. She'd never expressed any desire to meet him, and I'm sure she wouldn't be disappointed we weren't together tonight. But as I walked back outside I found my eyes scanning the room automatically for the one person they shouldn't be, but they never found him. I could see Jasper, and Emmett & Rose, but no Edward. He was probably hauled up in a room somewhere with his girlfriend trying to suck his goddamn face off.

As I made my way over to where I spotted Angela talking to Ben I was cut off by Alice.

"Bella!!" She looked so happy. She threw her arms around me and hugged me tightly, almost squeezing the life out of me. "I'm so glad you're finally here." I giggled at her exuberance, she was infectious when she was like this. She stepped back and looked around me her head whipping from one side to another searching for something. Or someone. "Where is he?"

Alice turned around and looked behind her, searching for an unfamiliar face but not finding one.

"He didn't end up making it."

"So what's he doing? Hanging at home with Charlie?" She asked incredulously.

"No no, we had a bit of a....thing. Anyway, he didn't end up leaving Phoenix,...I don't think." I said the last part under my breath. For all I know he could be in Seattle having a great time.

"Oh.....well.....are you OK?"

"Yeah, I'm fine Alice. I just want to have a good time." I smiled reassuringly down at her. "I can see you're already off to a good start."

She smiled bashfully. "Why wouldn't I be?"

I found Jasper across the room and noticed he was watching us from where he stood with Emmett and Rose. I lifted my bottle to him and he returned the gesture, both of us taking a drink. Alice flitted off and so I turned and started making my way over to him. I could see Lauren bearing down on him and she got there before I did. _Shit_. Oh well, I wasn't going to let the bitch get away with this so I continued towards Jasper and threw myself onto his lap and put my arm around his shoulder. "Hi Jazz....Oh hi Lauren, I didn't see you there." Jasper buried his head in my hair and laughed his head off. Lauren just huffed immaturely got up and walked away once she realised Jasper wasn't going to give her any attention.

"You're my saviour Bella." _In more ways than one_ I thought to myself!

"Well, honestly Jasper. I don't even know why you went there in the first place."

"No neither do I."

"Well, I'm here to protect you from the dirty skanks while your 'little friend' is busy entertaining her guests."

Jasper just smiled shyly at me. Oh it was just too sweet. While Alice and I had spoken a little about their date Jasper and I hadn't spoken at all about it. But he obviously knew that I knew about it all.

"You look awesome tonight Bells, but where's the infamous James? I can't imagine many boyfriends would like to see you sitting in my lap like this. I'm practically molesting you."

"Yes, you right hand had better not get any closer to my ass." I giggled, before sighing. "It's a long story gone bad, but let's just say James didn't make it and we'll leave it at that. I don't want to talk about it tonight I just want to have a good time. Do you think you can help me?" I wanted to forget about James and I definitely wanted to forget about the possibility of seeing Jess in her red Saturn dress with her arms wrapped around Edward.

Jasper and I chatted with Rose and Emmett. We danced for a few songs. But I found it odd that I hadn't seen Edward at all. It was his party after all. But Jasper said he hadn't seen him either, mumbling something about Jess that I didn't quite hear.

As the night wore on I got more and more restless and annoyed that I hadn't seen Edward. People had started hooking up and Jasper would disappear every so often, I could only imagine to spend a little time 'bonding' with Alice. At least I hoped it was Alice.

I wandered upstairs, looking for a bit of peace and quiet. _Keep telling yourself that Bella_. This area was strictly off limits during parties at the Cullen's, but being part of the inner crowd I think I was probably safe to ignore that rule. Ascending the stairs afforded me a little peace from the music that was pounding. My music tastes hadn't rubbed off on Alice any since I'd arrived, but I had a few more months to work on it. I found myself walking down the hallway looking at all of the family pictures on the wall. Jasper and Emmett were in a lot of them. It was funny to look at all of these pictures of the four of them growing up together. Even then you could see Jasper looking at Alice in some of the pictures. It was hard to believe she'd never noticed the adoration in his eyes. Even as kids. As I continued down the hall I heard piano music drifting softly from one of the rooms I'd never been into. Odd given the pounding of the god awful music Alice was playing down stairs.

I pushed gently on the door that the music seemed to be coming from. Edward was there, his back to the door, sitting at a grand piano I didn't even know was in the house. I gasped at the sight of him, my heart skipping several beats. His fingers which had clearly been creating the beautiful sound halted their movement over the keys as he realised he was no longer alone. He looked back, the intrusion of the noise coming from the party must have alerted him to the presence of someone else in the room.

"I didn't mean to interrupt," I said softly as I noticed his body relax. I couldn't help but smile. _I'd found him. Finally._

"You could never interrupt." I barely heard him utter the words.

I closed the door behind me and made my way slowly to the piano bench he was sitting on. His hands rubbed down the front of the dark blue jeans he was wearing.

I gestured to the small space at the end of the bench he was sitting on, "may I?" Edward moved to his left a little and looked down at the space created. He then looked back up into my eyes and nodded, smiling softly, warily.

"Where's Jessica tonight, I don't think I saw her downstairs?"

His brow furrowed as soon as I mentioned her name. He looked at the piano keys as he responded, "she had to leave town for a while. Her grandmother who she's apparently quite close to is really sick. They're not expecting her to last much longer so she's gone to Portland to be with her." Was he disappointed? He looked frustrated or something, running his fingers across the keys without actually pressing on them to elicit a sound. He then looked up at me, his eyes had turned blank, as if life had just left them. He must miss her. My stomach dropped at the thought.

"Have you left....James alone down there to fend for himself?"

"Oh..... He didn't end up coming." Edward inhaled quickly but didn't look at me. "He......he stayed in Phoenix." His body relaxed again and his fingers began pressing lightly, only occasionally pressing on the keys, the beautiful notes softly washing over us.

"Bella...?" He turned his head in my direction, his eyes searching mine, his hands still moving. ".....do you ever think about that night?"

I nodded my head silently, not needing clarification on what he was talking about or time to think about his question, or even the implications of my answer. Because I did think about it. Still. Looking up into his eyes, his penetrating gaze was drawing me in, burning deep into my soul. Oh god.

"I can't get you out of my head." _Oh!_ The words coming out of his mouth shocked me. He looked frustrated, desperate, like he was trying so hard not to say what he was saying, but it was coming out regardless.

My heart clenched, my breath catching in my throat at the implications of what he just admitted to me, or was it to himself? But what about his girlfriend? His beautiful girlfriend?

As Edward slowly lifted his hand and cupped my face I immediately forgot about everything else, his thumb brushed across the line of my cheek bone. The moments ticked past between us just staring into the others eyes as the rise and fall of our chests increased exponentially. Neither of us moved, both held back by the shackles of our choosing. But I just couldn't help the pull I felt between us. His face slowly descended and his lips brushed reverently over mine. Once....oh god.....twice.... three times, before capturing mine in a sweet, sweet kiss, reminiscent of that first kiss we shared in Summer. He still had the ability to make me go weak at the knees. His lips then moved over mine with a little more force, his right arm came up around my back, drawing my body into his. The feeling was exquisite.

My eyes closed as I became lost in the feel of his lips, and the warmth of his body. Lost in the memory of _that_ night. Why was it still so fresh? So much of the last year had been suppressed from my mind, but that came flooding back to me.

_Oh god. What was I doing?_ I shouldn't be doing this, but I couldn't stop. My hands wound their way up and around his neck as my fingers involuntarily made their way into his beautiful hair. Stop, stop. I have to stop this. But I can't.

As Edward's tongue gently caressed mine a shudder ran through my body, and I could feel that ache between my thighs. The only other time I'd experienced it was that night in August, oh so long ago.

"Bella." He spoke my name without removing his lips from mine. _Please say it again, say it always_. But the words never left my mouth. The realisation of what we were both doing ripped through me and I pulled myself away from him. My hands pushing against his chest.

"Stop....we have to stop Edward," I gasped, finding it difficult to catch my breath. I quickly brought my hand up to my mouth covering my lips with the tips of my fingers. I wasn't sure if it was to keep him away, or to burn the memory of the kiss that could never happen again into my memory. I shook my head from side to side and tore my eyes away from his. There was so much hurt lying in his eyes that I couldn't look any longer. "We can't....this isn't right."

"Bella. Bella I'm so sorry..."

I stood up and backed away from the bench. This wasn't right, we couldn't do this. I turned away from him and quickly made my way to the door, pausing momentarily. My mind was telling me to leave, to get the hell out of this room before I turned around and did something I would regret, because every part of my body, including my heart was telling me to stay. But then his words came back to me. He's sorry. _He's sorry?_ He regretted this.

I turned the handle and left the room.

**A/N: So, Happy Valentine's day everyone!!! That's my little gift to you. Please please please leave me a review if you haven't before. It would be a wonderful Valentine's Day present for me....pretty please.**


	15. And Then I Kissed Her

**A/N: Sorry about the wait people. I have no excuse.....except go and read this story on Twilighted, it's awesome: **_**I don't Exist**__**by Twilight4rachael1042. **_**It's New Moon re written, and it's so much better! God I cried...several times. **

**CHAPTER 15: And Then I Kissed Her**

**EPOV**

I sat at the piano just playing. The notes weren't coming naturally to me tonight, my frustration showing through as I fumbled through passages of Debussy I'd played easily hundreds of times before. I was all dressed up but had yet to venture downstairs to the party. Alice would probably kill me but right at this moment I couldn't give a flying fuck. I just sat here wondering how the hell I got myself into this completely fucked up situation.

I was just trying to do the right thing wasn't I? Jess wasn't a bad person, and she didn't deserve to be dumped right before her birthday....or Valentine's Day for that matter. _Keep using that as an excuse Cullen, you know you were just holding onto her to protect yourself from having to deal with Bella and James._

Fuck. I was an asshole.

The sound of Jess' voice when she'd spoken to me this afternoon unnerved me. I'd never heard he speak with so much emotion in her voice. She'd sounded so upset by her grandmother's stroke and current condition. We had no idea how long she'd be gone for.

Suddenly the music coming from downstairs was no longer a muffled beat, but a much sharper, louder sounding noise. I whipped my head around to see who had opened the door, letting the party in, breaking my solace. My fingers halted their movement on the keys as I watched Bella look at me with some surprise. She was so beautiful and my heart hurt just looking at her. The soft milky white skin of her shoulders was exposed and I just wanted to run my fingers along it, I regretted that I hadn't done it that first night.

"I didn't mean to interrupt," she said quietly, as if she could intrude.

"You could never interrupt," I murmured in response, not even sure if she would hear what I said or not.

She made her way to the piano bench and she sat next to me, the warmth from her body sending tingles down my arm and leg where it radiated.

"Where's Jessica tonight, I don't think I saw her downstairs?" So she'd noticed then? Was she looking for her, for me? She couldn't possibly have been looking for me, she would have been too fucking occupied with James, my brow furrowed at the thought of him. Of her.

"She had to leave town for a while. Her grandmother who she's apparently quite close to is really sick. They're not expecting her to last much longer so she's gone to Portland to be with her." I sighed a little at the thought of what this meant. I couldn't bow out on Jess now. I couldn't make it worse for her. I ran my fingers across the piano keys in an effort to stop from taking her hand in mine. It kept my fingers off her, but not my mind. Without thinking I asked, I asked the one question I don't think I really wanted to know the answer to.

"Have you left....James alone down there to fend for himself?" My heart dropped to the bottom of my chest leaving a hollow that only intensified the echo of the rapid beating as I waited for her answer. I was sure she would be able to hear the hollow sound it if she listened closely. But her eyebrows lifted and she looked down into her lap briefly before she replied.

"Oh..... he didn't end up coming." My heart leapt, my lungs filled completely with air at her revelation. "He......he stayed in Phoenix." This was like a reprieve, and without even thinking I began to play soft notes, little flutters of sweetness that mirrored the feelings I held for the creature seated beside me on the piano bench. I began to feel light again. Buoyed by the absence of the two weights that kept us apart. That kept me from her.

"Bella...?" I turned to face her. I had to know. And I had to make her know, understand it wasn't just a one night thing for me. I had my opportunity and I wanted to know what she felt. After all this time I still didn't know what she thought about that night or about me, or about us.

".....do you ever think about that night?" I asked, and without hesitation she nodded her head. My heart leapt back to life and as my shallow breaths increased in speed I drank her in. I couldn't fucking stop myself anymore. I couldn't stay away any longer.

"I can't get you out of my head." I shook my head from side to side a little at my frustration in the situation. I couldn't stand it anymore, she had to know. She had to know how I felt about her, didn't she? Well if she didn't before I was going to make it damn clear now.

I cupped Bella's face in my hand and just fucking stared at her, taking in ever detail. I hadn't been this close to her since that night. It was better than I had remembered. I'd feared that perhaps I was just holding onto the memory of what we had and that I'd put her up on a pedestal, only for her not to live up to what I'd imagined. But she did. And she was breathtaking. Our lips met, softly at first, light brushes as I gauged her reaction to having me this close. Once I realised she wasn't going to pull away I pulled her in closer to me, her chest pressed against mine, my arm wrapped around her.

Her hands were in my hair, this was definitely a sign that she wanted this, she wanted to be here. In this moment, kissing me. I murmured her name. But all too soon I felt her body stiffen. _No. No, Bella, don't do this. Don't do this again_.

She pushed against my chest and my brain automatically took over. _Please no. Don't go back to him. Not again._

"Stop....we have to stop Edward," she gasped. Did I do that to her? Did I take her breath away? _No you fool, you've just lost her forever._ The look on her face was agonising. Was she hurt because of James or because of me? I couldn't fucking tell. "We can't....this isn't right."

_Fix this. You have to fix this. You can't lose her completely_. "Bella. Bella I'm so sorry..."

She stood from the bench and backed her way towards the door, only breaking eye contact as she turned to leave. But she stood at the door for a few moments, not moving before she fled.

Her hesitation was enough to tell me. It was enough to tell me she was thinking about this, about us, somehow. In some way. I held onto that. I had wished for just one more kiss. One more chance to pour everything I felt for her into one blissful moment where Jess & James didn't exist. And I got it. I got the chance.

But what the fuck was I doing still sitting here? I'd stupidly let her walk away before. I couldn't let her do it again.

I flew off the chair and down the hallway to the top of the stairs. She was at the bottom and didn't look up as I raced after her. She was disappearing into the sea of people, leaving me behind. But this time there was no fucking way I was going to let her walk away without making her understand that I wanted more and I wasn't going to take no for an answer this time.

She was making her way through the crowd of people and I could see she was headed for the door. I ignored everyone who tried to grab my attention and flew out the door after her. There was no one outside. It was too bloody cold, Jasper was the only one crazy enough to be outside when it was this cold, that guy just had no sense of sub zero temperatures.

"Bella.....Bella....wait up."

She hesitated again before slowly turning towards me. Her face was smudged with tears and she looked murderous.

"How could you do that?" She hit my chest as I tried to control her flailing arms. "Why did you do that to me?"

"Because....because I.....fuck, Bella, stay still. I've wanted to do that ever since you came back."

"But you said you were sorry. Why would you kiss me like that and then regret it. You can't do that Edward." She ripped her arm from my grasp and went to storm away from me again. It was like she hadn't heard what I'd said.

"What do you mean?"

"You regret it. You did it again and you still regret it."

"Fuck Bella, why do you still think I regret it?"

"First you were mad at me when I came back to Forks, and then you go and kiss me and apologise. Can't you just let me be?"

"Fuck, Bella," I groaned and ran my free hand through my hair. "I don't regret this. I don't regret you. Fuck, that's just....that's just so not what any of that was about. How could you....." My heart was aching in my chest at the thought. But she looked up into my eyes, bewildered. "I said I was sorry because I could see the pain on your face. I could....because I made you run away. Because there are other people we should be considering. Because I put you in a position where....where you're....cheating on James and I know how you feel about that."

She began to calm considerably, taking her bottom lip into her mouth and biting on it, hard. She was contemplating what I'd said. _Please believe me Bella._

"Then why were you so angry with me when I came back?"

"Oh god. Bella. I wasn't angry with you. I was angry with myself, with everyone else. Fuck, I don't know. I guess it looked like I was mad at you because you denied me. I was mad about the situation. Because I was with Jess. Then I found out you were with James."

She nodded her head slowly as I tried to explain my way out of the fucked up situation we were in.

"Bella, Bella you have to understand. That night......that night has been stuck in my head on some sort of non-stop loop. I can't stop thinking about it. No matter how fucking hard I try I can't stop the feeling of you. The first time we touched, when you jumped down into my arms I knew. Fuck, Bella. Even when you were gone. And when you came back and I wasn't prepared I just...I just didn't handle it well." I groaned in frustration, she just stood there with this bewildered look on her face. I wasn't convincing her. "I want you so badly Bella."

Her eyes widened at my revelation. I'd said it. I got it out there and it felt good. Nothing had changed but it felt good to finally just fucking tell her how I felt.

But she looked away, shamefaced. _No_. I reached out, raising my hand up just making contact with her cold cheek before she whipped her head away from my hand, leaving it there in mid air as she scowled at me.

"No Edward. You can't do this to me," she spat. "You can't have it both ways you asshole." She turned in her fury and made it to the door of her truck before I'd even had a chance to respond to her last accusation.

::::::

**APOV**

It wasn't until I saw Edward come flying down the stairs that I realised I hadn't seen him all night. My brain was so fogged up this week that I was finding it a little difficult to focus on anything other than the flutter in my chest every time I thought about Jasper. His pretty lips, his pretty smile, his pretty blue eyes, his pretty....everything, gah! I needed to get a grip and focus but it was just too fucking hard.

Every time I looked for him at the party his eyes were on me. Even when Bella was sitting on his lap, he'd be laughing at whatever she was saying but his eyes would wander in my direction and we'd lock eyes across the room.

The week after our date had been torture. Pure torture. On the one hand I just wanted to jump his bones. Desperately. But there were a few reasons why I hadn't. Firstly I wasn't _that_ girl. I didn't quite trust Jasper yet. I didn't trust that he wouldn't just shag me and leave. But the trust was building up every day as I saw him keep his distance from all other potentially shagable girls. Secondly, he was still hesitant about how Edward would feel about the possibility of Jasper and I being together. And thirdly, we just hadn't had the goddamn opportunity. Partly because we'd hardly seen each other outside of school. Partly because I wasn't entirely sure where everything actually stood between us. I mean our date on Saturday night had ended perfectly. After our first kiss we didn't seem to be able to keep our lips off each other. It had ended with Jasper walking me to our front door and kissing me long and slow. He hadn't once tried to grope me or feel me up. He didn't try and take me anywhere and shag me. He treated me with the sweetest respect.

But this week he'd touched a few times on the hand, but he'd never held it and we hadn't kissed either. However every time I looked around if he was in the general vicinity he would smile softly at me, meeting my gaze.

It was just the sweetest fucking thing ever but fuck was it frustrating.

Tonight I didn't go for demure like I did for our date on Saturday night. While I wasn't necessarily expecting to get into his pants tonight, I certainly wanted Jasper panting after me. And by god it seemed to be working. Every so often Jasper would make his way towards me and without even saying a word he'd brush the back of my hand or lightly caress my pinky and I would follow him. We'd end up in Dad's study which was locked, but of course I had the key. We'd kiss and giggle and talk about how slutty certain people looked and the various hook ups that appeared to be taking place around us. We discussed James not being here and our eternal optimism that Edward would dump his skanky girlfriend, which according to Jasper he was planning on. Yay! And then we'd go our separate ways for a little while.

By the end of the night Jasper was getting impatient. After I saw Edward disappear Jasper stalked towards me (_oh my_), and grabbed my hand. All subtlety gone. As soon as we were in the study his mouth was on mine. _God I loved this desperate side of him!_

"Fuck, Ali, why are we waiting? I don't think I can wait any longer?" His lips were on my neck, nipping and sucking and tasting me. It was heaven.

"Because Jas. We talked about this. I'm just not ready yet. I don't think we're ready yet."

"That's such bullshit Alice. I've been ready for so long for this, I don't see what the point is, when are you going to be ready?" Jasper tickled my side a little and I felt his thumbs brush over the sides of my breasts. Ooooh, no one had ever done that before. I moaned a little at the sensation of someone's hands on me. "Fuck Alice you've just got no idea what you do to me. I just don't think I can control myself around you anymore."

I giggled at him. He was so fucking cute like this.

"Jasper, I just want to keep this between you and me for now. I want to enjoy you without having to put up with shit from Edward and the girls at school. You do realise that if this works out between us...."

"What do you mean 'if this works out'? What makes you think it wouldn't?" Jasper has stopped the movement of his lips across my collar bone and was now staring at me, a look of panic in his perfect blue eyes.

"It was just a figure of speech, but it is still early days and you haven't really been the commitment type." He pouted at my last statement. "Which leads me to my point, I'm not going to be very popular at school with lots of girls once word gets out that you and I are together. Wait stop. Are we together?"

"Yes Alice. We're together. And I'm so sorry Alice. If I could take all those girls back then I would."

He was so sweet. And he was mine. Well.....for now at least.

As the party wound down I spotted my brother across the room, he was picking up bottles. What the fuck? Edward never cleaned up after a party the lazy fucker. There was definitely something off. Very fucking off. Ugh....too many swear words, I must be up to my eyeballs in vodka. Do I tackle this now or do I tackle it later?

But before I could answer that question Angela came towards me, an evil little smirk on her usually innocent face. She pulled me aside and spoke to me quietly so no one could hear us....oh, except for Ben who was trailing behind her. What was up with that?

"Alice, Alice, thank the lord I found you." You wouldn't wipe the grin off her face. I wandered whether it had anything to do with Ben who was waiting behind her, hands in his pockets, rocking back and forth from his heels to his toes. A huge grin on his sweet face.

"What's up Ange? Or should I say who's up?" I smirked looking over her shoulder in Ben's direction. She looked down shyly and then back up at me smiling sweetly and blushing.

"Yeah, um...." she giggled sweetly again. She shook her head and continued. "I was just using the bathroom upstairs, sorry, I know you don't usually like us to be upstairs but I was busting and you're never going to believe what I heard?"

Oh, oh, maybe this would get me to the bottom of why Edward went flying after Bella earlier!

"Do tell."

"I overheard Lauren on the phone, I think she was on the phone to Jess who is noticeably absent by the way."

Jesus, I _did _have my head stuck up my ass all night. I hadn't even noticed the dirty skank wasn't here. How in the fuck had I missed that? Oh that's right. Jasper. Sigh.

"Wait, what, why wasn't Jess here? Please tell me she's broken up with my dip shit of a brother?" Oh pretty please.

"Well, I can't be sure about that. But for Bella's sake hopefully."

"So you know about them then?"

"Yeah, she told me about it the other day."

I grinned. If Bella was telling people it was definitely a good sign.

"So....?"

"Oh, well it was weird, Lauren was getting upset with Jess about something, I couldn't quite tell what, there was lots of 'I can't believe you' and 'my god you work fast', but then I heard her say 'but what about Edward?' and the next thing she said was 'well I hope you don't catch anything?'."

"And it was definitely Jess she was speaking to?"

"Yes, I heard Lauren say her name."

"Well, well, well, what are we to do with this little piece of information?"

"Why little Alice what are you up to?"

"Hmmm, leave it with me Ange. Turnabout is fairplay."

I was ecstatic. What was I going to do with this piece of information? Not that it was hard facts or anything. But that little bitch was definitely up to something, I just had to figure out what the fuck I was going to do with it.

The last of the party goers disappeared. Well the ones who were going to be leaving tonight anyway. There were always a few who ended up staying. I checked under the dining room table to see if there was anyone there. Mike Newton was passed out, seems he liked the underneath of out dining room table for some reason, it's the second time he'd stayed there after a party. Rose and Em would be in the spare room, Edward had already disappeared, I presumed Bella never came back in, and I found Jasper. He was sitting on the steps leading to the top floor of the house.

"Hey there cutie," he said smiling sweetly at me.

"So.....you coming up?" I cocked my head to the side innocently. This would be out first real opportunity to be alone since our date. And I was nervous as hell.

"Is that what you want?" He asked, standing up and taking both of my hands in his. I simply nodded in reply and walked up the stairs, one of his hands still in mine as I lead him to my bedroom.

::::::

**BPOV**

I lay in my bed Saturday night wandering what the hell was going on in my head. Edward had kissed me. _He'd kissed me_. And I thought my mood swings were bad. I wasn't sure whether to be angry with him or not. On one hand I was mad as hell. He shouldn't have kissed me. But I let him, I kissed him back. I'd wanted to kiss him back. As soon as his lips met mine my body and my brain just responded as if it was the most natural thing in the world. But then my heart started pounding as I thought about James and I was rocked by guilt. I'd cheated on him. _But hang on_. He hadn't shown up. He hadn't returned my calls, what the fuck was that about? I was mad as hell at him as well.

That night I dreamed. I didn't have nightmares, I actually dreamed, and it was about my mother. She was sitting at a piano playing the piece that Edward had been playing before I walked into the room. I knew it was familiar to me when I'd heard the beautiful notes coming from the room Edward was in, but I hadn't been able to put my finger on it then. When I woke in the morning and thought back over the dream I realised she had played it when I was younger, but it wasn't something I remembered until I woke.

I sat up in bed and ran my fingers through my hair in frustration, wandering what the hell I was going to do. But I was broken from my musings by a knock at the door.

I quickly threw on some clothes and went downstairs, hesitating before opening the door. I had no idea what to expect. Or _who_ to expect more to the point. Who did I want it to be? Edward or James. James or Edward? I was afraid at the answer to that question and tried not to let my brain think about it. So I was surprised to see a man dressed head to toe in khaki green standing at the door with his back to me. He turned quickly on hearing the door swing open, I didn't even see his face, it was hidden behind a massive sea of dark red rose buds. There must have been at least two dozen of them.

"Bella Swan?" The stranger asked.

I just nodded my head in reply. I was speechless. No one had ever sent me flowers before, well, other than for my mother, and I must admit my heart rate picked up at the thought of who the sender could be. It was Valentine's Day today after all. The flowers were thrust into my hands. They were heavy to hold which was unexpected. And their scent hit me like a tonne of bricks. I watched, still dumbfounded as the delivery guy made his way down the front steps and then out of the front yard. I looked down at the roses and noticed a card taped to the side of the purple paper that they were wrapped in. But as I looked further down I was taken aback to see another bunch of flowers. They were at my feet.

A little smile crept up on my face as I looked down at a bunch of wildflowers that had been haphazardly gathered together held tight by a blue ribbon wrapped around their stems. I knelt down and studied them for a few moments but didn't pick them up. I turned my attention back to the enormous bunch of roses that were now laying across my lap. I pulled the little envelope off and opened up the card. Surprised at what I found inside.

_Bella B,_

_Forgive me. I should have been there. I'm sorry. Happy Valentine's Day my love. I miss you more than you'll ever know._

_Yours for always,_

_James_

I hated roses.

James of all people should know this. They were all over my mother's coffin the day we buried her.

I closed the card, the pang in my heart intensifying as I looked down at the beautiful scrappy bunch of flowers & foliage by my knee. Not much grew around here in winter, I was surprised anyone could find any flowers at all at this time of year from the wild. But someone had. There was a tag attached to the ribbon, face down. The roses slipped off my lap onto the floor as I flipped the tag over and looked at the brief message.

_You are the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning. I could never regret that._

My heart pounded in my chest as I re-read the words that could only have been penned by Edward's elegant hand, my mouth popped open as I realised what it meant. _You are the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning_.

Shit.

_What am I supposed to do with that?_

Was he making reference to our conversation about firsts from that night? I couldn't tell.

I picked up the bunch and studied the strange handpicked flowers that were somehow more beautiful than the roses that would have cost James a fortune. I looked at them and wandered what Jess had received this morning. Was it something impersonal like the large bunch of roses that lay in my lap? Or had Edward gone to some effort to get her something with true meaning? I stood up taking both bunches of flowers with me, confused at what I was feeling. James hadn't bothered to pick up the phone to tell me he wasn't coming at all after our fight. But he sends me a huge bunch of flowers. What's with that? And Edward picks me a bunch of flowers and anonymously leaves them on my door step with a heart stopping message.

I had no idea where to go from here. I only wish my mom was here to help me figure out what I was feeling. But somehow I think I know what she would have said. _Pick James, go with James, he's adorable, he's wonderful, he treats you so well_....and then if only she'd known the rest of it she would have been enraptured. She was always so disappointed that I never took him back, while she was still alive anyway. Then he'd helped me get better, he'd helped me in the hospital. And I was going back to Phoenix after school. What was the point in not being with him? I loved the idea that my mother knew and approved of the guy I would spend the rest of my life with.

::::::

I didn't speak to Edward that day. But I did speak to James. He called and apologised profusely for being such a child. He told me it was just because he was so jealous and missing me so much that he became hurt and angry. He wanted to know how much I loved the flowers so I tried to muster some enthusiasm about them. I looked at the wildflowers as I told him they were beautiful. James told me he would try to get up to see me next weekend. I wasn't going to hold my breath. I think I just needed a little time to calm down about the whole situation before I forgave him for not turning up.

At around 3 o'clock Alice and Rosalie arrived. Last night at the party we'd planned a girls afternoon, knowing that Emmett had a history exam to study for the next day. And that included Jasper as well but we hadn't discussed that openly. Their whole relationship seemed to still be on the down low.

We were up in my bedroom gossiping about the party when Alice started asking questions about Rosalie's and my sex lives. I knew what she was up to. But I'm pretty sure Rose had no clue what was going on between her and Jasper.

"So, does sex really hurt, like, does it hurt a whole lot or just a teensy bit?" Alice continued to flip through the magazine she was reading not making eye contact with Rose or me. Rose looked up at me raising her eyebrow while I tried to keep a straight face.

"Well...." Rose began, "that depends on who's rogering you Alice. If you're thinking of having sex with Mike Newton I'm pretty sure it won't hurt a bit, you won't feel a thing. But if you're thinking of having sex with Jasper Whitlock then I'd be ready for a bit of pain and discomfort."

Alice blushed, but didn't look up and Rose didn't bite.

"So, it hurts then. Does it get better?"

"Oh Alice, you have no idea," Rose drawled. "It's like nothing else. It's like.....it's like," I was glued to what Rose was going to say. I could see the passion and fire behind her eyes as she tried to come up with the right adjectives for sex with Emmett. I couldn't wait to hear what she was going to say because I was getting the impression I'd never felt it. Except maybe that once. "I don't know? I guess it's like the most toe curling sensation you could ever imagine. It's painful in the most pleasurable way at first and then it just becomes all encompassing like....like, fuck I don't know Alice. It's just the most fucking amazing thing. But I don't know whether it could feel that way with someone you hardly know. I think to feel that level of completeness you probably have to feel so comfortable with the person, be on a different level with the person, I guess be in love with them to feel all of that."

Alice sighed in contentment with Rose's answer. I simply screwed up my face.

"Don't you agree Bella?" Fuck, what didn't I agree with.? All of it? Well not quite. The bit about the sensations and the way it felt were spot on, although I'd only experienced that the once. The bit about having sex and not experiencing that with a stranger was crap. But I couldn't talk about that so I went with the other angle.

"Well, sex doesn't always feel....well, let's just say you can love someone and have sex that doesn't....you know. I don't know, it doesn't always......"

"Bella, does James, or let me re phrase that, did James ever.....have you ever gotten off during sex?" Rosalie asked. Fuck, why was she always so straight with her questions?

"What......" fuck how do I answer this? "Yes I've gotten off during sex."

"OK, so was that one of the most amazing sensations?" I stared blankly at Rose as I thought about my answer. It was. But it wasn't with James. Sex with James had never been about me. It had been awkward and robotic and always about James' needs. Never about mine. It was always rushed, never sweet or caring or...anything that that night with......But I had to stop myself, I couldn't keep comparing what I had with James with the one night I'd shared with Edward. For all I knew that one night with Edward wasn't actually what had happened, it was just the way it was in my mind. After all I was somewhat inebriated when we were together. But the kiss last night, surely the feeling of that kiss which brought everything flooding back was an indication that my memory from that night was in fact correct. But I couldn't get away from Rosalie's question, Alice was looking at me expectantly.

"Yeah, yeah it was." I answered honestly. Alice just looked at me knowingly, I blushed slightly and looked down at my hands in my lap to avoid her knowing eyes.

I couldn't think of anything else that night as I lay in bed after the girls had left. Was Rosalie right about the depth of feeling she thought needed to be there before sex could feel all encompassing? Either she was very wrong, or there was something about that night that had me feeling all sorts of things for Edward. As I slowly drifted off to sleep I thought about the inexplicable draw I'd had to him that night. It was there last night too, and I wasn't sure how much longer I could ignore it. I just wasn't sure I had the choice.

**A/N: So what did you think? When are these two going to get your shit together? Well, I hate authors notes that give stuff away so I'm not going to say, but let me just tell you I'm not an epic writer. Just go and read the story I rec'd at the start. You'll love it! Oh, and leave me a little review! Pretty please.**


	16. Signs

**A/N: Thanks for all of the lovely reviews...I really love the ones full of encouragement!! They always give me confidence to keep writing (gosh reading some of those other fics out there can be a bit intimidating!!)**

**CHAPTER 16: Signs**

**EPOV**

Sunday morning I was up and out of the house before I heard anyone else stir. Mom and Dad were away and everyone else was hung over as all hell. I contemplated going into Alice's room and waking her up to get her help, but she was pretty hammered when I last noticed her so I figured she'd probably be as useful as tits on a bull. And anyway, I should do this on my own, it had to come from my heart.

Mom's garden had a few flowers, but it was down by the stream I found some flowers for Bella. I picked what I could, figuring she'd appreciate something handpicked rather than flowers from the florist_. God I hope I was right about that_. I wrote a note, actually I wrote several notes before I settled on '_You are the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning. I could never regret that.' _I just prayed that she understood the meaning. She was my first, she knew that. And I hadn't regretted that night with her and I didn't regret last night. I wanted to make sure she understood that I had no regrets, when it came to her at least.

I dropped the flowers on Bella's front doorstep after I'd seen Charlie leave in his uniform. Chicken shit I know, I should have knocked. But I decided to sit in my car just down the street and wait for her to come out and get them. I was in Mom's car which she hopefully wouldn't recognise. I could be there all fucking day for all I knew but I got lucky when a delivery van pulled up out the front of Bella's. Or so I'd thought, luck was definitely not on my side when I saw what he was delivering. _Fuck_. How could my dodgy bunch of handpicked flowers compete with a big fuck off bunch of roses. They must have cost James, presumably, a fortune. I just wanted to get out of my car, run to the door and salvage what dignity I had left by throwing those goddamn handpicked flowers away.

The delivery guy knocked on the door. I saw him look down and cock his head to the side as he noticed my flowers. _Kick them to the side, just...kick them away so she doesn't notice! Please put me out of my misery._ My head dropped to my hands as I growled in frustration. When I looked back up Bella was at the door and the delivery guy was handing her the flowers. My breath caught in my throat at the sight of her, as usual. As he walked away I got a look at her face and it was stony. And then she did it, she looked down. _Shit, shit, shit_. I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel just watching the train crash as it happened.

But then she smiled. She actually kind of smiled as she looked down. She fell to her knees laying the roses across her lap looking down at my ridiculous fucking bunch of flowers. But then she pulled an envelope off the roses pulling out a card. Fuck, I couldn't even manage a proper card, I'd just attached a tag to my flowers. My inadequacy was really shining through today. _Nice work Cullen!_

She didn't look impressed with the card. _Good!_ But I wasn't out of the woods yet. Or maybe I was, I hadn't actually signed the tag, maybe she wouldn't know who it was from. Please let her have lots of admirers who could leave notes like that. That way she wouldn't know it was me!

She looked down at my flowers, reached out and flipped over the tag, the roses seemingly forgotten as they fell off her lap. I watched as her mouth dropped open as she read my message. It looked to be affecting her, more so than the note on the roses had anyway. She picked them up and looked at the flowers, studying them. They were seriously the worst bunch of flowers known to man, and I'd left them on the doorstep of the girl I had a serious thing for the morning after I'd kissed her when we both had significant others. Although I don't think 'significant' was the word I would use for Jess. Noose around my neck was a better descriptor. Bella cocked her head to the side in thought and then scooped up both bunches of flowers before standing up and going back inside.

Shit. Now I had to figure out what my next move should be. I had a few options. I could go see her today. James obviously hadn't shown up so at least I wouldn't run into him. But she may need time to calm down. At least she hadn't stomped on my flowers. Alternatively I could just leave it until school tomorrow, hope she didn't go off at me in the middle of class or in the cafeteria.

I opted for the latter, hoping to catch her in the car park first thing in the morning. If I did that it wouldn't look as desperate as it would have by showing up today, but it wouldn't have looked as cowardly as it would have when I was forced to see her in Bio.

I made my way home and by the time I got there every one seemed to be up and had either left or were in the kitchen just having finished with the clean up. Rose and Emmett were on their way out the door. Emmett just grunted at me and Rose patted me on the back on their way out. They never talked much when they were hung over.

It was just Jasper and Alice when I walked into the kitchen. They were on opposite sides of the island, she was giggling at something. Alice raised an eyebrow at me when I walked in and plonked myself onto a stool next to Jasper.

"Well good morning Edward."

"Jesus, why aren't you wrapped around a toilet bowl this morning?"

"Where did you go so early this morning dear brother?"

"Had something to do," I replied nonchalantly, reaching over and pinching some bacon off the plate that was sitting between Jasper and Alice.

"Have anything to do with you chasing Bella out of the house and Jess not being here last night?" Jasper asked without looking up at me, just smirking at Alice.

I looked up at Alice and then to Jasper, they were both smirking.

"How much did you see?"

"Not much, just another party in which you were noticeably absent, then all of a sudden I saw Bella come flying down the stairs, you flying after her out the front door only to return in a filthy mood. And then someone alerted me to the fact that Jess wasn't there at all. So tell me, did you finally break up with her?"

"What? No." I said defeated. "Her grandmother had a stroke, she had to go to Portland to be with her they don't think she's going to last very long."

"Is that right?" Alice asked incredulously.

"What?" I asked.

"Oh, nothing."

"So operation 'dump Jess' ass' has hit a bit of a hitch?"

"For now. Bella is with James anyway so what does it matter? He just sent her the biggest fuck off bunch of roses you've ever seen."

"How do you know?"

"I just left some dodgy flowers on her doorstep and then this delivery guy turns up with this huge bunch of roses that I can only assume are from the dickhead."

"Did she see you?"

"No I was in the car watching. But seriously you should have seen that shit I left for her. I didn't sign the note so maybe she won't know they're from me."

"Well there are other guys around who have a thing for her." Jasper replied. "She is pretty hot."

"Not helping Whitlock." I elbowed him in the ribs.

"So, what are you going to do?"

"Fuck I don't know. Got any suggestions?"

"Well," Alice piped up, "I'm going over there this afternoon for a bit of girl time so I'll see what I can find out for you."

"I think you need to make the grand gesture." How did Jasper know about shit like that?

"I kinda did....last night."

"What, what did you do," Alice practically screamed.

"I kissed her," I said sheepishly, knowing this would cause a barrage of questions from Alice.

"Oh my god, did she kiss you back? Please say yes."

"Yeah, she kissed me back, it was perfect. Then she pushed me away saying we had to stop and that's when you saw me chasing after her. So I just laid it all out there and told her how I felt."

"Fuck, Edward what did she say."

"Nothing, just that it was wrong and we couldn't and stuff."

"Yeah but, it's a start. I'm so excited. I'll do some recon on the flowers this afternoon. Sus out what she thinks."

It was the longest day and night in history. Alice took forever to go to Bella's and then took forever to get back. It was after seven by the time she walked into my room with a smug little smile on her face. I was lying on my bed doing some study. I think I'd read the same page about fifteen times just trying to concentrate, but I couldn't take my mind of the kiss.

"So, whatcha doin?" Alice walked in looking all smug and twirled around looking like a little fairy.

"Alice, just spill it, what did she say?" I pleaded flinging my text book on the floor next to my bed instantly losing interest in anything that wasn't related to Bella. Alice perched on the edge of my bed.

"Well, she didn't say anything. She didn't have to. When I walked into that house you could smell those freaking roses, they were asphyxiating. But I couldn't see them. We went into the lounge room and they were nowhere to be seen. Not on the dining room table either. We went up to her room and there sitting on her desk was the most miserable looking bunch of flowers I've ever seen. Really Edward, you should have asked for my help."

"I just wanted to do it myself."

"Well, for some unknown reason it seemed to work, because she'd put them in a vase in her bedroom." That had to be a good sign, right?

"But where were the roses?"

"I'm getting to that bit. So we're sitting on her bed just talking and I just couldn't contain myself any longer so I made some excuse about being thirsty and insisted I could help myself so I went to the kitchen and there they were, just sitting on the kitchen bench starting to wilt. She hadn't done anything with them. Just left them there."

"That's a good thing right?"

"Are you kidding. That's a great thing. It means she's pissed with James."

"But what about me. She was really pissed off with me when she left last night."

"Well, it doesn't look like she's pissed anymore. Or it doesn't look like she wants to be anyway."

"So she didn't say anything?"

"No, not a thing, but Rose was there as well so we didn't exactly get the chance to talk about the flowers or the kiss for that matter."

"Fuck. What now?" I ran both of my hands through my hair in frustration.

"Have you spoken to Jess today? When's she coming back?"

"Yeah I spoke to her earlier. Her grandmother's not great but she's stable. Jess just sounded really tired, like she'd been up all night at the hospital or something." I thought I heard Alice breath 'or something' under her breath. I just scowled at her and ignored it.

"So what did she get for Valentine's Day?"

"Nothing. I didn't send her anything. She left at the last minute so it's not like I had time."

"But what were you going to give her?"

"Chocolates."

Alice snorted at me and started laughing hysterically. "And here I was thinking you were an absolute pussy. You bought the most weight conscious girl I've ever met chocolates for Valentine's Day. Did you do it on purpose?"

I didn't answer, just smiled wryly at her.

"So, any secret admirers buy you anything this year Alice? Any flowers, chocolates, jewellery to speak of?" She blushed. My sister Alice actually fucking blushed. And then looked down at her hands trying to hide her smile. "Spill it Alice."

"It's nothing." She replied shyly, tracing the pattern on my blanket still hiding her face. "I'll tell you when I'm ready OK."

"Ooookay. But if he does anything to hurt you, I'll kick his ass, you know that don't you?"

"A little too well Edward," she said looking up into my eyes with a fairly serious expression on her face. I meant it, I'd kick the ass of any man that hurt my sister. I knew she still hurt over the fact that her father had done the bolt, I didn't want her to suffer anymore. I only hoped that whoever it was was worthy. She deserved to be treated like a princess.

::::::

I didn't get a lot of sleep Sunday night. I knew I had to speak to Bella this morning. If I didn't I was a pussy. There was just no other way of looking at it. I could step up and do this.

I got to school early and just sat in may car waiting, hoping like hell no one would notice me sitting there like the fucking stalker that I was. After yesterday and this morning I was really beginning to feel like one. All I needed to do now was sneak into her room at night without her permission and I was there. Fuck, that's not a bad idea. _Fuck me Cullen, get a grip. _OK, right.

The car park filled up but there was no sign of Bella yet. She was cutting it mighty fine if she wanted to get to class on time, and I was running out of time to say what I needed to say. When she finally arrived I knew the bell was about to go for first period so the speech I'd prepared would have to be cut down somehow. I got out of my car and watched as she tried to swing the behemoth of a truck into a parking space. I watched as the stupid thing rocked back and forth over the gravel a few times as she tried not to hit the other cars. It was a miracle she didn't hit anything and I couldn't help but laugh.

She looked up just at the wrong time and caught me smirking at her. _Shit, that's not good_. She just scowled at me, turned her truck off and made to get out. I walked towards her as she headed straight towards the school building without giving me a second look. But she must have heard my footsteps as I followed after her.

"I'm glad you find my parking abilities amusing Cullen." She yelled over her shoulder. My heart did a little twirl in my chest. _Don't be such a fucking girl_.

"Well, you've got to admit it's damn lucky you didn't hit anything don't you think?" I caught up to her and was now walking beside her. Casual conversation, this was good. I can smell her hair, that's not good.

"I'll have you know that my father taught me how to drive. Lots of defensive driving and all that. I'm a very good driver."

"I'm sure you are Bella, but that truck kind of takes up an inordinate amount of space don't you think? You do a fabulous job parking it."

"Are you trying to butter me up or something?"

"Yes." I smirked.

"Why?"

Hmmm, an opportunity. "You know why, I told you on Saturday night."

She stopped in her tracks biting down on her pretty bottom lip and looked down at her feet. Her hands fiddled with the strap of her backpack that was slung heavily over her right shoulder.

"Look Edward....." she looked up at me and I tried not to lose my shit. I just wanted to be with her so badly. I was drawn like a magnet.

"Bella..." I stepped towards her, closing the distance to less than a foot. I moved to place my hand on her cheek but she turned her face to the side a bit eluding me.

"We can't......." she was just staring at me so I smiled a little. I was using it and I knew it. Arrogant I know, but I was done playing Mr Nice Guy. "I mean, we just can't.....we've got to sort our shit out first OK."

Was that a green light.....well an amber one anyway. "So exactly what are you saying Bella?" I couldn't help but smile, I was doing a massive fucking happy dance on the inside.

"I mean..." the fucking bell went. _Shit._ "Look, I've got to go....it's just.......not yet alright?" And she was off, just like that. What the fuck was that supposed to mean? I think that was good. I mean, it was better than no wasn't it? I couldn't fucking wait for Biology, I'd get her talking then.

::::::

So Bio came and went and we didn't get the opportunity to talk. Banner had us taking notes all class so we just sat awkwardly next to each other and fidgeted, me running my fingers through my hair, Bella punishing her bottom lip, raking it in and out of her mouth...._yes, I happened to be looking in her direction a great deal so I did notice. Did you expect anything less?_

By Wednesday afternoon when I saw her in the parking lot just about to drive off I was going out of my mind with frustration from the lack of opportunity to talk to her privately. She didn't look like she was actually avoiding me, I noticed the odd sly glance, and she was being friendly when we did have the opportunity to speak, but there were always other people milling around so.....

Alice got into the car and was babbling on about something, she'd been like this all week, as if someone had put a firecracker under her ass and lit the fuse. The kid was on some drug of some description. All I could do was watch Bella as she drove off in her truck giving me a shy smile and a quick wave. Alice wasn't even looking in her direction so I'm pretty sure the wave was for me, and not for her. Definitely not ignoring me. _That had to be a good sign right? _

I was drawn from my day dreaming by Alice's incessant voice.

"Jesus Christ Alice can you just shut it for a few minutes, a little peace and quiet would be really good right now."

Alice stopped mid sentence and just looked at me a little shocked. "Well what's eating your ass today? It can't be that skanky girlfriend of yours as she clearly hasn't returned from whatever she's doing in...where was it...Portland."

"Shut it Alice. You know I can't do anything about that at the moment. How much of an asshole would I be if I broke up her while her grandmother's on her death bed?"

"Oh, probably no more of an asshole than you would be if you kissed another girl while you're still seeing her!"

Clearly I had no comeback for that one. I just huffed childishly and kept driving while Alice sat silently beside me. At least she wasn't rubbing it in.

"So Bella is coming over to study tomorrow night," Alice said almost to herself.

I glanced at her sideways but she wasn't looking at me, she was just looking out the window innocently. Have I mentioned how much I loved my sister.

"Is that right?" I asked.

"Hmmhmm. Maybe she'll stay for dinner." _Maybe she'll stay the night!_ Suddenly my mood lifted and I was thinking about all of the things I could do to....I mean with Bella if she were to stay the night. I'm sure Alice wouldn't mind if I absconded with her for a while.

We arrived home and Alice forewarned Esme that we may have an extra head for dinner tomorrow night and there was a possibility that she'd stay. I went upstairs and tried to keep myself occupied just so my mind would stop wandering to the possibilities of Bella and I together. I opened books and tried to study, I cleaned up my desk, which turned into a full scale clean up of my room. The possibility of Bella being anywhere near my room made me nervous. I even changed my sheets. Was I hoping to get laid....absofuckinglutely. What hormonal teenage boy wasn't. Did I really expect that I would? Not entirely.

But Being with Bella was so much more than that. I just wanted to be with her. She fascinated me and warmed my heart with just a smile or a glance. I just wanted to see her happy with that mischievous glint in her eye, like she had back in Summer, before the accident. With Jess it had never been like this. I don't think I'd ever cleaned the sheets for her. Not that she'd ever stayed the night in my bed, but she was my girlfriend, wouldn't it have been logical that I would have wanted her to stay, and in clean sheets. You would think so wouldn't you?

So when Thursday came and Bella and Alice arrived home after school I was disappointed that she wasn't carrying an overnight bag. And then she was whisked away to Alice's room to study. I thought that was just a ruse so I could spend some time with her, but I could hear them giggling and gossiping so I didn't think much studying was taking place and they certainly hadn't invited me in. I really only got the opportunity to stare at her across the dining room table. My foot brushing hers a couple of times, each time she'd look at me and she'd blush before looking down at her meal. She was so fucking cute. I don't think Jess ever blushed. Not that that was a sign of anything bad, I just really fucking loved it that Bella did, it was an outward sign that I was having some kind of affect on her.

But she didn't stay. I don't know whether she never intended on staying or whether the phone call that Esme answered right as dinner was finishing up changed her mind. But her face fell a little when we could hear Esme asking the person on the other end how their grandmother was and then saying 'I'll just get him' and handing the phone to me with a raised eyebrow. So, yeah, I'm guessing that didn't help matters.

So on Friday at school I made a decision. I was going to go to her house tonight and confront her. She already knew how I felt, I just needed to know how she felt. Exactly. I got the impression she felt something for me, I just wasn't sure what. I wanted to know what she meant when she said "not yet."

Before leaving school on Friday I caught up with Jasper. He'd been pretty quiet all week and we hadn't seen that much of each other. There was something going on with him judging by his aloofness and complete lack of perving on chicks and I realised we probably needed a bit of guy bonding time. He was at his locker shoving some books into it.

"Hey man, you doing anything tomorrow afternoon, I thought maybe we could hit the batting nets or something before going to Ben's place for that piss up."

Jasper shifted nervously. "I can't tomorrow man. Got plans."

"Really?" I eyed him sceptically. He shifted again knowing that I was onto him. "What gives man? You getting some from an unknown source? It's not like you not to brag." Jasper was a pig when it came to girls, but this seemed different.

"Yeah, well.....I don't know...." Jasper ran his hand through his hair nervously. What the fuck? "This is different."

"Who is it you sly prick?"

Jasper looked up at me sheepishly and then took a deep breath. "Look, it's new, and I really like this girl, it's not like any of the others, I think this might......I think it might be kind of.......well......serious, or something."

"Fucking hell Jas, who is it, just tell me."

"You've got to promise you won't flip out on me."

Flip out. Why would i .......... _Oh. _

_Oh shit_!

My heart began to palpitate in my chest like it was on speed or something. No, he wouldn't would he? I squeezed my eyes shut tightly and pinched the bridge of my nose waiting for him to say it was Bella. They'd always had some sort of weird connection but this.....this I was not expecting. Especially after I'd asked him not to.

"Edward, what are you thinking?"

"Is it Bella?"

"Fuck no, I know you want her you moron. I would never go after her." Thank fuck.

"It's Alice." He breathed so quietly I almost didn't hear it.

What. The fuck?

"Alice. As in my little sister Alice." Jasper just nodded his head silently. "As in sweet little innocent never been touched, never been kissed, never been fu...."

"Hey, I haven't.....we're just taking it slow. She doesn't trust me yet, and I don't want her to cop the wrath of girls like Lauren. So we're just taking it slow."

I scrunched up my face and just looked at Jasper for a really long time. I didn't know what to say. He was my best friend, and as such I should be able to trust him with my sister. But as my best friend I knew him better than anyone.

"So you haven't touched her?"

"Well, we've kissed. We went on a date a couple weeks ago. Look Edward, I really like your sister. I've always really liked her. She's...I don't know....she's just different. Special. I promise I won't hurt her."

"You bring one fucking tear to that girl's eye and I'll pound you into the fucking ground Whitlock. She doesn't need another douchebag leaving her. She doesn't deserve that."

"I'm not going to fucking hurt her....." he pleaded. I slammed my fist into the locker beside Jasper's head and walked away before I did something I may very well regret. I knew I couldn't talk Jasper out of this. But maybe I could talk some sense into Alice.

How did I not see this coming? I don't even know if I was angry about it or not. I mean, she's my sister, and he's my best friend. How did I not notice? Oh yeah, that's right, because you've had your head up your own ass trying to figure out how to dump one girl and get into the pants of another. How could I be angry at Jasper when he was actually doing the right thing? It's not like he was committed to someone else while he was trying to date Alice. Fuck my life.

I went home wanting to calm down a bit before going over to Bella's. We weren't meeting up at Emmett's this week. He and Rosalie were going into Seattle for the weekend to check out UW. We were all thinking of moving to Seattle after school and neither of them had ever been to the campus.

Esme was seated at the dining room table with shit spread all over it. There were colored pieces of paper and fluff and stickers and all sorts of crafty looking crap. And then there were photos, lots of photos everywhere.

"Good afternoon Sweetie." She chimed cheerfully as she used a machine to punch some sort of funky hole into multiple pieces of paper.

"What's all this?"

"I'm making a photo album, well there will be multiple photo albums by the time I'm finished, but I'm just starting out so..." I continued to eye her as if she was a crazy woman. Why not just put photos into a bought album like a normal person....or better yet, just move into the twenty first century and go digital. "It's called 'Scrapbooking' Edward. It's very popular." _Who knew??_

"Hmmm...OK, I guess I'll just have to take your word for it."

"So, what's going on with you? You seemed a bit quiet last night at the dinner table." Esme flicked her eyes up at me briefly with a shit eating grin on her face. I wondered exactly how much she knew.

"Just figuring stuff out, that's all," I replied.

"I thought you already had it figured out." She looked up at me and I just returned her stare as if to say I know you know I'm in a bit of shit when it comes to the girls in my life. I felt like deflecting the conversation onto Alice's current love life but I didn't know if Esme knew anything and I wasn't that much of an asshole that I'd dump her in it. "So, Bella hmmmm?"

I pulled one of the dining room chairs out and sat heavily across from her, my head dropping into my hands in frustration. "I just can't help it."

"Well, you've got yourself into a bit of a pickle then haven't you." Esme raised her eyebrow at me waiting for my answer. Like I had any idea how to answer that fucking question.

"Tell me something I don't know."

"Well, what do you plan on doing about it?"

"I can't really break up with Jess while her grandmother is just about to...you know. I can hardly do it over the phone." I picked up a couple of photos of Alice and me when we were about twelve and looked at them. Life was so much easier then, back before I hit puberty and didn't really look at girls that way.

"I see," Esme mused.

"Yeah, so I'm sort of stuck in this hell. Not to mention Bella has a boyfriend."

"Hmmm, so I hear." Esme didn't look up, just continued with her snipping and gluing. But I knew she was riveted.

"So what do I do?" I asked.

"How much do you like Bella?"

"Oh, god Esme you have no idea. The first time I laid eyes on her I was....enamoured. That was in August. We just...I don't know, we just got along so well, and we have this....chemistry I guess that I've never felt with any other girl. I can't stop thinking about her."

"And what about Jess?" Esme looked up putting her scissors down and taking her glasses off her face waiting for my response.

"God I don't know. I never felt _this_." Without even realising it I clenched my hand into a fist and put it in the middle of my chest where it hurt. I'd never felt this about anyone.

"Then why are you together Edward?" Fair question.

"I don't know, it just happened, she's a great girl, most of the time. But she doesn't do this to me. It's not like I don't care about her. I do. I just don't think about her much if you know what I mean? When we're together I make sure she's looked after and having a good time or whatever, but outside of that I've never put a lot of thought into her. It was just a bit of fun to begin with, it was never supposed to be anything serious."

"And do you think stringing her along while she's in Portland is wise. Aren't you just prolonging the agony for both of you?"

"It would just be worse if I did it now, over the phone."

"Yes, I expect you're right on that one. Well honey, I can't give you much advice on this. You've always had a pretty level head on your shoulders, I can see you get that from your father. But tread wisely here, it's more than just Jess who could end up hurt."

"I know, and I don't want to hurt Bella. She's come so far since I've been talking to her about her mom. She really opens up about her now."

"So she talks about her mother now?"

"Yeah, I get her talking sometimes, it seems to help. Although she hasn't talked about the accident yet."

"That's going to be difficult for her."

"Yeah, I know. But I'm hoping to help her with it."

"Well, she looked a lot better last night than she did when she first came back. Not as fragile, and very definitely appears to have a thing for you."

"Do you think?"

"Oh I know. The way she blushed ever time you looked at her. I'd say there's definitely something there."

I just groaned in frustration knowing more than ever that I had to go and see her. While my initial intentions were to see her so I could find out how she felt about me, now all I wanted to do was set the record straight and make some sort of amends. Make sure she knew why I had kissed her and how bad I'd felt for kissing her while I was with Jess and she was with James. Make her understand that I had every intention of righting the situation. And if she told me how she felt then so be it. If she didn't then I'd just have to wait until we we're both free to discuss our feelings.

:::::

I pulled up outside Bella's and sat in the car for a few minutes just to calm my nerves. There was a light misty rain falling now but I wasn't going to let that deter me from walking the short distance to her front door. I figured this could go one way or the other. I wasn't coming here for a repeat performance of last Saturday night at the piano. I just wanted to talk to her. Make sure she knew that Jess and I were through as soon as she returned to Forks, and that I was sorry I put her in an awkward position. Hopefully that would mean something to her.

Charlie's cruiser wasn't out the front when I arrived, but there was another car pulled up along the curb out the front. I skirted around Bella's truck and walked across the wet grass and up the front foot path. As I placed my right foot on the bottom step I looked up into the window of the family room. My beautiful Bella was standing there, her back to the window. Her beautiful brown hair was out, and I paused and watched her for a moment as she stood there so still, hoping she'd turn around and see me. My heart ached as I thought about what I wanted to stay to her, what I felt for her and how much I wanted her in my life, with me. How much I'd wanted it from that very first night, I still couldn't fathom how it had only taken one night to fall for her. But it had. In that first glance I knew I was done for.

Before I had the chance to take another step a male I didn't recognise stepped towards her wrapping his arms around her waist pulling her into him. His lips meeting hers, lingering. He pulled his head back from her and smiled briefly before pulling her into an embrace, her chin tucked under his head. He could see me out on the steps and he scowled but then smirked as my heart shattered into a million tiny pieces. It could only be James.

**A/N: Eeeek, so I'm thinking you're going to hate me for this one!**

**So, I'm going to be in Thailand next week on holidays. That means my writing will go one of two ways. Either I'll do loads, or I'll do none at all. Hopefully it's the former!! **


	17. One Down

**A/N: Sa-wat dee ka!! Had a lovely holiday in Thailand (didn't get a tan, but spent lots of time relaxing, not writing, but thinking about this chapter, so here 'tis....**

**Chapter 17: One Down**

**BPOV**

Monday was nerve racking. I knew Edward would want to talk about _the_ kiss, and probably the flowers, but I wasn't entirely sure what to say. So when we ran into each other in the car park before school (I wasn't sure whether that was accidental or whether he'd waited, given his car was in one of the best car spots that you had to be early to get and the bell was just about to go I suspect he'd been loitering), I was glad that it mostly remained kind of light and flirty between us and I was saved by the bell when he started questioning me.

Every time I turned around I'd see Edward. First in the car park, then in the hallways between class on several occasions. It made me wonder whether he was always there like that and I'd never noticed before, whether he was stalking me, which, after what he'd confessed to me was very high on the list of possibilities, or whether my feelings had developed beyond anything I'd ever experienced and so my awareness of him was heightened. I just all of a sudden seemed to be super aware of him this week and I found myself searching him out too. I just couldn't help it. It was almost like the night of the first party all over again, only far worse. I knew what it was like to be with him now, there was no mystery, I wasn't leaving, I was staying. So what was with the sudden urge to be in his presence? And why did I suddenly find that every single thing I did was with him in mind. From what I put on in the morning, to how I did my hair, where I placed my hands in class, the way I batted my eyelids, was for his benefit. Farck!

I knew I was attracted to him. I mean who wouldn't be? The only reason I hadn't pursued anything with him in the first place was due to geography. And that was most certainly no longer a problem. Now there was just the little problem of James and Jess, well, maybe not so little. Although to be honest it sounded like Jess was possibly history, for reasons that I could not fathom...other than the fact that she was a bitch. But honestly what hot blooded eighteen year old guy wouldn't be able to just ignore that inconsequential little snippet. She was stunning and they looked freaking perfect together. Eghh, it depressed me in the extreme when I thought about her _perfect_ legs wrapped around his beautifully defined legs and ass (if my memory serves me correctly). My legs, well.....let's just say, not so perfect any more.

My mind first started to slip in Biology. I'd sit there next to him completely ignoring Banner and imaging Edward sitting closer to me, his hand on my thigh. Or I'd think about what it would be like to go out on a date with him, little conversations streaming through my mind of dinner and then we'd end up at his place, his parents up in their room, the two of us laying down innocently together on the lounge, slowly kissing and caressing sweetly. And that was just the G rated stuff. At school I tried not to let my mind wander where it did when I was alone in my bed, thinking about what he did to me _that_ night. I'd think about the way his fingers danced across my skin, the feel of his thighs against mine, pressing my body into the sun lounge, pressing into me, moving with such exquisite pleasure I thought I'd explode, and I did. I'd never felt anything like it. The racing of my heart, the intensity on his face when he pushed into me and the beauty when he let go, the only orgasm I'd ever had during sex, and at this stage the only one I'd be likely to have for a long time to come.

I just couldn't help it, my mind was filled with him. I hadn't experienced this before and started to question why that was. I had a boyfriend. I was in love with my boyfriend wasn't I? Well I thought I was the first time around, I wasn't so sure about the second time around now. How could I possibly be thinking like this about Edward if I was in love with someone else? The rage I had felt when James cheated on me was so intense. But to be honest, it was different to what I felt when I thought about Edward with Jessica. I was jealous of her, for many reasons. But most of all because I had spent time watching her fawn all over him, and watched him accept the affection. It made me want to vomit. I didn't feel that when it came to what James did to me at his graduation. I was just angry that he would betray me like that. It wasn't until now that I realised I wasn't actually jealous of the fact that he had been with another girl. Just hurt that he had done it when he was supposed to be committed to me. So what did that mean about how strong my feelings were for James?

Thursday night I went over to the Cullen's for dinner. Alice had me holed up in her room most of the time wanting to talk about Jasper. And while I was very excited for her, and usually had all of the time in the world to listen to her spew forth her ravenous feelings for the boy (I'm not entirely sure even Jasper had any idea how intensely Alice was into him), all I wanted to do was go and hang out with Edward. Was that bad? Given current circumstances, _definitely_. Alice mentioned she couldn't wait for them all to move to Seattle next Fall to go to UW. Then she started hounding me for info on my plans next year.

"So Bella, what are you doing next? We haven't really talked about it."

"Well, I always intended on going back to Phoenix for College."

"Oh, right.....of course you would." She looked around thoughtfully for a few moments, a slight look of panic on her face. "But what about now? You said _'intended'_ as if that's what you _were_ thinking, but you're maybe thinking something different now?"

"I'm not sure." I know my eyebrow crinkled as I looked down into my lap trying to hide my uncertainty, this was something I think I needed to figure out on my own. But judging by the way Alice tilted her head and tried to look at my face from below I'm pretty sure she was onto me.

"So, will you be going back for James?"

I shrugged my shoulders. Yes, that was always the intention, but I wasn't so sure anymore. I had trouble enough admitting all of this to myself, let alone verbalising it to someone else. "Yeah, I guess that was always the plan. But my grandmother is there as well, and Mom....." _How much to tell?_ "My mom always wanted me to end up back in Phoenix. James meant so much to her, she freaking loved him, and I guess it would break her heart, not to mention his mom, who was my mom's best friend, it would break her heart too."

"But Bella......" Alice looked like she was trying to tread lightly. It was probably a very wise move. "firstly, when the....I mean....when your mom....you know.....you and James weren't together. So...."

"It's OK Alice. You can say _when she died_."

Alice's eyes widened a little in surprise at my statement.

"OK. So you weren't together then. And secondly, and more importantly wouldn't she.....I mean, I know Esme would want me to be happy, knowing that I made my life choices based around what _I_ wanted. Not based on what she wanted. Particularly when it comes to the person I end up with for the rest of my life?"

I wasn't sure what to say to that. My first reaction was to be angry, thinking how in the hell did Alice know what my mom would want for me. But her quick re phrase probably stopped me from biting her head off. Or maybe it was my new found ability to think about my mother without becoming an emotional cripple.

Esme called us down to dinner and I sat opposite Edward wondering how I would feel knowing that some time during the Summer I would be moving to Phoenix and he would be moving to Seattle. Not to mention Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rose. Edward wasn't the only one making me doubt my decision to go back to Phoenix. My grandmother was well off and comfortable in the home she was in. I was really only moving back there for James. That just didn't seem like enough of a pull anymore.

At school on Friday I flipped the idea around in my head. I could easily add UW to my college apps. I could just see if I got in and then make my decision. Maybe I wouldn't get in so it wouldn't be an issue, maybe I would, who knew? I certainly wouldn't if I never tried.

I got home from school on Friday with my mind pretty made up. I knew Dad would be ecstatic about my decision so I thought we could celebrate over dinner. I pulled up in my truck, it back fired once loudly before cutting out scaring the shit out of me and everyone else within a one mile radius I'm sure. I got out of my truck and there leaning up against a sleek black looking sedan parked out the front of my house was James. Holy shit. I mustn't have noticed him as I pulled in, clearly wrapped up in my own world.

My heart started to pound in my chest at the sight of him. But I couldn't tell whether it was in a good way or a bad way. He stood there smirking at me waiting to see my reaction. He was like that. He'd often just wait and watch closely for someone's reaction, reading them like a book. Usually I found it fascinating, today I just found it completely unnerving.

"So this is the famous truck I've heard so much about? The way you talk about it I thought it would be in mint condition," James said as he walked towards me kicking the back tyre as he passed it stopping in front of me and grinning like an idiot. I suspect he was waiting for me to throw myself into his arms. But after a moment I suspect he probably realised I was still a little pissed after he didn't show up last weekend so he bent down and wrapped his arms around me, picking me up and spinning me around.

"What are you doing here?" I squealed as he spun me around.

"I missed you so much baby. I wanted to make up for last weekend. I'm so sorry I didn't come." He put me down and his lips were on mine before I had a chance to respond. They were warm and a little insistent as he tried to deepen the kiss. It took me straight back to Saturday night's kiss and to what I felt when Edward's lips were on mine. The two just didn't compare.

But was that the difference between the familiar and the unfamiliar? Would kisses with Edward become warm and familiar after a period of time, after the honeymoon was over, instead of electric and knee weakening. I backed away from James a little realising that his kisses never felt like Edward's. The realisation coming down like a ton of bricks making me push him away further as I didn't want him touching me. I saw the look on his face and quickly covered up my move.

"Come on, come inside. I've got nosy neighbours," I said as I looked up and down the street at my nonexistent nosy neighbours.

_Shit.....shit, shit, shit,_ was all I could think as James walked behind me following me up the stairs into the house. My heart was racing in a panic as I figured out what the fuck I was going to do. I wasn't feeling this. I didn't want him here. At all. In a week I'd gone from wanting him here and meeting my friends, to wondering how the fuck I could get rid of him and what the fuck did that mean? I needed to calm down and have some time to think this through a little. But he was here with no warning so I wasn't going to get that.

We made a little small talk about how he got here and how long he intended on staying. By plane & then hire car, and the whole weekend were his answers.

I opened the door to the house and held it as he followed me in. I wiped my palms down the front of my jeans as I leaned against the door hoping he wouldn't notice my nervousness. I watched him as he walked through into the living room looking around as he went. I noticed his eyes fall on the furniture, the window and floor coverings as he looked a little disdainfully at his surroundings.

"So, this is it. Home sweet home." I said, breaking the silence.

James scoffed a little then laughed at my comment pulling me in towards him. "I'd hardly call it sweet Bella. But I guess it's only been your Dad living here so....."

"So what?" Why was everything about him pissing me off?

"Well clearly he's not into...you know, modern living."

I looked around us at what I called home. "It's my home James, I grew up here. I live here now."

"I know babe, I'm sorry I'm just tired. But it won't be your home for too much longer, I've fixed up the spare room at Mom & Dad's for you for when you move back and start college."

I pulled out of James' embrace and sat heavily on the lounge.

"James.....? What do you mean you've fixed up the spare room, I'll be living on campus when I go to college."

Why in the hell should he live in a frat house while I live with his mother and father?

"Well, we'll have all of summer before you start college so you'll need somewhere to stay come June. And honestly Bella, you don't want to live on campus. It's so noisy in the dorms, you won't get enough sleep, and I know how much you love your sleep right?" James was now sitting on the lounge next to me and was holding my left hand in his, rubbing circles around the palm of my hand. "There are just constant parties and drinking and people are loud and obnoxious and I know how much you hate all of that stuff. Honestly you'll be so much happier at their place. Mom can cook you meals and help you with our washing and stuff. And it would be so much cheaper as well. Just think of how much money we'll save if you stay there."

"James, money isn't an issue," I snapped.

"Yeah, but wouldn't it be better not to spend it so we can buy a place as soon as we leave college."

"James, there's plenty there for all of it. But what makes you think I don't want to party a little?"

"Oh Belle, I know you. You hate that scene. And trust me it's full on."

"Well....." I said standing up and walking towards the window turning back towards him before continuing. "If it's OK for you then how come it isn't OK for me?"

"Oh, silly Bella. I'm a guy, I can handle myself, but I know you don't like drinking, that scene just isn't your thing, it's one of the things I love about you. You're so sweet and innocent, I don't want any of that corrupting you." James stood and walked towards me, his arms snaking around my waist. He looked down into my eyes before pressing his lips to mine. I had to let him do it again, I had to find out if what used to be there was gone, but all I could think about was Edward and how this just didn't compare to him. I let James hold me for a few moments before wriggling free and stepping away so I could gather my thoughts before facing him.

"James, I'm thinking of going to college in Seattle." There. That was easy, just straight out with it.

James' face was blank as he studied mine looking for more information. He stormed toward the window suddenly before banging his fist against the window sill. I'd never seen him react so angrily towards something before. He was usually much more cool calm and collected when faced with something that didn't go his way. I watched him take a deep breath before turning around to face me.

"Well, that changes things a bit doesn't it?" Not the response I was expecting. But I probably should have. "What bought this on?"

"My friends here are all going to Seattle. I want to go with them."

"So have you decided? Were you going to make this decision without discussing it with me at all?" His tone was accusing, it unnerved me further.

"I haven't decided no. I've only been thinking about it over the last couple of days."

"What about your grandmother? Do you think you can just leave her there in that home. She gets pretty lovely you know."

"Grandma's fine. She's got loads of friends in that place. She's even got a new man friend, and I'll still see her from time to time. This will mean I can see more of my Dad."

James placed his hands in his pockets and looked down at his feet. "What about me? What about us Bella?"

I wasn't sure what I could say to that. This is what I had needed time to think about, how to phrase it. I wasn't sure. But I just knew, with that last kiss, there was nothing there. This would break my mother's heart. It would break mine knowing I was cutting my last connection to Phoenix. But I couldn't follow that dream anymore, it wasn't mine and it wouldn't make me happy. Alice was right.

I shook my head slowly from side to side. "I don't know what it means for us James."

"But what about your mother? She'd be so upset. She wanted you in Phoenix."

"My mother would have wanted me to be happy James."

"But she wanted us together. She would have been so happy knowing you chose to come back to me after what happened."

"James......I....I didn't choose to come back to you. You were just there."

"I fixed you. I spent all of that time helping you get better Bella." I knew James well enough to know that he was going to use every trick in the book to get me to change my mind.

"I know James, and I couldn't have done it without you."

"I helped you walk again. I kept all of those horrible people away from you when they just wanted to talk to you about your mom. I failed two subjects last semester because I spent so much time in the hospital helping you get better."

And there's the guilt trip. Normally I would have given in to this argument, but I was stronger now.

"James, I didn't ask you to do any of that for me. I didn't ask you to come to the hospital after the accident, I didn't ask you to stay. There were therapists who were hired to help me but you insisted you could do it. And I need to talk about my mother. If I don't talk about her I'll forget, I need to talk about her, there are people here who talk to me about her and it makes me feel so much better."

James just stared at me in disbelief. I think he was in shock at my ability to argue with him. Or maybe he was thinking about his next move, it was hard to tell.

"Maybe I could transfer?"

"What?"

"Maybe I could transfer to Seattle in the Fall."

My mind was blank for a few moments.

"James you can't do that?"

"Why?"

Why? Because the thought of James and Edward in the same room was just too........I just couldn't think about it. It wasn't going to happen.

I suddenly realised that my need to go to college in Seattle was only half about going with my friends, going with Edward. It was also about getting away from James. And that put a completely different light on this situation.

"Because this...." I motioned between him and I. "I don't think.......I don't think there is an 'us' anymore James."

He stepped towards me taking my hand in his holding it tightly. "Bella, I can't believe you're doing this. I mean after everything. All of the operations, the scars. You wouldn't even let me touch you, what are you going to do when someone else tries to.......tries to touch you? I know about the scars, how are you going to explain the....the _ugliness_ to someone who doesn't understand, who wasn't there, who didn't love you before hand?" James' hand had slipped to me wrist and he squeezed it more tightly as I tried to rip it from his iron grasp but he was stronger than me. "No one is ever going to want you when they see those scars Bella," James spat at me.

"What the hell is going on in here?" I hadn't heard my father come in. In two strides he was at my side taking hold of James' arm wrapping it behind his back and pinning him roughly up against the wall. My dad was considerably taller than James and didn't have any problems detaining him. "Who the hell are you?" His voice was menacing, it was his cop voice.

James didn't answer him right away, I could see the annoyance on his face as he figured out the best way to deal with the current situation.

"Dad, it's OK. This is James."

Charlie forced James' arm a little further up his back before loosening his grip. "Why were you talking to my daughter that way?"

"Charlie, just let him go. We need a little more time and then James will be _leaving_." Dad looked at me with a worried expression on his face and then let go of James warily. He stared him down for a few moments and then backed away with his hand on the gun that was perched menacingly on his hip.

"I'll be in the kitchen."

"OK, I'll just be a moment," I said in reply. To be honest, Charlie had just scared the fuck out of me with that move. But it made me feel safe knowing he was there.

James and I stared at each other as Charlie made himself scarce. Well, as scarce as a cop could when he'd just seen his daughter being threatened.

"Look James...."

"I don't want to hear it Bella. I know what this has to do with." His reply startled me given what had just happened with my father.

"What?"

"I know this has to do with that guy you were with." James voice raised towards the end of his statement, I can only assume so Charlie would hear him.

"James it has nothing to do with that. It has to do with me and you. We live thousands of miles away from each other. We got back together because of the accident. We broke up because......." Because of something I was now guilty of as well, probably best not to bring that up. "Look....it's just, I don't feel the way I used to James." I don't feel with you what I feel with him.

James looked a little shocked. He could see I meant business. I'm not the girl I was when I left Phoenix, I'm more like the girl I was before the accident, when I told him to go to hell after he cheated on me. He looked down at his feet before looking up at me. Hi eyes were glistening. Oh, god, I started feeling awful.

"Can I.......can I call you maybe, maybe when I get back? I don't want this to be over Bella."

"James, do you really think that's the best way?"

"I just want to know that you're OK and that you're safe. I just......I've just really missed you and I can't believe.....I just....." he shook his head as if trying to take in what had just happened.

"I think it's time you left son." Charlie said from just behind me in a cold menacing tone.

James looked up at him and then back at me. He took a step towards me leaning and placing one last kiss on my cheek. It was wet and it sent a chill down my spine.

"Bella......see you later."

"Good bye James." I called as I watched him walk out the door, my father's hand on my shoulder gently holding me in place, stopping me from following him out the door. We stood there in silence for a few minutes as I took in what had just happened.

I think I just broke up with James. I wasn't one hundred percent sure what to think about that. My mind drifted straight to Edward. One of the barriers was now gone. I kind of felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders, despite the feeling of Charlie's hand that was still resting there. I felt his lips press against my hair as he dropped his hand.

"So, that was James."

"Hmmmm, that _was_ James."

"Listen Bells, what he said about your scars..."

"You heard that bit?"

"Yeah. What he said, I mean......I haven't seen all of your scars, but.......what he said....it wasn't right. No one will think that they're ugly Bella. When someone loves you, you know that stuff doesn't matter right?"

I shrugged my shoulders. It wasn't something that I'd tested yet. James never touched me after the accident. I hadn't wanted him to and I was pretty sure he didn't want to. He'd seen the scars, and his usually stoic face had faltered at the sight of them. And while they were very slowly fading, getting ever so slightly lighter every day, they would never disappear. The Bella that Edward claimed he couldn't get out of his head was no longer what she used to be. The accident changed so many things in such a short time.

**A/N: So based on all of the reviews I'm thinking there should be a few happy little campers out there now that Bella has finally seen the light!!**

**Please review and let me know what you think! **


	18. Relapse

**A/N: The start of this chapter is set the Friday night Edward saw Bella with James (still)**

**CHAPTER 18: Relapse**

**APOV**

"Where the hell have you been all night? Mom is worried sick about you." I called after Edward who didn't reply as he hauled ass up the stairs past me in a rush to get to his bedroom, or away from me, I wasn't sure which. Shit, things with Jasper mustn't have gone well. I knew Jasper was planning to say something to him about the two of us. I was just hoping Edward would respond a little better than _this_.

I had my head stuck in the hallway closet looking for the rest of our sleeping bags. I was hoping to air them out this weekend before our camping trip next week. I had found our summer weight bags in the garage, but not our warmer winter ones. Peering up high I spotted a couple of them right up the top. I precariously scaled up the shelves tugging at the two sleeping bags I could see. Mine and Mom & Carlisle's bags came tumbling down over my head toppling me over with them making me lose my grip and land unceremoniously on the floor on top of them.

As I looked up I noticed Edward looking down at me on my ass with a scowl on his face. Shit this must be bad, what could be funnier than seeing your sister fall from three feet up in the air on to her ass. Not even a smirk.

"Get it over with Edward," I huffed just waiting for him to let me have it.

"Get what over with?"

I cocked my head to the side not wanting to say any more and incriminate myself just in case Jasper had chickened out. But I thought that was unlikely given his excitement about telling Edward and ostensibly bringing our relationship out in the open so we could spend more time together. The prick was going to make me squirm.

"Whatever it is that's up your ass, just spill it Emoboy." He hated it when I called him that. Actually, I rarely called him that. It was usually Jasper or Emmett who gave him shit about that stuff.

"That'd be right. You start seeing my best friend and his smartass shit starts rubbing off on you. Well I hope that's the only thing rubbing off on you?"

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

"It means......" Edward took a deep breath and when he started talking again he seemed to have calmed down considerably. "Ali, look Jasper is......well, I know I don't have to tell you what Jasper is like. I'll fucking kill him if he does anything to hurt you OK."

"He's not going to hurt me Edward, I can just feel it."

"Ali, you don't know that. Look, I really hope you're right. I mean," Edward fiddled with something in his hands, he looked contemplative and then resigned, "I can see that he's been different lately..."

"He has? You can tell?" I asked excitedly from my position still on the floor.

"Yeah, I mean, he's just been, I don't know, well, quiet, but in a good way. He's been happy, like a weight has lifted from his shoulders or something. He hasn't even mentioned any other girls in a few weeks and he seems like he's been kind of protective of you as well. I think that's a good thing." Edward nodded as if trying to convince himself or something.

"Yeah it is isn't it?"

"It's the way it should be. He's even ditched me to spend time with you. That's not normal for us, usually it's '_bro's before ho's'_ and all that bullshit with Jasper and I. But he kept you to himself for a while.....and Ali I don't think it was because I'm your brother and I'd beat his ass if I found out. I think maybe it's because he really likes you. So....."

I looked down shyly at the mess that was all over the floor from the closet. What Edward was saying meant a lot to me. It helped me trust my feelings for Jasper just that much more.

"Thanks Edward. We're just taking it slow though. I don't want to rush into things with him. I know what he's been like. I don't want to be another notch you know?"

"Ali, Jasper has never spent too much time pursuing a girl who didn't put out for him. If you're not putting out and he's still hanging around I'd say he's probably pretty serious."

"I hope so." I blushed at the thought, it made me all warm and gooey inside with the thought that Jasper was actually being genuine with me.

"What the fuck are you doing here anyway? Do you need some help or something short stuff?"

"I'm looking for all of our camping gear, but I can't find your winter sleeping bag."

"It got burned last time we went camping remember?"

"Oh shit that's right, with the burning marshmallow that Emmett threw and we couldn't put out. That was funny. You can just use Mom & Carlisle's double bag."

"So is that next weekend?"

"Yup," I replied standing up and putting a couple of boxes back in the closet that had fallen down with me.

"OK I guess I better pull out the tents." Edward went to walk away then turned suddenly. "So who's going this year? Just the usual?"

"Plus Bella of course," I replied. He grumbled and walked away. God these two were going to be the death of me. Now that Jasper and I were together, although still had a long way to go, I'd have to start spending some time working on these two.

The weekend was slow and a little painful. Edward just moped around the house all weekend. Honestly, I couldn't work out his mood swings. The whole flower situation had seemed to cheer him up somewhat after I'd given him the news that Bella had responded well to his flowers and done nothing with James'. Then all week they seemed to dance around each other, silently flirting which was just too cute. So I didn't see what was with the bad mood. It was just weird. Maybe it was because he knew he probably wouldn't see Bella over the weekend, maybe the whole Jess situation was getting to him. Who knew?

Jasper came over on Saturday afternoon and stayed for dinner and watched a couple of DVD's. Edward went out thank god and left Jasper and I to ourselves, although Mom and Carlisle were hanging around, but they mostly kept themselves fairly inconspicuous.

I didn't speak to Bella over the weekend so I was excited to see her on Monday morning and give her what little I had to report on Jasper's and my progress. We'd gotten as far as second base with definite movement to third base but didn't quite get there. Definitely lots of groping above the belt, under clothes, and a very little below the belt before Jasper pulled away saying if we didn't stop soon he wasn't going to be able to. I was giddy with excitement.

Bella pulled up in her truck in the school car park on Monday just after Edward had parked his car. She got out looking bright and bubbly and I looked over at Edward expecting him to brighten on seeing her but the look on his face didn't change. If anything, it looked a little sad.

"Good morning Bella. How was your weekend?" I asked.

Bella jumped down from her truck. "Hey Alice," she replied, "hey Edward," she called over my head in Edward's direction looking a little shyly at him.

"Bella," was the only reply he gave her.

"So? What did you get up to?" I asked her as I surreptitiously looked over at Edward the Emo fucktard.

"Oh......um, not a lot actually.....just....um......mostly hung out at home," she replied sounding a little nervous or something. "Caught up on some study. Nothing big. How about you two?" Bella looked expectantly between Edward and I, her eyes lingering a little longer on Edward's face than mine. Edward was just looking down at his right foot that was swirling circles around in the gravel.

I looked between the two of them waiting for Edward to reply first, but he just rolled his eyes and looked off in the distance. Bella looked at him strangely and then looked down at her hands, looking a little hurt and a whole lot confused.

"Well," I jumped in, "Jasper and I hung out on Saturday night." Edward rolled his eyes again, and Bella looked at him and then back to me. "We told him."

"Correction, Jasper told me, you were too chicken shit to bother telling me," he dead panned.

"Whatever," I replied, it was my turn to roll my eyes.

"Other than that, I didn't get up to much." We started walking to class. "Actually, I did start getting our stuff ready for camping this weekend. You're still in right?"

"Ah, well...um, sure," she answered hesitantly, looking over at Edward before continuing, "that's if you've still got room for one more. I wouldn't want to cramp your style or anything."

"Oh, Bella, of course we have room. Rose and Em are taking their own tent this year and we have two tents of our own so there's plenty of room. I can't wait, we're going to toast marshmallows and hot dogs and Emmett has a couple of bottles of Tequila for shots." Bella blushed and Edward just shoved his hands in his pockets at the mention of Tequila shots. What the fuck was going on with these two? I had to get to the bottom of it, because I doubt either of these two were capable.

Bella and I were in English by the time I had a chance to really chat to her. It was weird, her eyes were sparkling and she looked better than I'd ever seen her look. She had on a pair of jeans I'd never seen that hugged her ass snugly, the top she wore seemed a little more snug fitting than usual, but still conservative enough, and she had on what I thought was probably a new pea coat and awesome brown leather boots over the top of her jeans that looked like they probably cost a bomb.

"Bella, have you been shopping without me?" I asked as I eyed her up and down as she sat next to me.

She blushed slightly, looking up and down at her new clothes. "Yeah, I went into Port Angeles on the weekend. How did I do?" She asked nervously. Bella and I had never really discussed her clothes before, she always seemed to avoid the subject.

"You did great, you look hot. Mike Newton was checking you out on the way into class. Couldn't get his eyes off your ass"

"Oh....eew, not what I was going for."

"Well what were you going for? I think you're wearing a little make up too?" She definitely had on a little eyeliner and mascara.

"Perhaps."

"What gives Bella? You finally making a play for that brother of mine?"

"What? Noooo..." Definitely too quick to answer that time.

"Whatever you say Bella." She just blushed again and turned and looked the other way as the teacher started rabbitting on about our assignments that were due at the end of the week.

The one thing I'd gotten to know about Bella since we'd met was that clothes just didn't seem too important. She wasn't a complete disaster, but it never came up in conversation and she didn't look like she put a huge amount of effort into it. But today was different, and if I think about it, she'd lifted her game a little last week. But today was different, she looked hot, like she was trying to attract some attention.

**EPOV**

She got out of the car looking just, gah, I don't fucking know, better than I'd ever seen her, if that was possible. She had a stupid twinkle in her eye that _he_ had put there. I had to look away, I just couldn't look at her knowing what I couldn't have. She was looking achingly beautiful today. I could see she looked at me expectantly a few times which just confused me more. What did she expect of me now? What could she possibly expect from me after she'd spent the weekend with _him_? Jesus, I couldn't even say his name. We were getting so close, there were so many signs that something more was.....was....imminent. But then he has to come to town and in one moment ruin it all.

While it still didn't change where I stood with Jess.....her ass was still toast.....it put a dampener on everything I had going on in my life. Everyone around me was fucking happy. Alice and Jasper seemed to have become two fucking loved up love birds or some shit. Rose & Em were getting more and more serious every day. I had just made the biggest monumental judgement call with Jess that has ever been. I mean, what was I thinking? I knew what it felt like, I knew what....I don't know.....real lust, deep rooted attraction, dare I say love felt like. So why did I settle for anything less than that? Why did I think that being with someone who reminded me of the girl who had had a profound effect on me was a good idea? _Probably because you were getting laid moron. _

That one night with Bella opened up in me an aching need to have someone to be close to. Only I wasn't finding it where I was looking. All of those girls who threw themselves at me once they knew I was open for business were just too easy. _Just try it_, I'd tell myself. _What have you got to lose_, certainly not your reputation. That sort of shit only enhanced a guys reputation around here......in the eyes of those who didn't matter anyway. I didn't feel the regret at the time. I didn't feel anything at the time. After Bella I just couldn't feel anything for anyone else or anything else, try as I might. But Jess was nice, she felt nice, she looked nice, she made me feel....nice. But not like Bella, she didn't make me feel the way Bella did. The way she'd look at me and blush, the feel of her soft hair, her mischievous smile and that giggle that made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end.

But now that Bella was back I felt the regret. The regret of being with the wrong girl. I felt everything now. The numbness, the rawness the pure agony of not having the girl I so desperately wanted. During my morning classes on Monday I decided to stop being such a fucking pussy about it all. Stories of unrequited love abounded everyday life, people lived, they survived. And then there were those who found love again. Fuck, I was only eighteen, we'd had one night together, surely a little heart break after that wasn't all that I was destined for. There would be someone else out there, one day. Just not here. Not in Forks.

And not in Seattle.

I had to get away from the happy people. Maybe east coast would be a better option next year than Seattle. What better way to get over your first love than to move to the other side of the country. I mean it was only one night....oh, and another kiss....surely the feelings I had for Bella couldn't run so deep that it would ruin me forever.

With a determined air about me I went into Biology, after avoiding everyone at lunch, took my seat and patiently waited for my lab partner to take her seat.

She walked in, biting her lip looking down shyly before looking up and smiling softly at me. Smiling at me as if she knew something, as if there was something going on between us. God, why did she have to do that? Why was she flirting with me? Her boyfriend was here over the weekend, yet she was doing this to me. Didn't she know this was going to tear me apart? Unless of course she didn't care for me at all and she was just playing games with both of us. After all, how well did I really know Bella? We had this ridiculously strong connection yes. But that didn't mean I could trust her, that I should trust her. That didn't mean that she was worthy.

What the fuck am I saying? Why the fuck am I judging her when I was in a relationship with someone else....if you could call the current state of what Jess and I had a relationship?

Didn't stop me from seething as Bella sat down next to me with that expectant look still on her face.

"Hey," she whispered almost inaudibly. I could tell she was still looking in my direction, her backpack on the desk, her arms resting over the top of it as she waited for my response.

"Hey," I replied politely but didn't look at her.

"Is something wrong Edward?" She asked with concern in her voice. I still couldn't see her face, but I froze as she reached out and touched my forearm.

I looked down at her delicate hand that was resting just above my wrist shooting tingles down my spine, Banner came into the room so I quickly considered my answer.

"I don't know Bella, you tell me?" I spat venomously at her before turning my attention back to Banner who had commenced talking to the class. It was a rhetorical question, I knew she wouldn't have time to answer and I didn't even wait to see the response on her face before I turned away. I didn't want to see the guilty look on her face, I'd seen enough of that and I was done. But I could tell she stiffened beside me as she quickly withdrew her hand from my arm. She shifted beside me as she took her notepad from her bag and then dumped her bag on the floor.

She scrawled something on her notepad and pushed it across the table towards me. It took all my strength not to look down at it. I don't think I've ever concentrated so hard in all my life on a biology class. But I honestly didn't hear a thing that Banner said. It just went in one ear and out the other as I debated looking down to see what she'd written there.

I was aware of Bella shifting uncomfortably in her seat every twenty seconds or so. Her head would also subtly shift in my direction each time she glanced up at me to see whether I was going to even read the note, let alone respond. Finally, I just couldn't help myself. I glanced down briefly.

_**I'm confused ???**_

What the fuck did she have to be confused about? Wasn't it obvious? How could she sit there so fucking innocently as if nothing had happened and tell me _she _was confused? So I responded. I told myself I wasn't going to, but I just couldn't help myself.

_**Well so the fuck am I !!!**_

It was all I could come up with. Enlightening I'm sure. But right at this point in time I felt no need to enlighten Bella as to what my problem was. If she couldn't fucking figure it out then clearly she didn't care at all about me and she was a too timing little bitch.

_I know, I know. I can't talk._ But at least she knew why Jess and I were still together and that as soon as I could see her in person it would be over. This was so fucked up.

****

I endeavoured to ignore Bella for the remainder of the week. A difficult task given I sat next to her in class every day and ate lunch at the same table and had a sister who appeared to be BFF's with her. But I was just so pissed off about the whole James thing. I mean, I wasn't misinterpreting what had happened was I? They were definitely kissing, and while it wasn't a full on passionate kiss it was definitely the type of kiss you'd share with a significant other.

As the week wore on I could see Bella's demeanour around me change. Monday she was all shy and flirty until Biology, after which time she just seemed to be kind of a bit confused. I guess she'd seen enough of my bad moods to know not to push me so she became very quiet and withdrawn from me, but still looking over in my direction probably just checking out the state of my mood.

Through this time I spoke to Jess every other day. Her grandmother was gradually going downhill, and every time I spoke to her it sounded like she had very little time left. I'd contemplated getting in my car and going to Portland to see for myself and then if she wasn't too bad breaking up with her. But there was always a reason not to go.

By the end of the week Bella just looked pissed off. She wouldn't even look at me. The hurt look had been wiped from her face and she looked angry, although she didn't seem to be taking it out on me, she just made it quite obvious that she wasn't going to give me the time of day anymore. Although given that she was angry probably meant that she still cared.....in some way.

On Thursday after school Alice kissed Jasper good bye before he opened the passenger door of the Volvo for her and she climbed in. Clearly they were out of the closet now, which I guess was a good thing. Although it probably wouldn't take long for Alice to start copping shit from Jasper's little fan club.

"What's up Ali? You look like you've got something on your mind," I asked as she buckled up her seat belt.

"Hmmm, I do." She went to open her mouth to say something else and then closed it before looking over at me.

"What's up?"

"I just...." long silent pause as she continued staring at me. "I'm just trying to piece a few things together in my head."

Strange. "Like what?"

"Well.......I think.....I'm not sure.......but," she stopped and looked out the car window and then back at me with a determined look on her face. "What's up with you and Bella this week?"

"What?"

"Well, last week the two of you could hardly keep your eyes off each other. This week you look like you can't stand each other. What's with that?"

"What's she said?" There's no way Alice wouldn't have asked this question of Bella already?

"She has no idea. But I think she's really hurt by it, I can see her retreating into herself again. She started out the week so well, now I'm not even sure if she's coming camping with us."

As we drove home I contemplated what I should tell Alice. I wasn't sure if she knew about James being here. I mean, she was Bella's closest friend so I found it strange Bella wouldn't have told her. But surely if Alice knew something she would have said something to me right?

I looked over at Alice briefly and just blurted it out, "James visited her on the weekend."

I've never seen Alice's head whip around and look at me so quickly. But she didn't look entirely surprised, just thoughtful again. "Hmmmm." Was her only response after a long, calculated pause.

"Did she tell you?" I asked her.

"No, she didn't breath a word to me. How do you know he was here?"

"I saw them together on Friday night. I went to her house to see her to.......I just needed to see her and when I walked up the front path I could see her inside with a guy I'd never seen before. He kissed her and then hugged her, so I left."

"What sort of kiss and hug? Did she look happy or sad? What did he look like? Are you sure it was him?"

"Slow down a bit Alice. One question at a time."

"What sort of kiss and hug?"

"I don't know, it was....." I didn't want to think about this again. "It was sort of tender. Not like, I'm really fucking excited you're here, it was just kind of a peck on the lips, but it was slow and lingering. And then he tucked her under his chin and hugged her tight. That's when he saw me."

"Wait what. He saw you?" Alice looked at me with a shocked expression on her face.

"Yeah, he looked up and scowled at me. Then it was weird, he smirked at me. It was kind of like a victory sign or something. As if I was the loser and he'd just won this epic battle." It made me want to vomit.

Alice was still looking incredibly thoughtful, as if piecing a whole heap of things together in her head.

"Didn't Bella tell you he came to visit?" I asked her.

"No, not a word. But it explains why you've been in such a filthy mood since Friday night. Have you talked to her about it?"

"No, clearly there isn't any point. She obviously still has something going on with him."

"Oh and you're shit doesn't stink any?" She accused....quite rightly.

"It's over between Jess and I. We all know it."

"Yeah, all except for her," she scoffed.

"Yeah, well. As soon as I get the chance I'm going to break up with her. I just think it's a real asshole move to do it while her grandmother's just about to die."

"She's been just about to die for over two weeks now. While I don't mean to be insensitive, how long are you going to wait for that to happen?"

"Fuck Alice, I don't know?"

"Anyway, we're a bit off topic here. So this new development is _very_ interesting," she said.

"Interesting isn't the word I was thinking."

"Shut it, I'm thinking." She was silent for a couple of minutes before taking a deep breath and looking over at me with a grin on her face.

"What?" I asked.

"I think Bella broke up with James on the weekend." She was looking at me with this fucking expectant look on her face.

"While I really want that to be true," more than you have any fucking idea in the world, "don't you think she would have said something to someone. I mean to _you_ at the very least."

"Well, she probably would have told _you_. But did you give her a chance? I mean you were pretty much an asshole to her as soon as you got out of the car Monday morning, and I'm assuming by her mood this week it didn't improve."

"That's not enough to say that they broke up. I mean, did you see how happy she looked on Monday morning?" Did you see how beautiful she looked?

"Of course I did. And did you see the way she was looking at _you_?"

"She may have just been looking like that because she had a great weekend with her boyfriend she hasn't seen in a couple of months. Perhaps she got laid?"

Alice scoffed. "You and I both know that she hasn't slept with anyone since you and her were together in August. Anyway, I have more....."

"OK, out with it then."

"Well, Bella looked incredible on Monday, she'd been shopping, by herself. She had a little make up on. Why would she do that if she wasn't trying to impress someone? James was probably gone so it wasn't him, she would have been trying to impress someone she was seeing at school. And I just happen to know it was you."

I rolled my eyes at her. This still didn't prove anything.

"She also happened to make a comment on Wednesday in English. I didn't quite pick up on it at the time, but I've been rolling it around in my head ever since and now with what you told me I'm convinced that I'm right." She sat there thoughtfully for a few moments not elaborating.

"Welllll....?"

"Oh, right. She said something along the lines of 'well I don't have to worry about that anymore' when I was talking about my nightly phone conversations with Jasper and how much my phone bill was going to be. And I know she used to speak to James most nights, and I've heard her complain before that eighty percent of the time it was her having to make the call."

"Why don't you use the home phone instead of your cell?"

"Because someone could pick up down in the kitchen or in Mom & Carlisle's room and listen." Oh I did not want to know what they talked about....or shit, what they did. "But what do you think now?"

"I don't know Alice," I replied. I was the one deep in thought now. I started thinking about everything she'd said trying to figure out what it meant. Could she have broken up with him? I mean, she'd said last week that we couldn't be together _yet_, implying that we needed to get rid of our other halves. But that was before he came to visit. That might have changed everything. And they kissed. Why would she kiss him if she was going to break up with him?

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews......let me know what you think!! **


	19. Fidelity

**A/N: ****Thanks for all of the reviews to the last chapter! So sorry this one took forever. It was a tough one to write, but it's super, super long (for me anyway) ...so here 'tis.**

**Also, thanks to the crazy reviewer who nominated this story for a 'Twilight All Human Fanfiction' award. LNIF has been nominated in the 'fan-fiction with the most well developed characters' category. I feel very honoured that someone would nominate me, but seriously...go have a look at who I'm nominated with...that's just nuts. Some of my favourite stories are on that list – and they're super incredible. So while I have absolutely no chance of coming close to winning, it still made me feel super good (unfortunately it didn't make me write quicker...oops). Go have a look at twilightallhumanawards(DOT)webs(DOT)com (remember to replace the (DOT) with proper dots!), to vote for your faves (and if that's me I'd be honoured (excuse the spelling – I'm an Aussie)). I think voting starts 1****st**** June.**

**CHAPTER 19: Fidelity**

**BPOV**

Waking early Saturday morning I lay in my bed contemplating the previous week and wondering why in the hell I was still going on this camping trip. And not just because tonight was going to be so goddamn freaking cold. Edward had been an asshole to me all week. Something was clearly up his ass but he had been entirely unwilling to share with me what it was.

The whole week I'd been so confused. Breaking up with James felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I had not realised until now just how much our relationship was based around my recovery. He'd come back into my life and made out like I needed him. And perhaps I did, I don't know. I just never really had the chance to find out. The recent time away from him had enabled me to start grieving for my mother properly. Instead of avoiding it all I embraced it, embraced her. The nightmares were still there, but not as frequent. I was starting to think they'd be there until the time I confronted the accident and what had happened. I still wasn't very good at that yet. But I have to admit the thought that my last long term connection to my mother was gone was the hardest thing to come to terms with. She'd wanted James and me to end up together, forever. After she died the thought that she had at least met the man I was going to be with for the rest of my life seemed so important. More important than perhaps my own opinion on the subject. I realised now that was a bit stupid.

Monday was such a letdown. Arriving at school I'd been _so_ excited to see Edward. Despite his relationship with Jessica I was at least now available, and I just couldn't wait to tell him. But it didn't take long to realise there was something seriously off about him. His mood continued throughout the week and if I'd been any less interested I would have let it go as Edward being what I had now come to know as his typical 'emo' self. I was hoping that our relationship was at least at the point that he'd share with me what was bothering him. But apparently not.

The more he ignored me the more it hurt, making me realise just how deep my feelings for him had become. I mean, the guy just had to look at me and I seriously felt my heart palpitate and my hands begin to sweat. Instead of getting upset and running to Alice or Angela about his behaviour I just got angry. I'd seen this Edward before and I knew he was bottling something up and wasn't sharing it with me. But he needed to realise that he couldn't get away with treating me like this again, I knew him better now and wasn't going to put up with it. Despite all this every time he shifted in his seat next to me in Biology I could feel my heart shudder.

By Friday something in Edward's attitude towards me had shifted. Instead of ignoring me he would stare at me or glance at me beseechingly, as if inviting me to talk to him again. I think he almost went to say something once or twice but I would turn away and not give him the opportunity to even say so much as 'how are you?' I know I was being as immature as he was but I wasn't in the mood to pander to his shit anymore. But I had to admit, the scowl he'd had on his face was hot as hell, as was the rather pathetic apologetic look he'd begun to scout on Friday.

I had packed my bags late on Friday night so all I had to do Saturday morning was roll out of bed and have a long hot shower, the last for the next 36 hours or so. I had Charlie's sleeping bag, which looked more like a roll out tent, but he guaranteed that it would keep me very warm, and very dry in the event that Alice's tent leaked if it rained. There was a loud car beeping out the front at nine thirty and I looked out the window and saw two cars pulling up, Emmett's Jeep and Edward's Volvo. I planned on making a beeline straight for Emmett's Jeep. There was no way I was going to sit in a car with Edward for an hour.

I opened the front door to see Emmett, Jasper & Edward all standing on the front porch eager to pick up my gear and get going. Seriously, they could have passed for a posse of GQ models on some sort of outdoorsy photo shoot they were all so good looking.

"Well good morning sunshine," Emmett beamed down at me with that gorgeous dimpled smile of his. "Ready to go freeze your ass off in the woods?"

"Hi..." I replied looking at all three of them. Edward smiled at me awkwardly and I tried my hardest to ignore him, which was always difficult given the way my eyes just naturally found themselves drawn to his. "Um, sure," I mumbled in reply.

"Well, where's your stuff? Let us be all manly and carry it to the Jeep for you," Emmett offered as he puffed out his rather heavy set chest, squaring his shoulders.

"Well, it's just that stuff there," I replied, pointing in the direction of the sleeping bag and my small overnight bag that were in the hallway behind me. "Sorry to disappoint."

"What? Is that it?" Emmett looked at me puzzled.

"We're only going overnight?"

"Yeah, but you're a chick, shouldn't you have packed for like, every conceivable situation?"

"Do you think maybe I should run back upstairs and get a bikini on the off chance we take a detour via the Bahamas?"

"I hear it's nice this time of year!" Jasper chimed in. Edward just continued to stand there with his hands in his pockets looking useless and contrite.

"Come on smartasses," Emmett replied. I grabbed my purse and heavy coat and made my way to the cars trailing behind the boys who carried my stuff. Rosalie and Alice were standing next to the Volvo. Alice handed me a hot chocolate and I savoured the warm, sweet liquid as it went down my throat.

I noticed Emmett putting my stuff on the back seat of the Jeep. _Hmmm, I hope there was still room in there for me._

"Ok, kids, let's hit the road. Bella boo you're in the Volvo, Rose and I and all the luggage are in the Jeep."

"Huh?" I said as I made my way for the Jeep.

"There's no room in the Jeep for any passengers, except Rosie here. Unless of course you want to swap with Rose?" Emmett said, raising eyebrows suggestively.

"Honestly Bella, I'm happy to swap if you can put up with the farting?" Rose said.

"Eeew, Bella honey you're riding with us," Alice exclaimed. "Jazz and I are in the back and you're up front with Edward," she chimed in as if she was protecting me.

_Well damn it_. I looked at Edward who smiled at me a little apologetically. I simply rolled my eyes and made for the front passenger side of his car. Honestly I think I would have preferred to put up with Emmett's farting than put up with Edward's grovelling looks right about now, cute as they may be. And the overpowering smell of Edward that hit me as I got in his car wasn't helping my resolve.

The hour long trip up into the national park where we were camping was mostly filled with Alice and Jasper trying to engage Edward and me in conversation – together. While he seemed willing I was dismissive but polite. I wasn't giving in that easily. The only up side to being seated in the front with Edward was that I had control of his iPod. If I had to endure this torture, at least I had the ability to pick decent music. Lord knows what Alice would have chosen. And while I was still pissed at him I was still a bit of a stalker and flicked through his playlists. I came across one just titled 'B' which looked a little out of place next to the others that just read 'gym', 'sleep', 'faves', 'new faves' and 'mood shit'. The last one intrigued me a little too and flicking through it I noticed it was mostly angry loud music. I only had a brief opportunity to look at the songs on the 'B' list. Lots of Death Cab For Cutie, some things I wasn't at all familiar with – Ben Folds Five, British India, Lisa Mitchell then some Jeff Buckley, The Cure and a few other bands. Well, from what I could tell it all at least looked good, except for the Beyonce, _what the fuck_?

While I wasn't sure what the 'B' stood for, taking the chance that it was for 'Bella' I thought I'd take the opportunity to make Edward squirm. It wasn't until the start of the third song that it must have dawned on him that I was playing from the mysterious 'B' list. He looked over at me quirking his eyebrow confidently, I didn't respond, just turned and looked out the window, but couldn't help the little butterflies that churned in my stomach at the thought that he had made a playlist of songs for me, or about me, or that reminded him of me or whatever. _Shit Bella, you're angry at him, remember._

We arrived at our destination deep in the lush green forest well before lunch time giving us plenty of time to get set up for the night. The boys pulled the cars into a clearing and strategically reversed them up to an already established fire pit, leaving a distance of about five metres between them. Getting out of the car and stretching I noted there was a tiny building about a hundred metres away that I hoped was a toilet. To be honest I hadn't checked what the 'facilities' were like when I agreed to come camping. Alice and Rosalie both appeared a lot more precious when it came to that sort of thing than me so I figured they'd have it covered.

Before I even had a chance to close the car door behind me the three boys each had a tent under one arm and were racing to various spots around the fire pit, presumably to find positions to set them up. I looked over to see Alice and Rosalie standing leaning lazily against the back of Emmett's Jeep watching on in delighted amusement. I wandered over to the girls to find out what was going on.

As I made it to Alice's side I realise the boys seemed to be racing to pitch their tents. It was actually quite a sight to behold. While there were no bare chests there was lots of bending over and muscles rippling under fitted long sleeved shirts. Despite everything he'd put me through this week I just couldn't help but watch Edward as he moved and bent and hammered.

"God they're a good looking bunch of boys," Alice sighed as she looked on, her eyes lingering on Jasper's ass as he bent over and hammered a peg into the ground, her little mouth popping open a little as she licked her lips. The poor girl really needed to get laid.

"Hmm, the first time I saw them all they were standing together and that's exactly what I thought." I said to the two girls leaning up against the back of Emmett's Jeep taking it all in.

"So Bella," Rose didn't even look at me as she said my name, she only had eyes for Emmett's muscled chest, "as someone completely unbiased which one would you say is the best looking? If they were single, and you were single which one would you pick?"

"Edward of course!" Alice blurted out before quickly sucking in a breath as she realised what she'd done. Backtracking she continued, "obviously you can't say Emmett or Jasper with Rose and me here."

"Why not? It's a hypothetical question. I won't be offended if you choose Emmett, I'm secure enough to know that you're not after him. I might actually be offended if you don't choose him."

I could feel my cheeks flush as I tried to figure out how to answer the question. Of course the answer was Edward. Despite his mood swings this week it had always been Edward, the other two just didn't stand the slightest chance.

"Oh come on Bella, forget about James for a minute and just pick one," Rose demanded.

I realised now was probably as good a time as any to fill them in.

"Well...actually, James and I broke up." I said quietly before looking down at my feet, I didn't know where else to look. I was scared that if I didn't look down I'd end up looking at Edward and giving away how I felt.

I looked up at the girls who were both just staring at me. Rose had a large smirk on her face, Alice's face seemed shocked, although I'm not one hundred percent sure she hadn't figured it out already.

"Bella, why didn't you say something? When did this happen? Is there anything we can do? Are you OK..."

"Jesus Alice. Give the girl a chance to answer a question why don't you." Rose said protectively. All eyes now on me rather than the boys whose competition was now forgotten.

Alice had moved to my side and was rubbing my arm in a gesture of support.

I shrugged. "I'm fine Alice. He came to see me on the weekend, we broke up not long after he arrived and that's about it."

"Is that why you've been in such a foul mood all week?" Rose asked just as Emmett walked towards Rose looking victorious.

He picked Rose up and spun her around. "Why who's been in such a foul mood all week Rosie?" he asked as he plopped her back down on the ground before us.

"Bella." Rose replied, "she and James broke up." Just as she made the announcement Jasper and Edward arrived in front of us. Edward, obviously hearing what she said, looked over at me and I just caught the expression on his face before I hurriedly looked away. He looked hurt. _Fuck_, I didn't get him, _at all_.

"Well, hallelujah," exclaimed Emmett. "Finally you can put Newton out of his misery. I'll let him know he can ask you out on a date!"

"Emmett McCarty, don't you dare. Bella wouldn't touch Mike Newton with a forty foot pole," Alice announced.

"Well, I must say Miss Bella, I'm not surprised," Jasper commented. "You never seemed to have anything much to say about him. So did you do the breaking or did he?"

Oh god, did we have to get into all of this? I couldn't help but look briefly at Edward's face again before I answered Jasper. "I did. Last weekend," I replied somewhat awkwardly. All eyes were on me making me feel incredibly uncomfortable about my admission. I knew they'd be wondering why it took me a week to tell them, especially Alice, but she didn't seem to be bugging me about it, which is part of the reason I adored her so much. She just didn't pry into my business.

I noticed Edward scowl before he turned and walked to the Volvo presumably to finish with the unpacking.

Ughh, I just couldn't figure him out. I wasn't even sure what I wanted him to think. Of course I wanted him to be happy. While I broke up with James for my own reasons Edward very definitely played a part. But now that I was single he still couldn't bring himself to speak to me about it.

We spent some time setting up each of our tents so that we didn't have to do it in the dark later on. Alice and I practically re pitched our tent once we realised Jasper hadn't cleared the ground underneath it of rocks and sticks. Our tent was in the middle, with Emmett's Jeep to its right and Emmett's and Rose's tent on the other side of the Jeep. And Edward's Volvo to the left, and the boy's tent a little further off.

Once we were finished with our tents Emmett announced that it was time to get the rest of the camp set up. Drawing straws we were each given jobs. Poor Jasper had to clean out the toilet so we knew it was free of spiders as well as clean enough for his princess to use. Alice had to get lunch ready for us and Emmett and Rose had to go and mark out the baseball field. Which left Edward and I to go and collect firewood?

_Great_, alone time with Edward whose mood swings were really starting to shit me to tears. We walked silently towards a wooded area which Edward seemed to think would be good for fire wood. Never having been here before I wasn't in a position to argue, despite the fact that I couldn't think of anything better than ripping him a new one right now.

The tension between us was palpable as we walked deeper and deeper into the woods. We seemed to be walking an unnecessarily long way.

"Edward, it seems to me that we've passed plenty of good wood." I called out to him as he stomped his way deeper into the forest in front of me. "Why are we walking so far?" He stopped walking and turned his verdant green eyes on me, taking a slightly menacing step towards me before replying.

"I just don't get it Bella?" He growled at me. I couldn't tell whether his tone was hurt or angry. Perhaps it was both.

"Don't get what?" I replied defensively, taking a small step back.

"Why you didn't tell me. Or at least tell Alice about James. I don't..." He just shook his head in confusion as he looked away from me. Definitely a hurt look. Well after the way he treated me I was hurt too so I wasn't going to take a back step here to his misguided anger.

"Well if you had have given me a chance I would have told you Edward. But you were a complete asshole to me from the minute I got out of my car on Monday morning. So what makes you think I had the opportunity?" My hands were on my hips now.

"But you didn't even say anything to Alice?" His voice softened a little as he looked confused, a lot like a little boy.

"That's because...God Edward, it's because I wanted to tell _you_ myself. I kinda thought that..." _That I was important enough to you that you'd want to hear it from me. _"I didn't want it coming from someone else."

"Really?" His eyes lit up a little as he looked at me through a lock of hair that had fallen into his eyes.

"Why does that surprise you?" I asked.

"I don't know. I..."

"It doesn't matter anyway," I said shaking my head from side to side and looking down at my feet.

"What do you mean it doesn't matter Bella?" He asked taking a step towards me.

"Because I can't take your fucking dramatics anymore Edward. I thought we were...I don't know, maybe getting somewhere. But after the way you just brushed me off this week clearly I was mistaken. And you still haven't told me what it was about."

"Fuck Bella, I just...look I...I came to see you on Friday night."

"You came to see me? Why?"

"What? It doesn't matter why," he said defensively, but his voice was still laced with hurt.

"Why not, you never just come to see me."

"Fuck Bella, don't make this harder. I came to see you on Friday night and _he_ was there."

"Oh." OH!

"Yeah." _As if that explained everything_.

"So, what...I mean...but I never saw you."

"No, I just saw the two of you through the window."

"We were just talking Edward. Actually, we were probably breaking up. He didn't stay long."

"Didn't look like that's what was happening to me. He was kissing you, you were kissing him back and then he...God, you were in each other's arms."

"So?"

"So?" He asked incredulously. "I don't know. I just thought...like you said, after last week, the last few weeks... I just felt like..."

"Like you had some rights or something!" I interrupted sharply. "God Edward, there's nothing going on between you and I. Up until Friday you and I had significant others. Now, unless something has changed you still do. So don't treat me like you have some sort of claim on me, like I've cheated on you WITH MY BOYFRIEND! Because I don't need this emo shit from you OK? If you've got a problem just spit it out next time instead of causing both of us all this grief."

I turned and stormed off not waiting for his reply. He was so infuriating the way he just bottled everything inside and made me feel like I'd done something wrong. This wasn't my fault. If he'd have just spoken to me in the first place like the adult he was he would have found out what had actually happened between James and me.

"Bella. Bella please wait." Edward came crashing up the path behind me, gently tugging on the hood of my jacket slowing me down in my tracks. I didn't turn to face him; I don't think I wanted him to see the murderous look on my face. "Bella look at me." I didn't budge. "Please."

I turned slowly to face him but didn't meet his eyes. I knew that if I did I'd probably crumble and I wasn't done being angry at him yet. I just looked at his hands that were balled up into fierce fists at his sides.

"I'm sorry. I should have talked to you. I should have...I don't know, said something, but I didn't and I'm sorry. So, so sorry for that Bella."

"Yeah, well..." I shrugged my shoulders not sure what else there was to say at this point.

I stormed back to camp picking up a few logs and twigs along the way, not turning back to see the look on his face. I couldn't help but think about what he'd said though. He'd seen James and me together. I'd only kissed him twice. Why couldn't Edward have arrived when James grabbed me, why couldn't he have seen what happened when Charlie had to intervene? Why couldn't he have been there to see James angrily storm off? I could vaguely understand why he responded the way he did. I never liked seeing Edward and Jessica together. It made my skin crawl; I guess I had only really begun to understand why since she had gone, since I had let my feelings for Edward spiral out of control.

Despite the tension between Edward and I the afternoon turned out to be a lot of fun. After lunch we played baseball, again it was fun to watch the competitive nature of the boys. Alice cornered me and we had a short chat about James, but to be honest she wasn't the one I wanted to talk to about it. For some morbid reason I wanted to talk to Edward. I guess he'd kind of become my rock since coming to Forks. Maybe that was why I was feeling so hurt about his reaction this week, I knew I needed to talk to someone about it, he'd taught me that much, and when I wanted to talk to him he wasn't there.

We made our way back to the campsite late in the afternoon and the boys all set to building the fire. As Edward and I had done such a shithouse job at collecting firewood we all had to go out and collect more to keep us going for the night.

Alice and Rosalie started preparing dinner and I couldn't help but notice two things. One was the traditional gender roles that naturally seemed to come about in this group. The other was the way in which they all seemed to know their place and what had to be done and who had to do it. It was kind of unusual and made me think these guys must go camping with each other pretty regularly.

"What are you thinking Bella?" Alice startled me out of my thoughts.

"Oh, I was actually just thinking how naturally you all seem to just pick up jobs and do them. Like they were pre assigned or something. Do you guys camp together very often?"

"Well, yeah. We camp at this time every year."

"Why's that? I mean, it's going to be freezing tonight, why not go camping in a few months when it's much warmer?"

"Well," Alice quirked her head to the side, "you see, it's um," she shook her head a little nervously. "I thought he would have told you?"

"Sorry?" I asked, having no idea what she was talking about.

"I thought Edward would have told you why we come camping at this time each year?"

"Perhaps if he had spoken to me this week he would have. But given that he's been a complete asshole all week maybe he didn't think I was worthy."

"Oh, he thinks you're worthy Bella, don't worry about that," she exclaimed. "No, this is...well...it's the anniversary of his mother's death tomorrow. Edward and his Dad used to go camping every year around the time of the anniversary. Then eventually Jasper and Emmett started coming along, and Esme and I, which I guess was a bit weird for Carlisle having his new wife there but Edward never seemed to mind. Now that we're older Esme & Carlisle leave us to it. It's just what we've always done."

"Wow," was all I could respond with. I looked over to Edward who was crouched over the fire pit blowing air into it to help the fire he and the boys were building come roaring to life.

Alice continued on with her work buttering bread rolls knowing that I probably needed time in my head to process what she'd just told me. I could only imagine this time of year must be really hard for him. Did that excuse his behaviour this week and more recently today? I wasn't sure.

The boys had the campfire roaring to life and Rose and Alice cooked awesome burgers. Emmett pulled some beers out with dinner and when we'd finished eating we all went and changed into our pyjamas or an odd arrangement of sweats and jumpers so that we didn't have to fumble around in the dark later. I put on a pair of thick flannel pijama pants that I very un-coolly tucked into my think socks, paired with a long sleeved thermal t-shirt, a hoodie and my thick winter coat that went down to mid calf. There was no way I was going to freeze, if anything I'd probably die of heat exhaustion sitting in front of the roaring fire and under Edward's ever present watch.

When we returned to the camp fire Rosalie and Alice each snuggled into their partners which left Edward and I awkwardly stuck sitting next to each other on a log. It was odd, but all I wanted was to snuggle into his side and have his arm around me.

Emmett pulled his bottle of Tequila out and poured a little into each of our mugs. He placed the cap back on it and looked across at Edward who was holding his mug out in front of him looking at it solemnly. He opened his mouth once or twice as if he was going to say something before closing it again. Everyone watched on expectantly. I was a little uncomfortable knowing I wasn't part of this ritual; I wondered whether I was making him feel uncomfortable.

"To Elizabeth," he finally said, keeping it short and sweet, before knocking back the Tequila in his mug. The others followed suit, however I didn't feel right about participating, so instead of saying anything I simply drank a little of the Tequila in my mug, instantly enjoying the warm sensation as it hit the back of my throat and flowed deeply throughout my body.

As Emmett began re filling mugs Edward turned to me. "Elizabeth, is my mom."

I nodded my head in understanding. "I gathered that."

"I guess if I hadn't have been such an ass all week I would have had the chance to explain to you why we're here."

"It's alright, Alice explained before. It's kinda nice...that you do this, that you have this time, and that you share it with people."

"Yeah, I find it easier being around people at this time these days, not at first though."

"Yeah, I'm not looking forward to the first one."

"No, that's definitely the hardest."

I nodded my head as if I had some understanding. But how could I possibly know, I hadn't been there yet.

I stood abruptly and everyone looked up at me in surprise.

"I need to pee," I said quickly by way of explanation. It wasn't the only reason I stood, I needed to put an end to this conversation before I lost it.

"Oh, I have to go too. I'll come with you Bella," Alice added, standing as she did.

"You girls know the rules, no going without one of us." Emmett demanded, but he seemed too entangled with Rose to look like he was getting up to go with us.

"I'll go," Edward said, standing up, just before Jasper looked like he was about to.

Edward grabbed a lantern and the three of us made our way towards the tiny little building that housed the toilet. I went in first taking the lantern with me, leaving Edward and Alice in the dark outside. The whole experience was rather mortifying really. Not only were the facilities pretty basic, not to mention smelly, Edward and Alice were right outside listening on. I only wished they'd start talking or something.

I finished up and came out noticing that Alice was standing alone shivering and Edward was walking back towards her from behind the little building. I guessed he must have done his business in the wilderness like every good outdoorsman. Alice went in after me and Edward and I stood awkwardly knowing we couldn't talk about anything significant because Alice was in there listening, but also knowing that we should because we were listening to Alice. Dancing from one foot to the other I tried to keep warm and ignore any noises coming from the toilet. Edward noticed and took a step towards me as if standing in closer proximity would help with the cold.

"Are you cold Bella?"

"Yes, I'm freezing, I took my coat off before because I was so hot near the fire and I forgot to put it back on."

"Come here," he said quietly before stepping towards me and pulling me into his body. His arms wrapped around me and his hands rubbed up and down my back and arms in an effort to warm me up.

I shivered again, but not from the cold. The feeling of his arms wrapped around me and his breath on the side of my face made my body shudder and a jolt of electricity shot down my spine right to my core. _Jesus,_ that was unexpected. Why was it that Edward had this effect on me? I'd never felt that with James.

I revelled in the feeling of Edward's body. I just couldn't help it. No matter how ticked off I was with him I just couldn't control how his body made me feel. I pulled my hands out of my sleeves and put them flush against his chest for just a moment noticing the definition under his coat before Alice abruptly opened the door, beaming at us before stepping out of the little building.

"Well, that's always an experience. I'm always scared shitless I'm going to fall into that damn hole. Thank the Lord I didn't."

Edward dropped both of his arms from around me on seeing Alice. Just as I think we're making some sort of progress he regresses back into himself. But then again, I guess I'd made it pretty clear I was still pissed with him. But I've got to say my anger was diminishing.

We made our way back to camp and spent the next hour or so sitting around talking and gossiping. I heard more stories about camping trips passed, including how last year Edward's sleeping bag went up in flames thanks to a flying marshmallow that had just been pulled out of the fire. As a result they no longer sat around the campfire in their sleeping bags. And the amount of alcohol consumed was reined in considerably. Apparently Emmett had been known to bring a lot more Tequila. However the increased chance of falling in the fire when drunk just didn't seem worth the risk. I must admit I had to agree and hadn't had too much beer or Tequila as a result.

At one point Alice stood up and looked down beseechingly at Jasper.

"What's wrong darlin'" he smirked up at her.

"Oh. I have to go."

"Go where?" He asked in confusion.

"You know, I have to go, again. Sorry, beer does that to me," Alice said motioning her head towards the woods. "Will you come with and protect me?" Alice pouted and batted her pretty eyelids at Jasper. Honestly, did she really think he would leave her to go alone? They disappeared towards the outhouse and after a while I realized they'd been gone for a ridiculously long time. I turned and looked towards our tent and realised there was a flickering light coming from it, and then I heard the faint sounds of Alice's laughter. Oh, god they were going at it in my tent! _How long was this going to take?_ And now I have to sleep in there knowing that they've just been getting down and dirty. I was tired and really just wanted to go to bed now.

Rose and Emmett abruptly stood, looked over at Edward and me and announced they were going to go to bed too.

_Shit._

"So do we wait? Or do you want to take Jasper's sleeping bag?"

I looked abruptly at Edward. "What? Of course I'll wait."

"Bella, they've been gone awhile. And unless you want to go over there and interrupt them, I'm guessing you're not sleeping in that tent tonight?"

Crap. I knew he was right. I narrowed my eyes and looked at him warily.

"I promise I won't bite," he responded to my glare.

I stood up reluctantly, smoothing my hands down the front of my flannel pajama pants. "OK, I guess I don't have a fucking choice then do I?"

Edward doused the flames in the fire pit, picked up a lantern and made his way to the boy's tent that was a little further off than the other two. I trailed behind him, huffing and stamping my feet as loudly as I could, letting my indignation at the situation be known to anyone who could hear me.

Where Alice's and my tent was beautifully laid out and organised, the boy's small two man tent had shit everywhere. Edward made his way in behind me and it was weird to be in such close quarters with him. The sound of the zipper being pulled down was almost deafening, as if locking us in. Edward turned to look at me and I could see the look of hope hidden behind his gaze. He pushed the two bags with their clothes towards the door of the tent and indicated that his sleeping bag was the one laid out on the right and Jasper's was the one laid out haphazardly on the left.

I peeled my big coat off and flipped my shoes off before snuggling down into Jasper's sleeping bag hoping to warm up quickly. His pillow was a bit flat, but I'd live. Edward crawled into his sleeping bag not two feet away from me.

"Good night Bella," he breathed as he looked across at me, his hand on the lamp ready to extinguish the light. I really didn't want to look in his direction as he did it. The thought of having Edward's face etched so clearly on my brain as I went to sleep was just about enough to make me give in. But I couldn't help it, I had to turn my head and look.

"Night." We stared at each other as he turned the light out and we were plunged into darkness. It felt more awkward now than it had all day. All of a sudden we were thrust into a tiny cramped tent together, the darkness only serving to heighten every minute noise, his shifting body, my shifting body, the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest which didn't seem to be slowing down any.

The only sensation overpowering the awkwardness was the cold. I was freezing. The temperature had either dropped ridiculously, or Jasper's sleeping bag was not built for these conditions. The cold rising up from the hard ground was chilling me to the core. I put up with it for a few more minutes hoping that it would improve as my body warmed up with the sleeping bag, but it didn't. Edward didn't seem to be shifting with discomfort like I was. Sitting up I reached forward towards my feet to find my coat so I could pull it over me.

"Bella, what are you doing?" Edward asked, breaking the silence.

"I'm freezing, I'm just pulling my coat up over me." But I knew my coat wasn't long enough to cover my feet as well as my entire body. It wasn't really going to warm me through completely, _perhaps if I lay on top of it?_

"Shit." Edward sounded pissed off with himself.

"What's wrong?"

"It's Jasper's sleeping bag. It's probably not heavy enough for these temperatures. The guy doesn't feel the cold...at all. I could kill him for leaving you in this position."

"Well, I'll just have to go and interrupt them then won't I?"

We were both silent for a moment in the darkness listening intently to see whether it was a good idea to go and interrupt. It wasn't clear whether the noises we could hear were coming from Alice and Jasper or Rosalie and Emmett, or both, but someone was very definitely going at it.

"I can't," I whimpered in frustration shaking my head from side to side. I was going to have to freeze to death.

"We'll just swap bags," Edward said and I could hear the zipper being pulled down on his sleeping bag.

I reached out to stop him from pulling the zipper down further, my hand finding purchase on his.

"Edward we can't, then you'll be too cold. Maybe I could go sleep in the car?"

"Jesus Bella, your hand is freezing," he exclaimed as he fumbled around pulling my hand in between both of his warm (well, warmer than mine), hands and rubbing it vigorously. I had to admit, it felt good, for all the wrong reasons.

"It'll be OK I'll just pull my coat on. It was OK when I was outside before, I'm sure it will do." _Stop being a martyr Bella! _But I couldn't help it, I was still a bit angry at Edward.

"It was OK when we were sitting in front of a _raging fire_, but it won't be OK for eight hours. Your body temperature will drop when you're asleep."

"Well, we don't really have a choice here Edward," I snapped. "At least let me try."

"No, this is a double sleeping bag, just sleep in mine with me."

"I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"...because." _Because I'm too scared of being that close to you_.

"Jesus Bella, you'll freeze your ass off, or I'll freeze my ass off if you don't." He had a point. I was getting colder the longer I sat here, and I could hardly expect him to swap because then he'd just freeze his ass off. And I didn't actually hate him.

"Okay." I wasn't quite sure if I wanted to see the look on Edward's face as I acquiesced. The dark tent had him hidden from view, but I was pretty sure he was probably smirking from ear to ear.

I climbed out of Jasper's sleeping bag and fumbled my way in the dark towards Edward. There was a whoosh as Edward flipped back the cover of his thick sleeping bag. I climbed over and lay down next to him trying desperately not to touch him.

"Are you able to zip the bag back up?"

I fumbled down around my legs and felt for the zipper before yanking it back up. "Um, yeah. Got it." I was still freezing though, my teeth were chattering, but I could feel that this was a much warmer sleeping bag already.

"This is way more comfortable. Is there some sort of mattress under here or something?"

"Yeah, there's one of those foam roll up things, like a yoga mat. But it helps protect from the cold ground as well, that's the other reason it's so warm over here."

"Oh." I was going to fucking kill Jasper for this. And I wouldn't have put the whole thing past Alice. It just seemed too convenient. I pulled my arms around myself and rubbed the sides of my arms trying to warm up and stop my teeth from chattering and my knees from shaking.

"Bella? You're still freezing."

"I'll warm up in a minute." I wanted to flip onto my side and curl into the foetal position, but the confines of the sleeping bag and the fact that there was someone else in it wouldn't allow it.

Edward must have sensed my dilemma. "Turn onto your side," he whispered as he nudged me onto my side with his hand on my hip. The sound of his delectable voice in the dark reminded me of that first time I'd heard it. Despite my current discomfort my brain was still able to channel the moment I first heard his voice.

With my back to him I felt his body move, his left arm wrapping around my stomach dragging me back into his chest, his legs pressed firmly into mine and I naturally responded by curling them up, his following suit. The warmth from his body took a few moments to seep through the fabric of our sleeping attire. But the warmth of his breath on my neck warmed me to the core immediately.

My body eventually stopped shivering from the cold, and then started shivering for an entirely different reason. The feel of Edward's body pressed into mine from top to toe was magnetic, we fit together so perfectly. I'd never experienced this level of comfort before in my life and I was straight back to that night.

After some time it became apparent that Edward's body heat was no longer necessary to keep me warm, but I didn't want him to move away. His infuriating behaviour of the previous week began to melt away as every inch of my skin became aware of something other than the warmth he was giving me. I became aware of the other things, the hardness of the muscles on his chest and in his legs, the breathing that ever so slowly seemed to increase in pace instead of decrease, the way his left hand barely moved on my hip, but moved enough to make me realise he was doing it on purpose. The way his breath continued to warm my neck and face, but it seemed to be getting closer. His scent.

Oh god, all I wanted to do was turn my head towards him so my lips were closer. All I knew is I didn't want him to stop doing whatever he was doing, which was barely anything, but at the same time it was filled with minute signals. But I didn't know what to do to make him understand I knew he was ever so subtly seducing me. Or was I going mad and imagining this?

I took a deep breath and as I let it out I relaxed my body into his a little more, taking the opportunity to move my upper body away from him slightly so I would have a little more room to rest on my back instead of my side, allowing him better access to kiss me should he so desire. I also took the chance and moved my left hand so it rested on his hand that was on my hip, and I moved my feet so that one foot was now wedged between his. It was unmistakable what I was doing. Unless of course he was asleep, which I was pretty damn sure he wasn't.

His hand twitched under mine, moving so our fingers were linked. He clawed my hip a little as his breathing picked up. _Not_ asleep then.

I felt his head move ever so slightly closer, his breath hitting my ear, his lips grazing it softly as he murmured.

"God Bella, I'm _so_ sorry. You turned up to school on Monday and you looked so fucking beautiful and so fucking happy. And I thought _he'd_ done that to you and I was just so...cut up about it. I thought I'd lost my chance with you."

I wasn't quite sure how to respond so I turned my head further in search of the one thing I desired most in the world. _His_ lips. I had no trouble finding them in the dark. They were there and they were warm and firm as they opened for me. His tongue was in my mouth before I could turn my body and wrap my arm around him to bring him into me. His left hand travelled down my side and hitched my right leg over his hip as he manoeuvred me to lie so I was now facing him. Opening me up completely to the feel of him. As our hips moved forward towards each other in some desperate need to bring to life again that undeniable sexual connection that we had experienced just once before. It was still there. I immediately felt his erection through the soft material of our pyjamas and I couldn't help but moan at the sensation. God I'd missed _this_. I'd missed him.

I pulled away a little, things were moving rapidly in a direction that was impossible for me to go to, like I was being sucked into a vortex. "It was all about you Edward. Monday, I just...I wanted to tell you. I needed to let you know."

"Jesus I _want_ you so fucking badly Bella."

Our bodies meshed together in an intimate dance. We both knew we could only go so far tonight. The sheer amount of clothing we were each wearing made this a little impossible. I wasn't going to sleep with him, and I suspect somewhere in the back of his mind was the memory that officially he had a girlfriend, but it wasn't stopping us from letting our hands feel their way around each other's clothed bodies.

The experience was so different from our previous encounter. We didn't have to rush this time. For one, we had all night to rediscover each other, and two, I wasn't disappearing back to Phoenix tomorrow, never to be seen again. No, tomorrow would be very different.

Our lips continued to move against each other, my hand on his face reverently feeling the line of his jaw, the sweep of his cheek bone, the set of his brow as his tongue swept into my mouth, tasting, sucking, nibbling, and taking possession of me. And while I so badly wanted to take him and make him mine in any way I could I knew that he wasn't strictly mine to take. Yes, he was giving himself to me, but I wasn't in a position to take, I couldn't do that to her. But it wasn't enough to stop from enjoying the sheer exhilaration I felt from having Edward's arms wrapped around me, our legs entwined and his very hard erection causing a sinful amount of friction on my girly bits.

The darkness only heightened the entire experience, the lack of sight only enhancing the feel of his tongue on my neck, the breathy moans emanating from both of us and the sheer pleasure of our bodies, the smell, and his taste as it came flooding back to me.

Edward eventually shifted his weight and was now above me, on me, pressing his erection between my legs, his chest laying heavily on mine causing the sweetest sensations.

"I wish I could see your face Edward. I want to see your eyes."

All too quickly Edward moved, reaching above me fumbling around for something to give us some light, my head now burrowed into his beautiful hard chest, inhaling deeply. There was a click, and a soft, faint light illuminated one corner of the tent, casting strange shadows, but giving us just enough light to see each other once our eyes had adjusted.

Edward moved back above me, once again resting the weight of his body on mine propping his upper body up on his elbows resting on either side of my head.

"Is that better?" He asked, a crooked grin creeping onto his face.

"Much," I returned the smile as I couldn't help the happiness that radiated from me at this moment.

The movement between our two bodies had stopped as we just lay there taking in the sight of each other for the first time since saying good night.

"My god Bella, you're...you're so amazingly beautiful."

Compliments never sat well, I never knew quite how to respond so I reached up and kissed him chastely. "Thank you," I whispered, before resting my head back on the pillow and starting to giggle as I realised something.

"What are you laughing at?" Edward asked with an inquisitive look on his face, his green eyes burning into mine with curiosity.

"Just a thought that's all."

"Are you going to share?" Edward adjusted his hips slightly, his cock gliding back and forth across my clit, teasing. _Fuck me_.

"Ughhh," I moaned quietly in response before recovering my senses. "It seems that you and I seem to have a thing for the outdoors." Edward cocked his head to the side. "Well, this is the second time we've been intimate..."

"Third."

"OK, not counting the kiss at your piano...sexually intimate...and we're outside...again."

Edward looked down at me seriously before crashing his lips to mine briefly, his tongue flicking out and diving into my mouth briefly. His hips thrust just fractionally. He pulled his head away and burned his gaze into mine. "Just name the time and I'll have you in my bed any day Swan."

_Fuck me._

I reached up to the back of his neck and pulled his head down towards me, his lips crashing into mine once more, my arms wrapping around his strong shoulders and my legs slipping to the sides so his lower body fell shamelessly harder against my ever growing need. I wanted him, badly, but between the thermals, the pyjamas, the double sleeping bag and the cold, tonight was not the night for it. But Edward clearly had no intentions of letting me get away without at least knowing that he wanted me.

Our hips moved against each other and I wanted nothing more than to remove the layers, but this was pretty damn good. My back arched up into Edward as we continued to give into the feeling of each other.

"Fuck, Bella, if we don't stop this I think I'm going to cum." _Holy crap! Really_?

"Then don't stop Edward, God, please don't stop," I whispered breathlessly into his ear. "It feels amazing, I never...uh...I never knew...this?"

He smirked down at me before taking my bottom lip between his lips and tugging softly.

I'd never done this before, didn't realise you could get so much pleasure from dry humping, but as my breathing picked up and Edward's breathing picked up I realised I was incredibly close to climaxing as well. And now that I knew what his intentions were I let the intensity of the throbbing between my legs carry me away. His mouth nibbled at my ear and he whispered occasionally.

"God Bella, fuck, I've missed you."

"I've never felt like this about anyone."

"I wish I was inside you right now."

"Please forgive me."

All I could do was moan softly in response as all my senses left me and I was left with the most intense uncoiling between my legs.

"God, Edward, keep going, I'm..." But I couldn't finish my sentence, I was too overwhelmed as my orgasm hit me and I moaned loudly into his mouth as it covered mine. Edward thrust a couple more times and then fell over the edge, growling as he buried his head into the pillow beside me.

We lay there slowly catching our breath, Edward still resting above me, his head still on the pillow to the right of my head but now facing me, gently placing kisses on the side of my face, nibbling on my ear.

"I'm so glad we don't have a party to go back to this time," I murmured as I turned my head to face him. He smiled wistfully at me as his hand came up to smooth some hair from my face. He shifted his body so it was no longer putting so much pressure on me and he groaned slightly at something as he did.

"Jesus, I need to clean up," he groaned with an uncomfortable look on his face. Of course. Poor guy. He sat up, pulling one of the zips on the sleeping bag down and reached into his bag pulling something out. "Excuse me for a second."

All I could do was giggle at the awkward predicament he was in. Instead of watching I threw my arm over my face as he moved about cleaning up whatever he had to clean up. Poor guy. I was a little wet, but at least I didn't have the problem he had. It kind of made me wonder how the others were fairing which made me giggle even more. After a few moments Edward laid back down next to me pulling up the zipper and then pulling me into his arms.

"What are you laughing at gorgeous?"

"Oh, god. I was just thinking about your predicament, and then I started wondering if any of the others had the same problem, because honestly, who would be willing to...you know...have sex out here in this temperature. It's just too freaking cold to get your privates out. And they're all in single sleeping bags!" I was still giggling at the thought as I lay next to Edward, his arms wrapped around me and our legs entwined.

Edward's smile was so sexy as he watched me slowly stop laughing like a six year old.

"What?" I asked, seeing the intensity in his gaze deepen with every passing moment.

"I fucking love it when you laugh like that. It's like this really carefree giggle that I noticed the first time we met. I remember it so vividly. But I haven't heard it that much since you've been back. It's just so nice to hear it, that's all."

"Oh, and here I was thinking that super intense sexy gaze was because I'm lying here in your arms!" I teased sarcastically.

I felt his arms tighten around me and his lips graze mine as he spoke. "You have no fucking idea how long I've wanted this Bella. I've thought of nothing else since August."

"Since August? But..."

"Yeah, since August, that's what you did to me. It only took one night Bella. But in that one night you...you have no idea the impact you had on me."

"But...what about..." I didn't want to say her name. I didn't want to ruin the moment. Thank god he seemed to understand.

"I know Bella. Can we just...not talk about it for tonight? Maybe tomorrow we can talk about it. Right here...right now, I just want to hold you. I didn't get to do that before and I've always regretted that. I just want to hold you all night. Is that OK?"

I nodded slowly before placing my lips on his in a searing good night kiss. I knew that in the morning we would have to wake up to reality and deal with the situation. But right now, I could think of no place that I wanted to be more than finally going to sleep in Edward Cullen's arms.

**A/N: Finally!**

**Sorry it took so long, I've had this camping trip in my head from the very beginning, so I found it super hard to get it right.**

**LNIF has loads of people who have it on Alert & Favourite who never review (there are more people who have me on Alert than I have reviews!). So, as a special treat for me (yes I'm asking for something!), please, please, pretty please leave me a review in thanks for finally getting these two kids together and talking! **


	20. Morning Glory

**A/N: I know...there are just no excuses. My head is bowed in shame at the length of time this one took. My humblest apologies to you all...if there is anyone left out there!**

**RECAP...**

**We left off during the camping trip. Sneaky Alice tricked Edward and Bella into sleeping in the same tent. We left off after some steamy dry humping between the pair (finally some progress!) **

_I felt his arms tighten around me and his lips graze mine as he spoke. "You have no fucking idea how long I've wanted this Bella. I've thought of nothing else since August."_

"_Since August? But..."_

"_Yeah, since August, that's what you did to me. It only took one night Bella. But in that one night you...you have no idea the impact you had on me."_

"_But...what about..." I didn't want to say her name. I didn't want to ruin the moment. Thank god he seemed to understand._

"_I know Bella. Can we just...not talk about it for tonight? Maybe tomorrow we can talk about it. Right here...right now, I just want to hold you. I didn't get to do that before and I've always regretted that. I just want to hold you all night. Is that OK?"_

_I nodded slowly before placing my lips on his in a searing good night kiss. I knew that in the morning we would have to wake up to reality and deal with the situation. But right now, I could think of no place that I wanted to be more than finally going to sleep in Edward Cullen's arms._

**CHAPTER 20: Morning Glory**

**APOV**

Honestly, boys could be just the silliest creatures in the world. Edward was just such a fucktard when it came to communicating. I mean, seriously, if he just had have spoken to Bella at the start of the week he would have known that she and James had broken up. Instead, he put himself and all of those around him through hell just because he couldn't communicate. At least now we knew that James was off the scene, Jess was "apparently" in Portland with her "sick grandmother," and Edward would hopefully soon be spending the night in a tent with Bella.

I was sitting next to Jasper in Bella's and my tent. He was sitting on top of Bella's sleeping bag, I was sitting in my bag with it all pulled up around my sides, Jasper's hands were gently caressing either side of my face as he stared into my eyes. He was so dreamy...

"How long do you think it's going to take before they notice we're not going back?" I asked innocently.

"We're not?"

"No Jasper, you're staying here tonight," I smiled slyly, almost unable to contain the excitement I was feeling.

One side of Jasper's mouth curved up into his trademark wicked grin and I literally melted into a pile of wet...whatever that stuff was. I was so fucking turned on by that smile. I mean seriously, the boy had me changing my panties so often that I had to start doing my own laundry for fear of my mother wondering what type of problem I'd developed...down there. And he could read my mind.

"Not tonight Alice." I pouted. "I'm not going to take away your innocence in a tent in the middle of fucking nowhere with our best friends, and not to mention your very protective brother.."

"Step brother," I corrected.

"...step brother, metres away."

"But we never get the chance to be alone anywhere nice."

"Don't worry little angel," he replied, his lips on the skin just below my ear. "An opportunity will present itself and when it does it will be like nothing you've ever experienced."

This just had me perplexed. I mean with all of those girls he'd been with, where had he done it? I mean, I already knew I was different. But really, this was just getting ridiculous.

"I'm pretty sure it's already going to be like nothing I've ever experienced given that I've, you know...never done it before. So you could seriously do me on the hood of your car, and I'm pretty sure I'd enjoy it."

"Nice try butterfly, but seriously, there's nothing comfortable about having sex on the hood of a car." I really didn't need to know that. "Sorry to ruin your fantasy."

"Stop apologising to me about ruining my fantasies and just help me bring one to life already Jasper." I know I was sounding like a whiny little brat. But seriously, Jasper was an oversexed teenager. What gives?

"OK." Squeeeee! I was beaming at him. "But...keep in mind it's like 32 degrees, I don't want you to, you know, freeze any vitally important parts of your anatomy before I've even had a chance to appreciate them properly. And let's not forget the fact that your..."

"Step brother is only metres away," we both said in unison.

"Not to mention the fact that Bella could come over here at any moment wanting to sleep in her sleeping bag, because despite the fact that she and Edward appear to be getting on a little better, Bella still looked like she wanted to scratch his eyeballs out."

"Oh Jasper, you have no idea the powers of persuasion I possess. I already foresee that their night in the tent together is going to be one that neither of them will forget."

Jasper and I spent the night making out like fourteen year olds. It was seriously too cold to do anything else. But we made sure to make plenty of noises that would keep Bella the hell away from our tent and firmly ensconced in Edward's. Hopefully in his arms.

We woke late the next morning and could already hear movement outside the tents probably coming from around the fire. Hopefully someone already had it going and was doing something about getting breakfast ready. I took a sip from my water bottle to help deal with the camel in my mouth and rolled over to face the boy of my dreams. He was laying on his back mouth half open sounding like a rhino. Jesus Christ the guy could snore!

I pulled on my coat and boots and went to crawl out of the tent before I felt two strong arms take hold of my hips and drag me back, throwing me down on my back, before he hovered over me, his strong arms propping him up.

"Where do you think you're going butterfly?" He murmured before nuzzling his nose in my neck.

"Oh so you're awake? I thought you were trying call all the bears in the wild to breakfast with that noise coming from your nose."

"Pfft, like you didn't snore at all."

"I do not!" I gasped in complete shock.

"Oh my little love you have no idea. The noise coming from that cute little nose of yours last night was priceless, completely unexpected and completely adorable." God, I was mortified. Jasper had heard me snore.

And he was still here!

"Oh you are so in trouble if you tell anyone mister." I deadpanned, whilst pointing my finger into his (solid) chest.

"As if I'd tell anyone something so intimate about my beautiful girlfriend."

I went to say something but the words were caught in my throat. We hadn't actually talked about it, but I guess that's what we were.

"What's the matter?" He asked.

"I guess...I just hadn't heard you say it."

"Girlfriend?"

"Yeah, I mean..."

"Well, you are. You're my girlfriend Alice," Jasper replied decisively.

We made our way out of the tent and I looked out eagerly to see who was up. It was Bella and Edward. And all did not look good on the western front. Edward was rifling through a box looking for something while Bella sat on a log in front of the fire glaring at him.

_Oh shit_, things clearly did not go as planned. I cleared me throat and Bella's head turned abruptly in my direction. She was not happy. She stood quickly and walked towards me, glaring. She brushed past me on the way towards our tent and I think I heard her mumble "what the fuck Alice", but I wasn't one hundred percent sure.

_Oooookay._

I tentatively walked towards Edward who looked up at me with a blank stare. He shook his head from side to side and then looked back down into the box.

"So...?" I asked tentatively.

He looked up at me, sad puppy dog eyes not quite meeting mine.

"I know what you were trying to do last night Alice."

"I take it it didn't go as planned?"

"So you planned it?"

"Hmmm, maybe just a little?"

"Well, I'll be lucky if she ever speaks to me again."

Shit, how could it have gone so wrong?

**EPOV**

Sleeping in a tent had never really been my idea of fun. It was more the getting out into the wilderness thing and hanging out with my friends that I enjoyed. But waking up with my beautiful Bella's body draped across mine was the highlight of this trip. In fact it was the highlight of my whole fucking year.

Her head was snuggled into the crook of my shoulder, her left arm and left leg draped across me, my left arm curved around her shoulders. I didn't move too much for fear of waking her, but I couldn't stop my hand from fingering her beautiful soft hair, coming across the occasional knot and untangling it as best I could.

It was almost enough to make me forget what this morning was about. Almost. But not quite. I thought a little about my mother in the moments before Bella awoke. She'd been gone so long now that I almost forgot what her voice sounded like. I had footage of her on video, but I wanted to remember the real sound, the real conversations. I wondered what she would have thought about Bella. I hoped she would have liked her, I think she would have.

One thing I am sure about was that Mom wouldn't have approved of my behaviour in the last few weeks. It had been pretty deplorable. My treatment of Jess and Bella had seen me stoop to all new lows. Before Bella I was pretty choosy about who I spent my time with, not using my looks or popularity to use girls the way I knew I could or the way my best friend did. After Bella I'd become so misguided that I'd bedded many girls, ruthlessly leaving them with no thought in the world. I'd started seeing Jess without realising she was more interested than I was and without any thought to how or when it would end, I always just knew that it would. But I'm not sure she was necessarily on the same wave length.

I felt Bella stir and I couldn't help but panic a little at how she was going to respond to waking in my arms. Our relationship had been so volatile, thanks entirely to me. I held my breath as she hesitantly raised her head from my shoulder, her eyes squinting as she appraised her surroundings in the half light. She quickly closed her eyes again before smirking and burying her head back in my shoulder and curling her body further into mine.

Well that was a good sign.

I kissed the top of her head and pulled her in tighter to me, breathing out a sigh of relief as I did.

"Hi," I murmured softly as she lifted her head slowly to look at me again.

"Hi," she smiled in return and peered up at me still looking sleepy.

"How did you sleep?" I asked still hesitant about her reaction to waking up in my arms. She arched her body, stretching her arms up above her head. She was stunning.

"Hmmm, good I think. Once a certain someone let me sleep."

"Hey, you were the one who insisted on climbing into _my_ sleeping bag. What did you expect?"

She giggled softly and lay back on the pillow so I propped myself up on my left elbow to peer down at her. "And you said you wouldn't bite?"

"If I remember correctly I didn't bite Bella. But I can if you want me too?" I said before moving my head down to take a playful nip out of the flesh on her neck.

"Ahhh ha ha..." she squealed.

"Shhhhhhh...do you want to wake everyone up?"

"What's the time? Aren't they up yet?"

"I haven't heard anything yet. It's only six fifteen and I think they were all up pretty late last night."

"Really? Did you stay up listening or something you dirty perv?"

I still had my head buried in Bella's neck and I wanted nothing more than to continue kissing it. So I did. I made my way up to her mouth, and despite the whole morning breath situation I reverently kissed her good morning, for the first time, and hopefully not the last. I went to pull away but Bella had snaked her hand up into the hair at the back of my head and held me there.

"No," she mumbled against my lips, "I'm not finished yet." I sighed contentedly as my lips continued their gentle morning exploration.

Coming up for air after a few minutes I felt light hearted and happier than I had any right to be. She grinned up at me, her eyes sparkling and I couldn't help feeling the joy of finally having her within my grasp.

"Thanks for the flowers by the way."

"Oh, my god!" I exclaimed, slapping my right hand across my eyes. "I'm so embarrassed about those flowers."

"I thought they were beautiful. And the note you left was lovely."

"I'm so sorry. I was devastated when I saw the roses arrive."

"You what?" Her eyes flashed at me with curiosity.

"After I delivered the flowers I waited a little while to see that you got them and then that delivery van arrived with that huge bunch of roses and I was so embarrassed at my puny bunch of flowers." She threw her head back and laughed as quietly as she could. "So you liked them?"

"They were perfect, really. James never had any clue about what I liked. He sent roses, the same colour as the roses on my mother's coffin."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"So, what happened? Between you and James...when you broke up?" _What the fuck Cullen, do you really want to know about this?_

"Well, it was pretty short really. He arrived unannounced, we talked for a bit, mostly about my plans for after school. He was just expecting that I'd be going back to Phoenix, because that's what we'd always discussed." I started to panic at this, she could still be planning to do this. "We got in an argument, he grabbed my arm.."

"He grabbed your arm?" I said, not hiding the alarm in my voice. The thought of that prick hurting her made my blood turn cold.

"Yeah, I don't know how you missed that bit!" She scoffed sarcastically. "He kind of lost it after we kissed."

Hmmm, interesting. "That's probably because he saw me."

"He saw you?"

"Yeah, he looked up and saw me when he was hugging you. He looked pretty...smug."

"Well that didn't last long when Dad came in and strong armed him up against the wall."

"Good 'ol Chief Swan. I wish I had have come in."

"That would have made it all worse. He knows about you." _Shit, really? God was that good or bad? Good, I think._

"I'm sorry I didn't let you tell me about it." My hand had made its way just under her top and was gently caressing the warm, smooth skin of her stomach. It was such an intimate position to be in and I found myself savouring every moment of it. Despite the fact we were talking about her ex-boyfriend.

"Will you just...next time, just talk to me? I know we don't have any claim on each other Edward, but, I think we're close enough friends now that I at least deserve that."

"Friends?" I replied. _Did friends caress each other's stomachs this way? I think not_.

"Well, what else can you call us?" She shrugged, her eyes darting away quickly but not quick enough that I didn't see the look of disappointment in her eyes.

I cupped her face in my hand and turned her to face me. "Bella, I don't know what to call us. I know what I want, and I want you. And as soon as I can see Jess in person I'm going to fix it. I just can't do it over the phone, not while her grandmother is on her death bed."

"I'm not asking you to Edward. I understand your reasoning for wanting to wait until you see her. I really do. And I also get why you don't do it while she's so upset."

I thought about that for a few moments. Sure, Jess was dealing with the imminent death of a relative, but Bella was still grieving for her mother, whom she was never really given the opportunity to grieve properly over until now. Didn't I owe something to _her_? I wasn't entirely sure I was supporting the right person, but I was in too deep now to back out.

Bella went quiet for awhile. I knew we were getting into uncomfortable territory and I didn't want to keep going, not yet. We had this time this morning and I wanted to use it. She was so open and playful when she woke up. I was kind of hoping we could get back to that. But all too soon it was completely disappeared as her brow furrowed and she looked away from me hesitantly. I ran my finger along the crease in a vain attempt to make it all disappear.

"What's the matter love?"

She shrugged hesitantly. I shouldn't leave this up to her, this was my problem and it was about time I manned up and took the bull by the horns.

"Bella, last night was...God, it was amazing, you know that right?" I pleaded.

She nodded her head, but looked at me expectantly. It was almost as if she expected me to say...'but it can't happen again.'

"You know the only reason I'm still with Jess is because she took off before I had a chance to break up with her. I've wanted you since the first time you walked back into my Biology classroom." She nodded her head again but I could see she was thinking about something. "What is it?"

"Why are you with her Edward?" She shook her head and then looked at me again. "Actually, why would you want to be with me when you're with her? I mean, she's beautiful and...all the guys drool over her and..."

"Bella," I cut her off quickly, "let me answer one question at a time. I'm with her, or still with her because I was a complete coward. You came back and I found out you were with James so I stayed with her, then it was her birthday and I didn't feel right about breaking up with her, and then it was Valentine's day and James was coming and I couldn't face you and him together." My hand continued its exploration of her stomach, occasionally brushing the divot where her belly button resided. "I know you don't like her, I know Alice can't stand her, but Jess isn't that bad." Bella stiffened below me, but I needed to let her know I wasn't a complete shallow asshole for being with her. "Yes she's good looking, but she can be as insecure as the next girl, which I found kind of cute. But beyond that, there's not a lot going on. We were never supposed to be very serious, but it just kind of got out of control. I was using her I guess."

"Can I ask you something?" She asked shyly.

"Sure."

"Did she remind you of me?" I hardly heard her ask the question she whispered it so quietly.

I stared down at her contemplating my answer. "Bella, I never thought I was going to see you again, despite the fact that I tried to find out who you were. Turns out all I had to do was ask Jasper." I scoffed, rolling my eyes at the fact that my best friend knew all along who she was and how I could contact her. "So when I thought you were lost to me I just kind of let go and I guess I tried to find what I'd felt with you with anyone else. At first it was with any girl, then I realised I couldn't find it I went looking for it with a girl who at least reminded me of you, so yes, I guess that's part of the reason I'm with her. That's probably really creepy isn't it?"

She didn't say anything to that, she just remained quiet as we stared into each other's eyes. I would have given anything in that moment to know what she was thinking. But I figured it would be rude to ask given what I'd just confessed to her, she needed the privacy.

She rolled over and faced me, placing her hand on my cheek in such a caring manner. The hand that was caressing her stomach was now running smooth circles across her lower back.

"So, how do you feel this morning? I mean, I know it's the anniversary of...and I guess I was just wondering how you felt...how do you deal with it?" She asked tentatively, changing the subject.

I shrugged, not entirely sure how to answer. "I guess I usually take some time to just kind of think about her you know. The other's usually give me some space and leave me to contemplate life you know?"

"Oh, sorry...do you want me to..."

"Oh, god no Bella. I couldn't think of a better way to wake up this morning. It's definitely helped." I smiled reassuringly at her, whilst pulling her to me firmly with the hand that was now on her back as she looked a little nervous, as if she was intruding.

"I, I'm not looking forward to it. I mean, I think I'm doing better, but I'm still not looking forward to _that_ day." She closed her eyes briefly and shook her head lightly before opening her eyes and looking at me again.

"You do seem to be doing so much better than you were Bella. Is it helping to talk about her?"

"Yeah...I mean...yeah, I think, definitely," she nodded before shifting and pulling some of her long strands of hair out from underneath her arm where they had been trapped.

"No more nightmares?" I asked

"Huh?"

"You didn't seem to have any nightmares last night." She had seemed to sleep so peacefully in my arms. I wasn't sure how often she had nightmares, but if she had them at all, and they were to do with the accident and she hadn't dealt with it, she was probably having them pretty regularly. That, and there were some days she just looked so tired.

"_How_ do you know I have nightmares?" _Oops. I guess there's no better time than the present to fess up_. _She'd probably already seen the chapter I'd earmarked in the book I'd given her anyway._

"That night you stayed at our place I heard you," I replied sheepishly.

"You heard me?"

"Yeah, I could hear you in the spare room, I could hear you having a nightmare and I couldn't stand by and listen to you go through that, so I calmed you down each time you had one."

"Really? So...so you came into the room, and you...you stayed for a while then, if there was more than one?"

I nodded. "I'm so sorry Bella, are you mad?"

She looked away from me and I noticed my heart rate pick up, completely strung out waiting for the response that could make or break...this. Whatever this was, or could be.

"I don't think so." She still looked like she was contemplating her answer though.

I decided to lighten the mood. "I promise I blocked my ears when you were clearly having an erotic dream."

"Edward!" she squealed quietly. "I did not!"

I pulled her into me playfully and quickly kissed her plump red lips. "No, don't worry there were no erotic dreams...that I'm aware of. I'm pretty sure you'd have known I was in the room with you if there were. I would have been naked and in that bed with you faster than you can imagine."

She blushed the most beautiful shade of crimson at my comment and I felt my dick grow crazy hard at the thought of being naked in a bed with Bella. Christ. I rolled over onto my back and groaned as I re adjusted myself.

"I think someone is getting a little carried away with themselves there," she arched her eyebrow at me and looked down towards my crotch.

I rolled back towards her, obnoxiously grinding my hard on between her thighs as best I could considering the clothing that was still coming between us. Her eyes rolled back as I held her to me.

"You have no idea how much I want to do something about this right now. God Bella, last night when you responded to me...I had no idea if you were going to turn around and tell me to fuck off or do what you did. I'm so glad it went the way it did," I said before grinding against her just a little bit.

"Oh, god, Edward, you _so_ don't play fair," she sighed before pulling away with a slightly anguished look on her face. "This can't happen again." _Wait, what?_

"Bella?" I asked, panic stricken at her words and the tone of her voice. My erection deflating faster than the Hindneburg.

"I may not like the girl, but you've got a girlfriend Edward. I know what it's like to have someone cheat on you, and it's just...mean." All I could do was nod my head in agreement. I mean, what sort of asshole would I be if I tried to argue with her on this?

She rolled back towards me, her hand gently cupping my cheek as she looked deeply into my eyes.

"I understand...I guess," I sighed, before squeezing my eyes shut in frustration. "I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to stay away from you."

She smiled weakly before reluctantly removing her hand from my face and tucking it under her chin. Effectively breaking all contact between our two bodies as we lay side by side but without touching. "You just need to sort your shit out okay." I nodded, knowing I was going to find it almost impossible. "And, maybe we need to just keep last night to ourselves you know? The last thing I need is Alice thinking something happened between us. It's bad enough that we did this, but if it gets out...I don't know, it would just ruin it you know?"

"You're right. This was just between you and me. Although I have a sneaking suspicion Alice is going to want a full report when we get up. She's not going to believe that nothing happened."

"I don't think it should be too hard for us to convince her that last night was a complete disaster. We've spent more time at each other's throats than not, so I think we can convincingly ignore each other."

I agreed reluctantly, knowing that there was no way in hell I'd be able to ignore Bella. Not now.

**A/N: OK, so I had a little excuse for the wait – my mother has been in hospital with pneumonia. Which is normally not nice, but she already has a lung condition so it was extra worrying. She's all good now. The weird thing was though, the hospital room she was in, was the same one my father passed away in. How weird is that? Let me tell you, it was very very weird and completely fucked up. My mother saw the humorous side though, God love her.**

**Please review! Pretty please!**


	21. Chapter 21

**AN: Well, well, well. Looky here. It's a Last Night in Forks up date. If there's anyone still left out there (Sherizzle, I know you're there….and you can all thank her for hounding me over the last…2 YEARS since my last update. Holy cow I can't believe it's been that long), I very humbly apologize.**

**Excuses….I have none. Other than reading ridiculous amounts of fanfic I've been very busy with work, moved house a few times and finally renovating our very own dump twenty minutes from Sydney. Had another baby, who is now 9 months old. Written a few other stories (short ones), none of which are finished, and none of which are on fanfic yet, because I vowed not to publish anything until Last Night In Forks was COMPLETE. SO, yes, this story has now just about been fully written and will post quickly. **

**Please forgive me if there are any inconsistencies between the following final chapters and the first 20 chapters. It's been two years since I last updated, I've been going back and re reading the story, however I haven't been able to get through all of it, I figured it was better to write while I was motivated about it rather than make sure I wrapped every last detail up, and make sure everyone still had the same colour eyes!**

**From Previous Chapter:**

"_I may not like the girl, but you've got a girlfriend Edward. I know what it's like to have someone cheat on you, and it's just...mean." All I could do was nod my head in agreement. I mean, what sort of asshole would I be if I tried to argue with her on this? _

_She rolled back towards me, her hand gently cupping my cheek as she looked deeply into my eyes._

"_I understand...I guess," I sighed, before squeezing my eyes shut in frustration. "I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to stay away from you."_

_She smiled weakly before reluctantly removing her hand from my face and tucking it under her chin. Effectively breaking all contact between our two bodies as we lay side by side but without touching. "You just need to sort your shit out okay." I nodded, knowing I was going to find it almost impossible. "And, maybe we need to just keep last night to ourselves you know? The last thing I need is Alice thinking something happened between us. It's bad enough that we did this, but if it gets out...I don't know, it would just ruin it you know?"_

"_You're right. This was just between you and me. Although I have a sneaking suspicion Alice is going to want a full report when we get up. She's not going to believe that nothing happened."_

"_I don't think it should be too hard for us to convince her that last night was a complete disaster. We've spent more time at each other's throats than not, so I think we can convincingly ignore each other." _

_I agreed reluctantly, knowing that there was no way in hell I'd be able to ignore Bella. Not now. _

**Chapter 21**

**BPOV:**

The trip home after camping was excruciating. Ignoring Edward after everything we shared the night before was almost impossible. Our time together had released this completely primal need to have him near me. It was unlike anything I'd ever experienced and I'll admit I was finding it a bit overwhelming. I thought that perhaps I was just feeling this way because I couldn't have him. And perhaps I was, but god, when I was with him the feeling actually got more intense.

I daydreamed all of the way to school on Monday morning that Jessica would magically be there in the car park, Lauren offering her support to her obvious heart break before the two of them stormed off to class. Edward would be there and would come racing towards me with the most perfect smile on his face, meant only for me, before throwing his arms around me, pushing me up against the side of my truck and devouring my face with his beautiful lips, signalling that he was now mine. Ughhh. If only it had have worked that way. Instead I had to be content with watching him stare intensely at me from over Alice's shoulder as she made her way towards me thinking he and I were still not talking.

Perhaps this pretending to fight thing was going to be just too hard for us to handle. Maybe we would be better off just being casual friends around each other. At least then we'd be able to talk to each other...in public.

The day dragged on. Lunch was an uncomfortable affair with Edward and I desperately trying to come off as if we weren't talking, when really all I wanted to do was drag him off to some dark corner and molest him. Jasper and Alice shifted uncomfortably around us, knowing (or thinking) that they'd caused more issues with the stunt they'd pulled. But neither of them had said anything to us about it which was suss in itself.

Emmett and Rose seemed to be oblivious to the whole thing, including the fact that Edward and I had been together in the Summer. This was made painfully evident by the comments Emmett would make every so often about how great a guy Mike Newton was. Alice would scoff and talk about how he couldn't hold his alcohol as evidenced by the number of times she'd found him passed out under the dining room table after one of their parties. It was all for my benefit. Because as lunch drew to a close Mike made his way to our table and started making small talk with Emmett whilst regularly sending sideways glances in my direction. Edward looked highly amused. WTF?

As the bell went Mike just looked at me expectantly. Like a puppy dog. Why was Emmett encouraging this?_ Oh, that's right, he thinks you're available_.

_Well aren't you? _I cringed internally as I realised I was in fact single. Edward was not mine, despite the fact that my heart and his eyes were telling me otherwise.

"Hi Bella," Mike greeted me looking over at me hesitantly. Edward kind of let out a half strangled growl type of noise, but he still looked highly amused. I was going to fucking kill him.

"Uh, hi Mike?" I replied apprehensively as he was looking at me with a level of expectation I wasn't entirely sure how to interpret.

"Want to walk to Biology together?"

What?

_No!_

"Huh, ah, sure. We're headed in that way anyway." I looked at Edward for confirmation that he was indeed walking with us and got...nothing. "Aren't we Edward," I added, just to get his attention.

Edward looked at me as if he was shocked I was addressing him. A "who me" expression on his pretty face. If he was in on this, I'd kill him. I wasn't sure whether he was playing up the whole pretending to be pissed with me, or he was being evasive on purpose.

He shrugged his shoulders before motioning for me to lead the way, following behind me without even giving Mike the chance to get too close. But it didn't seem to deter Mike as he made breakneck speed to manoeuvre his way around Edward to walk beside me. I could feel the hair on the back of my neck prickle knowing that Edward was watching on, hopefully checking out my...

"So Bella..." _Jesus Christ_, Mike made me jump a little as he disturbed my Edward induced daydream. "How are you enjoying being at school here?"

I hadn't spoken a lot to Mike. Just the occasional bit of small talk here and there, so this sudden attention was a bit new, and wholly undesirable.

"Um, well, it's good mostly. Aside from the rain I'm kind of starting to really enjoy it."

"Oh," he looked surprised by my answer. An awkward silence followed, filled by the noises of the other students scurrying around us, oh, and Edward breathing down my neck just behind me! "Well, it's just that...I...um. I heard that you broke up with your boyfriend? I was thinking maybe it must have been hard for you to be so far away from him?"

I think I heard a snort from behind me, I couldn't be sure though. I turned to find Edward still behind me looking off into the distance pretending he wasn't listening.

Poor Mike. He really was a nice guy. And he didn't deserve for me to make fun of him.

"Thanks for your concern Mike." I replied. "But it's all good." I smiled reassuringly as we entered our Biology lab. It's probably the last thing I should have done because he walked towards his seat beaming as if he'd just scored or something. _Crap!_

I sat down and glared at Edward who sat down beside me. He looked at me with that stupid cheeky grin on his face and mouthed "what?" to me.

"You know what," I replied, slapping him across the chest, "jerk." Edward tried to grab my hand as I pulled it away but he wasn't fast enough. I sat and ignored him for a few moments. I knew he was continuing to look at me, and I couldn't hold it in for too much longer. Having Edward Cullen sitting there next to me staring at me was just too much and I couldn't cope any longer. The sides of my mouth crept up completely against my will and I couldn't help but smirk. He just seemed to have that affect on me now. But I wasn't going to give in. We needed to keep this whole thing to ourselves so I ignored him for the rest of the lesson the best I could.

The next day or so dragged on, with still no word as to when the wench was coming home, Mike continued his stalkerish tendencies, and Edward and I ogled each other from afar.

On Tuesday just before lunch I went to my locker to change some books over with Angela. I opened by locker and didn't even notice the folded piece of paper that fell out of it and landed at Angela's feet. Before I knew it she'd picked it up and was handing it to me.

"Ah, this fell out of your locker Bell." She raised her eyebrow at me. "Nice handwriting." She said pointedly.

I looked down and noticed Edward's beautiful handwriting on the folded up note. I blushed uncontrollably before taking it from her hands. She raised an eyebrow in question.

"What?"

"Oh come on Bella, what's going on? Edward Cullen has always had notoriously beautiful handwriting, I'd recognise that anywhere, and I'd recognise that blush of yours anywhere as well. What's going on?"

I bit my lip, contemplating how much I could tell Ange. We'd been friends for a long time and I trusted her completely, but Edward and I had decided not to say anything to anyone. And I wasn't entirely sure what the contents of the letter was. It could be a confession that he really did love Jessica and that nothing was ever going to happen between the two of us. After all, he did seem to be strangely encouraging the whole Mike Newton puppy dog eyes thing.

"Oh God Ange, there's nothing going on." I looked down at the letter, desperate to know it's contents, "...really."

"Ahhh, I see." I eyed her carefully looking for what exactly she understood, and whether the secret was safe with her or not.

"No, I mean, there's nothing going on. But if...if things were different then, I'm pretty sure there would be."

"So he's just leaving you love letters in your locker?" she giggled.

"Oh God Ange, I doubt it's a love letter. And I've got to be honest, I'd feel pretty bad if it was."

"Well..." she looked around nervously before continuing. "If you need a reason to pursue it without feeling like the other woman, I happened to overhear a conversation between Lauren and Jessica the night of the Valentine's party. Lauren was upstairs on the phone and I'm sure she was on the phone talking to Jessica about moving on."

"About who moving on, Lauren?"

"No, Jess. It sounded like she'd been with someone in...where is she again?"

"Portland or something," I replied.

"Yeah, it didn't sound like she'd been faithful."

"Rrrrreally?"

"Hmmmm."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm pretty sure."

"Shit. Poor Edward, thanks Ange." _Poor Edward! What sort of a response was that?_

But I couldn't think about that for long I was desperate to find out the contents of the letter that was burning a hole in my hands. I turned around walked towards the cafeteria but sat down on one of the seats outside to read the letter. The feeling of guilt that I'd been harbouring suddenly evaporating into thin air, not that I knew for sure that she'd cheated. I found myself holding my breath waiting to read whether the contents were good or bad.

_B-_

_You asked me something on Sunday morning that I didn't realise until our trip home that I never answered. You asked me why I would want to be with you._

_Let me start by saying that in the beginning I had no idea why, there was no reason. When I first saw you across that room I just kind of knew. Is that clichéd? Yes I know it is and I'm pretty sure I'd lose my man card for saying it, but I don't care. You were so beautiful that night. From the first moment I looked into your brown eyes and took in your creamy skin I was captivated. You were sweet, (despite the fact that you clearly hated men that night), you were funny and made me laugh, you wanted to get to know me, you were smart and real, and above all else you made my heart race every time you looked at me._

_I missed you so much when you were gone, I was heartbroken. When you returned you had me in such a spin I didn't know how to react. I'm sorry I've been an asshole. I promise to make it up to you every day if you'll let me. _

_Always,_

_E_

I somehow made my way towards the cafeteria, the butterflies in my stomach fluttering in over time, as I sat at my regular table and dug my lunch out of my bag. I could hear the chatter going on around me but none of it registered. My brain was a complete fog after reading the contents of Edward's letter. I glanced to my right and registered the feel of his body next to mine. He smirked at something and then I felt the side of his foot against mine, he tapped it a couple of times in greeting and I think I might have swooned.

"So um, Bella…the dance Friday night?" _Who's voice was that_? I registered my name and looked up and around the faces at the table that were now all focused on me. I looked towards Mike who was sitting to my left leaning towards me, an expectant look on his face.

"Oh, what about it?" I replied oblivious. Still wrapped up in the feel of Edward's ankle that was gently caressing mine. It was amazing how just that contact made my mind go fuzzy and how relaxed that small amou…..

"... ondnering if maybe you'd…go with me…..to the dance?"

_Huh. Earth to Bella._

"Like on a date?" I asked before my brain clicked into gear. _Oh, shit_, I possibly shouldn't have blurted it out like that but Edward's ankle was now rubbing up my calf and I was finding it a bit difficult to filter my brain properly.

Mike looked a little embarrassed as he looked around the table. Edward looked down at the remaining half of his sandwich not giving anything away, but I'm pretty sure he was trying not to smirk. Emmett and Rosalie smiled encouragingly at Mike which seemed to give him the confidence he needed in front of an audience.

"Well…..yeah," he replied emphatically, as if convincing himself that that's what it was.

"Oh Mike. I'm sorry, but I've got plans on Friday night." Edward's head popped up on hearing this. I couldn't quite figure out why that had grabbed his attention. "I'll be at Emmett's." I crossed my arms over my chest and sat back triumphantly, satisfied that I'd avoided a date with Mike Newton.

"Oh B, didn't I tell you, we're all going to the dance on Friday night. So you could….you know…go…..." Emmett nodded his head in Mike's direction encouragingly.

_Fuck._ There was pretty much nothing I could do. I could make one last ditch effort to get out of it, and then I was all out.

"Um, I really don't dance Mike. I mean, you'd be taking your life into your own hands…"

"Oh come on Bells," Edward and I both glared at Emmett, Edward a little less vehemently than I. "We're all going, it'll be fun. You don't have to be Ginger Rogers to go to a dance."

Crap, there was no way I was getting out of this. And Edward was giving me absolutely nothing. Nada. No help whatsoever. Well if he wasn't going to help he could just suck it up.

"Okay." I replied hesitantly before turning and looking into Mike's face that lit up like a fucking Christmas tree. _Fuck._ This was going to be bad. He looked so excited, that was the last thing I wanted.

Thank God the bell rang because I didn't want to sit there while Mike made uncomfortable conversation with Emmett whilst awkwardly glancing at me. I stood up from my seat so quickly that my chair flew back and flipped over. Edward quickly reached down to right it and placed his hand on it just before Mike did, they looked at each other for a fraction too long as Edward ripped the chair from Mike's hand as if staking some sort of claim. _Now he fights!_ Emmett and Rosalie seemed oblivious to it all, as per usual. I wasn't sure whether Mike was smart enough to pick up on the possessive nature of Edward's stare, I suspected nothing could dampen Mike's mood after I agreed to go to the dance with him.

All three of us turned and made our way towards Bio. Mike ran along beside me like a little lost puppy, ducking and weaving every time someone came walking in the opposite direction, while Edward and I walked side by side.

"So Bella, do you want to maybe get something to eat before hand or….something?" Mike asked.

"Well,….um…." I felt Edward's hand brush deliberately against mine as I struggled for a way to get out of it. "I guess if we're all going as a group we should find out what everyone else is doing first…..right?" I felt, rather than saw Edward smirk beside me. "Do you know what the plans are Edward?"

"Well, I think the plans are probably to meet at Emmett's before hand, then go to the diner, then the dance."

"Great. So maybe you could meet me at Emmett's beforehand." This was sounding less and less like a date by the minute. I was so proud of myself.

"Oh," Mike replied a little dejectedly. "I guess that could….work."

We made it to Biology and I sat down beside Edward and just glared at him.

"What? What did I do?"

"Nothing. You did absolutely nothing." I smirked at him, unable to hold in my laughter at our predicament.

"Sorry, it was like watching a train wreck. There was just nothing I could do to stop it."

"You could have jumped in and told him we had to study together, or…..or….go to Seattle for the whole weekend or something."

Edward leaned over resting his chin on his left hand and looked at me seductively before placing his other hand on my thigh below the table where no one could see it. Jesus he was turning me on. This was the first real contact we'd had since Sunday morning. "I would like nothing more than to take you to Seattle for a romantic weekend Bella."

I rolled my eyes at him, "promises, promises."

He rubbed his hand up and down my thigh and looked at me with a sad apologetic look on his face. "Soon Bella. I promise."

"Thanks for the letter," I smiled shyly, and he looked down at the table hiding his smile from me.

I ran my left hand over the hand that was caressing my thigh. He tightened his grip as our fingers intertwined around each other and our hands fell down between our bodies and remained that way while ever we weren't required to be holding a pen. But an hour of hand holding soon came to an end and I felt the absence of his hand more strongly that I'd ever thought possible. My heart clenched until I remembered the contents of the letter I'd read just over two hours ago.

On the way out of the classroom I couldn't help it anymore, "follow me," I breathed into his ear. And then walked from the room. I didn't look back, just hoped like hell he was following me as I made my way out of the science building. The rain was bucketing down now and I made the short dash across the quad to the rarely used side entrance of the cafeteria which was now closed. Edward was hot on my heals and as soon as we'd rounded the corner I pulled him into me snaking my hand up around his neck and pulling his lips to mine. It took him a little while to move but as soon as his brain clicked in he sighed as he wound his arms around my body pulling me into him tightly. The kiss was desperate, hurried, both of us knowing we didn't have long to get a fix that may have to carry us over for what could be days to come. We came up for air, both of us panting, his forehead pressed against mine.

"What changed your mind about the no contact thing?" He asked as we stood there trying to catch our breath, his arms wrapped around me holding me close against his chest.

I shrugged, not wanting to say anything to Edward about what Angela had told me. "I just couldn't take it any longer. Being near you but not being able to do this is killing me."

"I know what you mean."

"My heart is pounding," I observed.

"Mine too."

"What does it mean? I don't think….I don't think I've felt this before," I replied.

"I'm not sure about you, but I think it means I'm falling," he blinked and swallowed hard before continuing, "I think it means I've fallen for you."

"Really?"

"Completely," he replied before desperately applying his lips to mine. My mind went blank, unable to process what I think he was saying to me. "Madly," he breathed, continuing the onslaught that I was now entirely helpless to stop. "And without any ability to stop, even if I wanted to."

"What are we going to do?" I asked, looking down ashamedly.

"Well, the first thing we're going to do is skip our next class," Edward said as he pulled away from me and slid down the wall, pulling me down to straddle his lap.

Looking terribly satisfied with himself, he pulled his legs up behind me so I had something to lean my back against. His hands found my face and he forced my eyes on him.

"I've got some good news," he smiled a little triumphantly. I wasn't sure whether it was due to my obvious acquiescence at skipping class or the news he was holding. "Jess said she'll be home this weekend. Looks like her grandmother isn't going to die any time soon so she'll be back Sunday night."

"Really?" I couldn't help but beam at him.

"Yeah." He pulled my face to his and our lips played gently against each other. We spent almost an hour with our arms wrapped around each other, hands lightly touching faces, lips playfully caressing, occasionally descending into more heated debate before pulling back making sure the situation didn't get out of hand. The bell went and we reluctantly pulled away from each other and stood. I was the first to break the silence.

"So, what in the hell are we going to do about Mike?"

"Are you interested?"

"I know you can't possibly think I'm interested."

"I guess..."

"Edward?"

"OK. Um, I don't know. I guess maybe you should just go, dance with him a couple of times..."

"But I want to dance with you."

"We can't dance anyway."

"Oh, yeah, I guess."

"All we have to do is get through this weekend and then we can be together OK?" Please God, don't let anything else go wrong.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

**EPOV**

Jessica and I had spoken on the Monday night. This conversation definitely sounded more upbeat than the rest and I was holding out hope that it meant her grandmother was getting better.

"You sound a lot better Jess. It sounds like your stuffy nose has cleared up?"

"Yeah, finally."

"So how's your grandma?"

"Oh, she's actually on the mend now."

"Does that mean you're coming home?" Please, please, please!

"My, my Edward it sounds like you're eager to see me?"

Not the response I was looking for.

"Uh...well, you've been gone for weeks."

"Well, as a matter of fact I'll be home Sunday afternoon. So I was thinking," she drawled, "maybe you could come around on Sunday night and we could catch up," Jess said suggestively.

"Yeah, um...that would be good." _Come on Cullen get some balls_. "I think we have a lot to catch up on... um...we should talk?"

"Oh, I know we have _a lot_ to catch up on," she started before I'd even finished my sentence, I couldn't be sure whether she'd heard my "we need to talk" comment. "I have something I can't wait to show you, you're just going to love them!"

"Uh..um...really?"

"Oh yeah. Anyway baby, I really need to go. I'll talk to you tomorrow K."

"Okay."

"Ciao."

I groaned as I hung up the phone. This was going to be harder than I thought, and I had already been finding it difficult. I had subtly been trying to indicate to Jess over the phone that all was not right. I didn't want to see her as soon as she got back and break up with her with no warning, but I was starting to think she hadn't seen how I'd been pulling away from her during our phone conversations. I barely called her, she always called me. I cut our phone calls short, and I shared very little about what was actually happening with me. I was kind of hoping the "we need to talk" comment would make it pretty fucking obvious. But I don't think it was. And if she had been picking up on it, it meant she was ignoring it meaning she was in denial and this could get quite ugly if she refused to talk. I had to be prepared to put my balls on the line and confess my feelings for someone else if that was the case. But I didn't particularly like the idea of putting Bella in the firing line. She's been through enough already, she didn't need Jess on her case as well.

Despite all of that I was ecstatic that Bella had finally given into our inability to keep our hands off each other. The week was full of silent, hopefully subtle, flirting, quick kisses, the occasional grope and lots of "we shouldn't be doing this," breathed between each other. I wasn't entirely sure we hadn't been busted by Alice, but I was pretty sure she and Jasper were now aware there was something going on between us. Whether they'd seen something I wasn't sure, but they were both already aware of our previous history so it wouldn't have been hard to catch on to something little, like the way we regularly glanced sideways at each other at the lunch table, invariably smirking, or I picked up her bag for her at lunch.

The whole Mike Newton debacle was putting a slight dampener on Bella's spirits though, but for some reason I found the whole thing slightly amusing. I know Bella wanted to murder me over it, but I couldn't help but laugh knowing that Mike had been unlucky several times when it came to the girls. There'd been rumours that he had bad breath and clammy hands, so I was pretty sure I was safe. But poor Bella still had to go through with the whole charade. She was none too pleased with me over it all, but it was kinda cute to see her all riled up so I let it go on.

On Friday night I got ready for the dance. Alice had laid an outfit on my bed for me and then disappeared, saying she'd meet me at Emmett's at 6pm. By 6.15 I wasn't the only one who was getting impatient for the girls to arrive. Emmett was the only one who didn't seem to be looking at the front door every time a car drove down his street, probably because he and Rose had been together a while. I was the only one who had no excuse to look anxious given that I had no date, but I seemed to be ringing my hands more nervously than any of them. Even Mike looked a little calmer than I did for some reason. Probably because he thought he had the girl.

A car pulled up and all three girls came in, lead first by Rosalie, then Alice, then my beautiful Bella. They were all still in their coats so I couldn't see what she wore underneath. As she took her coat off and revealed the not quite knee length baby blue dress she was wearing underneath I was almost certain that our cover would be blown sometime within about the next…oh….35 seconds. I figured that was probably long enough for our friends to notice the seemingly inappropriate way I was ogling her. I was unable to look away and I was pretty sure she was feeling the weight of my stare based on the shy way she glanced at me, smirked slyly, blushed and then looked down at the heels she was wearing.

Mike stood by eagerly awaiting her to acknowledge him. I wanted to slap him. I knew he had no claim on her, either did I for that matter, but there was nothing in her heart for him, I could see that in the way she subtly gravitated in my direction and every so often would look up at me, whilst trying to keep as far away from Mike as possible.

As there were seven of us we ended up in two cars, mine, with Alice and Jasper, and Emmett's with Rosalie, Mike and Bella. I wasn't sure what was worse, that they were in a car together, or our separation. At least I didn't have to watch them together...in my car.

As we made our way to the diner Jasper and Alice chatted away about I don't know what, whilst I kept an eye on the two people in the back of the Jeep in front of me. They were on opposite sides of the car, thank God, but I couldn't see what their hands were up to, that annoyed the shit out of me. And as we arrived at the diner I found myself getting more and more jealous by the second as he placed his hand on her back as we walked inside. She didn't seem to do anything to shake it off.

All I could do was run my hands through my hair in frustration as I walked directly behind them and watched him with his hands on my girl.

I knew the round booth we had booked for the seven of us would only seat six, just. Given there were seven in our group and Jasper, Alice, Emmett and Rose were already situated I knew if I muscled in quickly before Mike and Bella that hopefully she'd slide in next to me, and Mike would be left to pull up a chair at the end of the table. As I sat down Bella took the bait and slid in next to me, while Mike looked around awkwardly and pulled up a chair, edging it slightly closer to Bella's side of the table.

My hand itched to slide along her thigh, or take her hand, or possessively snake its way around her shoulder to pull her into me and claim her as if she were my own. Which of course, she was not. But it didn't stop me from wanting it with a desperation that was starting to gnaw away at my insides.

Mike sat at the head of the table like he was king fucking shit and constantly vied for Bella's attention. Much to my surprise Bella moved her left hand and I could feel it gently caressing my thigh…..I think. She could have just been stretching her fingers, or maybe she had sweaty hands and she needed to wipe them on something, maybe Mike was making her nervous. _Shit._

To arrest my fears I moved my hand underneath the table and made subtle, but unmistakable contact with her hand with my little finger. Hers twitched in response and all of a sudden I was sawing again as she moved it slowly into mine.

Alice threw me suspicious looks from time to time as she watched my moods oscillate. But for now I was the life of the party as I got to actually hold hands with the girl I had been desperate to just hold hands with since the first time we met.

Dinner was over quickly and Bella and I had little contact again until we were at the school dance. We had to be on our best behavior there. Not only was Mike already looking at me a little suspiciously, I mean why would you turn up to a dance without a date and Bella had shown me more attention at the diner than she'd shown him. But Jessica's minion's were everywhere keeping an eye on me. Lauren kept looking over in our direction, but her attention seemed mostly to be on Jasper as she gave him the stink eye every time he had Alice near him. It was kind of odd actually, while she did pass her eyes over me every so often she seemed obsessed by the two of them, and kept watching Alice like she was trying to figure something out.

The night was a complete clusterfuck of Bella running away from Mike. If Mike wasn't actually a decent guy I would have found the whole thing completely amusing, but I kind of pitied the guy a bit. I watched as they bumbled their way through a couple of dances together. Thank God the music was mostly inappropriate for close one on one dancing. Teachers organised that shit on purpose.

Towards the end of the night I couldn't stand it any longer. I told Bella to meet me out in the corridor. As she came out a minute or so after me I grabbed her hand in mine and lead her down the hall slightly. I probably wasn't being overly careful about our location on purpose. I think deep down I wanted to get caught, so this whole charade could be over and Bella and I could get on with our lives.

Without saying a word to her I had Bella's back up against the wall, my mouth on hers as she drove her hands into my hair and pulled me tighter. Our breathing grew heavier as my insatiable need for this girl made me lose my grip on all reality. Her tongue was insistent, her moans only encouraging me further in my entirely inappropriate behaviour. I wanted and needed her in a way I didn't know could exist, it was bordering on obsession and I needed to get a grip before I tore us apart with my need to consume her.

Then reality came crashing back down. A throat cleared behind us. _Shit_.

Pulling my mouth away from Bella's I rested my forehead against hers as I squeezed my eyes shut waiting for the inevitable confrontation with whoever was standing behind us. _Please be Alice or Jasper, please be Alice or Jasper!_

I manned up and turned around to see a decidedly fierce looking Rosalie standing there, arms crossed, foot tapping in anticipation of the explanation she clearly felt was her due. She simply raised her eyebrow at us while we both breathed a sigh of relief that it wasn't someone like Lauren standing there.

"Hi Rose," I almost squeaked, unsure whether to be nervous about the shit storm coming our way or angry that she'd interrupted us.

"So, how long as this little...thing, been going on?" She motioned between the two of us as she asked.

"It's none of your business Rose," I responded quickly.

"Well, you're right about that. You're just damn lucky it was me who noticed you two sneaking off together and not one of _your girlfriend's_ little friends. But I gotta tell you, I can't wait to get back to Emmett's tonight to hear about this," she smirked knowingly. Little bitch had been playing us. "Poor Mike, I warned Emmett not to push it." She turned on her heel and left.

Turning back to Bella I caught the tail end of her apologetic shrug and once again placed my forehead against hers.

"So, that was a little bit close," she breathed before kissing my lips quickly.

"Yeah, I know."

"I got to admit though. The idea of getting caught is kind of making me all...hot and bothered." Did she seriously just say that?

"Really?"

"Really."

"Wanna get outta here?" I asked

"Now?"

"Yeah, I have my car, we could go back to my place. Mom and Dad aren't there tonight."

"I can't just leave Mike."

"Tell him you're not feeling well."

She bit her lip in contemplation and then nodded briefly, "okay."

"Okay then."

I couldn't believe I was finally going to be alone with Bella, in a house, with a bed. She disappeared for five minutes to let Mike know she wasn't feeling too well. I texted Jasper to make sure they all got a lift home with Emmett because my car was no longer available. I mentally ran through a check list of things as I waited for her. Clean sheets – relatively; condoms – definitely; tidy bedroom – yep; no porn floating around – nope; no obvious 'I'm obsessed with Bella' evidence in plain view – don't think so; clean underwear – yes. Okay, I think that covers it all then.

She met me outside at the car and it was a fairly quiet trip back to my place. The house was dark as we ascended the front stairs – a stark contrast to the last time we'd been here intimately. The front door closed with a loud hollow bang as the darkness enveloped us. Bella's little hand was still in mine as I pressed her into the back of the door and kissed her oh so slowly. One side of me wanted to carry her up stairs and just take her, quickly. But the side that was winning out knew that I had to make this better than last time. Don't make it a meaningless fuck, let her know through my actions that I was madly in love with her. So I slowed the pace considerably, which she seemed to respond to.

But I still wasn't going to wait all night. I pulled my face away from hers and rested our foreheads together, placing my hands on either side of her face, "So…..is this the first time we've been alone together since you've been back, I mean, completely alone?"

"Hmmm, I think perhaps it is. What do you have in mind?"

"Tanking complete fucking advantage of it," and then I added as an afterthought, "and you!"

Making it all the way up the stairs to my room was not an easy task but somehow me managed to get there. I kept having to remind myself to slow down. We were alone and we had all night.

Bella had never really been into my room before, so she looked around inquisitively. I stood with my hands in my pockets watching on as she looked at books and photos on my desk and shelves. When she was finished she turned and walked towards me. Standing with barely an inch of space between us, she looked up at me and oh so innocently asked,

"So, now what?" But there was a suggestive little glint in her eye that was my undoing. _Control Cullen, control_.

I took a small step towards her so that we were now flush against each other without moving my hands from their pockets. I was so close that she had to take a small step back to steady herself, but we were still flush against each other. _Shame she had to take that step towards my bed._

"Well, I'm pretty sure Alice has a game of Scrabble stashed under her bed, I could go and get it if you want?"

"I'm so not thinking about Scrabble right now Cullen," Bella replied, before snaking her arms up around my neck.

"Either am I Swan," I replied as I finally pulled my hands out of my pockets placing them on her hips and gently pushing her back towards my bed.

She looked nervous all of a sudden, "we're finally going to do this aren't we?"

"I sure hope so," I said before tentatively taking her lips in mine.

Hands started to wander as we gently kissed. Tongues caressing, but not yet pushing too far, or too fast. Just a tentative exploration, almost as if they hadn't been there and done this dozens of times before.

Bella's little hands were pulling at the sides of my shirt, untucking as she went, and I realised at that point that this was the first opportunity either of us would have had to see the other completely naked. So I figured I could probably speed up through this bit, the more time I got to spend with a naked Bella, the better.

The zipper on the back of her dress was down in seconds, and she was already undoing the buttons on my shirt. Her hands caressing down my chest as she slowly went back up. She smirked as I felt her hands slide along my shoulders, my shirt shifting away from my chest and falling down my arms, landing in a heap on the floor.

"You've…..you've filled out since Summer."

"How do you know that?"

"I can tell, I didn't get to see any of ….this," she gestured towards my chest. "But you've….grown, filled out since then." Hopefully she meant I'd become more of a…..man. _God Cullen, get over yourself_. As I was basking in the glory of Bella's comment I noticed her face fall, and she pulled away from me just fractionally as if pulling into herself. This was the new Bella, not the old Bella I met in Summer.

"What is it B?" I asked as I extracted my hands from the task of undoing her bra strap. It was as if she all of a sudden remembered something.

"Don't….I um…when you take my dress off," she looked up at me pleadingly, hurt shadowing her eyes. "Please just….please don't ask any questions okay."

I was too confused to answer, but I could see from the somewhat desperate look in her eyes that questioning her about what the hell she was talking about was part of what she meant.

"Oookkkay?" I replied reluctantly. The relief on her face was instant so I could tell my reaction was the right one. I just had no fucking clue what she was talking about. But I guess I was about to find out. Bella's hands came up to the neckline of her dress, and ever so slowly she pulled the dress down letting it fall to the floor. Under other circumstances I would have found the move sexy as hell, but the way Bella did it it was more like she needed to reveal herself to me for some reason, rather than me pull her dress off her. I didn't understand any of it, but I wasn't going to question it, as per her request. She stepped closer to me, almost as if preventing me from seeing her in her almost naked state. All I could do was wrap my arms around her protectively and try to reassure her that I wanted her more than anything.

I was just about to tell her we didn't have to go any further if she didn't want when I felt her hands unbuckling my belt, undoing the button on my pants and then down went the zip. Ever so slowly she moved them down over my hips. Apparently Bella wasn't wasting any time. If that was the case then neither should I. Reaching around I unclasped her bra and gently pulled it down her arms and away from her body. After the previous comment I was expecting Bella to be shy about revealing so much of herself to me, but this didn't seem to be bothering her. On the contrary, she was confident, almost proud of her breasts, and it was hot as hell. And she definitely had a lot to be proud of. Not that they were huge or anything, but they were incredibly pretty. Hopefully I'd be seeing a lot more of those.

"Cullen?...Cullen?" she repeated my name slightly louder the second time.

"What? Sorry. Just got a little distracted."

"I can see that. I guess we've never seen each other like this before have we?"

"Not quite," I replied as I slid my hands down her rib cage, over hips and as I went to slide them around to her backside my thumb slid across a bumpy, slightly raised surface near her hip at the top of her thigh. Bella stiffened as I felt it and I immediately knew this is what she was talking about. My hands continued the path they were on and she relaxed once more. But I knew that to get her to relax completely I would need to be very careful about where and what I touched. All I could think of was it was scar tissue. From the accident most likely.

I was almost frozen with fear of making the wrong move, but I knew that's exactly what would hurt Bella the most, so I knew I had to continue as if nothing was wrong. So I made the pass again, only this time I let my hand move further down her thigh as I whispered into her ear, "you're so beautiful Bella." She nuzzled her face into my neck as I repeated the word beautiful as I explored her body with my hands, not avoiding the scars, but paying them as much attention as if they weren't there at all.

"Would you like me to turn the lights out?" I asked her quietly. I wasn't sure whether this might help her or not?

She looked up at me quickly before shaking her head from side to side. I couldn't help but smirk. She wanted to see me as much as I wanted to see her. Ever so slowly she lowered herself back onto my bed, leaning back on her elbows. I couldn't help but smirk as I looked over her entire body for the first time, not lingering on the nasty scarring on her upper left thigh. But shit it was bad. Crawling over her I rested slowly on top of her body, my breath leaving me as I finally felt the bodily connection with someone that I had always craved. This was different. Different from anything I'd felt with any other girl. I just hoped that Bella understood the depth of my feeling for her, and I prayed to God that she felt a fraction of what I was feeling.

Her hands were feeling the hot skin on my back and across my shoulders as our mouths met. She moaned lightly and I relished in the sounds she made. So beautiful, so perfect. I was never going to let her go. _Please Bella, please be feeling what I'm feeling_. My aim was to worship her body and take all night doing it, so I lavished her skin with my lips and memorised the taste and the sounds of her. As I made my way down her stomach, my hands with a breast in each, I couldn't help it, and I couldn't hold it in anymore.

"I love you," I mouthed over and over. She couldn't hear it, I didn't feel right saying it out loud yet. But soon. Soon I would profess myself to her openly.

I managed to get a good look at the scarring on her left leg, one long, straight incision about three inches long, a couple of shorter straight ones, and then some nasty looking jaggared marks. None of that was there in Summer, this presumably was a life lasting impression of the night her mother was taken from her.

Fingers brushed against the most sensitive skin just under the leg band of her panties and her back arched off the bed. I wondered if she'd mind if I tasted her. I desperately wanted to, and as my lips made my way to her sensitive lips I wondered if she'd stop me. Should I ask permission? I wasn't sure. Better to be safe than sorry.

"Bella, I want to taste you?" The movement of her hands on my shoulders stopped as her head popped up and she looked at me. "Will you let me?" Her reply was a simple nod of the head. "I've never…..I've never done it before, tell me if I'm doing anything you don't like."

"No one's ever….Ja…he never…" she shook her head from side to side. Wow, James had never gone down on her? What a loser. What the hell did she ever see in that jerk? While I'd never been down on Jess, she and I hadn't been going out for a year, and I didn't profess to love her.

I didn't wait for any further conversation before pulling her underwear down her legs and tentatively flicking my tongue over her lips. She responded immediately, her body jerking involuntarily. I repeated the action before making my way to her clit and then back down. She tasted amazing, and I knew I wasn't going to be able to get enough. I could do this all god damn day if I got to taste her and hear the moans of pleasure she was producing. She became more vocal as soon as I pushed a finger inside her, her back arching in pleasure.

"Edward, jesus, yes. That's so good."

_Score one for Cullen_. I was pretty fucking happy with my progress when I felt a tugging on my head.

"Edward, come up here. I want you up here with me."

What? Why stop now? I made my way up her body, wiping away the evidence of her on my mouth on the sheets as I went. I wasn't sure how much she'd appreciate the taste of her on my lips.

"I want you inside me. I'm so close. I want you to be inside me when I come with you the first time, since, well...you know?"

_Anything you want baby_.

I smiled widely as I balanced myself above her, my hands on either side of her head, brushing a stray hair from her blissful looking face. With my weight on one arm I managed to remove the only piece of fabric that lay between us. The tip of my cock slid roughly between us and I couldn't help the guttural moan of pleasure as I felt the heat and wet between her legs. _Fuck, this was the closest to heaven I'd ever gotten _and it was taking everything I had not to just push into her_._

"Condom?" She reminded me. Good thing too because my brain wasn't functioning on enough blood at the moment, all reserves were keeping my cock hard as a steel fucking rod. Reaching over to the draw beside my bed I grabbed a condom, ripped it open and had it on in the blink of an eye.

I touched my forehead to Bella's and kissed her pretty lips gently, her warm, sweet breath fanning out over my face. "Are you ready for this?" I asked tenderly, the tip of my cock already at her entrance, begging for me to hurry the fuck up.

"For so long Cullen. So long," she replied as I felt her hand slide between us and guide my cock to her entrance. Before I could push forward I felt Bella's hips shift forward taking my tip into her. As I pushed forward in response I watched her eyes roll back and her chest arch up into me. She groaned in what I hoped was pleasure as I slowly pulled out and then pushed in further this time until our hips met.

"Fuck, Bella," I cried as I almost came right there and then. Feeling her body under me, her breasts pushed into my chest, her lips against mine, my cock inside her was enough to make me come on the spot. Calming myself down and thinking about my grandmother I managed to pull myself together long enough to start moving inside her again.

Bella's fingernails scratched lightly down my back as I moved slowly. Her legs opened wider and I felt them wrap around my hips. Sensing her need for me to be deeper I lifter her right leg slowly, testing her flexibility, pushing it up between us and watching her reaction as I began to plough into her deeper and faster. Her noises became more high pitched and her fingernails dug a little deeper with every thrust.

"Fuck, Edward. This feels amazing," she whispered huskily. Her eyes shut tightly as her hands slammed against the sheets. "Keep going, please just…..ughh." With one hand now gripping her hair she opened her eyes and moved the other to her face where she smiled at me before I felt her fall over the edge. Her breasts thrust up towards me, her eyes squeezed tightly shut, her mouth forming that O shape I remembered from last time.

Moving slowly, taking my time I revelled in the feeling of once more being inside Bella. It was exquisite, and pure torture at the same time. I knew that if she was ever taken from me again I would never get over it. And it was so much better than last time. Nothing hurried, no need to keep ourselves quiet. No nervousness.

I couldn't wait to wake up to Bella in the morning. I'd done it once, but this would be different. Mom and Dad weren't due back until after lunch. And hopefully Alice would be wrapped up in Jasper over at Emmett's place.

**AN: So, Next Chapter is ready to go. Reviews might motivate me to post it today (it's morning where I am as I post this), just sayin'.**


	23. Chapter 23

**AN: Here's another one. Thank you to those of you who took the time to review. It really means a lot.**

**Chapter 23**

**APOV**

Lauren was giving me the stink eye at the dance. Other than Jasper I could see no rhyme or reason as to why. I didn't get the impression it was due to me being with Jasper, otherwise she would have been eyeing him off or trying to get her claws into him, but she seemed to have ignored him in class this week. She'd had something against me from day one of her arrival and I was still to figure out what it was. I was about to walk over and confront her about it (I like to tell myself that anyway), when Rose came storming towards me with a shit eating grin all over her face. She pulled Emmett and I aside, crossed her arms over her chest and smirked triumphantly at Emmett.

"Guess who I just caught sucking each other's faces off outside?"

Emmett looked around and seemed to catch on pretty quickly, or so he thought. He nodded smugly to himself and I was pretty sure he was just about to give himself a high five when he answered, "Mike you old dog. I knew she'd go for him…."

I snorted derisively. Rose nodded to her left to Mike who was currently dancing with a group of people, before turning her penetrating blue eyes back to me.

"So, pip squeak? How long has it been going on?"

"How long has what been going on? Who are you talking about Rosie?" Emmett asked, looking back and forth between the two of us.

I shook my head disbelievingly. Those two little sneaks. And here I was thinking they weren't talking to each other after I forced them into the same tent last weekend. Shit, they'd played me. I was usually so much better at reading people than this.

"Well?" Rose said tapping her toe now waiting for my answer. Emmett just kept looking around trying to figure out who the hell was currently missing. I noticed Bella make her way back into the auditorium and look around until she found Mike. I turned my attention back to Rose whose patience wasn't going to last forever.

"To be honest, in it's current form, I'm not entirely sure. But…"

"Who?" Emmett interrupted me. "Who are we talking about here?" He asked desperately.

"Bella and Edward," Rose and I both hissed in reply.

"Bella and Edward?" He looked dumbfounded. "But what about Mike?" More to the point, what about Jessica. It just went to show how little Emmett thought of her.

"Oh will you shut up about Mike. I told you they were never suited and not to push it. She was never interested in him." Rose turned her attention back to me again. "Alice?"

"OK, well it's actually a kinda long story," I replied honestly as I watched Bella walk away from Mike and walk quietly out of the auditorium again. Sneaky, sneaky, sneaky. That brother of mine had a lot of explaining to do, but I couldn't help but smirk. "But look Rose, I think it's best if we go back to Emmett's so you can get the full story."

"I'm going to grill their asses, you know that don't you?"

"Sure, sure. I'm sure they'll only be too happy to tell you the story." If they show up!

The dance wound down. Edward and Bella never resurfaced. Mike made some excuse about going home as he wasn't feeling great, and Jasper, Rose, Emmett and I climbed into Emmett's car.

Rose turned around and looked at me, then at Jasper. "So, I suppose you were in on this too?" Rose was smirking at Jasper.

"In on what?"

"Your best friend was caught this evening with his tongue down the throat of a pretty brunette in a pale blue dress that was definitely not his skanky ass, slutty faced, moron of a girlfriend."

I watched on as Jasper's lips curled slowly up into a very knowing smile.

"Son of a bitch. I knew they were at it again," he said as he turned his face towards the window looking out into the dark night and slowly nodding his head.

"So you did know about it?" Rose asked

"What? Of course I knew about it. So did she," he replied, dumping me in it with him. Jasper turned his attention to me, "so they've sorted everything out then?"

"Or, they never had a problem in the first place. Now that I think about it I'm beginning to think they weren't fighting at all this week."

"Wait, wait wait." Emmett stopped us. "Can we just woo back a few paces and can we just start at the beginning. How long has this been going on?"

Jasper and I looked at each other. "You go," he gestured, "you knew more from the beginning than I did."

"I don't know Jas, you actually saw it, well...sort of…."

"Just, please someone spit it out," Rose was sounding a little exasperated.

"OK, but given that Edward is still 'officially' seeing Jessica this has to stay in the cone of silence okay. Well, actually the first bit doesn't, but the rest does…"

"Alice."

"OK, OK. So it all started back last summer."

"Summer?" Rose and Emmett both exclaimed.

"But she wasn't here."

"Yes she was. Remember I told you the story of how Bella was there that night after our final summer party to see Jessica throw up on herself." Both Emmett and Rose nodded in remembrance. "Well, Edward and Bella met that night."

"They did more than meet," Jasper said under his breath.

We pulled up outside of Emmett's. We all shuffled into the house and got settled on the lounges before I continued. "OK, so the last summer party at our place Bella was there. And they met, and hit it off."

"Remember we couldn't find him most of the night?" Jasper asked Emmett, who just nodded in response.

"Well, he and Bella became very well acquainted with each other," I said trying not to tell them what actually happened but trying to make it obvious from the tone of my voice.

"How well acquainted?" Emmett asked suspiciously.

"About as well acquainted as two people can get Emmett," he looked at me quizzically.

"Oh, Jesus Emmett, I think she's trying to tell us that they fucked." Rose looked at Jasper and I for confirmation and we both nodded.

"Fuck me!" Was Emmett's surprised response. He turned his attention to Jasper. "But that means Bella was…..but what about that chick at that party?" Emmett just looked confused.

Jasper shook his head as if he knew exactly what Emmett was talking about. "No. Bella was his actual first." _Oh that's what they were talking about._

"Shit. I had no idea. So why didn't he tell us about it. I mean, why lie about it? That shit just doesn't make sense."

"Honestly, I think it was because he really, really liked her Em. Or should I say likes her."

"Edward and I spent all the next morning driving around looking for her. He didn't know what her last name was, or who she came with. She'd been pretty secretive about it because she didn't see the point of carrying on the relationship given she was leaving for Phoenix the next day."

"Smart girl," said Rose. "Did she come with Angela?"

"Yeah," I replied.

"So that's why Edward was such a miserable prick all of those months at the start of school?" Emmett asked. Alice nodded.

Rose still looked confused. "So, he still really likes her then?"

"Oh, yeah," Jasper replied vehemently.

We wound up filling them in on the rest of the story since Bella's return, ending with what we knew of last weekend, which honestly wasn't much.

"So, all we have to do now is wait for the skank to return so he can dump her ass and then they can actually be together." Rose stated very matter of factly.

"Hate to say it Rose," Emmett replied. "But I'd say given their absence, they're very much already together."

"You know what I mean," Rose replied rolling her eyes. "Question is, what are we going to do about it?"

We all looked at Rose a little apprehensively.

"What do you mean Rose?" I asked suspiciously.

"Well, we know they're going to be at it. We could have a little fun with this."

"No Rose." I replied. "Leave them be. Just give them some time alone together. Mom and Dad aren't home and this is probably the first opportunity they've had to actually be alone."

"Oh poo, you're no fun Ali."

"I'm sure there'll be time later Rosie," Emmett soothed his girlfriend's mock disappointment.

I pretended that I was really tired so we all ended up retiring to bed earlier than usual. I'd like to think that Jasper wouldn't know what was about to hit him. But the way I'd been going on about wanting to sleep with him, and the fact that we were just about to be alone together in a bedroom with a Queen sized bed, I was pretty sure he knew what I would want. And I was pretty sure he wasn't going to be able to keep putting me off. I mean, come on! The guy was used to getting regular sex, and in irregular places. Surely this had to be it.

As we made it into the spare room at Emmett's I turned around ready to give Jasper the most seductive look I could come up with, but before I knew it his lips were on mine, his arms around my body lifting me up to his height holding me tightly.

"I want to tell you something Ali." He looked nervous as shit. Oh hell, what was it? I could feel my heart pounding in my chest in anticipation. But I didn't let my mind wander to all the possibilities it would have thought of only weeks before.

"What is it Jas?" I asked as he lifted me up onto the bed. I was standing on it, looking down on him only slightly, my arms wrapped around his neck.

"I love you Alice Cullen." He stated simply. He smiled up at me and I wanted to cry. He loved me. Jasper Whitlock loved me.

I took his face in my hands and tentatively touched my lips to his. "I love you too Jasper Whitlock. With all my heart I love you."

"Why Ali? After everything, why…how can you love me?"

"Jas, you were just scared for so long. I see that now. The way you've treated me since we've been together, you've been the perfect gentleman, you haven't looked sideways at another girl, you haven't even tried to get into my pants."

"That's because I respect you Alice."

"I know that. But you've given me no reason to doubt you."

We kissed slowly. It was kind of different with me standing slightly taller than him. I kinda liked being taller than him. Jasper pulled his head back slightly, our lips separating reluctantly.

"You know how you just said I haven't even tried to get into your pants yet?" He asked, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Ah huh," I nodded.

"Well baby, that's just about to change. This dress you're wearing is driving me fucking crazy and I don't think I can stand it any longer." I squealed as Jasper picked me up, easily bringing me back down onto the bed so I was lying beneath him. He pulled away from me again and looked at me dead seriously. "And Ali, just so you know, I didn't just tell you I love you so you'd let me into your pants. I knew that was a pretty done deal weeks ago if I wanted it. I said it because I just couldn't keep it in any longer. It's been a really long time for me, I finally just wanted to say it."

"How long Jas?"

"Jesus Alice, don't turn me into some pansy ass now. I don't actually know. Just…..a really long time okay?"

"Okay," I giggled before letting Jasper have his very slow and seductive way with me.

Waking up the next morning was bliss. I wasn't sure how I expected I'd feel the next morning. There was that definite feeling between my legs that indicated I'd finally had sex. I kind of wondered if this physical awareness would always be there after sex, I couldn't imagine it would, perhaps I'd have to ask one of the girls. But there was also that feeling that everything and nothing had changed all at once. In one sense I didn't feel all grown up like I'd expected. In another sense I felt just so much closer to Jasper, which was surprising in and of itself. A few weeks ago I would have been expecting to turn tail and run. But I trusted him completely now.

Everyone was up early, which was unusual, but I guess we hadn't really had much to drink so there were no hangovers to keep us in bed longer than usual. Plus, Rosalie was on a bit of a mission to bust Bella and Edward…again. And given that Emmett still hadn't seen any of it he was desperate to see them together.

We made our way over to my place pretty early, making our way up the stairs as quietly as possible. I wouldn't let any of them near Edward's bedroom door until I'd had a good listen to ascertain whether there was anything going on in there. Because to be quite honest, I just didn't want to walk in on my brother going at it with anyone. I didn't care if the girl was one of my best friends or not. It just wasn't necessary to have that shit burned onto my retinas.

I stood with my ear pressed up to Edward's door for quite some time before I figured that there probably wasn't anything going on in there other than sleeping. My next mission was to open the door just a crack just to make sure that Bella was all covered up. Because despite the fact that Jasper and Emmett were very much devoted to their girlfriend (_hee, hee, he loved me!_), they were still eighteen year old boys with dicks and Bella was a girl with boobs that they would be only too happy to get a look at.

The door opened noiselessly and I sighed happily at the sight before me. My brother, his body wrapped around Bella's, his arm holding her in place protectively, both of them with pea…

"OK shorty," Emmett boomed as he and the others came storming down the hallway, "'nuff's enough," he said as they all barged into the room noisily. I stood back as innocently as possible so that the least blame could be placed on me when Edward and Bella finally realised what was going on.

The sweet couple in the bed responded completely differently. Edward looked shocked and then just completely pissed, but at least made some effort to cover the girl next to him who was very clearly naked. Bella simply rolled onto her stomach and groaned before turning into Edward who had an arm wrapped around her protectively with the sheet hauled up to her chin.

"Oh, looks like someone isn't a morning person," Emmett looked down at Bella cheekily. She responded by raising her arm from under the sheet and giving him the bird.

"What the hell Emmett?" Edward all but screamed.

Emmett sat on the end of the bed bouncing up and down, its occupants being shaken annoyingly. Rosalie simply perched herself on the edge closest to Bella, disinterestedly inspecting her fingernails. I knew she was itching to know what was going on.

"So, you two little love birds. This is quite the love nest you have going on here. Or are we reading the signs all wrong?" Rose asked as she looked briefly over her shoulder at the two of them raising a perfectly shaped eyebrow at Edward and Bella.

"Will you lot just piss off out of here so Bella and I can put some clothes on."

"So you are naked under there?" Asked Emmett, pretending to pull the covers down so he could see.

Edward groaned in response knowing there was little he could do to get rid of Rose and Emmett now that the Spanish inquisition had started. Jasper and I just stood back and watched. I could wait until later to find out whether this had been going on all week or whether they'd made up last night.

"If we don't see you down stairs in five minutes I'm going to send Emmett back up here to get you in whatever form of dress you happen to be in. Got it?" Rose could be a bossy bitch when she wanted to be, but we all knew she was just taking the piss. She thought it was great that Edward and Bella were together….or whatever they were given that he still seemed to have a girlfriend. I was just dying to tell him that she cheated on him.

**EPOV**

I rolled over and groaned into the pillow before raising my head to look at a still sleepy looking Bella. "I'm so fucking sorry about that Bella. That was not the way I planned waking up this morning," I said as I caressed her back that was bared to me as she lay on her stomach.

"Oh, so you planned on waking up next to me this morning did you?" She asked cheekily.

I snuggled down next to her, bringing her to me to cuddle. Sue me, apparently I'm a cuddler. "Well, no. But I've got to admit I'm very fucking happy about it. Well, not the interruption, but the fact that you're here makes me happy. And the fact that you're naked this time makes it about a thousand times better than the tent." Now all I had to do was get through Jess' return tomorrow and I could move on with my life. If Bella wasn't currently wrapped around me naked the anticipation would be killing me.

We figured we'd better make our way down stairs to face the firing squad that was Rosalie and Emmett. I knew we weren't really in trouble. Rose was just playing with us, but seeing as they were two of my closest friends I did feel kind of bad for keeping them out of the loop.

Making our way downstairs we could hear their banter in the kitchen, so as we made our way into the kitchen I grabbed Bella's hand. It was definitely a possessive move, but I also wanted to own what we had done and not hide my feelings for her in front of my friends. Bella squeezed my hand and I looked down at her as she looked up at me shyly. I could tell she was somewhat apprehensive about the open display of affection, but I felt it was important to put on a brave front. And at this point, it's not like we could deny anything. We were obviously very naked in bed together this morning. You didn't have to be Einstein to figure out what we'd been doing all night.

Rounding the door into the kitchen all eyes were on us. I couldn't help the smug grin from taking over, I just couldn't have been happier with myself.

"So, Alice and Jasper have filled us in on some of it, but I'm pretty sure we're missing some of the juicier details. Sit, and spill," demanded Rosalie. Bella and I sat at the kitchen table with the others as we started asking questions. Rosalie and Emmett were mostly interested in how it all began, Alice and Jasper were mostly interested in the last week. They also wanted to know how Emmett and Rose could be so fucking clueless about the whole thing.

Everyone eventually went home. Rose and Emmett took Bella with them, but not before Alice had insisted that she come back over tonight for a "girls night". She was a fucking genius and I'd have to repay her at some point.

I went back to bed for a while to catch up on some much needed sleep. Mom and Dad returned during the day, and Mom seemed almost as excited as I was at having Bella over for the evening. Of course I couldn't reveal my excitement, but yeah, I was pretty fucking happy about it, as long as Alice didn't take the 'girls night' thing too seriously. Because that would seriously fuck up my plans for later this evening.


	24. Chapter 24

**This is a little on the short side.**

**Chapter 24**

**Esme POV**

I surreptitiously glanced at my son, seated like the rose between two thorns on the lounge across from us. I suspect he thought that Carlisle and I were oblivious to what was going on under the blankets that were draped across the three of them. His body sitting inappropriately closer to Bella than Alice, his face gazing over at the pretty brunette seated next to him every so often. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know what was going on underneath that blanket, but I could see the looks on their faces as they gazed adoringly at each other. And it couldn't be good.

Carlisle walked into the lounge room and handed the three of them their bowls of ice cream before departing again to collect mine and his. Handing me my bowl he was just about to sit when there was an unexpected knock on the front door. He looked at me briefly with a slightly puzzled look on his face before walking to the door to greet our caller, bowl of ice cream still in hand. A few moments later he returned with that whiny voice that just grated on my nerves whenever she was near. Dear God I had no idea what my boy saw in that girl…well, aside from the obvious. I'd always given him more credit than to go for the vapid, bitchy, obvious pretty ones. At least now she's back so he and Bella can finally be together. _Sigh_, they were going to make such a lovely couple. But I couldn't help but feel nervous for what Edward was about to go through. I knew he didn't want to hurt Jess and he'd be feeling nervous about it all.

I glanced up at Edward and Bella before turning around to the intruder into my home. They both looked a wee bit uncomfortable, but in entirely different ways. Bella's breathing had picked up and she looked like she wanted to be anywhere but here right now. Edward looked a little like a dear caught in headlights as he was unexpectedly confronted with his silly twit of a girlfriend whilst secretly fondling the girl he really wanted under the blankets in front of his parents.

I swiveled around on the lounge to be polite and greet Jessica who was standing behind me. On seeing her my eyes almost popped out of my head. I wasn't quite sure whether to look at my husband, who remained almost entirely speechless as he desperately tried not to ogle the eighteen year girl who stood in all of her glory before him. Or whether to look at the girl who had become a woman overnight, her now very well endowed chest heaving as she struggled to remove her jacket. Carlisle just stood there like a mute, unsure as to whether he should help the poor girl with her jacket or not.

It took me a little while to get past the very obviously brand spanking new, surgically enhanced breasts to look at the triumphant look on Jessica's face, which looked slightly different to the way it used to. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but there was something different about her face as well. Had she not very obviously had a breast enlargement I might have written it off as not having seen her in a while and her face maturing, but I'd put money on the fact that our little Jess had had a little rhinoplasty as well.

I looked back towards Edward who had now risen from his seat but still seemed a little unsure of himself.

Finally the awkward giggling that was coming out of Jessica's mouth as she basked in the attention she was getting ceased as Edward stood and made his way over to her, his hands very firmly, and wisely, given present company, planted in his back pockets.

"Jess", he mumbled, "you're back early?"

She grinned triumphantly and threw her arms around his neck before kissing him on the lips. I winced and discreetly glanced over at Bella to see her looking down into her hands, biting her lip. Hopefully she missed that little display of affection.

Alice stood abruptly and smiled begrudgingly at Jess. "Hi Jess. You look…well. So how's your grandmother doing?" A note of unpleasantness definitely there in my Alice's usually sweet lilting voice.

"Oh, she's much better thanks," replied Jess, oblivious to the undertones.

"I'm sure." Alice replied with the undercurrent of sarcasm a little more obvious, before turning to Bella and grabbing her hand. "Come on Bell, Carlisle forgot the chocolate topping."

The girls made a fast exit. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall for that conversation. Bella, the poor sweetheart.

"Jessica, are you staying? Here, have a bowl of ice cream I'll get some more." Stupid, clueless Carlisle.

"Um of course, I haven't seen Edward in ages." She took the bowl from him, "thanks Carlisle," she purred whilst batting her eyelashes at my husband. _Little slut_.

Jesus Christ I loved my husband. God knows he worshipped the ground I walked on, he was handsome, sweet, smart as hell when it came to most things, but I think Jessica's newly grown mammary glands were blinding him.

She walked into the living room and sat herself on the lounge where Bella had been sitting. Edward perched nervously next to her as she tried to pull him back into sitting closely by her.

Alice and Bella appeared, both of them stopping as they surveyed the scene in front of them. Poor Bella just bit her lip before looking down. I couldn't quite tell whether she wanted to yell or cry, but in that moment I just wanted to take her into my arms and let her know that everything would be okay. Edward would do the right thing by her and would make everything right soon.

Carlisle sat next to me and smiled warmly in my direction. His face dropped upon seeing my glare. He looked at me quizzically before looking around the room at the train wreck that had unfolded. Jessica was babbling on quietly to Edward who was subtly trying to ignore her whilst pleading with his eyes to Bella who had returned with Alice to the living room. Alice flitted around trying to draw attention away from Edward and Jess on the lounge. Bella just stood there having completely lost interest in her ice cream looking like she was going to vomit.

**EPOV**

I was pleading with my eyes to Bella not to be upset, all I had to do was get through this bowl of ice cream, and then I'd take Jess somewhere and break up with her. But Bella turned and walked with her head bowed and her shoulders slumped back into the kitchen. Before I had a chance to get up and follow her Jessica had put her bowl on the coffee table and now had her body turned to me, her boobs, _Jesus… what's going on there? _ I looked down briefly only to be met with the top of her cleavage that was pressed into the side of my arm. _What the fuck happened there? They weren't there before, were they? _ I shook my head briefly, trying to draw my eyes away from Jessica's breasts only to see Bella who had returned from the kitchen watching us. She still stood awkwardly.

"Um….I'm just going to….go. I'll see you guys later". My heart broke as I listened to her voice and watched the look on her face. She looked heartbroken, but I couldn't figure out why she would feel that way. Not after last night.

"But the movie hasn't finished," replied Dad.

Mom shot him some sort of odd look and then looked up at Bella with a softened, motherly look on her face.

"That's okay sweetheart, we'll see you soon okay. Come for dinner during the week."

Bella simply nodded and then waved halfheartedly at the rest of us as Alice quickly got up and followed her to the front door. I tried with all my heart to give her a reassuring look that told her I loved her, and that I'd be thinking only of her tonight.

"Your mom's never invited me for dinner." Jess mumbled under her breath. She then looked at me innocently as if she hadn't said anything disparaging about my mother. "So, do you think we could maybe…" she nodded towards the door, "have some alone time without your family breathing down our necks."

"Yeah, I think that would be a good idea." I rose from the lounge and motioned for her to follow me, trying to keep my hands to myself as I went so she wouldn't grab on to one of them. We went past the kitchen so I could drop my ice cream bowl in the dishwasher before leading her away. I just wanted to go outside to do this but it was too cold. My bedroom was definitely not an option, the piano room was out, so I lead her back to Dad's study where there was a comfortable sofa to sit on. It had the added benefit of being right near the front door so she wouldn't be able to make a dramatic exit.

We sat down and Jess looked at me expectantly. I wasn't sure what she was expecting, but she kind of heaved her chest out a bit. I naturally looked down at it….them…..how could I not when she was pushing it, them, into my face like that? _Don't judge me!_

"So, what do you think?" Jess purred seductively as she looked down at them. I looked back up at her quizzically, she could clearly see I had no idea what she was asking?

"I had them done. You know surgically enhanced," she smiled proudly.

I knew my eyebrows shot up as I realized what she was saying. "You had a boob job?" I asked incredulously.

_Shit, I just thought it was a really fucking good bra!_

"Yep," she nodded. "I thought you'd really like it."

My mind started reeling as I thought about what she'd actually been doing for the last four weeks. Did she lie about her grandmother? She'd sounded so upset on the phone.

"Was your grandmother really sick?" I didn't know how I was going to respond if she told me she wasn't.

"Well, yeah, she's sick. But it's not life or death. I stayed with her while I was in Portland getting the work done."

"But…I don't understand." I was livid. I'd done the right thing, well, actually no, I'd done completely the wrong thing by cheating on her, but I thought I'd done the right thing by not breaking up with her while her dear old grandmother was on her death bed.

She moved a little closer to me, pulling one of my hands into hers and the other went up around my neck. I was too dumbfounded to move.

"Look silly, I'd always been planning on having a little improvement made to my nose," she turned her face to the side so I could see her profile. Now that I looked I could see it was a little finer and straighter looking, not that I ever thought there was anything wrong with it before. "I just figured while I was there I may as well kill two birds with one stone."

"But you had a lovely nose Jess. And you didn't need a boob job."

"You liked them just the way they were did you?" She asked in a cheeky voice as she caressed the back of my neck.

"Jess, you're only eighteen."

"Look Edward what's the problem here?"

"I don't know," I replied still a little dumbfounded.

"Look, I haven't seen or kissed you in weeks and I want to spend a bit of private time with my boyfriend, although why you bought us into your father's den for that I'll never know."

I still had so many questions about why she'd used such a heinous excuse to explain her absence and lied her head off about it, but I was beyond caring now, here was my opportunity.

"Well, actually there is a reason for that." She looked up at me sweetly, expectantly, like I wasn't just about to break her heart. I slowly extricated my hand from the grip she had on it and ran it through my hair nervously.

"Things haven't been the same with us for a while."

"I know that silly, it's because I haven't been here. But I'm back now and I can't wait to get through the end of senior year, and just think about how good prom and all the grad parties are going to be together and all the….."

"Jess." I had to cut her off, she was clearly avoiding the conversation. "Stop, I need you to listen to me for a minute okay?" I said as softly as I could. "It's been longer than that, we haven't been good since before your birthday, and this time apart has really made me realize that you and I….you and I aren't working….as a couple, anymore." _There. Shit, that wasn't so hard. _ What was hard was having to deal with that look on her face.

"Edward. No. don't say that. We're great together. I wanted you for so long and then you finally let me in. We were going to have so much fun this year. It's not fair, we haven't been together for long enough, I don't understand."

Her statement seemed rather odd to me. Surely if she wanted to be with me she would have said something about how much she liked me, or even loved me, and was sad because she was losing that. Instead it kind of sounded like she wanted me as an accessory or something. I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

"Jess, why? Why me?"

"What kind of a question is that? Because we're great together, we have fun when we're out. You're really good looking. I wanted to spend the rest of senior year with you so we'd have some great memories."

"Yeah, but that's not really about me Jess." She looked at me blankly with tears streaming down her face like she just didn't understand. The thing was, all of a sudden I did. "You and I don't really know each other. We…..I mean us, it's only ever been superficial. It's just about how much fun you can have when you're with me, about how pretty I make you feel, about making sure you have a boyfriend in your prom photos. But you don't really know who I am Jess, and you've never really tried."

"Well, no-one said we were getting married Edward, we're young and have the rest of our lives to discover all of that other serious stuff."

"But that's just it Jess. We're almost out of school. We're starting to make decisions that are going to impact the rest of our lives, like where we're going to go to college and stuff. We are adults, and I have adult feelings. And part of that is being with someone because of the way they make you feel, but the other side of that is being with them because of the way you know you make them feel. And I just don't get the sense with us that you're really at that place with me. I'm not the right person for you Jess."

"You're an asshole you know that. I did this for you," she said motioning towards her chest. "I did this so you could feel good. And now you're dumping me." She still didn't get it. Yet another sign that we were definitely not meant to be. "Well I've got news for you. You're mistaken if you think your high and mighty attitude is going to get you anywhere with any girls. They'll see through your little act that you're just too scared to commit. You've been single all through school and it's because you're just too afraid of being with someone." What the fuck was she on about now? Jess wasn't always the brightest girl, but I wasn't going to keep arguing with her. If that's what she needed to believe then I'd let her.

"I'm sorry Jess. Look, I'll see you out."

I didn't call Bella that night. Alice suggested that I needed to give her a little bit of space. She also suggested running straight from one girl into the arms of another was disrespectful, and that in the long run my relationship with Bella would be better for it.

So I waited. But only until Sunday morning.

It was actually a beautiful sunny morning when I eventually got out of bed. I slept late after a late night talking to Alice about my break up with Jess and about everything with Bella. I was so happy to be free from the tangled web I'd weaved for myself over the last few months. So at eleven a.m. I found myself in front of Bella's house. Her truck was there but Charlie's cruiser wasn't – at least we'd get some alone time.

There was no answer when I knocked, and Bella's phone was going straight to message bank. I didn't think much of it and decided to head into town and grab something to eat and a coffee at the diner. I sat for a while flipping through ancient magazines, the boredom balancing out the sheer excitement of going to claim the girl I was in love with.

I noticed Charlie's cruiser drive down the main street in the direction of their house. It didn't mean he was going home, but I took it as a sign and decided to leave and head back to their place.

As I pulled up I saw the cruiser. Charlie must have made it inside already so I walked up to the front door and knocked. Please answer Bella, please answer.

The door swung open and Charlie stood there with a blank expression on his face.

"What can I do for you son?" He asked, with an extremely gruff voice, defeat written all over his face like he'd had a long, long night.

"I was looking for Bella….Sir."

"You've just missed her."

My brow wrinkled in confusion, I was sure she hadn't been here before. "Um, do you know where she is or when she'll be back?"

"Yep, she's gone to Phoenix. And, nope, I'm not sure if she'll be back."

**AN: Oh, that's just a bit mean of me isn't it! **

**Anyone want to know whether Jess was actually cheating or not? **

**Review and I'll send you an outtake in Jess' POV. THIS WILL BE YOUR ONLY WAY TO FIND OUT FOR SURE! (I'm not above bribery at this stage to get me some love)**


	25. Chapter 25

**AN: Didn't mean to make you all wait so long. My mum's in hospital, quite serious so I've been a bit busy. **

**For the lovely readers who reviewed the last chapter, the JessPOV isn't quite finished. Figured I'd better get this to you first to put you out of your misery, 'cos Bella's got some explaining to do…..**

**Chapter 25**

**BPOV**

It's funny how quickly your life can change. All it takes is the blink of an eye and everything you thought you knew is gone. The surety with which you've been leading your life crumbles away and all you're left with is an enormous hole. If you're lucky you can find a way to maneuver around it, if you're unlucky you find yourself gripping for dear life onto the edge as your legs dangle freely without any chance of finding something or someone to grip onto, and if you're shit out of luck you find yourself on some sort of free fall, not sure of when you are going to hit the bottom, but knowing that it's coming. That's kind of where I found myself, again, the day after leaving Edward with Jessica.

Edward would always mean more to me than he ever knew. My heart broke as I walked away. Again. The first time I'd walked away with his virginity and the memory of a night that was perfect in its simplicity. No strings, no pressure, no girlfriends or boyfriends at the time. Just a simple night where we got to enjoy the company of one another freely. But this time I was leaving behind my heart with the most caring, compassionate, loving, sweet boy. I wasn't sure whether he was going to take care of it, or whether he was going to crush it in his hands. I knew he had the ability to do both, I just wasn't sure which one he was going to choose when he found out the truth behind why I didn't end up finishing the school year at Forks High School.

My trip to Phoenix was long. Longer than I remembered from previous trips. Every other time I had returned I had been leaving behind my father who, don't get wrong, I loved dearly. But I was always returning to my mother, my best friend. I didn't have that to look forward to this time and it bought back the pain of that time in my life after the accident with such clarity that I wasn't sure I was going to be able to go through with what I was about to do.

I spent some time thinking over the conversation I'd had with my grandmother the evening before just after I'd returned from the Cullen's. She was confused at first, which was not entirely unusual. She was talking to me in mixed up sentences, talking about the things we did together last week. Even going so far as to call me Renee a couple of times.

As she became more lucid she talked about our regular phone calls and she asked about my father. Her mind was slowly coming around, but I got confused as she asked about my boyfriend. I had told her that James and I had broken up, in fact we'd had an in depth conversation about it, of which I reminded her.

"But Bella, I saw him last week. He came to visit me. Such a lovely young man he is," she said.

She must have been slipping again.

"He said you had been thinking of going to college in Seattle but that he'd managed to convince you to go with your original plans and come to Phoenix."

_What?_ There was something about that statement that didn't sound like the ramblings of an elderly lady who was losing her mind.

"Grandma. You know I don't have a boyfriend." Well….not technically.

"Bella, don't be silly, of course you do. That nice young man you've been seeing all these years. Now, there's no need for you to worry about paying for college. I've had money put away for your college education since the day you were born, Renee was never any good with her money so I knew I'd need to do that for you."

"Thanks Gran, but the money from…..the insurance money and all of Mom's other assets, you know there's more than enough money to pay for college there."

"Nonsense child. I won't have you spending that on education. You should spend some of that on a holiday, and then when you and James are ready you can buy a house together. I've already taken care of it."

"What do you mean you've taken care of it?" She was opening up now.

"I've already paid for it. James helped me transfer the money to his account so he can take care of it for you," she said so proudly.

My heart started beating so fast I thought I'd have a heart attack as I calculated the potential amount of money that was.

"Just enough for one year right?"

"Well let me see. No, I think we ended up deciding on all four years. Yes, it was all four years worth."

My plane arrived in Phoenix pretty early on Sunday morning. I'd left Forks the night before so I could be on the first flight out of Seattle into Phoenix on Sunday morning. Not even the sharp rise in temperature or the sunshine were enough to lift my spirits. I caught a cab straight to my grandmother's. She was excited to see me, albeit a little confused at my sudden appearance. I caught up with her for a couple of hours, before seeing the director of the nursing home to talk to them about how it was possible for someone to walk in and help my grandmother transfer a very large sum of money from her bank account.

My next stop was the police. My father had already made phone calls and started the ball rolling on my behalf, however it was looking likely that as Gran had transferred the money voluntarily, that it was unlikely the transaction could be reversed, and in all likely-hood the money had been moved to another account or withdrawn completely.

I knew where my next stop had to be and it was not a stop I was looking forward to making.

I looked at my mobile to check the time, realizing it was still off I quickly turned it on and waited as it alerted me to the number of messages that would be sitting there.

Edward.

I had thought about calling him before I left Forks. But I couldn't help but think about what was going on with him and Jessica. What if he'd changed his mind? I mean, she walked into the house last night and even Carlisle couldn't take his eyes off her chest. And then when I'd seen her sitting with Edward and he was being sucked in by it all I knew I had to get out of there. I couldn't tell what he was thinking, and I didn't have time to find out before leaving. At least this way in the unlikely event he did want to choose her in the end then he didn't have to feel guilty about it for my sake.

I was on edge emotionally, and I knew hearing Edward who was now so far away would likely bring me completely undone, so I decided to leave his messages until after I dealt with my next issue. James' mother. If I was going to get to him it would be through her.

The cab pulled up to their house and I paid him before taking my bags and pulling them up the front step.

To say she was surprised to see me would be an understatement. I'd always had a good relationship with Jeannie, and I found myself really happy to see her, despite the awkward circumstances.

"Oh darlin' James is going to be so pleased to see you."

"Yeah, I bet he is," I replied sardonically. She ushered me into the house and we sat at the kitchen table.

"He was so upset when he came back from Forks after spending the weekend with you." She said as she poured two iced teas. "Said he wanted to move up there with you because the thought of being apart was just too much. And you know, I thought he had for a while because he just disappeared, but then he called the other day from that frat house sayin' he'd been layin' low for a bit, savin' money so he could come visit you again real soon."

_Hmmmm, it was sounding suspiciously like Jeannie didn't know we'd broken up_. I wasn't sure what the best way to approach this was. I just smiled at her as I took a sip of my iced tea and considered my next move. I decided that I needed to be honest with her, she was my mother's best friend, she'd loved me once before. Surely she'd see James' despicable act as wrong and help me get the money back.

"Jeannie, I'm not sure why James didn't tell you, but it kind of sounds like you don't know that we broke up that weekend….the one where he came to see me."

"What, no honey!" She said in disbelief. "He didn't tell me. What happened…why? I don't understand?" She looked stricken.

"Look Jeannie, it just wasn't working out. The distance. We're just not meant to be you know?" There was way more to it than that, but that was all she needed to know.

"I can't believe it." She said softly. "You two were supposed to get married." I could see all of the wedding plans that she and my mother had made slipping away from her.

"I'm sorry Jeannie," I said, spinning the glass of iced tea around in my hands so I could avoid looking into her eyes.

"Then what are you doing here? In Phoenix? I thought you'd come to see him?" She asked, perplexed.

"I came to see my grandmother."

"Oh, is she alright? She hasn't taken a turn has she?"

"No, no, she's…..well, she's about the same. Still confused. No, something's….someone convinced her to transfer a very large sum of money from her bank account, and I'm here to help her get it back."

"Oh my goodness, how much Bella? Who would do such a thing? It's a very good thing she has so much of it, it can take a long time to get money back from fraudulent individuals, that's if you ever see it again."

_How to put this tactfully?_

"Well, it would appear that she was convinced to transfer the money she'd put aside for my college education into an account so it could be paid up front to the University of Phoenix."

Her brow furrowed in confusion and she turned to me. "That doesn't sound so bad?"

"I'm not necessarily going to college here, and the person that convinced her knows it. There's a chance I'm going to college in Seattle Jeannie."

"When, why….Oh! So they can keep the money. But who would do that?" Jeannie never was very smart.

As softly as I could I replied. "It was James."

She looked at me for a minute before shaking her head vehemently. "No." She said. "I'm sorry sweetie but James would never do that. Not to you, not to your gran. Not to Renee…" and as she said my mother's name I could see her mind was ticking over. She would believe James over me and my gran, but for Renee's sake, she may just believe me.

She went to open her mouth a couple of times as if wanting to argue with me, but whatever was going on in her mind was convincing her otherwise.

"What proof do you have?" She asked, but not in an accusatory manor, it was more as if she wanted to see the proof so she could march on over to her son and make him fess up.

I pulled the copy of the bank statement that I'd taken from my grandmother and pushed it across the kitchen table towards Jeannie.

She noted all of the pink highlighter from several transactions and her eyes almost bugged out of her head when she figured out how much money Gran had transferred at James behest.

"How….I mean, how did he convince her to do it?"

"From what she said she still believed that we were together, she'd forgotten that I'd told her we'd broken up or he convinced her otherwise. Then I guess he'd talked about me going to college here and about saving his money so he could help me pay so she handed it over so he could take care of it all for me. She's from another time Jeannie, I guess Pop just looked after all the money up until he died and she expected that's what James would do for me."

"Hmphfff," she sighed as she thought to herself.

"I was hoping you could help me get the money back?" I asked skeptically, knowing full well she may prefer to side with her son on this one, but it didn't stop me from hoping she'd take the moral high ground and go into bat with me.

"Of course honey, of course. I'm just not sure how?" Well, that was at least a start. "Let me call him. I won't say anything, I'll just see what I can do to get him back here so we can do it in person. If he senses something is off he'll run a mile."

I made my way to my friend Sarah's house. She and I had always been close. If her dad hadn't been going through chemo when my mom died I would have gone to stay with her for the rest of the school year. I had called her last night before I left to see if it was okay if I stay for a few days and she was so excited and happy to hear from me that it almost made the trip worth it.

As I sat on their spare bed that night I finally decided to listen to my messages. I had three from Edward, one from Dad and one from Alice.

Edward's first message sounded like he didn't know I'd left yet. He was calling to catch up with me. He didn't say anything about whether he'd broken up with Jess or not though, but he sounded ridiculously happy. My heart broke at the thought of what he was feeling now. His second message was frantic.

"Bella, what the fuck. I can't believe you just left without telling me what was going on. What can I do to help? I want to come down there. Please, Bella, just call me. Please."

The next message was from my dad, "Ah, Bells, just calling to check that you got in safe and sound. And to let you know that we don't think the police are going to be much help, but you've got all those contact details so go see George Mulvey anyway. And um, also to let you know, that Edward Cullen came by, he was a bit upset, but I explained it all as best I could. But I think you should call him. Um…anyway Bells, call me when you know what's going on. Love you. Bye."

There was another one form Edward. "Bella, please call me back. I just want to make sure you're okay. I….I don't know….your Dad said he wasn't sure if you were coming back or not. Please tell me you're coming back okay. It was all just about to get good with us. I…you just can't leave now. Call me."

Shit. My heart broke as I sat there listening to Edward's messages not knowing how long it would take to sort this shit out, but knowing there was a possibility it could take a while, and I wasn't sure how he was going to deal with that. In fact, I wasn't quite sure how I was going to deal with that.

I dialed his number and he picked up almost instantly.

"Bella?"

"Hi."

"Oh my god, how are you? Where are you?" He sounded frantic.

"I'm so sorry Edward," I was so close to losing it completely. I'd had such an emotional day what with where I left everything with Edward, and returning to Phoenix. "I had to come back…I'm.." I was almost crying.

"Shhh, Shhh, it's okay. Are you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah I guess. At least for now anyway. I just can't believe this is happening."

"So your dad filled me in on what happened. Did you see your grandmother yet?"

"Yeah, it's all such a mess. James has clearly manipulated her into giving him the money. She thought she was doing the right thing you know?"

"Where are you now?"

"I'm at my friend Sarah's house. They're happy for me to stay here while I sort it out. I just don't know how long it's going to take. I'm so sorry Edward."

"I know B. I just….I want to be there with you." This gave me so much hope.

"Did you….did you talk to Jessica last night?"

"Yeah." I could hear the smile in his voice.

He remained quiet, but I had to ask. "How did it go?"

"Yeah, good. Well, that's probably not how she saw it, but, yeah. We broke up. I broke up with her Bella."

I breathed a very heavy sigh of relief. "….good," I whispered quietly and almost choked up.

"Yeah, so. Anyway it's done. She didn't take it well, I tried to be as nice as possible but she just didn't really get it. There'll be a shit storm at school this week. But anyway."

"I'm sure she'll have her little friends to do her bitching for her and give her all of the attention she needs."

"Oh she'll be getting plenty of attention. Turns out her grandmother wasn't as sick as she made out. Jess went to Portland to have her nose done and get a boob job. Can you believe it?" Well, that explained a lot.

I laughed lightly for the first time in twenty four hours. "Actually, I can believe it." There was a silence for a moment. "So your single again I guess?"

"Technically yes, but…" he broke off, the uncertainty of our current situation hanging in the air.

"But what?"

"Don't '_but what'_ me Bella as if you don't know what I'm thinking. Emotionally I'm very much attached already Bella, you know that."

"Yeah, I guess I do." But the reality of our current situation was so uncertain.

"I want to be there with you so badly Bella. Can I come, I can take a couple of days off school."

"I think that would only make things worse Edward. James was angry when we broke up. He already knew that I'd been with you when we broke up the first time. And while I'm sure he didn't know for sure you were the same guy when he saw you through the window that afternoon it probably doesn't matter. If he sees you with me in Phoenix he'll know enough to think we're together and it won't go down well."

"How long is it going to take do you think?"

"I honestly don't know Edward. But I know enough about James to know that getting the money back isn't going to be as easy as just demanding it from him. The police can't do a great deal, so his mother and I need to come up with a way to get the money back without him taking off with it and disappearing completely."

"I don't like the sound of this Bella."

"It'll be okay Edward. To be honest I think the hardest part about the whole thing is being back in Phoenix. I'm just reminded of my mom all the time now. Before when I was here I think I just ignored it all or something when I was recovering. Now I don't really have that excuse so I think I'm going to have to deal with it all."

"That's not necessarily a bad thing."

"No, you're right. It's just not going to be easy is all."

"Feel free to talk to me any time if you need."

"Okay I will. Look, I should go, I've got to meet up with James' mom early in the morning before she goes to work so we can start planning this out."

"Okay then. Well, good night Bella. Let me know if there's anything I can do."

"I will, thanks Edward, you don't know how much I appreciate it, really." I wanted to tell him I loved him. He was so caring and sweet. And I just missed him so damn much. But I couldn't say it for the first time over the phone. Not like this.

"okay, take care alright. Sweet dreams."

"You too. Bye"

Over the next couple of days Jeannie and Sarah's mom helped me come up with a plan to get the money back from James. Unfortunately it was likely it would take more than a couple of days.

Jeannie was going to tell James that she had been to see my Gran, and that Gran had mentioned giving the money to James for my college education. Seeing as Jeannie had never been told we'd broken up she was going to let James know she knew he had the money and that she knew what it was to be used for. This would hopefully stop James from doing anything stupid with it. At the same time she was going to let James know that Gran had taken a bit of a turn and that I was coming back to Phoenix to be with her. We were pretty certain James would get in contact with me knowing I was back.

Hopefully from there I would be able to convince James that I was staying in Phoenix and there was a chance for us. I had inherited far more from my mother's estate than James had managed to swindle from my grandmother. And I was set to inherit again when my grandmother eventually passed away. She was one rich lady thanks to very wise investing from my pops, and James knew it. We were gambling on James thinking he would get his hands on far more money in the long run if he did the right thing in the short run and either gave the money back to Gran, or sent the money on to the University.

At the end of the week I explained the plan to Edward. I knew this wasn't going to go down well with him. In fact he'd be down right livid the plan involved having anything to do with being in contact with James, let alone leading him to believe we'd be getting back together, albeit under false pretenses.

"What?" Edward exclaimed once I'd finished explaining the plan. "You can't be serious can you?"

"It's the only way we can think of at the moment. We need to make sure he doesn't run with the money. The only way to do that is to make him think that his mom sees nothing wrong with him having it."

"Then why do you need to stay there for that?"

"If James thinks I'm in Forks he'll know I'm around you. He doesn't trust you or my new group of friends so he'd be suspicious if I stayed there. I need to make out that this is long term, that I'm staying in Phoenix now and that I'm planning on going to college here as well."

There was a moment of silence and then his response was low and tentative, "are you?"

"I've been accepted, it was always my plan. But I've also applied to UW and a few other places, so I haven't quite decided."

"Do I factor in to any of this Bella?" He asked quietly, and my heart almost broke.

"….I….I can't honestly answer that at the moment. Yes, maybe, I don't know. I can't let James get away with this Edward. It's not right and I have to try to fix it. This is the only way I can think of to do it. If I could be in Forks with you I'd be there."

"I know, it's just….it was all just about to get so good."

"Do you really think that? Jessica would have given us hell. We probably would have had to keep hiding for a while anyway. I just…I just need to sort this out okay."

"Okay." I knew he didn't agree. But I could see no other way out of this.

My time in Phoenix seemed to drag on. Not being able to afford to miss out on any more school I had to re enroll. It was extremely weird going back to my old school in Phoenix after a couple of months' absence, but it was also confronting emotionally. Being back in Phoenix was like having to deal with my mother's loss all over again. While I had James before to ward off any black thoughts or people who wanted to make me face what happened, I didn't have him to do that, and that was a good thing. Edward had shown me that dealing with it head on was really a lot more helpful than ignoring it and trying to forget. So while it was extremely painful in the short term, I was now convinced that in the long term it would be beneficial to stay in Phoenix to help me heal emotionally.

At Sarah's mother's urging I started to see a therapist. While difficult at first, the memories of the accident and its consequences were being worked through and she gave me coping mechanisms to help deal with all of the stress it was causing on my life. While some of it had been on a conscious level, much of it had been at a sub conscious level. So while I thought I'd started coping well, I had in fact been showing signs of stress which, if left unchecked, would probably manifest later into much more serious emotional issues. My therapist was very supportive of what Edward had been doing with me to help me heal, she was not, however, supportive of the way our relationship had been developing.

I was missing Edward terribly. We talked, texted and Skyped regularly at first. But his growing frustration at not being able to help and my unwillingness to return began to cause ripples, the fall out from which would often end up with one or both of us becoming moody, snappy and irritated. As a consequence we began to communicate less frequently. My needing to be in contact with James was also a massive bone of contention and it became very obvious that the state of my relationship with Edward was a key factor in my therapy hitting a few hurdles. It wasn't until just before spring break that we really started to fight. And by the end of spring break, when Edward was convinced I could have come back to Forks to visit, or he could have come to Phoenix, we were at a complete impasse. The impossibility of our situation was breaking my heart, but the progress I was making with healing my soul was too significant to ignore. So it was with a very heavy heart I had to let him go.

**AN: I was surprised so many of you thought Bella ran at the end of the last chapter because of what happened with Edward & Jess. Yee of little faith! **

**Please don't hate me for this one though! Only one chapter left (maybe two if I'm feeling wordy, which I think I am…better go finish it and the JessPOV now).**

**Let me know what you think, if you're feeling like you want to change how this story finishes send me a review and I'll consider it! (I'm being evil now!)**


	26. Chapter 26

**AN: Sorry for the longer than anticipated wait, but this story is wrapping up so I had to spend time getting some stuff right. **

There's a conversation I've added to this chapter between Jasper & Edward. Jasper calls Edward out on some stuff – this is very much MY view of Edward in this story. I know a lot of you didn't agree with the way I went in the last chapter. To be honest, it was a plot line I wrote one day about 12 months ago. The reason it took me so long to publish it was because I was never happy with it either, however I would never have finished the story at all if I was going to re write it. So there you have it. My mother is still in hospital, so thanks to those of you who were sensitive to that when you reviewed.

**Jess POV: I've only just sent it out. If you have it read it first before reading this. It's not imperative, but preferable. It's in 2 PM's so make sure you've read both of them.**

**Chapter 26:**

**EPOV**

I stepped onto the UW campus for the first time as a new student with a new outlook on life. I was glad to be away from Forks, where the memories of the last year weren't all that spectacular. I'd finished the year with grades that weren't as strong as I'd hoped. So when I looked at applying to Dartmouth I knew there was just no chance, I was never going to get in. I was only thinking about applying to escape anyway, and hadn't I learned that it's better to deal with your problems head on than to run away? I could have blamed a girl. But I only had myself to blame in the end. Karma can be a real bitch like that and I guess in the end I deserved it for what I did to Jess.

Bella never did come back. We stayed in touch, a lot at first and a lot became a little bit. But in the end it was pretty clear that she wasn't interested. She never said as much, it's just a feeling I had. I mean, she left me twice without so much as a word. There's only so many times a guy can handle that sort of rejection. Hopefully it would only make me wiser in the end. I just hoped that whatever she was doing in Phoenix she was happy.

I wasn't sure whether Alice stayed in touch with Bella or not. I suspect that she probably did, but for my sake she didn't push it or tell me about it. Just after graduation we had a big long talk one night about how I felt about it all. At that stage I'd still felt a bit numb. I guess that was probably better than pining after someone who didn't want me. Over the Summer I'd come to terms with it all. Jasper had been the one to point out if I hadn't treated Jessica so appallingly then maybe things would have worked out better for me. He was probably right. I guess I'd never know. The memories of that conversation were not great, it was one of the lower points of my relationship with Jasper. It had happened one night after I'd said something random to Ali and upset her. Clearly Jasper had been stewing on some stuff for a while because he sure did have a lot to say to me.

"_Can I be honest with you man?" Jasper asked me._

"_Sure."_

"_You've got one hell of a nerve for trying to keep Alice and I apart after the shit you've pulled." _What the fuck_, I began to protest but he stopped me. "Just let me finish alright. You spent one night with Bella right? What makes you think that after one night you had any right to treat her like shit the way you did when she then moved to Forks. What about all of those girls you fucked and forgot earlier this year? I know a few of them wanted more from you but you wouldn't give them the time of day. What makes you think they weren't hurting after one night with you the way you were after one night with Bella?"_

"_Fuck off Whitlock, what about all the girls you fucked?"_

"_We're not talking about me here. And ever since I made a commitment to a girl, I've done nothing but honor it, and her. Can you say the same thing? If you ask me Jess is the one we should be feeling sorry for here, not you. While I don't particularly like her, she's the one you cheated on. She's the one who got treated like shit. You've been an absolute _pussy_ Cullen. _

"_Regardless of whether Bella was seeing James or not, if you had feelings for someone else you should have broken up with Jess straight away. None of this drawing it out and waiting until after her birthday or Valentine's day or whatthefuckever. You had plenty of time and plenty of opportunities. That shit only makes it worse for everyone. I know you think you were doing the right thing, but you weren't._

"_And now you want us to feel sorry for you because Bella's gone. Well why the fuck should she have stuck around? What was it about your behavior over that 6 or 7 weeks that she was here that gave her the impression that you were actually a stand up guy. Sure there's clearly some sort of insane attraction between the two of you. But she gets back and you treat her like shit, then you spend the rest of her time here cheating on your girlfriend."_

"_Fuck, just say what you think why don't you."_

"_Well someone has to because you've been an absolute prick to Alice, and she doesn't deserve it." I had to at least respect him for protecting my sister. Fuck._

_Bella didn't care that technically I was still with Jess. "I just….I just couldn't stay away man. And she didn't want me to.."_

"_That's bullshit. I think I know a little something about staying away from the person you really want. I did it for years, because you asked me to, and because at the time I thought it would be best for Alice. I wasn't being a complete selfish prick about it. Trust me, I know my shit stinks too. But when it comes to the girl I love, I wasn't willing to take any chances with her until I knew I wasn't going to fuck it up. _

"_On top of all of this shit, did you ever stop to think about how all of this was impacting the way Bella was recovering from her mom's death? Fuck man, I know you were actually helping her with a lot of that shit. But seriously, the girl had issues." _

It took me a while to digest all of what Jasper had to say to me that day, and to be honest, I still was. I guess after that I stopped blaming Bella so much and started looking at myself a bit more. Yeah, that wasn't easy.

Emmett & Rose were in California now. I suspected deep down Rose wanted to land some sort of modeling contract, but she'd never admit it to any of us.

Jasper, Alice & I all ended up at UW, as originally planned. We all decided to live on campus. Jasper and I were rooming together and Alice was taking her chances and would be assigned a random stranger. This actually worked out far worse for me than for anyone else, as the chances of Alice spending all of her time in our room were good. Which meant I'd be spending a lot of time in the library. I just didn't need to see my sister and my best friend being that intimate. And besides, it reminded me of what I didn't have. But I'd made a pact with myself this year. I'd move on. Not in the way I had at the start of the last school year – by becoming a manwhore and then settling for the wrong girl, albeit one that reminded me of the one I really wanted. No, this time I wanted to throw myself into my studies, but I also wanted to make sure I got out there and met loads of new people. And with any luck, I'd meet someone who I could give my heart to again.

Jasper and I finished unpacking our gear and setting up our room. We met a few of our neighbors who looked like they'd be a bit of fun and then we decided to make our way over to Alice's to see if she needed any help with getting rid of boxes or anything.

The lift servicing Alice's building looked ridiculously busy with people moving all of their gear in so we opted to take the stairs. Five flights later we reached her floor, trekking along the corridor until we found her room number. I had to admit I couldn't help checking out the ass of the girl who was pushing boxes into the room next door. She turned around and smirked at me. Jasper shot me a dirty look when he saw what I was looking at then knocked briefly before barging into Ali's room. _Hope her roommate was dressed. Or maybe not. _ See, I was already feeling buoyant about my new life.

Walking into the room I could already see that Alice had decorated the entire space.

"Hey Al, you might want to leave some room for your….." But I stopped in my tracks. My mouth went dry. There sitting on the bed opposite Ali's was Bella. She had been sitting leaning against the wall but as she saw me she slid to the edge of the bed, her legs sliding to the floor as her palms ran down the thighs of her jeans.

"Hi." She said sheepishly, to no one in particular.

At that moment it felt like a fist was clenched around my heart. My knees went weak and I didn't know what to say. The adrenalin pumping around my body made my limbs feel ridiculously heavy as I stood there like some sort of dumb fuck just staring at…_Bella_.

"What…" I wanted to ask what she was doing here. But all I could do was look from her to Ali as if expecting that Ali would know what I was trying to ask and would answer the question for Bella.

Jasper nudged Alice. "Oh, right, I have to get rid of some boxes. Jasper, can you help me? I think we need to give these two some time….alone…..together."

I felt like I should run. But she was here. And it appeared that she was living with Alice, in her dorm room. Which meant she'd be staying here for the next four years. She'd chosen to come to UW. Not stay in Phoenix. And she was beautiful.

_So beautiful._

She looked light. Weightless even.

Jasper gave Bella a quick hug hello and goodbye then he and Alice disappeared closing the door behind them. Bella stood, her hands went straight to her pockets as she shifted her weight awkwardly from one foot to the other.

I inhaled deeply rubbing the back of my head with my right hand before exhaling. Nervousness taking over the shock of her sudden reappearance in my life.

"I'm not quite sure what to say right now Bella."

"You don't have to say anything Edward," she replied softly. God, I'd missed her voice.

"What are you doing here? When did….." But I couldn't finish my sentence. This was just too much.

"If I was accepted I was always coming Edward. I just," she was wringing her hands now, looking down at them as they twisted and turned, "I just wasn't sure what your reaction would be if you knew I was coming."

"But Alice knew? Actually, don't answer that question." I said looking at the evidence surrounding the two of us as we stood there like two strangers in the middle of their dorm room not knowing what to say to each other.

At that moment she looked up at me, her doe eyes watery, biting down on her bottom lip. I stood there resolutely trying my hardest to not let her have any affect on me. I tried my damndest not to let any emotion show on my face, not to give anything away. But she was making it incredibly difficult.

"It's so good to see you Edward."

I didn't want her saying things like that to me, not when I knew she didn't want me anymore. I closed my eyes tightly, not wanting her to see the fight that was raging within my soul, within my heart. She had my heart once and I wasn't sure I wanted her to have it again. I wasn't sure what would happen to me if I let her back in.

**BPOV**

God, he was even more beautiful. Standing there awkwardly I felt the draw that I'd always felt, we stood inches from each other but I could see that we were worlds apart in that moment. And I wasn't even sure that he could forgive me for leaving Forks. But I was going to try. I had to show him.

"Look, I…" I paused, not knowing what I was actually trying to say. "I know you'll probably never let me explain all of it. But I'd like it if you gave me the chance to….to….to make you understand why I left like I did, when I did."

"Bella, I always understood why you left. I get what happened and why you left so suddenly. What I've never really understood is why you never came back. You just….it was like you just disappeared." Edward sat heavily over on Alice's bed and I sat on mine, directly opposite as I prepared to answer the questions I knew would be coming my way when I decided to come to UW and room with Alice.

"It wasn't as easy to get the money back from James as you would imagine. We never let on to him that I knew he had it…"

"I know all of this Bella. After you got it back, you just stayed there," the frustration was still evident in his voice.

"I knew I couldn't miss out on too much school so I'd re-enrolled at my old school in Phoenix while we were working on James, it also made it more authentic to him that I was back for good. By the time we got it back coming back to Forks would have impacted my grades too much, this is all stuff you know. But to be honest that's not even the real reason. Moving to Forks…..you helped me so much Edward." His brows furrowed as he tried to figure out where I was going with this, it was always something I had trouble articulating to him, "with getting over my mom. You helped me start to deal with all of the shit that was going on in my head. But I didn't really start to deal with it properly until I went back to Phoenix and met it all….head on…so to speak."

"But you were there with James." He looked so sad, but once again it was like he couldn't hear what I was trying to tell him. He was just hung up on James.

"Nothing ever happened with James again Edward. He was livid when he found out his mother and I were scheming to get all of the money back. Then the police were involved."

"But you let him think….?" Edward suddenly stood up and started pacing the small space between us. "Did you let him think you were going to get back together? Did he..?"

"Edward he never touched me. I let him think that we were getting close again, that I was thinking about it and that I planned on staying in Phoenix for college. I had to to get my gran's money back."

Edward paced for a few more moments before he turned towards the door. Without turning back to look at me he continued, "look Bella, I have to go. This is all…well. I just have to go for a bit."

"OK, I understand. I guess, I'll see you around?"

He nodded and then left. We still had so much to talk about. He still wasn't really letting me explain it all.

The door closed gently and I couldn't help but wonder if this was Edward being his usual self and running away from me before he knew the full story. Would he be his typical immature self and just bottle it all up inside until it all just blew way out of proportion? Alice had told me she thought he was ready, but I wasn't so sure.

She returned to our dorm room an hour or so later. She'd been hanging out with Jasper in his and Edward's dorm room but she said Edward hadn't returned.

"I wasn't entirely sure whether I should come back or not," she chimed, trying to stay positive. "I wasn't sure whether I'd hear noises I just don't want to hear this early in the semester."

"Hardly Alice. I'm beginning to think we should have warned him. He really wasn't ready to see me again, despite what you say."

"Bella. He's being a massive drama queen. It's just going to take some time with him honey. He's still confused as to why you stayed in Phoenix after all that shit went down. You need to take the time to explain it to him when he's actually prepared to listen, and he's going to need to see that you're genuine about it so he can see that you're not going anywhere and that he can trust you. He's got some abandonment issues," she said putting a mock pout on her face.

"Abandonment?"

"OK, maybe 'abandonment' is a slightly strong word, but you know what I mean," she said flippantly.

"Yeah, I guess. I just hope he gives me a chance."

"Bella, once he sees how much better you are he'll know it's what you needed to deal with the accident properly."

I just sat there and shrugged. I already felt defeated.

"Look, after our dorm intro, mixer night thing tonight I've organized for us to meet them at a bar off campus later on. Jasper will make sure Edward is there."

"Okay."

**EPOV**

I left her room and choked for air.

Bella was here, and rooming with Alice. I couldn't believe it and I couldn't figure out what I felt about it. My mind was warring with itself. On the one hand I was elated to see her. I had been in love with her for so long now, but we'd been kept apart for various reasons. But then I kept reminding myself that she had broken my heart when she didn't return my last phone call. And while I had eventually let that go, now that she was here I knew that we were going to need to talk about it.

I walked around campus for a while as I figured out what her being here meant. Had she come here for me? Or was she here because she wanted to be close to her Dad and maybe Alice? I was so confused I didn't know what to think.

I eventually made it back to the dorm room. Jasper wasn't in there although the door was wide open making me think he was probably nearby. Hopefully he was, because if not I was going to have to lay down some rules about closing and locking the fucking door.

He arrived back looking a little sheepish when he saw me.

"So? How'd it go?"

"I can't believe neither of you said anything to me?"

"She asked us not to. She thought if you knew she'd be here then you might decide to go somewhere else."

"So she wants to torture me then?" I replied angrily as the damage that was inflicted on my heart months ago began to slice through and cause that ache in my chest once more.

"Edward, I honestly don't think it's like that man. I think the two of you need to sit down and talk about this properly. I don't think you really know the full extent of what happened down in Phoenix," Jasper replied.

"What are you talking about?"

"Do you remember after your mom….died, how hard a time you had of it? The way people looked at you, the way you felt every time you had to pass that stretch of road, going past the hospital. Well Bella had to go and face all of that, at the same time she was having to deal with that asshole and what he did. Not to mention the fact that she had to leave you behind when she did it."

"I'm not entirely sure that was as much a hardship for her as it was for me?"

"Are you kidding me man. She was gutted. It wasn't until she started seeing a councilor down there that she started to realize she needed to figure it all out on her own and that the pressure as well as the history from what was happening with the two of you wasn't helping."

I thought about what he said for a few moments, but I still couldn't reconcile it all in my mind.

"I just don't know if I can trust her again J?"

"Well, the way I see it it's not like she's got much reason to trust you either. If I recall, the last time you saw her before she left you still had a girlfriend, oh and don't let's forget that you'd fucked her the night before….while still with Jess, _technically_,", he said using air quotes, "or not. How do you think that always made her feel?"

While I'd had all of that shit pointed out to me before, it wasn't until now, that she was in front of me, that I really realized I was so hung up on my own shit I was having trouble seeing that she had her own shit to deal with, and maybe it was more important.


	27. Chapter 27

**AN: It's written, so I figured why make you wait? It's not like this hasn't been three years in the making already! This is the final _proper_ chapter of LNIF. **

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, alerted etc. And a special thanks to all of those who hung in there and waited out my two year absence.**

**BTW if you don't have the Jess POV but want it let me know. Everyone who asked for it should have it by now. However there were a few people who don't have PM's enabled. So check that before you let me know.**

**Chapter 27**

**BPOV**

Alice made me put on heels for our dorm mixer, I only conceded because she had originally insisted that I wear a ridiculously short dress and heels. I figured if I gave into too many of her wardrobe demands now then I was doomed for the rest of the time we would be living together. But she put in a good argument when it came to the heels saying they made my legs look ridiculously long and my ass look 'spectacular' in the jeans I was wearing. Whatever, I just wanted to see Edward.

We met a group of girls at the mixer that seemed like they were going to be a bit of fun. We all introduced ourselves, stating where we were from. I didn't mention Forks, just Phoenix, which made Alice look at me strangely, but I'd only lived there for like, 7 weeks or something. Tanya & Chelsea were rooming together and had just met that afternoon, both from California and Bree, who was from Wisconsin had come and introduced herself to us saying her roommate was too scared to come out of her room. Apparently she was worried about 'the drugs'. Tanya was a gorgeous girl with strawberry blonde hair and was almost as tall as Rosalie. Chelsea was little and blonde and cute, but in a voluptuous way that she seemed really comfortable with. And they were definitely on the prowl.

"Hey Tanya," Alice said as she took another sip of her drink, "that guy over there is definitely checking you out." Tanya not so subtly turned to her right to check out the guy who was looking at her.

"Eghh, not my type. I much prefer them taller and way better looking than that Alice. Hey you girls said you were heading to a bar off campus before didn't you? Let's say we shake this thing and go check it out. I think I'd prefer not to be fishing in the pond I'm going to be living in close quarters to if you know what I mean?"

Alice had been filling our drinks with some vodka she had stashed in our room so after a few drinks at the party I was feeling nice and light headed. And while I was feeling a little nervous about seeing Edward again, I was nowhere near the mess I had been this afternoon as I waited for him and Jasper to come over to our room.

We made our way over to the bar, Tanya leading the way, her looks obviously giving her the supreme confidence she was exuding. The place was really just a pub, obviously frequented by uni students who could really only afford beer and cheap spirits. The place sort of felt like it would get hosed out at the end of the night, but I kind of liked it, although I felt a little over dressed in my heals.

"Oooh, two hotties, three o'clock." Tanya signaled with her head to her right, just in case none of us could tell the time. I didn't even look that way as I scanned the bar for Edward. "Keep your hands off girls I get first dibs and I want the one with the darker hair."

Alice simply giggled and I turned to see Edward and Jasper sitting at a table. Edward tipped his drink in our direction.

"Hey, eyes off squirt, I said they're mine." _Geez, possessive much? _ I was starting to think this new found friendship wasn't going to last very long.

"Eww, Tanya, I wouldn't touch the dark haired one with a forty foot pole. The blonde on the other hand, now he's more my type."

"Well good. Let's go to the bar ladies and then head over. They've got some spare seats and I can see my name on one of them."

Tanya really was going to make a fool out of herself, I hope. I mean I could be wrong. Maybe she was Edward's new type. I don't know. I just know that the nerves were back full swing and my stomach was close to losing the contents of the alcohol I had consumed earlier.

We grabbed our drinks from the bar, Alice making sure she and I were the last ones to make our way over to the boys table. Alice seemed to want to make out that we didn't know them, and they seemed to be playing along. When we arrived there were no more seats available. Tanya was grinning from ear to ear as she sat next to Edward, effectively shutting Alice and me out of the group. It seemed she saw us as competition….and for good reason I guess.

Jasper looked up at the two of us and then winked at Alice.

"Well don't just stand there darlin'" he said, putting on his best southern accent. "Come and have a seat just here." Jasper said as he slapped his leg. I saw the look on Chelsea's face drop a little as she watched Jasper's attention turn to Alice.

"Well I don't mind if I do." Alice sat in his lap like it was the most natural thing in the world. "I'm Alice."

"And I'm Jasper." He gazed into her eyes and then gently placed his lips on hers. The girls' mouths dropped open at the clear connection that existed between the two, not understanding that they'd known each other since they were kids.

Alice swung her arms around Jasper's neck before pulling her lips away.

"Jasper, Edward. I'd like you to meet our new friends. This is Tanya, Bree and Chelsea and they all live in our dorm. Girls, this is my brother Edward," she paused for effect. "And this is my boyfriend Jasper." The girls just sat there with open mouths and I watched on in amusement.

"And you forgot Bella," Bree said, much to Tanya's chagrin as she motioned back to me as Edward stood, offering me his chair before getting a new one for himself that he muscled in between his original chair that I was now seated in and Jasper's, putting me between himself and Tanya.

"Bella already knows the boys, she lived in Forks with us for a while before going back to Phoenix," replied Alice to Bree's oblivious statement.

Tanya bristled slightly beside me but I couldn't pay attention as I noticed Edward's leg up against mine underneath the table. I knew it wasn't on purpose, with six seats squashed around a table for four it was inevitable.

I smiled weakly at him, completely unsure what type of mood he would be in. Typically I would have expected him to be playing the role of the martyr here. Ignoring me so he could piss me off and drive his point home that he had the shits with me for whatever reason. But he'd stood and offered me his chair, and instead of sitting on the other side of Jasper where there was probably more room, he sat next to me. I took this as a good sign, so I turned to him.

"So, how was your Summer?" Easy question I know, but we had to start somewhere.

"Oh, ahh, quiet. I don't know. Lots of parties I guess. We went on a huge camping trip."

"Alice wrote me about it."

He simply nodded.

"Oh, where did you go camping Edward?" Tanya asked, butting into our conversation that I would rather have kept just between the two of us.

"Just into the National Park near home," turning to me, "down at La Push," he finished. I nodded in acknowledgement, and he didn't turn his attention from me back to Tanya.

"How about you? What did you do this Summer?" His brows furrowed as he looked down at the drink in his hands, twisting it around and picking at the label. I understood the meaning behind his question though. Why didn't you come back to Forks?

"Um, I went to Europe with a friend from Phoenix, Sarah, who I stayed with. We left right after graduation." He looked up at me and smiled nodding his head. "That's why I didn't come ho…back…to um Forks this Summer. I was travelling. We had a great time."

Edward and I continued to talk about my travels and Tanya tried hard to put her two cents worth in here and there but it was pretty clear that Edward only wanted to talk to me.

As I looked into his eyes I could see the hurt of the last few months sitting there. I knew I'd broken his heart when I didn't come back. I was heartbroken with the decision, but I knew I needed to deal with the nightmares of the past.

While our conversation had mostly flowed, we stuck to very safe topics that held little emotional involvement. Edward's hands were constantly in his hair, as if holding himself back from what he really wanted to say. We were both very obviously skirting around the elephant in the room, so I was relieved with Edward's next words.

"Bella, can we um, talk or something. Outside." Edward glanced at Tanya, and then to me.

"Sure" I replied, my heart leaping in my chest. He stood, pushing his chair back making room for me to stand, and as if without thinking he put his hand out for me. I took it, and after we said our goodbyes he led me out of the bar but he dropped it as we exited. As we began to walk back through campus we made more small talk. We ended up sitting on the edge of the Drumheller Fountain, taking in the beautiful buildings and scenery that were lit up around us.

With Edward sitting to my right I wasn't sure where this was going to start, but I knew where _I_ wanted it to end. I just wasn't sure where _he_ wanted it to end.

**EPOV**

"Sorry, I just couldn't sit in there any longer with those girls pretending like there wasn't some massive elephant in the room, like there wasn't something going on between you and I when at least four of us at that table know there is."

She looked over at me hopefully. "Is there Edward, I mean, is there something going on between us?"

I ran both my hands through my hair not knowing exactly how I wanted to respond. "I don't know. I mean, I guess until a few hours ago I'd completely given up on it. But you've kind of thrown mean for a loop. I'm not going to lie and tell you I'm not finding this whole thing a little fucking confusing right now. But I think I need you to tell me exactly what happened. Jasper seems to think that…I don't know, there was more to you staying away than I know, that I didn't let you explain it to me"

She took a deep breath before looking out across campus. "Staying in Phoenix actually had little to do with James in the end, and I'm so sorry it meant leaving you. But to be honest I always had a hard time getting that point across. I probably should have pushed that with you, but you just didn't seem like you wanted to listen.

You just kept pushing me. You were always asking me when I was coming back, and I'd try to tell you that I had to do this for me. But you were so hung up about what this meant for you. In the end I was stressed so much about it all that I just couldn't take it anymore. School was whipping my ass because I'd missed so much of it last year because of the accident, you were hounding me and I was trying to concentrate on therapy as well to make sure I could come back with a clear head. So in the end something had to give. And if it didn't I wouldn't be here today. With you."

Fuck, had I really been that bad? What had I done? "I'm listening now."

"There were things in my life that weren't right Edward, and I knew I needed to fix them before I could ever get better and move on from the accident, some of it was just subtle stuff, some of it was more obvious, but my therapist helped me understand that I was in a good position to fix them….fix myself, and if I didn't then some time in the future it could all come back to bite me in the ass."

"But you seemed like you were getting so much better?"

"I was, thanks entirely to you, but I still had a long way to go. Remember that night, when we were last together. I wouldn't let you ask me about my scars?"

"Yeah, I remember." How could I fucking forget. The scars were pretty horrific. Not because of the way they looked, because of what they meant had actually happened to Bella and what she'd obviously been through.

"And while I was at least at the point where I was somewhat okay letting you look at them I wouldn't let you ask about them. I couldn't talk about it. Then the next night Jess arrived and everyone was just staring at her new tits and I knew that I'd never be perfect. That I'd always have these scars, and seeing you so affected by something physical kinda made me doubt myself, it was like I regressed a little."

"I'm so sorry Bella." Fuck.

"No, no don't be sorry Edward. It's natural for a guy to check out a girls tits, Jesus, they were huge. I'm surprised I didn't catch you checking out Tanya's rig in there, I could see Jasper was."

"That doesn't make it right." To be honest I hadn't noticed.

"Of course it is. It's normal. But my point is, I had these self doubt issues when it came to my body that I'd never had before the accident." I thought about how confident Bella was with herself that first night. "It didn't take much to make me doubt myself because of the scars. You did nothing wrong. You were so amazing that last night, but I didn't know how to open up to you and tell you about what happened."

"Will you tell me now?"

She nodded her head, and then took a very deep breath. "As you know it was a car accident. I'd been out with some friends to celebrate Rachel's 18th birthday. She's a friend from school. I'd had a few drinks so I'd called Mom to come and pick me up. I'd taken my car, but we'd always had an agreement that if I drank that she'd come and get me."

"She let you drink?"

She nodded her head. "She was kinda cool like that, as long as I didn't drink too much or too often she'd let it slide. I think she was scared shitless that I'd get behind the wheel of my car and drink drive thinking I'd get in trouble if she knew I'd been drinking. So fucking ironic as it turns out.

"It was the first time I'd ever called her to come and get me because I thought I'd had too much. So she comes to get me from a friend's place. I can't tell you how many times since I just wished I'd made the decision not to drink, or to just stay at my friends' place. I spent so much time with that decision hanging over my head. But I know now that sort of thinking isn't helpful and it certainly won't bring her back.

"Anyway, she picked me up, it was just before midnight and she swerved to avoid a dog on the freeway off ramp. We had slowed down pretty dramatically, but we were still going fast enough. Apparently the car flipped a few times and we ended up in the ditch. I don't remember a lot of what happened clearly, but it comes back to me in my dreams. They tell me Mom was killed instantly. Massive head injuries. But I have dreams...or nightmares I guess, where she's awake and I watch her looking over at me with the saddest look in her eyes, kind of like she knew that this was it. There was blood," she shivered as the memory came to her, "so much blood. And in my dreams I often remembered screaming. My therapist tells me I'll probably never know if it was all real or not, but she's helped me to deal with it as if it was. Other than what comes to me at night I don't actually remember much really other than this horrible searing pain in my leg."

"Where the scars are?"

"Yeah. The largest injury there was a compound fracture of the proximal femur. Highly contaminated, apparently."

"What's that mean?" Didn't sound pretty.

"Multiple breaks in the leg just here," she motioned to where I had seen her scars, "and the bone actually came through the skin, where the scar is all jagged."

"Fuck."

"Yeah. I now have a 12 inch nail in my thigh, among other things. There was massive bruising, cuts, swelling, I was a mess. Nothing that gives me too much grief now, but it's not like I lead an especially active lifestyle, so…."

"Have you ever been able to talk about this to anyone before?"

She shakes her head from side to side. "Not until a couple of months ago. I couldn't even think about it, let alone look at the scar for a long time. During physical therapy I'd just switch everything off and do what I had to do to get up and walking again. Everything eventually seemed so normal on the surface, but the nightmares as well as the way I dealt with a few other issues, the scars for example, the way I couldn't think about my mom for so long, but especially the way I blamed myself for the accident, were proof of that. I needed to deal with them on my own terms. And I needed to say goodbye to my mother, I never really did that before. I was still clinging to her in so many ways. That's part of the reason I was back with James. Mom had wanted us to get married and I clung to that, it just seemed so important that she knew the guy I'd end up marrying one day. I needed to deal with that shit back in Phoenix, instead of running away to Forks where I could ignore it on a daily basis."

"As hard as it is to admit, I get where you're coming from."

"You do?" She looked surprised.

"Yeah. Fuck, I'm not gonna lie Bella. It was confusing when you left. And it hurt like hell when it all became apparent that things between us just weren't working out and you completely stopped communicating. I blamed you for so long. I just couldn't figure out why you didn't want my help, or why you wouldn't come back. I couldn't figure out why you didn't trust me to be there for you. I was so fucking in love with you you know that?" A tear escaped one of my eyes as I admitted that to the one person I thought I'd never have the chance to admit that to. "But you know what? Why should you have trusted me? I was with Jess. The entire time you were back I had a girlfriend, and I cheated on her the entire time. OK maybe I wasn't physical until the last weeks but I wanted it to be. Fuck I wanted you so badly, and I got you. I was so fucking selfish to do that to you, to put you in that situation. And then I was just obsessed with James. I couldn't get past him getting to be near you while I was a thousand miles away. I should have trusted you."

We both sat silently as we let it all sink in.

"I'm so sorry Bella."

"It's okay. I mean it was all so intense before I left, we were so close to finally being together for real and then I just up and left. I get why you were frustrated and angry, but I just couldn't handle you taking it out on me anymore."

"I can understand that." But she was here, now. What did that mean for me? I mean us. "So why U-Dub then? Why not Phoenix?"

"Why do you think Edward? I know I left, and stayed away, but it was never going to be forever. While Ali and Jasper and being closer to my dad are definitely bonuses, a very big part of my decision to come here was always because of you."

"Then why didn't you tell me you were coming?"

"To be honest, I thought you'd still be pissed at me. I…thought, I mean, Ali mentioned you were thinking of going East. A part of me kind of figured you'd run a mile if you knew I was coming here. I just wasn't sure."

I shook my head. On one hand I knew what my heart wanted, it wanted Bella, there was no doubt about it. But my head was a little foggy, but I'm pretty sure it just needed some time. I wasn't blaming her anymore. I knew that I'd treated her appallingly. The question was, what was I going to do about it? If she was here could I stay away from her? I already knew the answer to that. I'd spent the afternoon wanting nothing more than to be near her again.

I looked down at her pretty face as she sat perched on the edge of the fountain next to me. She looked different. Lighter, less burdened. There were no bags under her eyes. The shadow was gone. There was just hope.

"What do you want Edward?"

"To be honest I don't know." That's not true, I knew exactly what I wanted.

"You said you loved me?" It was a question.

"I did, I do….I don't know Bella." I still loved her. "I know what this wants," I said, motioning to my chest.

"And what's that?"

"It wants you Bella. It's always wanted you."

"I love you Edward. I wouldn't be here if I didn't."

She loved me. She still loved me. I stood as I let the feeling of actually knowing she loved me sink in. I ran my hands through my hair as I tried to figure my feelings out. "I…god. I'm so…I've….shit. I'm so in love with you Bella. But I don't know how we go from here."

Bella stood, looking up at me. "I think it would be a mistake to just jump back in to what we had. It clearly didn't work out for us in the past. Maybe we should…that is…if you want…maybe we could take it slow this time. Do it properly. That is, if you want to work it out?"

"Fuck, of course that's what I want. We never really had a chance before." I picked up one of her hands, holding it in both of mine, as I looked at it, studying the contours, the smoothness. "I never gave us a chance."

"Okay then." She said, squeezing my hand back as they now swung between us.

"Okay then. Slow. So, if I'm going to do this right I guess I should walk you back to your dorm room. Get your number from you." She was grinning from ear to ear. It was so beautiful I felt like I was flying. "Then I can call you tomorrow to tell you how good a time I had tonight and that I want to take you out on a date." Everything that I hadn't done that first night. Or ever, in fact.

"That sounds like a really great start." She smiled at me sweetly from under her eyelashes. Fuck, it was going to be hard to stay away. But it was so important I get this right. She deserved that much. And it was everything I thought I'd do if she ever came back to Forks after that first night but never had the chance to do because I was with Jess and she was with James.

"And maybe I can send you some flirty text messages in between. Maybe tonight?" I wagered.

"I mean, sure, yeah that could be good," she replied, nodding her head.

"And we can meet for coffee or something." I was on a roll. "Maybe I could take you out for dinner, then take you home and give you a good night kiss. Then maybe we should _not _just jump straight into bed with each other."

"Because, despite the fact that it's always been good, well, both times anyway, it hasn't proved to work out so well for us has it?"

"No, not so much. That sounds like a solid plan. I can _woo_ you." _Yeah_, I nodded my head. This could be good.

"Yeah. Maybe that will work out better for us this time."

"Hmmmm, I think you're right."

"There's just one thing about your plan that kind of sucks though Edward."

_Oh really, and here I'd been thinking that it was pretty good. _"Oh yeah, what's that?"

"I don't think I can wait until you've taken me out to dinner for that kiss," she said cheekily. I could see she was blushing. So cute.

"Really?"

"Really, it's kind of been a long time, and I think I might need reminding, you know, just to make sure."

"You sure? You think you'll be able to not jump me. Because, you know, that's been a problem for you in the past." I asked, before lifting my hands to cup her face, my thumbs running over the pink that still graced her cheekbones.

"Yeah I'm sure, I think I can contain myself. Just don't wait too long to ask me on a date, alright?" she said, looking into my eyes, "because I love you Edward and I kinda want the chance to do this," she motioned between us, "whenever I like." And with that I lowered my lips to hers, moving softly and savoring the taste, the feel, the warmth of her. Not because I thought I'd never get a chance to kiss her again. I trusted her. I knew she wasn't going anywhere. But because I wanted to remember this kiss, the first of many more to come that I would never take for granted. I would listen to her this time, I wasn't going to fuck this up again.

The End

**AN: OK, so while this is technically the last chapter of this story, I know I'll get lynched if I leave it there, so there will definitely be some follow up on their first few dates, texts etc. We've also got a couple of "lose" ends to tie up (Jessica and Lauren specifically). Hope you didn't hate the ending, although I know most of you hated how we got there in the end. **

**Thanks for reading!**


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